by A. Hart
Chapter Eighteen
Emerson
I started to panic but then I was met with Cal’s soft blue eyes. "Hey...sorry didn't mean to scare you..." He said as he walked calmly past me. I paused in shock "How did you? Where did you..? The key..." He didn't seem impacted by my stare as he shut the door and locked it. He set the key on my counter. "Your friend had made a copy of your key on accident instead of hers...She gave it to me to give back to you. See how easy anyone could get in?" I blinked quickly... "Yeah I know but...Sarah needs a key in case..." He walked towards me grabbed a chip and dipped it in the salsa, I continued "In case of an emergency..."
He smashed the chip into his mouth and sat down "These are good." He sighed and then pinned me with his eyes " I agree about her needing a key but you have got to be careful about how many you give out and make sure they keep it safe. That they aren’t carrying it around with them everywhere they go, anywhere someone could snatch it up. If I took the key off her chain she wouldn’t have noticed until she went to use it, which could be too late" I blinked fast again "Yeah I guess I just never thought I needed to be that cautious but I can see now..." He cut me off by kissing me softly. “You need to always be careful my Em. The world is a much darker place than it seems.” I smiled weakly in return and sighed “I know.”
After a minute of sitting quietly and eating chips my mind and eyes went to Cal. He stood there with his tall lean frame up against my counter. I reached over and ran my fingers through his thick sandy colored hair. His eyes looked down at me and I got lost in them. I had been waiting over a year for him. I didn’t want to wait any longer. When I had cancer I thought I would never have sex again. Actually I thought I would never do anything again. Then Cal came along and that all changed.
My possibilities changed and a whole new world of hope opened up to me. I think that’s part of why I had fought so hard. Cal made me realize all the things I wanted in life and that I wasn't done living. They were worth fighting for, he was worth fighting for and I wouldn’t let cancer take me quietly. Cal’s hand touched mine and my whole body tingled with desire. Before I got sick I had two sexual encounters. They were both with the same guy and both very unimpressive. When I found out I had cancer I thought I would die without ever having an orgasm. That seems like a stupid thing to worry about when you have ovarian cancer but as a woman in her young 20’s the thought was terrifying.
I knew that Cal would give me more than pleasure by just looking at him. As his lips gently brushed mine I was consumed with feelings, physical and emotional. I wanted all of him and there was nothing I could do to change it. I pictured a little blue eyed boy running through the forest, Cal and I laughing close by. I cringed. I wanted to give him everything. I would never be able to give him that...a family. I had the ovary that had the cancerous mass on it removed. My chances now of conceiving a child was close to impossible.
I bit my lip and tried to shut my thoughts up temporarily. I would tell him, I mean he knew about the surgery but I hadn’t told him about the no kid’s thing. It wasn't appropriate before and I wasn’t sure if it was now but I couldn’t let him fall with any false pretenses. He needed to know what our future would be like and he needed to be okay with it...otherwise...I would let him go. I would let him find a woman that was able to give him what he wanted. My stomach burned at the thought and my head began to spin. The thought literally made me sick. It was unbearable but I would do it for him. I would tell him but not tonight. Not now. Now, I was going to kiss him like I had never kissed before.
As the music softly played a Michael Buble’ song in the back ground I kissed Cal lightly. He kissed me back, placing his hands on my sides and then pulled me away slowly. He smiled and kissed my forehead. I frowned and laughed quietly at me "Jeez woman just hold on okay? I want to talk with you a little first.” I laughed and shook my head "Fine fine let’s talk." I turned, facing him, raised my eyebrows and placed my hands on my lap. He put his hands on mine "You know that you’re adorable?" I laughed "My best quality right?" He smiled "Yeah that’s right."
We sat and talked for what seemed like forever. We talked about music, traveling, our lives, our future plans…I had to bit my tongue in order not mention my one weak ovary and my inability to give him a family. Not the right time Emerson. Suddenly he placed his hand on the back of my neck and began to stroke my cheek with his other. I bit my lip again in anticipation. I realized that I had created a sore on the inside of my lip from the constant gnawing but God was he was worth it. Cal moaned lightly as he drew me in, crushing his lips on mine. We pressed together harder and faster, our tongues dancing inside our mouths.
