Heart Block

by Melissa Brayden

  The wind fell drastically from her sails. “Geez. I’d like to say none taken, but ouch. Am I that bad?”

  Lucy turned on the bench to face her. “You’re not bad. You could never be that. You just don’t share how you’re feeling very often. When we were together, it was very hard to…feel close to you. It was like just when I had the last wall torn down, you’d build another one. Over time, I just had to accept that this was who you were. And I’m not sure that works with a kid.”

  Emory let the information sink in, and though it was a horrible thing to hear about herself, she knew that every word was sadly true. “I know it’s late in coming, Luce, and I don’t know if these are even the right words, but I’m sorry.”

  “I know. You did the best you could, and you know what? I truly believe that we’re right where we’re supposed to be. And if you’re serious about this girl, Sarah, then it’s what I want for you too.”

  “It’s not like that. I just like being around her. Instant family is not what I’m projecting here.” She sighed. “In fact, I should put a stop to things now, but—”

  “You’re too far in. You don’t want to be, but you are. Just look at you, all conflicted.”

  “I just don’t see where this can go. You said it yourself, Luce, and you were right. I honestly can’t see myself being someone’s mother.”

  Lucy scrunched one eye. “The image doesn’t come easily, no, but crazier things have happened. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with testing the waters a bit.”

  “Testing the waters.” Emory let the concept marinate. “I guess.”

  “Just please go into this with your eyes open.”

  “Yes, your wiseness.”

  “See? You’re seeing things clearer already.” Lucy then looked around helplessly. “The wise one is melting. Let’s leave. There’s a martini somewhere calling my name and I’m not one to disappoint.”

  Chapter Eight

  “Hi, Mom,” Grace said. She sat atop the small nurse’s cot, her eyes filled with sorrow.

  “Hi, baby, what happened?” Sarah moved into the tiny room, discarding her purse on the floor as she crossed to Grace. She stroked the back of her hair and wrapped her arms around her, needing to feel for herself that she was okay.

  When she’d received the call that Grace was in the nurse’s station at camp and she should proceed there right away, she experienced a horrible case of déjà vu. She’d torn out of the office and raced to the campground just as she’d raced to the hospital two months prior. She gripped the steering wheel in utter terror, and even though the nurse had assured her Grace was absolutely fine, there was nothing she could do to quiet her irrational fear. Now that she was here, she glanced expectantly at the faces of the three adults gathered in the room—the nurse; Grace’s camp counselor, Miss Kathy; and the camp director, Mr. Ingersol.

  “Grace had a fainting spell today,” the nurse explained calmly. “She lost consciousness for less than a minute, but given her circumstances and condition, we thought it best you came.”

  “I’m fine, Mom. I feel normal, I promise. It wasn’t as bad as last time. Can I please go back to camp now?” Grace looked up at her and the desperate hope Sarah saw there tugged at her.

  Mr. Ingersol cleared his throat. “Miss Kathy, would you take Grace to get a refill on her juice so we can speak with her mother?”

  “Of course I will. Come on, kiddo.”

  Grace shot Sarah a worried glance over her shoulder as she walked quietly from the room with Miss Kathy. Sarah nodded in encouragement and smiled back.

  Once the door closed, Sarah turned to Mr. Ingersol and the nurse expectantly. “Tell me the truth. Is she okay? What exactly happened?”

  “She was playing volleyball with the other kids and she just went over. Kathy checked in with her throughout the day, and Grace said she felt fine. It’s a sand court, so luckily her fall was cushioned. She was out for maybe thirty seconds, and by the time I arrived on the court, she was sitting up and telling everyone not to worry. She’s a brave little girl.”

  “Yes, she is,” Sarah said, but only halfheartedly. The fact that this had happened a second time in only two months had her shaken. Without a reoccurrence and with Grace’s cardiologist sounding so encouraging, it was easy to slip back into normal life. Today was an unfortunate wake-up call.

