by A. Hart
Saxon explained quickly that we would take them to a spot only a short walk outside a village but nowhere anyone would associate them with us. Camden quickly spoke to them and convinced them not to tell a soul of the Americans and scared them with the fact that if they did they would be taken again or killed. They all agreed. We began to load them up as I heard another one of our men, Fields yell “Shit!" I looked up and saw him sprinting towards me hands up as he looked down an enemy soldier. The man was severely wounded, bleeding out and he reached for something on his chest. "God Damn it Get dow…"The earth exploded with a boom.
The ground shook and my body burned as I was tossed back and slammed into the rocky terrain. I blinked quickly as my ears rung, my eyes filled with darkness and my head felt heavy. I shook out of it and slowly got to my feet, the noises from the outside began to sink in. Screaming...The truck that we had just began to evacuate everyone from was blown to pieces. Fields who had been running towards me laid on the floor in front of me grabbing his obviously broken leg and screaming. I quickly moved to his side and began giving him first aid. He had burns up his body. I gave him morphine and yelled at Saxon who was slowly rising to his feet. “Sax med vac now!” He nodded and yelled at Thomas to call it in.
We had already gotten almost everyone into the truck we arrived in and I spotted Hilary screaming "No!" from the truck as one...two...three…children clung to her and one other clung to one of the young ladies. As Camden took over care for Fields, I followed Hillary’s stare in search for the two children and the woman that were missing. I found the woman...face down. Her back was obliterated and unrecognizable…she was slouched over something and I saw blood pooling from underneath her. My heart sank as I screamed at one of my men to assist me. Max came running over and I saw his face twitch a little before we lifted the woman off. She had long black hair like his wife Megan and I knew it affected him. I paused only for a brief second as my heart ached because there the kids were. A little girl. Maybe 5 and a boy around 8 or 9...
The woman’s body had acted as a barrier to the explosion. I rushed down to the children to give them aid as all the other men were quickly trying to get us out of there and away from another possible ambush. The little girl blinked up at me with wide brown eyes and pain shot through my chest. I faded out of the memory, needing a break from the reality of what happened. I sat up straight trying to loosen my muscles, Emmy cupped my cheek, “You saved them Cal." I laughed sarcastically and then rubbed my eyes with one hand. "God I wish Em, I wish every fucking day..." She sat back "What do you..? Oh No..." I cut her off as she placed her hand over mouth.
I flashed back into my dark memory. I leaned over the little girl as I assessed her quickly. Her legs were blown clean off but other than that she was untouched everywhere else. The boy was all intact but had a piece of metal in his foot…he was in a ball unlike the girl who had been flat on her back. We wrapped them up in our arms as quickly as possible and loaded them onto the helicopter with Fields. Usually we weren’t authorized to do such a thing but Saxon had two kids this age. He had said fuck it and decided to do it without pre-approval “It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission boys, now go!” Saxon yelled.
The other medic that came on the medevac helicopter and I began medical treatment as we rushed to the airfield. The blood was everywhere. It was on my hands, my uniform, on the ground. I could feel it on my skin and I pushed through the ache in my chest. Never had I done this with children. As a paramedic I had treated children but never like this. Their wide eyes looked up at me and I couldn’t get past it. I had to try everything possible to save them. Fields was stable and laying calmly next to the kids. He was in severe pain but stable.
I took a deep breath and turned to Emerson. She squeezed my hand and I lifted it up to my mouth and lightly kissed it before I continued “The other men had loaded up in the truck we arrived in with Hilary and the other unharmed civilians and booked it back to headquarters. The other medic and I were on the helicopter with our three patients. It was crammed and hot and messy. It was the longest 30 minutes of my life. We almost lost both kids in the air but we managed to get them to surgery within the appropriate amount of time.” I looked up and sighed. “The little boy lost his leg but lived, Fields should be able to make a full recovery and even stay in the Army.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “The little girl.” I cleared my throat and tried to hold the tears in, Emerson sighed. “She had lost too much blood by the time we got her there…” Emerson’s hand flew to her mouth and a tear ran down her cheek. “Oh my God Cal I am So Sorry.” I rubbed a hand down my face. “Mariam. Her name was Mariam and she was five.” Emerson had tears flowing down her face and she leaned over and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around her and held her for a moment and then pulled back.
