by A. Hart
After my shower I walked out to see Max hanging up the phone with a sad look on his face. He looked up at me. “Hey man how you doing? You get your head right?” He asked me. I nodded my head “Yeah I’m good man…How about you…you look stranger than normal.” He half smiled and shook his head. “I don’t know man…something just doesn’t feel right.” I tilted my head to the side as I sat next to him. “What do you mean? Like with Meg?” He shook his head again. “No man with life…Something feels wrong.” I threw my head back a little “I don’t understand…” He cut me off “Meg seemed fine, I trust her probably as much as I trust you…She’s my wife and I love her…God I just love her so fucking much that I am scared shitless. I just re-upped and I thought it would be good for us, that I could handle having a family and being in the Army but I don’t know man.” I patted his back “I know it’s tough…but Meg is a strong girl…Wait a family?” Max’s face turned into a wide grin as he turned to me. “Meg is 12 weeks tomorrow. Just had the first ultra sound today. I’m about to go check my e-mail for the video”
I stood up with a huge smile on my face. “What! Holy shit! Max that is Awesome!” He stood up “I know…I’m pretty stoked.” I put my arms out to him “Alright I’ll take a hug from your nasty ass now.” He laughed as he wrapped his arms around me “Oh you know you like it.” I laughed as I slapped his back “I’m so happy for you guys man.” He smiled as he stepped back “Yeah me too…” I shook my head “Dude you’re just flipping out because you’re going to be a dad. That’s normal, calm down everything is fine.” He sighed loudly like he didn’t agree with me but didn’t want to talk about it. “Yeah I guess your right… phones all yours big guy.”
I sat down and picked up the phone to call Emerson. I couldn’t wait to hear all about her week and to tell her how much I loved her. I felt the words burning in my throat for days and sometimes a week until I could finally spit them at her. I couldn’t wait to hold her in my arms again. Soon very soon I thought. One last mission. One last time of risking my life and then it would be done and I could finally live my life, the life that included Emerson by my side every day. I smiled as I picked up the phone and dialed.
Emerson
It had been two months since Cal left and we only had one month until he was home. I couldn’t believe how fast time was flying and how easy it was to stay busy. Between school, Cal’s family, Sarah and volunteering I was only home long enough each day to take Cop out and sleep. The last time I skyped with Cal, which was only a couple days ago, Cop had taken over the screen. He wagged his tail so fast he smacked me across the leg, leaving a red mark. I couldn’t wait for Cal to be home with Cop and me. I couldn’t wait for us to be able to just live our lives. I laid in bed staring at the ceiling as I did every night. I tried to imagine Cal lying next to me and I wrapped my arms around myself smelling the very faint smell of him that was left on his shirt. I laid there in silence and let myself drift into dreams of Cal.
Calvin
December 5th 2012
Today was the day, the very last day before we were done with this shit hole. This was our last mission and then it was two days of debriefing and a week travel home. Meaning I would be home in nine days , two weeks early and just in time to surprise Emerson for Christmas. I looked over at Max who was twiddling his thumbs. The black hawk was swaying side to side and I could tell he was anxious. I nudged him and winked. He nodded back at me.
As we stood up to prepare to rappel down I patted his back as he stood in front of me “I got you” I yelled above the purr of the chopper. Max nodded and then patted Camden in front of him “I got you.” Who then patted Thomas in front of him “I got you” Who then patted Saxon “I got you”, Saxon yelled up so we could here “We got this.” Quickly we filed out of the Helicopter and down the rope like so many times before. Our boots hit the ground and we hustled to find cover. We were here to retrieve a high priority terrorist leader that was hiding in a small village. Villagers stopped to look at us with wide eyes, almost begging us to help rid them of the most likely ruthless visitor. We nodded as we passed them and entered the building we were headed for.
For some reason it felt wrong. It was too easy. No one tried to stop us and no one shot at us, which was a first. I knew that the other guys were thinking the same thing by their body language and facial expressions. We rushed through the building and effortlessly extracted the terrorist through the building. Just then he started to mumble something in Arabic that I didn’t quite catch. Something about Allah redeeming his glory. Max shook him “Shut the Fuck up man! Shut the Fuck Up!” I put my hand lightly on his shoulder. “Dude calm down.” He stared at the man with anger in his eyes “No man something’s not fucking right, this was too easy.” Every nodded their heads and then Saxon Spoke up “Either way we need to carry on and deal with whatever the fuck this ass hole has up his sleeve when we cross that bridge, which will probably be any second. Roger that?” Everyone nodded “Roger that.”