  “Ms. Matamoros, I think this is something we need to discuss from a safety perspective,” Mr. Ingersol said. Sarah tensed, hoping against the worst. “I have very real concerns about our ability to provide Grace with what she needs. I hate to have to do this, but for her own benefit, I think it would be best if Grace did not finish the summer with us.”

  Sarah felt as if she’d been punched squarely in the stomach. “You’re kicking her out for having a heart condition? Can you do that?”

  “I’m so sorry, but it’s for her own safety. This is a very active camp, and based on what we know of Grace’s very recent diagnosis, I’m not confident this is a safe environment for her. There are plenty of camps that cater to children with special needs. Perhaps in the future, you could look into one of them.”

  “Can we come to some sort of compromise? Maybe limit her participation in the more strenuous activities. Let her watch but still get the chance to be around her friends. It would kill her to not be able to finish.”

  “I’m sorry, but from a legal perspective, we can’t have her return. I had concerns when we agreed to admit her, given her recent medical history, but after consulting briefly with our attorney, this is the best course of action for everyone involved. We’ll offer a partial refund, of course, for the remaining two weeks.”

  “Thank you,” Sarah said with icy calm. “If you could just locate her backpack for me, we’ll be out of your way.”

  “Of course. And again, we wish nothing but the best for Grace.”

  “Clearly.”

  As they walked to the car, hand in hand, Sarah struggled with how she would possibly explain to Grace that she was no longer allowed to attend camp. Grace loved this place and had blossomed so much that summer with all the new activities she’d been exposed to, not to mention the new group of friends she’d made. The idea alone broke her heart.

  “Mama, why can’t I stay? I feel fine.”

  “Well, because I want to make sure you’re okay. The doctor said this would happen if you overexert yourself, and so you probably need to rest a little. Lay low.”

  “But this afternoon we’re supposed to do water balloons, and I don’t want to miss it. Angela and Brianna asked me to be on their team.”

  “That sounds like it would have been fun, but don’t you think it’s more important to make sure you’re okay?”

  Grace thought on this for a moment. “I guess so. If that’s what you want. Maybe they’ll have water balloons tomorrow too.”

  Sarah took a deep breath as they climbed into the car, and then stared at the leather pattern on the steering wheel, hating what she was about to say. “Mija, I have some not so good news.”

  “What?” Grace’s large eyes, already filled with fear, made it even more difficult to deliver what she knew would be a horrible blow.

  “We’re not coming back to camp anymore. You see, Mr. Ingersol also wants to make sure you’re feeling well, and he’s afraid that the activities at camp are not good for your heart condition.”

  “He said I can’t come back?” Grace asked in a horrified whisper.

  Sarah nodded solemnly. “You know what, though?” She forced herself to brighten. “I think you’re going to have more fun this way. Papi was just saying that he didn’t get to do enough cool stuff with you this summer. And since I still have to work in the daytime, I have a feeling you two will get into all kinds of trouble together.”

  Grace nodded almost imperceptibly and stared out the window.

  “Sweetheart?” When Grace turned back to her there were tears streaming down her face. At the sight, Sarah felt them spring into her own eyes.

  “I
want to go back to camp tomorrow,” she managed to gulp out. “This is all my fault.”

  “Of course it’s not your fault.” Sarah brushed the tears gently from her cheek. “Why would you say that?”

  “Because I didn’t tell anyone I was feeling tired when I was. I just wanted to keep playing. Our team was winning the volleyball tournament, and I was going to get to serve next. I should have said something.” She managed to take a deep, shuddering breath in the midst of her sobs.

  “You’re right, you should have said something. We’ve talked about this. But it’s not your fault you can’t come back to camp. It’s not your fault that your heart gets sick sometimes. It’s just the way things are, baby. But promise me you won’t keep how you’re feeling a secret ever again. This is so very important. Do you understand?”

  Grace, still crying openly, nodded. “I promise.”

