The door flings open and Bentley stands there in a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. He flips on the light in the front foyer. It looks like I woke him up. At least I didn’t interrupt something else.
“Hey, Bent. Sorry, is Jules around?”
“Yeah, she’s around, Smitty. She lives here, but it’s after ten and she’s in bed.” I can hear the irritation in his voice and I can take the hint. I hold up my hands and start to apologize when the hall light on the second floor flips on.
“Who is it, babe?” Jules calls from upstairs.
“Smitty,” Bentley answers. I feel like an idiot. I just crashed a married couple’s house. I’ve done it a million times before when Jules was single, but now it’s not cool. Jules walks down the stairs in a tank top and pajama pants. She rubs her eyes and I want to sink into the darkness behind me and disappear into the night.
Jules comes to stand beside Bentley, he slips his arm around her. “What’s up, Smit?”
I hold up the bottle of vodka. “I needed a drinking buddy.”
The two of them exchange a quick glance and Jules nods, reaching out and taking my hand. “Come on in.”
She pulls me past Bentley and I mutter my apology. He responds with “Don’t take anything out on my wife” as Jules walks us downstairs to his man cave and the home of their bar. Walking behind it, she sets out two shot glasses and takes the lemon from me.
Jules carefully cuts the lemons and pours two shots of vodka. “Okay, what’s going on?”
Taking a shot before I even begin, I tell her everything, starting with the youngest Talbott sister coming to my office and ending with the oldest kicking me out of her house, and life, forever. By the time I finish, I’ve already taken four shots, not even bothering with the lemons, and I’m pacing back and forth. The more I talk about it, the angrier I get. My blood pressure spikes and my voice gets louder, I can’t grasp why Sloan closed the door on us.
“I just don’t understand, Jules. She told me about Cooper, we’d agreed to continue things back home, and everything was fine. I told her about Caroline, which I don’t see how she could be upset considering she’d lost her loved one, too. I just don’t get it. We fell asleep and everything was fine. When I woke up, the note was addressed to Jacob and I have no clue how she knew my first name. She said she saw it on my luggage tag, but I had your suitcase. Not that I have anything to hide, but did she Google my name and find out something she didn’t like? I’ve searched every website out there for something on me and I can’t find anything that would make her want to run.”
Jules shrugs, not saying anything, which is totally unlike her. I glance down at the counter and see the first shot she poured still sitting there. She’s nervously twisting a dish towel in her hand.
“Why aren’t you drinking?”
“I’m not in the mood,” she answers, raising her shoulders up and down.
“We always drink together in times like this. What’s going on, Julianna?” I ask, narrowing my eyes. I’ve known her long enough to read between the lines when she acts like this.
She sighs and looks up at me. “I’m pregnant,” she says in a disheartening voice.
“Does Bentley know?”
She nods slowly.
“And are we happy about this?”
“Yeah, he is, I mean I am too. I’m just… I’m so scared, Smitty.” Jules glances upstairs and lowers her voice as she ends that statement.
I throw back her shot and drop into a barstool. Rubbing my temple, I sigh, this is good. I can focus on Jules now and not worry about my own life spinning out of control. “Did he force you into this?” I ask in my overprotective, brotherly tone.
“No! Of course not! Come on, Smitty, you know Bentley’s not like that.” Jules walks around from behind the bar and sits beside me. “We’ve been talking about it and ever since day one, I was freaked out. You know how my brother and you guys raised me, how am I ever going to raise a kid of my own? Then I see Bentley and Emmy together and I relax. I figure Bentley knows what he’s doing so he can guide me through the whole parenting process and I shouldn’t mess our kid up too much, right?”
I laugh and pat her leg. “True, but Bentley or not, you’ll do a great job. So when’s baby Ladner due?”
A smile takes over her face, making me forget about my sorrow briefly as I see the excitement she has. “I’m ten weeks along. I don’t go to the doctor until next month, but I think I’m due sometime in March.”
“March birthdays, they are the best. How’ve ‘ya been feeling?” Honestly, if Caroline was alive, we would probably have a kid on the way, if not born already. She wanted a huge family so it’s a bittersweet discussion, but it sure beats the other option.
“Ugh, awful! I’ve had morning sickness pretty much from the moment my egg was fertilized. It wasn’t until Sloan pointed it out to me that I actually—”
Maybe it’s the alcohol, but I feel like Jules just tipped me over in my chair. I hold up my hand to stop her. “Wait a minute, when did you meet Sloan?”
Jules shifts uncomfortably in her seat. “Um… at the Cardinals game, when I went to the bathroom.”