I was pleasantly surprised when he placed both of his large hands on the insides of my thighs, under me and in one swift movement lifted me onto his lap. I wrapped my fingers in his hair as he laid back, gliding me closer to him. I began wiggling my hips in anticipation as I kissed him harder. I groaned as I smoothly ran my hand down his chest. He slid his hand over mine laced our fingers together and pulled it away from him.
As he kissed me he said "Let’s take it slow Em...No more tonight but another stunt like that and I will have to take a shower..." I pulled back trying not to frown and hoping to push him over the edge, “there’s room for two you know... I wouldn’t mind..." He pushed my hand up slowly "Emerson I'm serious your testing my self-control." I sat up angry now "What do you need to control Cal? Do you not want...?” He cut me off "No...Of course I do... I just want to make sure you’re ready... I mean after last night...” I cut him off this time "What more do I need to do to show you I'm ready Cal? I'm practically raping you here!" He laughed "now that’s not possible…you would never have to rape me darlin’." I frowned harder. "You could fool me!"
I stood up abruptly "I'm not a virgin Cal! If that’s what you’re worried about...I want you..." I cleared my throat. All of you and not just tonight, I thought to myself but chose not to say it. I glanced up at him and saw his face blank, he was thinking. I swallowed hard worried that I had accidently said it out loud and not just in my head. "If you’re not interested in me Cal, you can just say it. I can take it. I'm not...I'm not weak! I don't need you to do me any favors. I don't have cancer anymore Cal...” I swallowed hard and sighed. He looked at me like I had just punched him.
I held my ground as I continued "I appreciate what you did for me Cal. I really do, you taught me to fight for life, to see the beauty in life, but I'm okay now...” I placed my hand on his lightly, he stared at me...he looked angry? "You don't have to fix me Cal. I'll be okay. Please just don't lead me on anymore..." His nostrils flared and he stood up quickly, throwing his hands on the back of his neck. He took a deep breath and stared at me with his eyes narrowing.
Chapter Nineteen
Calvin
"Damn it Woman...you have no idea..."I cursed low to myself shaking my head at what I was about to do. It is too damn early and I wasn’t ready to talk about it. Shit. I didn’t want to ruin the perfect night but she looked up at me with her arms crossed her eyebrows raised, looking so hurt. I couldn’t stand her thinking that she was unwanted.
I threw my hands up and then wiped my face with one. I had to tell her and if it was too early, if it scared her off, if it ruined this perfect night, at least I was honest with her. I sighed and pointed to the couch. "Take a seat sweetheart.” She rolled her eyes at me "If you want me to sit so you can let me down easy, I won't do it." God was she so blind to how I felt? That broke my heart. I decided that had to change very soon. I gently placed my hand on her cheek “No honey you need to understand something..." Her hard stare turned to a soft gaze and she nodded as she dryly agreed "Fine."
I sat on the couch and faced her sighing. "I have a story to tell you...” She glanced at me with interest, one brow raised. "I’m not supposed to tell you all the details, but you need to know, you need to understand and I'm not hiding anything from you ever again" Her face went soft and pale as if she was deeply affected by my last words. Did she think I
would disappear again? I was leaving again but I wouldn't disappear. I would stay in touch and I would make sure she knew she was mine before I left. But maybe not tonight... "It’s a long story...and it’s not pretty..." She looked at me concerned "Cal...You can tell me anything, I promise even if you’re not attracted to me...we are still friends and I want...." I cut her off getting angry "God, stop it will you? I need to explain something to you and then I will be glad to show you how attracted I am to you." Her face blushed all the way from her neck to her scalp as she nodded. Good, I had her attention.