  Sarah placed her hand gently under Grace’s chin and turned her face fully so she could look directly into her eyes. “I love you more than the moon and back, and I know that this must be so hard for you. But things are going to get better. School’s about to start and you’re going to see all your friends again. Mindy didn’t get to go to summer camp at all. Think how she must feel. She’ll be so excited to see you again.”

  “Yeah,” Grace said. Her crying was now subsiding into sniffles.

  “I have an idea. Why don’t we pick up a couple of double chocolate milkshakes, veg out on the couch together, and watch a movie?”

  “Don’t you have to go back to work?”

  “I’d rather spend today with you. You’re my favorite.”

  “Okay, I guess.”

  Well, that was at least something. They could spend the afternoon together, and she could try her best to make Grace forget about camp. Show her a good time. She absolutely could not stand to see her so dejected, so heartbroken. It was tearing her up inside. What she really wanted to do was punch that Mr. Ingersol square in the face.

  When they arrived home, Sarah opened the cabinet next to the television and began listing off potential movies they could watch to Grace, who hadn’t moved very far from the entryway. “What about The Princess Diaries? You love that one.”

  Grace took a sip from her milkshake and then placed it on the end table. “I think I’d rather just go to my room for a little while.”

  “You don’t want to watch a movie?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Okay, baby. Is there anything I can get you?” Sarah plastered a cheerful smile on her face. “Do you want me to sit with you?”

  Grace shook her head wordlessly and headed quietly down the hall to her room. Before she turned the corner, Sarah caught a glimpse of fresh tears welling up in Grace’s eyes. At the sound of her bedroom door closing, Sarah allowed herself to collapse onto the couch. She covered her face with her hands and realized how completely and utterly helpless she felt. She couldn’t overrule nature and take away Grace’s heart block, she couldn’t protect Grace from the harshness of the outside world, and she couldn’t even so much as cheer her up on such a difficult day. What kind of mother was she?

  She remained on the couch for the next half hour, sinking further and further into a powerless state. She needed perspective, she realized. She needed to talk this out. She thought briefly of calling Carmen, knowing she would sympathize with her from a mother’s point of view, but that wasn’t what she needed. Sarah pulled her phone from her back pocket. Emory didn’t answer until the fourth ring, but when she did, just the sound of her voice was enough to calm Sarah in a way she wouldn’t have thought possible.

  “Hey, you.”

  “Hi,” Sarah answered, already finding her footing. “Are you busy?”

  “That’s a relative question. Not too busy for you. What’s up? How are you?”

  “Grace and I have had a bit of a bad day. I guess I just need to talk to someone. I thought of you. Is that crazy?”

  “I’d be upset if you didn’t. What happened?”

  “Are you sure you have time, I mean, I can call you later if you have a lot on your plate.”

  “Do you want me to come over?”

  The offer alone stopped Sarah short. “No, absolutely not. It’s the middle of your work day.”

  “Like I said, everything is relative. Tell me what happened.”

  Sarah sighed and recounted the story to Emory, starting in May with the first diagnosis and concluding with Grace’s seclusion in her room. She found herself including even the small details, needing Emory to hear all of it. When she finished, she felt somewhat relieved.

  Emory didn’t answer for a moment. “Sarah, I had no idea. That’s a lot for you to deal with. I mean, we sat on the back patio discussing life in detail and you never said a word.”

  “I don’t think I was ready to let you that far in. You were a client and we became friends, but it’s different now. At least I think it is.”

  “It is.”

  “I don’t know what to do for her, Emory. I have a call in to her cardiologist about today, but it’s not just her health. Her spirit has really taken a hit. I’ve never seen her so desolate.”

  There was a pause on the other end of the phone. “Didn’t you say she likes to swim?”

  “Yeah, it’s her passion du jour.”

  “Why don’t you guys come to my place in a couple of hours? I can move some things around here and meet you. Grace can swim, I can whip us up something to eat, and we can see if we can’t get both of you in better shape.”