“Mariam didn’t take her eyes off of me the entire time she was with me. Her big brown eyes reminded me of you. She was so terrified and I told her…” Damn it I took a deep breath hoping to prevent it but a tear rolled down my cheek any way “I kept telling her in her language that she was safe, that she would be fine and that I fix her.” I took another deep breath. “When she called me daddy…I told her that I was there and that I loved her. I couldn’t stand her thinking she was alone. She had already gone through God knows what. Her Dad was already dead. The last thing she said to me was I love you daddy.” I blew out a breath. “I will never forget those children the ones I saved, the one I didn’t." Emmy shifted hard in her spot, facing towards me, both hands on mine. "Cal you are the bravest most honorable man I know, you did everything you could...you have to understand..." I cut her off again shaking my head “No Em, that’s why I needed to tell you this story…" She looked at me confused. "”I’m not that brave.” I locked my eyes on here. “Not without you..." She sat up brow raised "What?" I sighed and decided it was now or never.
"It was the most Horrifying, heart breaking thing I had ever experienced in my life. And...The whole time all I could think of was seeing you again. That’s all I ever thought about Em. Your bravery sitting their fighting an ugly battle on the inside but smiling on the outside...when the darkness closed in your light shone in.” I looked up at her and our gaze's met "you made me capable of facing complete evil and coming out still...good...I am not that brave without you. The point is Emmy...you got me home... and not just recently, each and every time....So don’t you ever think I forgot about you"
I stopped there with my story. I decided not to tell her about the many bruises and fractures on Hilary’s body. I also chose not to tell her about the many torture tools we found the next day when we captured the leader of the mission and took out the rest of the bastards. I was glad I didn’t because I wasn’t sure how much more she could take, she didn’t need to know it all. Just enough to know what she helped me survive.
Her eyes began to well up and I cupped her face. "Em" Desperate to hear what she was thinking. She looked up at me "Yeah?" She said with a soft voice. "You know I'd never hurt you or ever let anyone else hurt you...you’re safe with me..." She tilted her head "Huh? Why would you say that?" Isn’t that why she was upset? Because of my gruesome details? I sighed "I just want to make sure because when I mentioned some of the uglier details...about...things I've done...you seemed scared."
Emerson shook her head and softly responded "No I...I know you would never hurt me or any other innocent. I know you would protect anyone in need...I know you’re a good man Cal, in every way a man can be good...you saved the world from more evil.” I looked at her as my eyebrows furrowed..."Then why...?" She cut me off. "I don’t like thinking of you in danger...seeing all those awful things. I guess I care about you Cal...” There it was, I couldn’t help but smile "Yeah is that so?" She took a long deep breath and nodded. I cupped her cheek "As a friend?" I could feel the tension in her stare. She closed her eyes and shook her head as she bit her lip.
I kissed her again, this time soft and slow. Feeling her lips move with mine made my body pulse with desire. W
hen I pulled back I whispered in her ear "I care for you too...definitely not as just a friend." She moaned lightly. I placed my hands on her checks, closed my eyes and took a deep breathe. Opening them I placed my forehead on hers lightly. "I care for you... as so much more Emerson." She lightly nuzzled against me with her eyes wet with tears. Then she pulled back from me.
"Why didn’t you write...?" I looked at her soft caring stare and it broke right through me. I promised I wouldn’t lie to her but this was already a lot for one night. It was a lot for her to take in, it was a lot for me to admit. It was almost too much and the last thing I wanted to do was scare her off. I cared for her too much and I needed her. It was too much for me to bare of my soul in one night. The story already left me emotionally drained and I just couldn’t give any more. Not right now...not tonight. Instead of answering I kissed her hard until she stopped resisting and went with me....