"Over the last year I have been on mission after mission...In between that we trained and rested but this is my first real break since...well since that night I saw you." Her face grew sad at the memory, I lifted my finger under her chin to lift her gaze to mine "Emmy...Look at me...this is important okay?" My voice was soft and rough, I could feel the emotion in my voice and reminded myself to keep it together.
"Most of these missions were rescue missions. All of them went well. We had a couple issues but nothing devastating. This last one however...the one I literally just got back from. Was a shit show. We had been on the mission for two weeks, it was originally a mission to retrieve one of our own men who was taken during an ambush. Once we retrieved him he told us about a young woman, American. He had met her in captivity. She had been giving medical treatment in a village mostly housing young orphans. She had been there only one week when they raided the village and took her hostage.”
“He told us how she had been marking the wall and that she had been there for 3 days when he was taken, 6 days when she was manhandled out of their cell and to where he didn’t know. He was rescued that day. His face was heavy with survivor’s guilt and it was obvious his heart was weighed down with hope, hope that she was somehow okay and that we'd find her.” God, how I knew what that felt like. “That’s what we do, we come in during the darkest hour and save those in need and kill those in need too. , we knew the truth that 6 days being held captive is a long time, there was many possibilities but most likely she had been murdered or worse, sold into slavery. We were on the border of two countries and in an awful depressing area that had been under attack for decades. We had a name “Hilary "and a picture. When he told us about her we all almost shit our pants.”
Emerson squeezed my hand as I continued “We had heard of her since the day she had been taken captive and our intelligence team had been scrounging for any information on her. We had already sent one group out to the village to look for survivors. When they had gone they found no one alive. They also found a badly burned female body that matched Hilary’s description. The face was too badly burned to tell for sure and the skin was gone. We weren’t authorized to launch a mission until we knew she was alive and which camp she was being held at. Now that we had a lead we could finally try, we had a little hope.”
“Hilary was a recent nursing graduate and had chosen to go on a church mission to give aid to those in the small village. She was pretty and very young, so innocent looking. She reminded me of Jenny.” I took a deep breath “We had passed the story up the chain of command and were given the okay to find her. We were all willing to do whatever we needed to get this girl home. We had seen conditions that she was most likely in and the violence her captures were capable of. We would never wish it upon anyone, especially not a woman. We were sent to the village where she had been stationed one more time, to look for any clues that the first group may have missed.”
Emerson’s placed her hand on mine as she nodded up at me with a sad look. That’s when it finally happened. I couldn’t stop my mind any longer. I went to the place I had been avoiding like the plague. I let myself drift back in time as I told Emerson the story …
I was standing in the middle of a deserted village, left only with dead bodies. It smelt...awful. Dried blood and guts covered the rocky streets and I looked around to see bodies lying in the open. They were a warning. I spun around to see my buddy Maxwell covering his face with his bandana that hung from his neck. He shook his head at me. I turned around to see heads hanging from trees and girls stripped naked lying underneath. The sight made my stomach turn and I couldn’t stop my empty stomach from pushing into my throat. I leaned over and before I could dodge around the bodies I puked all over my boots. I wiped my mouth and stepped over the bodies in a hurry to the clearing. “Fuck” I whispered. I had seen death. I had seen ugly but this was what true evil looked like. It was unforgivable.
I shook out of the memory and looked up at Emerson to explain, she took a deep breath and I copied her before I continued “We had gotten a list from the church of all those who had been with Hilary on her mission. Everyone she had come with including two pastors, their wives’ and a young male doctor had been murdered. Once we saw it we knew we had to get to her fast. If she was alive it was for a reason and it wasn’t going to stay that way for long. She would be dead or long gone soon...too soon. We rallied on no sleep, barley any food and worn weak bodies from the previous rescue. We hurried back to HQ and were briefed on our mission and our point of attack” I closed my eyes for a second and as I spoke to her I slipped back into the memory again.
I was sitting in the back of a produce truck covered in rotting lettuce and tomatoes. I laid flat holding on for dear life as our local driver nervously drove to our destination. I was crammed next to my best friend Maxwell and our Captain Saxon. The rest of our men laid in the rotting produce not far from me. The sound of our shallow breaths made a hushing sound that was barely heard over the thumping of the truck’s tires against the rocky land below.