We began walking out the door and then I realized. That son of a bitch. I step a little forward. “Saxon we need to search the fucker” He stopped, making sure the way was clear. He turned around “Okay Smith Search ‘em.” Damn it. I would get blown up on my last damn day in the field. I turned to Max “You got my letter right?” He nudged me forward. “Dude shut up he’s got nothing.” I stared at him “You got my letter?!” I asked harshly “Yes fuck dude I have it now go.”
I told the terrorist to turn around in Arabic and put his hands up and spread his legs. He complied while telling me in Arabic that I would burn in hell. I told him back as long as shit bags like him weren’t there. I ran my hands up and down his clothes and then my heart stopped when I found it. A small but thick belt buckle that I knew was a bomb and then realized there was no wires leading to a trigger and no timer one it, meaning that someone around us held the detonator in their hands. I looked around briefly seeing men quickly scattering to the top of the building. “Son of a….” I stepped back and pushed everyone back “Go!” I yelled, when suddenly the man’s body blew into pieces. The blast threw us a couple yards back and my body slammed into a makeshift building, knocking down the door. I lifted up my gun and began shooting at the ass holes that were shooting from the rooftops. I got on my knees as Saxon laid cover for me as I scurried to a covering. After what seemed like forever but was more like 5 minutes I managed to get next to Max. “Hey Man!” I said as I shot “Sup dude?” he replied sarcastically.
“Just another day at the office” I heard Thomas yell from around the corner. I smirked as I shot back. Suddenly the shooting stopped and scanning the rooftops with my scope I saw it. A man holding an RPG as the others assisted him in shooting it. “Fuck!” It was pointed right for me. I shot at the man and hit him in the chest. The relief didn’t last more than a half a second as I watched the RPG propel towards me. At least he can’t shoot my brothers. Then peacefully I closed my eyes and thought with my very last strength, with all my might, willing Emerson to hear me somehow; I’m sorry Em. I love you so much. I’m sorry I broke my promise but I will always love you, I won’t break that one.
Then I felt my body jerk dramatically to the side and my head snapped in the opposite direction. I opened my eyes to watch the scenery around me fly by my eyes and my body slammed to the ground as a loud boom roared through the air and red flashed in front of me. It took me a second to get my bearings but then I sat up panicked. Why didn’t I die? Why didn’t I blow up? What just happened? I ran my hands down my body. I was fine. My heart thumped in my chest as I looked around me to see Max lying on the ground, his legs and arm blown clean off. “Fuck fuck fuck! Max what the fuck!” I yelled as I shot around me and ran to him. I grabbed him by his one arm as my ears rang. I pulled him behind cover where the other men laid fire.
I looked up at Saxon with tears in my eyes. “What the fuck happened?” He shook his head as he shot forward “He jumped in front of you.” I looked down at Max as he coughed blood and opened his eyes “
Max what the fuck you did that for?” He laughed as blood spat from his mouth “Couldn’t let your dumb ass die.” I laughed as tears ran down my face. I gently lifted Max onto my lap and said desperately “Sax we need a vac.” He nodded “Thomas already called for one. Two minutes until touchdown” I nodded as I began working on Max. I suppressed the bleeding and began assessing the damaging, then started treatment. I shot him with morphine and squeezed his one hand “you hear that Charles. They’ll be here in two minutes. Hold on brother.” He laughed as he clenched his eyes shut “Fuck man only my wife.” He cried as he choked on blood “Fuck…Meg…” His eyes opened wide to me. “My letter…please.” I shook my head. “I have it but Max you can give it to her.”
