A Moment to Remember

by Dee Williams

  It was late in the afternoon when Elizabeth Phillips walked into the office. She was a small, thin girl with large blue eyes and mousy-coloured wavy hair that peeped out from under her lovely fur hat. She glanced quickly round the room and smiled at Milly. ‘Hello, I’m Lizzie Phillips.’

  Milly jumped up and held out her hand. ‘I’m Milly Ash.’

  ‘Are you the one I’m going share these rooms with?’

  Milly nodded. ‘Please take a seat.’

  Ada came over smiling. ‘I’m going to leave you two to have a chat. Lizzie, would you like a cup of tea?’

  ‘Yes please.’

  Milly suddenly felt very shy and scruffy, even though she always wore a nice skirt and blouse for work. Lizzie, who was wearing a beautiful brown coat, sat down and placed her brown leather handbag on her lap and removed her matching leather gloves. Milly could see that everything about her was expensive.

  ‘I hope you don’t mind me sharing with you, but you see, my father doesn’t approve of women getting the vote. He’s in government, so it means he has to be against us, even though secretly he’s quite supportive really. I’m not a very active member, it’s just that Mother was and I feel that in part I should try to keep up her work.’

  Milly sat listening to the lovely way Lizzie spoke. ‘No. No, I don’t mind. In fact I shall rather like it. I’ve never lived on my own before.’

  Lizzie giggled. ‘Neither have I. I’m sure we shall muddle along together.’

  Milly smiled. Somehow she knew she was going to like Lizzie and enjoy this new life.

  On Saturday, once the tenants had moved out, Milly and Lizzie went upstairs to check out the rooms. They were like a couple of children laughing and giggling at their new-found freedom.

  There was a bedroom, a dining-cum-sitting room, a very small kitchen and a toilet.

  ‘Thank goodness for that,’ said Lizzie as she opened the door that led to the toilet. ‘I couldn’t face having to go to that one in the yard.

  ‘We must get some new furniture,’ she continued. ‘Tomorrow we can make a list. Can you come here tomorrow? ’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Good. Look at the state of that fireplace. I’m not very good at cleaning, are you?’

  ‘I’m good at cleaning, but Lizzie, I can’t afford to buy any furniture.’

  ‘Don’t worry about that,’ she said dismissively, waving her hand. ‘I expect my father will help; besides, I get a very generous allowance and we can go shopping together.’

  Milly couldn’t believe her luck. In some ways Lizzie was a bit like Jane, always with a ready smile and full of life. This was going to be a new start, and Milly was very happy with that.

  Milly had a job to keep her excitement to herself when she arrived home that evening.

  ‘Where is everybody?’ she asked Pammy as she took off her coat and hat.

  ‘All out scrounging. Why?’

  ‘Nothing. I’ve got us some beef for tomorrow, so we can have a nice roast dinner.’

  ‘Cor, you come inter a fortune then?’ asked Pammy, who was sitting at the table feeding Freddie.

  ‘No. I was lucky, the butcher was just closing up and was selling his meat off cheap.’

  ‘I dunno what we’d do without yer now, Mil,’ said Pammy, smiling. ‘I can’t believe how good you are to us. And it was you what paid Bert’s fine, wasn’t it? Where did yer git that sort a money from? I know yer wouldn’t pinch it; did yer borrow it?’

  Milly swallowed hard and just smiled. They could think what they liked. Her big worry now was that in a week or two she would have to tell them she was leaving again.

  ‘So, where d’yer work now? It must be a nice clean place, as yer always look really nice when yer goes orf.’

  She quickly changed the subject. ‘Pammy, I know it’s none of my business, but I do wish you wouldn’t sleep with Dad.’

  ‘Don’t start on that again.’

  ‘I’m worried at what he does to you.’

  ‘He don’t do nuffink.’

  ‘Now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be starting your monthlies soon.’

  ‘I told yer before, he just cuddles me, that’s all. He don’t do what uvver blokes do.’

  ‘Why don’t you go and sleep in with the others?’

  ‘I told yer. I like being wiv Dad and in a proper bed. Don’t keep on about it.’