Chapter Twenty-One
Emerson
Although I wanted answers I could tell the question made him uncomfortable. I decided that kissing him would have to do for now. I would get my answers sooner or later. I took a deep breath releasing a small amount of the tension that had built in my back. I was now straddling Cal’s lap as he gently stroked up and down my back. Our tongues moved together slowly challenging each other. The sensation of his touch along with the taste of him brought tears to my eyes. It was all so fast, it was all too real and I was all too emotional.
I needed a distraction from all the thoughts that were rushing through my mind. What was he thinking? Would he love me too? Why didn’t he write me? How should I bring it up again? When? Why was he avoiding telling me? Suddenly the distraction I was praying for hit me as Cal crushed his lips onto me harder. He moaned lightly in his throat and I was in heaven. He grabbed the inside of my thighs again, this time standing up and pulling me up with him. He began to kiss my neck. His hot lips grazed my ear "How about I show you how attracted I am to you now?" I paused with anxiety and then nodded my head in agreement.
Cal stopped in my door way, still holding me, my legs wrapped around his waist "Emerson…" My heart starting beating through my chest as I waited for him to continue “I need you to be honest with me now...I promise I won't be upset either way...” He paused, placing his forehead against mine. "I just need to know if you’re ready. And if you’re...” He smiled lightly at me as his hand stroked through my hair "If you’re sure?" I laughed as I placed a light kiss on his mouth, then his neck and down to his chest. "Have I not made myself clear Cal?” He smiled widely at me "Yes Mam."
Suddenly I was against the wall with my hands pushed above my head as he kissed me from my lips down to my chest. I bit my lip in excitement. It was finally happening. My bones ached with want for him and my whole body tingled with emotion. Little kisses down my neck sent chills up my spin “Cal..." I moaned. He looked up at me and smiled in approval. "You have no idea what you got yourself into Em... I have over a year of..." he cleared his throat and tilted his head with a mischievous smile "energy... that I’ve been saving for you...” I smiled "Yeah me too buddy."
Pleased with what he just said I took it into my own hands. I pushed my hips into him, making him fly backwards and onto the bed. I straddled him as he laid down and I began to un-button his shirt. He stared up at me with desire in his eyes but something else too... he looked at me with caring eyes. Loving eyes? God I hope so.
Once his shirt was off I ran my fingers across his chiseled chest and chewed on my lip...his body was perfect. I found an old scar, and kissed it lightly wishing I could somehow take it away, along with the pain I knew still lingered from the memories. Suddenly I was on my back and he was now straddling me. His hands traveled from my hips up to the hem of my shirt, he slowly lifted it up above my breasts. He stopped, his face sweet and hushed "I'm going to do this right Em...I'm going to take my time..."Sounding like he was trying to reassure himself more than me. I smiled. "We'll see soldier."
He laughed and grabbed my hips at the top of my pants and pushed me upwards on the bed. I smiled at him as I ran my fingers through his hair. My body pulsed with a million emotions that I couldn’t get my mind to settle on one. As I stared into his eyes I had a strong feeling that everything was about to change and things would never be the same.
I was right. I woke in the middle of the night, my body limp with exhaustion, still pulsing with pleasure. Everything had changed. Everything was real now. Everything was clear. I felt every emotion ten times what I did before we made love, before we became one. I shivered at the memory of him inside of me as he kissed me patiently and his hands explored my body. My skin tingled with the memory of where his hands had been. His warm strong arm was still wrapped over me and I was snuggled up tightly against him. I stroked his arm lightly as I looked back at him. I couldn’t deny my feelings for him nor could I deny the strong fear pulsing through my veins that he would disappear again. That was his job and he was good at it. His job required him to leave and to not be held back with emotions, with commitments. My heart was heavy that I had possibly caused him distraction while he was on missions but I was also happy to be that distraction.
He was brave beyond anything I could ever imagine. I smiled at the fact that I was sure he was the best man I had ever met. No one was more deserving of love than him. More than anything in the world I wanted to give that to him. My heart hurt for the pain he had experienced and the things he had seen. I hated the thought of him being in any dangerous situation. Mostly I hated that for the last year while I had been sleeping in my warm bed, debating over what to eat for dinner, he had been sleeping in a cave somewhere eating dried meat. I frowned at the thought. He was getting out. That was the best news I had heard since the doctor told me I was cancer free.