Stay calm, Smitty. “So over a month ago, you met her and failed to say anything about it?” I clench my fists, trying to force all the anger in my body to one location.
“I was going to, but I didn’t want you to get upset. After meeting her, Smitty, I’m convinced like you are, that she’s the one for you. The day after the game, I bought a drop-in card to her boot camp and had planned on attending class so I could get to know her better, talk to her about you, but then she left the country and I got pregnant, well, I actually already was, just didn’t know it until she pointed it out. I was going to tell you, I promise, I was.”
I stand up quickly, the barstool toppling over as I do. My voice booms when I tell her, “Stay out of it, Julianna. Don’t even think about tracking her down. It’s over.”
A switch inside me flips and I’m done. I’m chasing after someone who doesn’t want me. Maybe Sloan isn’t the one, maybe I’m just lonely and desperate to replace Caroline. All I know is I’ll no longer be pursuing Sloan Talbott. She wants no part of me in her life so I’ll reciprocate the feeling.
Sloan
Smitty left my house twenty hours ago and I haven’t slept since. Not for the first time, my heart is in a million pieces. I’ve showered, I’ve hit my punching bag, I’ve cried, and I cried some more, but nothing is helping me to feel better. For the past hour, I’ve sat on my couch, staring at my pink leopard suitcase sitting in the exact spot that Smitty left it. It’s the only thing I have left of him right now.
My front door swings open and I hear Gavin call out to me. “Lo, you ready? Mom and Dad are anxious to—” He stops when he walks into the room. I see him glance from the suitcase to me. “Where’d that come from?”
“Don’t ask,” I mutter, standing up and shaking my legs to try and wake them up, that annoying needle feeling pricking my skin.
“Okay, well, you ready? Mom and Dad want to visit before dinner.”
“Do I have to?” I whine. I’m not ready to face their questioning. They’ve never met Oliver before and aren’t a fan of his since in the five years since Cooper died, I’ve spent almost half of them in Europe and no communication with my family during that time.
Gavin shrugs. “I think Boondock Saints is on. We could watch that and ‘forget’ about coming early.”
I smile and hug my brother. “Thank you, Gav.”
“Of course,” he says, plopping down on the couch and flipping on my television. The only reason I have cable is for him since I rarely watch T.V. As I sit beside him, I recognize the film. Smitty and I watched it on the iPad one rainy afternoon in Jamaica. Biting my lip, I fight back the tears and force myself to watch. I’m not sure which is worse, the hundred and ten minute reminder of Smitty or the ten minute interrogation I would have gotten from my parents.
The second the credits roll on screen, I flip off the telev
ision and stand up. “Okay, let’s go.”
Gavin looks at me, raising his eyebrows. “You gonna try to hide that you’ve been crying? Mom and Sis will be all over that.”
“Think I can pass it off as jet lag?”
He shrugs. “Sure, that works.”
We don’t talk on the way to my parents. I stare out the window trying to push the memories of Smitty out of my mind. I’ve got to figure out how to move on from him, but how? Everywhere I turn, something’s there to remind me of him.
By the time we get to my parents’ house, Will and Sissy are already there. My mother ushers us to the dining room table, explaining the casserole is going to get cold if she doesn’t serve it soon. As normal, the boys sit on one end of the table, discussing the latest sports’ scores while the women sit on the opposite end. While my mom and sister make plans for shopping next weekend, I push the food around on my plate. Sissy keeps glancing in my direction, squirming in her seat.
Letting out an exasperated sigh, trying to be casual, Sissy asks, “Lolo, who picked you up from the airport?”
All conversation on both ends of the table stop and the attention turns to me.
“So it was you…?”
“Me? What’d I do?” she asks, batting her eyes and trying to look innocent. It always worked on our parents growing up, but I know better.
I drop my fork, making a loud clatter. “You had Smitty pick me up! What were you thinking? I went to Italy to get away from him, to escape the memory, and then you arrange for the first person I see States-side to be him! You’re really unbelievable, Cicely.” By the end of my accusation, I’ve raised my voice almost an entire octave.
Sissy rolls her eyes and throws up her hands. “Oh, come on, Sloan. Who’s being the dramatic one now? It was a ride home,” she says, trying to defend herself.
I stand up, leaning over the table to her. “Bullshit, Sis. I want nothing to do with him or any other man, so stay out of it.”
Not one to back down from a fight, Sissy stands up and bends forward. “Bullshit, Sloan. You want everything to do with him, but you’re too scared and for no reason. He’s not going to hurt you. Let him love you.”
I throw up my hands, not believing the words coming out of her mouth. “Did you forget about his fiancée’s accident? It was my fault, Cicely! Once he finds out, the man will never want to see me again, so let’s just avoid the inevitable.”