Saxon looked back at me and signaled me to take a peek. I only looked up only for an instant when I saw it. My breath caught at the realization that a truck from the left and one from the right were coming at us fast and they weren’t stopping. I braced myself ready to attack once we were at a full stop. The gig was up. I jolted up, lifting off the floor a good foot as the truck took the impact. My ears were ringing and my head was swarming as we began to shoot in the direction of the attack. We quickly got into a formation and covered one another as we always did “I got you!” Maxwell yelled as I nodded and moved forward out of the truck.
I began to approach the group of enemy men that were shooting from behind with a Maxwell and Thomas behind me when I heard a scream. I stopped and signaled for them to follow. I lifted my ear up to better hear the screaming. It was English. “Help!" A woman screamed. Then I heard her grunt with what sounded like blow to the gut. My heart dropped and I knew I had to book it hard. It was Hilary, it had to be. I located the sound in the truck on the right. The back was covered with a tarp that went in a round tent like fashion. The truck was big enough to hold many men.
I prayed my instincts were right and that they had left only one or two guards with the girl while the rest presented in front of us. They were shooting and screaming at us in their language. We took them out one by one then quickly got to the back off the truck. I prepared to lift the vail as my partner Maxwell held his gun ready, he nodded to me. Captain Saxon and the other men were securing the other truck. If we didn’t want to get ambushed again we had to act fast and get the hell out of there. I lifted the tent and instantly saw the girl thrashing against the man who held a knife to her throat. I looked at her and then up at him and back to her, “Hilary we aren’t going to let anything happen to you again...just breathe and trust us." The man holding her was yelling at me in jumble I didn’t completely understand, although I spoke the language he was speaking too quickly and in a little different dialect than I was trained for. The only things I caught were “Allah” and “back away”, little did he know that wasn’t an option.
Hilary screamed at me in response, gasping "God…Please… save them” she half tempted to nod her head to the back of the truck. I had been so occupied on my mission to get her home safe that I didn’t notice the group of about 6 young children and two other young woman, all locals, standing in the back. They looked terrified but silent.
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Chapter Twenty
Calvin
I stopped and took a breath, needing a break from the flashes that attacked my mind "One thing I knew they are all fine...waiting to be rescued...the next their...” I sighed and dropped my head, I placed it in both hands. Emerson’s hand quickly moved to my back and began to lightly soothe me "Cal...We don’t have to do this. If it’s too hard..." I shot her a look and shook my head. "No we do...we really do Em, otherwise I'd save you the awful details. This is something I wouldn’t wish upon anyone." She smiled lightly and nodded "Okay then, take your time. I’m not in a rush. We can talk all..." I cut her off with a kiss, hard and fast. She opened her eyes, lips still parted. "What? Uh..." I chuckled lightly, even in the middle of awful memories she could pull me out of the darkness. "What was that for?" she tilted her head. "It’s a long story Em, and you’re being so patient, that was just a preview.” She tried to hide her smile "oh, okay go on then."
"Ah yeah...okay well...” I rubbed my hands together and let my mind slip back into the memory as I told her the rest of the story. I was standing in front of the tent taking in the situation as my men covered the rest of the truck’s sides and stood anticipating another ambush. Saxon looked over at me “Smith we’ve got to move fast.” I nodded and then quickly took out the guard holding the children hostage and the two young woman. They realized they were free and began rushing out of the truck. Camden, who was a little more familiar with the exact dialect yelled at them not to move. They froze and I quickly took out Hilary’s capture who was now threatening to kill us all. The captures body slumped onto Hilary and she screamed as she shrugged him off of her shoulder. Thomas grabbed Hilary and began to extract her when she started to hit his chest and scream "Please you can’t leave these children!" I paused only for a second and looked up at Saxon who scanned and then nodded that we had time. Thomas and I began to help the children off the truck.