  Milly sat down. She had been over and over this conversation with her sister many times. She knew it was useless trying to make Pammy see the danger, but the poor girl wanted some love in her sad life and didn’t care who gave it. But what if she became pregnant? How would they manage then?

  ‘I might be late back this morning,’ said Milly on Sunday as she adjusted her hat in front of the mirror. ‘I’ve done the potatoes and the veg, and Pammy, can you put the meat in the oven about ten?’

  ‘You wanna tell that vicar bloke not ter keep yer, we want our dinner,’ said Bert.

  Milly didn’t answer, and left without telling them that she wasn’t going to church. She was meeting Lizzie at the flat.

  When she arrived, she was surprised to find Lizzie already going round making a list.

  ‘Now, we need two beds and a dressing table. We can hang our clothes behind the door for now, and we can put a lot of things in that big cupboard next to the fireplace.’

  Milly was impressed with her efficiency as she followed her around.

  ‘In this room we need a sofa and a table, it can’t be very big, and we shall have to have two dining chairs. Then there’s cutlery, curtains, china and bedding, of course. Can you think of anything else?’

  Milly was dumbfounded. ‘I can go to the market and see what I can pick up on the second-hand stalls.’

  Lizzie looked shocked. ‘I don’t want second-hand.’

  ‘But Lizzie, we can’t afford all that.’

  ‘We can’t, but my father can. He’s lovely and I know you’ll like him.’

  Milly still couldn’t believe her luck. How could she be given two chances in her life? What had she done to deserve this? She still had this fear that she would have to pay again with some terrible consequence for any happiness that came her way.

  Chapter 27

  MILLY AND LIZZIE decided they would wait till after Christmas to move into their new home.

  ‘That will give us time to get together the last few things we need,’ said Lizzie, bubbling with enthusiasm.

  One morning, only a few days after they had looked at the flat, Milly was surprised when furniture and various other goods arrived for upstairs.

  When Lizzie came in, she told Milly that most of the furniture had come from her house. ‘I hope you don’t mind?’

  Milly was speechless as she admired the quality. She was beginning to get really excited about the move. Never in her wildest dreams had she even begun to think that once again she would be sleeping in a bed and sitting on expensive furniture, and she couldn’t wait for the big day.

  On the Saturday morning before Christmas, Ada said they could go upstairs and hang the curtains that had arrived.

  ‘That way the place will look as if people have moved in.’ After the shop had had its window broken, she was always concerned about reprisals.

  ‘These are so lovely,’ said Milly as she arranged the beautiful rust-coloured brocade curtains. She stood back to admire her work. ‘They’re a bit long, but I can soon sort that out when we’ve moved in.’

  ‘You are so clever. Now, as I don’t know what else you need in the kitchen, could you get what you want?’ Lizzie handed her a five-pound note. ‘After all, you’re the one who will be doing the cooking and the like.’

  Milly gasped. She had never even seen a five-pound note before. From the beginning she had told Lizzie that she was more than happy to do the cooking and cleaning, while Lizzie had insisted on paying the lion’s share of the rent. ‘You have been more than generous. There are just a few things I shall want, and I certainly won’t need all this.’ She held out th
e money.

  ‘No, please take it,’ Lizzie said. ‘So, what are you doing for Christmas?’

  ‘I shall be with my family,’ replied Milly.

  ‘I was going to ask you if you would like to spend it with us. Father said he’d love to meet you.’

  ‘That’s very kind of you, but . . . ’

  ‘I can understand.’

  Milly wasn’t really sure about Lizzie’s background — she knew she worked for her father but had decided to move away because of his strong views on women’s suffrage. She’d told Milly that she didn’t want her father to lose his position because of her. Milly noted that she was very cagey about what she said.

  Later that afternoon Milly was busy at the market buying goods for the kitchen. The place was buzzing as usual and she always loved the happy atmosphere among the people who had nothing but who could still enjoy a laugh and a joke with the stallholders.