Max shook his head lightly. “No man…” Tears rolled down his cheek. “I told you….” I shook my head “Fuck that man, No, you’re my brother and I won’t let you give up.” He took a shallow breath as blood shot out and he rasped out “love you man.” I nodded “Love ya brother.” He smiled lightly and looked up at me with his blood shot eyes “Meg…I love…and baby….please…my baby” A tear rolled down his cheek. I nodded understanding what he was asking “I got you man…Always.” Then He squeezed my hand and with a nod of his head he took his last shallow breath. My heart seemed like it stopped and time felt like it slowed down. “Fuck!” I screamed. Just then our ride pierced the air with its wind.
We grabbed Max and hustled to the landing zone. Once on the black hawk I threw off my helmet in front of me and leaned over Max. It should have been you leaning over me. This is supposed to be me. We were silent until we landed at base. I sat in my room that night staring at Max’s bed, unable to move. I sure as hell couldn’t call Em right now. Not when I knew men would be knocking at Megan’s door any minute to tell her that Max was gone. I lowered my head into my hands and began letting the sobs roll through my body. I felt my bed dip. Without looking up I knew Camden, Saxon and Thomas were next to me. They sat solemnly next to me as I kept my head down. What the fuck do I do now Max? A little voice in my head answered. Marry that girl you shitbag. It was probably my conscious saying it however I couldn’t help but feel like somehow Max got through to me. I will Max. I will.
Emerson
I sat next to my phone waiting for Cal’s call. He got back from his last mission yesterday and although he said he would call me when he got back all I got was an email saying- I’m safe. I love you. Call tomorrow. –Cal .I sat up all night wondering what that short e-mail meant. Was he just busy? Did he have a meeting? Did something bad happen? Suddenly my phone rang and my heart fell through my chest. I quickly picked up the phone with shaky hands. “Hello.” His voice was rough and worn but it was Cal “Hey.” My heart hadn’t calmed down yet because I didn’t like how he sounded. “Cal…What’s wrong?” He cleared his throat. “Max…” I thought for a second “He’s your roommate and like your best friend there right.” He sighed “Yeah he was.” My hand flew to my mouth and tears rushed to my eyes. “Oh Cal…No...” He choked a little “Yeah. Yesterday” I shook my head as tears ran down my face. “The one with the newly pregnant wife.” He sighed again “Yeah they have been married since I knew them and…” His voice got caught. “They’ve been trying for a baby for years….Finally she….and then…” I could tell it was hard for him to talk. “I know baby. I know.” My hand slowly moved over my heart to try and stop the ache in my chest. I felt so awful for Max, his wife, his child and Cal.
That night I laid in my bed staring at the ceiling as I did many nights. This time I worried about Cal and how he was coping with his best friend dying. I wasn’t sure what exactly happened and how he died. Cal said he would tell me another time and didn’t want to talk about it yet. I knew he would eventually tell me when he was ready. I was praying that Max’s wife would have a good future and that God would take care of her and her baby. I prayed that Cal wouldn’t turn into another person and that he would come back the same man I was madly in love with. We were so close to our happily ever after that I was scared to death that something was going to happen last minute and I would lose it all. It was all too good to be true and I couldn’t believe it was happening to me. Look what happened to Megan and Charles. They were married and madly in love. They didn’t get their happily ever after so why would I, why should I? I sighed as I shoved the pillow into my face and screamed out my frustration. I prayed again desperately pleading with God. Lord please, please let this all work out….For everyone.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Calvin
December 21st 2012
It had been a little more than two weeks since Max’s death. I currently sat in the back of a taxi cab that smelled surprisingly amazing. The smell of apple pie filled the cab and my stomach growled with hunger. I stared at the small ranch home that sat at the end of the twisted dirt driveway in Wheatland, Ca. “Sir that’ll be 20 dollar.” The kind eyed older man said. I nodded and reached into my wallet for a twenty and a ten. “Thank you.” I handed him the money and walked to the back of the cab with him. He lifted the trunk and I winced as I watched him struggle with grabbing my light ruck sack out of the back.