My heart rejoiced with gratitude. He would soon be safe and settled. If I was honest with myself, I prayed he would be those things with me. It didn’t matter that it was too soon to know that. I knew it deep inside of me. I smiled at the image of him sitting on a lawn mower with his shirt off as he mowed a field of grass as I planted flowers close by. That was what I wanted. It was all I wanted, to build a life with him, to grow old with him, to live with him, to love him.
I knew it now more than ever. I winced at the idea that it may be different for him, that he may not have the same picture in his head. Why hadn’t he written me? Pain shot into my stomach and I was suddenly wide awake with worry. Worry, that I would soon lose everything I had just gained. I gently lifted his arm off of me and slipped out of bed. I reached into my top drawer and grabbed a large t-shirt and slipped it on quietly then tip toed out of the room. I was hoping not to wake him and have to face him right then. He would see right through me and my worry. It was the most scared I had been in years. Losing him again, it would destroy me. I loved him, damn it. Crap. Yup…I was sure...I was definitely in Love with him. Ugh, this is a mess. I put a kettle on the stove and leaned against the counter waiting for it to boil, in turmoil with myself.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Calvin
I stretched my body, yawning. I felt rested, like I had slept on a cloud. I looked around and noticed Emerson was nowhere to be found. I sat up as I heard the shower. I smiled and flew out of bed as naked as the day I was born. I opened the bathroom door and Emerson’s head shot in my direction and then down my body. She stood in the showers spray, her hands now attempting to cover her naked body “Excuse me! A little privacy?” I smiled and closed the door behind me “You said yourself last night that there was room for two….” She sighed and shook her head lightly “Yeah okay...fine…get in here but no judging.” I laughed “You’re too much Em…” I stepped into the steaming shower and stepped closer to her. She tilted her head to the side “How so?” I laughed again as I placed one hand on her hip and lightly brushed my other on her collarbone. She was breathtaking. I took a deep breath and said quietly “You’re perfect in every way…there’s nothing bad about you to judge.” She stood there with her hair soaking
up the falling water, looking at me with those golden eyes. She rinsed her hair as she mumbled something that sounded like “this can’t be real” under her breath.
I brushed my hand lightly over her cheek as I tried to read what she was thinking. Her big caramel brown eyes stared up at me again as the water hit her hair and pitter pattered on the glass door. She was undeniably real and undeniably beautiful, she was mine…I knew that. It was too late. I had fallen hard and could tell neither of us were getting out. There was no turning back and there was no point in holding anything back anymore. There was no reason to fight my need to claim her, to keep her, to love her. I placed both hands on her hips and pulled her into me. I lightly brushed my lips against hers “It’s real.” I claimed her mouth with mine as her taste consumed me. Never had any moment so small been so crucial in my life. I knew these little moments were all I had. They were what would get me through the darkest of times that were waiting for me. I tried to concentrate on the moment, soak it all up, to store it deep down inside of me for a rainy day but it was all moving so fast in front of me.
I spent that whole Sunday with Emerson. I had called my parents to tell them I would be home the next day and heard my Granny say something in the background, then a chuckle from my mom. They were so intuitive and I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide little Miss Emerson from them for long, especially since Granny already knew and adored her. After my awkward phone call, we went for a walk, made lunch, watched old movies, played board games and made love. It felt so natural, like it’s what we were meant to be doing. That night was the most comfortable night I had had in long time. She had school the next day. We made a nice Italian dinner complete with pasta, garlic bread and wine. We showered together, made love and then laid in bed talking and playing until we fell asleep. I laid in bed looking at her before I fell asleep. I knew I loved her. I knew she cared for me, but would it scare her away if I told her? Would it be too painful for me to leave again? I wanted to tell her. Hell, I almost woke her just so I could but I couldn’t help but feel like I was risking her heart. That was a risk I wasn’t willing to take.