  She wasn’t surprised to see her brother hanging around, and when he spotted her, he came marching up. ‘Cor, Mil. Is all that stuff fer us?’

  ‘No. It’s for someone I work with.’

  ‘Couldn’t yer pinch a bit? They wouldn’t know what yer got.’

  ‘I could do no such thing. These people trust me.’

  ‘D’yer know, yer a silly cow at times.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  Milly took the stuff back to the flat. As she began hurrying home, the fog started to slowly descend, enveloping everything like a thick yellow blanket. How long would this one last? she wondered. Some fogs could last for days, and that would mean her father wouldn’t be able to get any casual work. The thought of him being in the house for all that time caused her to shudder.

  When she got home, her father was sitting in his chair. He put his newspaper on the floor.

  ‘Wot’s this I hear about yer buying stuff fer some nobs?’

  Milly slowly took off her hat. ‘Yes, that’s right.’ Bert certainly hadn’t wasted any time in getting home and telling their father.

  ‘So where is it then?’

  ‘In their flat, I expect.’

  ‘Bert reckons yer should ’ave given us some of it; they wouldn’t miss it, not if they’ve sent you out ter do their shopping. Who d’yer work for anyway?’

  ‘It’s a office that sends out letters.’ That was all Milly could think of to say.

  He went back to his paper.

  ‘Where’s Pammy?’ she asked.

  ‘In the bog,’ came the reply.

  After a while Pammy came into the kitchen. She looked terrible.

  ‘Whatever’s wrong?’ asked Milly.

  ‘I don’t feel very well.’

  ‘Sit down, I’ll make a cup of tea.’

  In the scullery, Milly wondered what was wrong with her sister. Only one thing was filling her mind. But that couldn’t happen, could it?

  All over Christmas Pammy was very sick. Milly was left to clean up after her and look after Freddie. Rosie said she didn’t like Pammy so she wasn’t going to help. Neither Bert nor Iris would put themselves out to lend a hand, and Milly was at her wits’ end running around after Pammy and trying to comfort Freddie.

  ‘Please, Rosie, help me,’ pleaded Milly as she once again emptied the bucket Pammy had been sick in.

  ‘Why should I? You never take me out.’

  This upset Milly. How could Rosie be so offhand? ‘Is that why you were nice to me when I came back. You thought I’d take you out?’

  ‘Yer.’ She went back to sorting her buttons. ‘ ‘Sides, Pammy went an’ pawned me nice coat and shoes. That’s why I don’t like ’er, and you didn’t get’em back, did yer?’

  Milly couldn’t answer that. She had been aware the coat was missing. She had asked where it had gone and Pammy had told her that she had pawned it. She’d also said that if Milly redeemed it, it would go back again. So Milly gave up.

  Christmas was a sad, miserable time. The fog persisted and everywhere was dark and dreary. The only thing Milly had to look forward to was going back to work on Saturday. But when that day came, she couldn’t leave Pammy.

  ‘Look, I should be at work. One of you will have to take Freddie out while I do the washing.’ Milly was beside herself.

  ‘Yer seem ter be coping all right,’ said her father, sitting back in his chair, rolling a cigarette.

  ‘I am not coping. And what is wrong with Pammy? Don’t you care?

  ‘She’ll be all right.’

  ‘Well I think you should get a doctor.’

  ‘What? And whose gonna pay fer that?’

  Milly put on her coat and picked up her handbag. ‘I won’t be long.’

  ‘Where yer going?’ asked her father.

  ‘To get a doctor.’

  He stood up and barred her way. ‘I told yer, we don’t need no doctor.’

  ‘Why not? Are you frightened of what he’s going to say?’

  ‘No. Why should I be?’

  ‘Because I think she’s going to have a baby, and if she is, then it’s yours and you should be ashamed of yourself.’

  He sat down again and began laughing. ‘Is that wot yer fink?’

  ‘Yes.’ With that she left the room.

  Thankfully the fog had lifted a little, and as she hurried along the road she wondered if she was right. If Pammy was expecting, how would they manage? Why did this have to happen now?