I wanted to grab it for him but I could tell he was a proud man and I knew that I wouldn’t want some young guy trying to do my job. I shook his hand and grabbed my bag from him. “Pretty girl ya’ got there son.” The man said with a smile as he looked past me. I turned around to see a woman standing on the front porch. Her long black hair blew in the breeze. I lifted my hand to Megan and then turned to face the man. I shrugged, afraid to discuss whose girl she actually was and I nodded “Yes sir.” He lightly chuckled to himself as he walked to his door. He turned around briefly before getting into the cab “Take good care of her you hear boy?” I nodded again and waved to him. “I plan to.” I said quietly to myself but it felt like I was talking to Max. I turned around and began walking up the driveway.
Megan wore jeans and a big sweatshirt. I could tell from far away whose it was. With her arms wrapped around herself she leaned against the railing and smiled shyly at me. When I was only a few feet from her she looked up at me “I was wondering’ when you’d come by soldier.” I dropped my bag and walked towards her. “Hey Meg.” I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly. She sniffed a little “Hey Smith.” I put my hands in my pockets and took in her appearance. She had bags under her blood shot eyes and a piece of food hanging from her hair. I grabbed the strand with two fingers and lifted it up to her. “You know me just saving’ some for later. “ She smiled with a wink and then flicked the food out of her hair.
“How you doing girl?” I asked shrugging a little tension out of my shoulders. “You know…doing…I got in last night…just feeling a little anxious for tomorrow’” I nodded. She pointed behind me to my bag “Hey grab that and come on in…want some tea or something’?” She asked. “Yeah that’d be great.” She nodded and turned around to walk up the steps. “Caleb and Travis are already here….” Great. I thought. This is going to be harder than I thought. She continued “Aunt Jules is down at the coffee shop, she’ll be home later.” I nodded again. This was Max’s Aunt Jules house. The house that Max grew up in. I took a deep breath.
I walked through the front door of Max’s childhood house and a chill came across me. I got that weird sensation that Max was with me again. I spoke to him in my mind; Hey buddy if that’s you back off, you’re freaking me out. My body calmed and I followed Megan into the living room. Max’s older brother Caleb sat on the couch bouncing his son on his lap. “Hey man” He said when he saw me walk through. “Hey Caleb.” I walked to him and with Caleb Jr. in his arms he gave me a hug “I’m so sorry man.” I said quietly. Caleb Sr. shook his head. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” If only he knew I thought to myself. I looked into the kitchen to see Travis, Max’s childhood best friend with his arm gently around Megan’s shoulder, saying something quietly to her.
My jaw ticked. I always liked Travis but I also always felt like he was a little too friendly wi
th Megan. I interrupted them happily and a warm sensation came over me. Dude seriously stop I thought to Max as if he could hear me. “Hey Travis.” He looked up and walked slowly away from Megan who remained in the kitchen making a cup of tea. “Hey Smith” He said solemnly. “Glad you made it home.” He said as we hugged. “Yeah...” I said choking a little. Travis turned to Megan who walked to me with a cup of tea. “I’ll just be in the living room.” When she nodded at him he turned and walked over towards Caleb, “Hey man put on the game, Charlie would kick our asses if we missed the game on his behalf.” Caleb nodded then trying to pull the remote out of his toddler’s hands he turned on the TV.
“Thanks Meg” I said as she handed me the tea. “No Problem.” She lifted her cup to her lips and blew. “When’d you get in?” She asked as if she didn’t already know the answer. I took a sip, wincing when the tea burned my tongue “Um this morning…” Max’s body had come home with me. Knowing my buddy was under me the whole flight made me anxious and gave me comfort all at once. Megan nodded and a flash of pain came across her face “You need somewhere to stay? You can sleep on Jules couch.” She winked. I chuckled a little
“Actually that would be great. I am kind of planning a surprise…so I can’t be seen anywhere else…Hopefully its better than your couch , last time I slept on it my back ached for weeks….” She smiled weakly and took a sip of tea. “Travis is staying in Jules office on an air mattress…he won’t leave me alone…something’ about a promise he made Charles…Says he’s moving back to North Carolina with me” Her voice dropped when she said Max(Charles) name. I’m sure he is I thought to myself as I tried not to glare through the back of Travis’ head. I sighed in my head I guess I’m here because of a promise I made you too Max, so I’ll give the guy a break. For now. I thought. “Well would you like to have dinner with us? We have like five hundred casseroles over flowing Jules fridge and freezer.” I nodded “I would love to.”