  Sarah blinked several times, considering the idea. She could definitely use someone in her corner today, and seeing Emory would probably be a nice diversion for Grace. She’d asked about visiting Emory endlessly since they initially met. “That might be nice, but I’m not sure that swimming is such a good idea. She should probably take it easy today.”

  “What if there was no actual swimming? Would she go for floating around in the pool on a raft?”

  “Chances are good.”

  “Great. I’ll give you directions.”

  “Are you sure you don’t mind because—”

  “Do you have a pen?”

  “Right here.”

  *

  “Where are we going?” Grace sighed in annoyance. Her mood had apparently shifted from sad to angry in the span of two hours.

  “I thought it might be fun to get out of the house. Do you remember Emory from the great big house we went to?” At the mention of Emory’s name, Grace snapped to attention. Aha, now she had her.

  “Yeah, she’s the artist.”

  “Right. Well, she invited us to come over for a swim at her house and then dinner afterward. I told her you’d need to take it easy in the pool, but she has some fancy rafts that might be fun to float around on. Game?”

  She answered with noticeably more energy. “Game.” Grace turned her attention back to the window but was unable to hide the small smile that crept onto her face. Sarah reached for the radio controls and turned up the volume, catching Grace bobbing her head to the beat of the music. It seemed this had been a good idea after all.

  Sarah pulled into the short driveway, parking her car behind the familiar Jaguar, her signal that she had in fact located the correct house. She leaned across the steering wheel and stared up at the two-story, medium sized home in front of her. When Emory informed her that she lived on Mission Beach, it had surprised her. All along, she’d pictured Emory living in more of a hoity-toity neighborhood, more akin to Banning Street, in a large formal home. This funky beach scene, while still high-end, was a much more appealing choice.

  “Remember your manners today,” she instructed Grace as they made their way from the car. “Please and thank you.”

  “Thank you for reminding me,” Grace said.

  “That’s my girl.”

  Emory opened the door just moments after the bell chimed and smiled brightly at them. “Hi, you two, come on in. Um, I can take your bag, Grace.” Grace gratefully handed her backpack to Emo
ry as she passed. “What have you guys been up to today?”

  “Nothing until now. Can I see your pool?” Grace asked.

  “Sure, right this way.”

  Sarah followed Emory from the two-story entryway through a small hallway that opened them up into the living room. Her eyes widened as she took in the sight before her. The interior of the house was damn impressive. Shiny hardwood floors, streamlined bookcases, and hip steel lighting fixtures worked together to give the place an entirely modern look and feel. If the outside was unassuming, the inside of Emory’s house was downright stunning. The entire back wall of the house was floor to ceiling windows, with the most beautiful view of the beach Sarah could possibly conceive of. The room itself was very open with a sleek little bar and four tall chairs separating the living room from the contemporary kitchen. Sarah didn’t see a lot of places to throw yourself down and lounge comfortably, as the light blue sculpted sectional was a far cry from the worn in, cuddly couch at her own apartment. While it wasn’t exactly her style, she had to admit the place was breathtaking.

  “How long have you lived here?” Sarah asked, doing her best to mask her amazement.

  “Two years. The house was built in eighty-three, and when I bought it I decided to upgrade a few things.”

  “It’s beautiful. This view alone is…wow.”

  “Thanks, I like it too. I just wish I got to enjoy it a little more. It’s nice having company though.” Emory must have picked up on Grace’s puppy dog eyes as she sat patiently through their conversation. “I have a feeling that the miniature person is ready to get in the pool. Tell you what, Grace, why don’t you go get your suit on right through there and I’ll open this place up a little bit.”

  Grace eagerly snatched the backpack from Emory’s hands and hurried into the bathroom pointed out to her. Emory moved to a small console in the kitchen and pushed a code into the keypad. The glass wall that separated the kitchen from the outdoors rose upward, completely opening up the room to the refreshing breeze moving in from the beach.

  Sarah gaped. “Okay, you just made a wall disappear. What else can you do?”