  The doctor came and examined Pammy. Milly picked up her bag, as she knew she had to pay him. Outside she asked, ‘Is she expecting?’

  ‘No, my dear, she’s not. It must have been something she ate. Why did you think she was pregnant?’

  ‘It was like when Mum was going to have a baby.’

  ‘I thought at first she might have been, but she said she doesn’t have a boyfriend.’

  ‘It doesn’t have to be a boy, does it?’

  ‘What are you saying?’

  ‘She sleeps with my father.’

  ‘She did tell me. I think it’s very unhealthy, but he assured me that he would never touch her in that way.’

  ‘And you believe him?’ Milly was getting angry.

  ‘Only time will tell, my dear. Now that will be four shillings, please.’

  ‘Four shillings! It only used to be three and six.’

  He held out his hand. ‘It is Christmas, and a Saturday. You should have taken her to the free hospital if you wanted charity. Good day.’

  Fuming, Milly went inside.

  ‘So how much did he sting yer for?’ asked her father grinning.

  ‘What do you care?’

  ‘Anyway, wot’s wrong wiv ’er?’

  ‘He reckons it’s something she’s eaten.’

  ‘Could be.’ He lay back grinning.

  Milly wanted to throw something at him but knew that wouldn’t help, and took her anger out on the washing instead, scrubbing it up and down the washboard.

  It was two days before she could get away. Pammy was feeling a little better, and although she pleaded with Milly not to leave her, Milly had to go to work to see Lizzie and explain.

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ said Lizzie in her usual cheerful way. ‘I wasn’t here anyway; I didn’t go out at all, not in that fog. It was a real peasouper. Daddy was supposed to be taking me to a ball, but we had to stay at home. I can tell you, it was all very boring.’

  ‘That’s good. Not that you were bored,’ said Milly quickly. ‘It’s just that I had visions of you walking around the flat with your coat on.’

  ‘No. Anyway, how is your sister?’

  ‘She’s a lot better now. The doctor thinks she may have eaten something.’

  ‘Well, all the rich food over Christmas can play havoc with your insides.’

  Milly smiled at that. Rich food was something her family had never known.

  ‘When shall we move in?’ asked Lizzie.

  ‘Whenever it suits you.’

  ‘Shall we wait till the weather gets better?’

  ‘If you want.’ Milly was disappointed at that. />
  ‘You could move in before that if you want.’

  ‘No.’ Milly smiled. ‘I’ll wait till you’re ready to move in too.’ It was a good thing she hadn’t mentioned it to her family. Did Lizzie really want to move out of her grand house?

  Chapter 28

  AT THE BEGINNING of 1914, Milly and Lizzie decided that they would move into the flat in the spring.

  ‘It’ll be better when the weather’s a little warmer,’ said Lizzie.

  Milly knew that Lizzie didn’t really want to leave her comfortable lifestyle. She didn’t blame her — after all, Lizzie had everything she needed at home — but she did wish she could move in. However, she had promised Lizzie she would wait and they would start afresh together. There was still a lot about the girl that Milly didn’t understand. As the weeks passed, Pammy said she was feeling a lot better, but Milly continued to eye her suspiciously.

  At last spring began to show itself and the time had come. Tomorrow, Saturday, Milly was moving out, and now she had to tell her family. As she walked home, her thoughts were everywhere. Was she being fair to the family? After all, they relied on her money, but she would send them some now and again. Many times since she’d come back home she’d asked Pammy to show her where her mother was buried, but Pammy always claimed to have forgotten. Milly had just wanted to be near her mother, to talk to her, but instead she’d sit quietly in the scullery and silently ask her for her help.

  After they had finished their meal, Milly got up, cleared the table and did the washing-up as usual. Then, wiping her hands on the bottom of her pinny, she went back into the kitchen. She was very nervous. Should she tell them, or just go and leave a note?

  Bert was sitting at the table making a paper boat. Iris was playing on the floor. Freddie was in bed and Rosie was as usual sorting out her buttons. ‘Where’s Pammy?’ asked Milly.

  ‘In bed,’ said her father. ‘She’s gone fer a lay-down. Why?’