Sissy’s words now come out loud and even stronger than before. “You’re being too hard on yourself and you’re not giving Smitty enough credit. Once you tell him, it’ll be water under the bridge and you two can be happy together.”
I scoff. “I don’t know what deranged world you’re living in, but it doesn’t matter.”
My father clears his throat. “What do you mean, Sloan?”
Swallowing the lump that’s formed in my throat, I stand up tall, trying to look more confident than I feel. “I’m moving to Europe… indefinitely.”
My mother and sister gasp while my dad starts to lecture me on why it’s the wrong decision. Oliver and I discussed his idea more before I left and I was on the fence. Flying home, the plan was that I would spend three months in Europe and three months in the States, but after seeing Smitty and feeling what I did, I know that’s a horrible idea. I need to break free from my past. I erased Cooper, surely I can erase Smitty as well.
Interrupting my father, I look around the table at my family and announce, “I’m leaving in two weeks.”
Chapter 24
Smitty
“Pass me the level,” I say to J.P., nodding in the direction of my toolbox. I wipe the sweat off my forehead while I wait for him to hand me the tool.
“Here you go. Thanks for your help, man. I know it’s early for Christmas, but Callum’s going to love this playhouse.”
“Yeah,” I grunt, not even acknowledging his appreciation. It’s been almost two weeks since I gave up on Sloan and I’ve been in a foul mood ever since. It’s safe to say I’m not over her, but I have no other choice.
J.P. and I continue to work in silence, me barking the occasional command to him. The playhouse is the exact replica of Bri and J.P.’s house, just a smaller version—perk of having your contractor build both.
An hour later, we’re both drenched in sweat and I’m dying of thirst. It’s Labor Day weekend and Missouri’s humidity doesn’t let up for another couple weeks. The sliding glass door on their house opens and out walks Bri and their toddler.
“Hey boys, thought you could use something to drink,” Bri says, setting a tray with a pitcher of lemonade and two cups full of ice on the table. Callum toddles over to his father and gives an excited squeal when J.P. picks him up. Bri is right beside her boys, giving them both kisses. I force myself to look away so my pity party doesn’t get any worse. Quickly, I guzzle down two glasses of the icy beverage, enjoying the relief from the heat. I set my cup back down and head toward our project so we can finish before sunset.
“Thanks, Bri.” I say it and glance over at the happy family. I notice J.P.’s hand on her stomach. Our eyes lock and he quickly pulls it back. Bri takes Cal back inside and we begin our work again, the silence falling over us once more until J.P. clears his throat.
“Guess the cat’s out of the bag. Jules and Bentley aren’t the only ones expecting in March,” J.P. says anxiously. I’m sure Jules told him about my reaction to her pregnancy and he’s probably worried I might rip apart this entire playhouse that we’ve already spent a full day working on.
I sigh and throw down my hammer. “That’ll be nice to have cousins the same age.” I don’t know what else to say, my emotions are void and I can’t even feel the difference between anger, jealousy, or envy anymore. I’m immune to all feelings, empty.
J.P. nods. “Yeah, right now Bri is due a week after Jules. I told you she’s been all over me lately… not that I’m complaining! We just hadn’t discussed two kids so close together in age, always thought we’d spread them out.”
I stare at my hammer, not responding, wanting this conversation to end. Not because I’m wallowing in self-pity that my “family” is gone or that the chance to have a relationship to start a family of my own has walked out of my life, but because this isn’t me. Jules and J.P. have been my family for years and we’ve shared so many happy times together. When Jules made the all-state soccer team, when J.P. graduated summa cum laude, when he got engaged to Bri, and Cal was born, I’ve always shared in their excitement, been proud of them, but not anymore. Now a days, I’m just a lonely, heartless friend, who doesn’t care about anything and I hate it.
J.P. takes the hint and he bends over, handing me the hammer. The sun is setting and it’s getting dark fast. After deciding to call it a day, we begin to clean up. The chirp of the crickets and the light of the fireflies fill the air around us. Finally, the heat starts to let up although the humidity still hangs thick around us.
“You doing okay?”
I glance up as J.P. asks this. Closing the lid to my toolbox and snapping it shut, I shrug. “I’ve been better, but hey, I’ve also been worse.”
His hand grips my shoulder as we walk toward his house. “I know it’s tough to see all of us finding our mates and starting our families, but you’re family to us, Smitty. All of us. Don’t think things have changed, we’d all do anything in the world to make you happy. If you want us to hunt down Slo—err, her, we will, but if you want us to back off and not mention her name again, we can do that, too. You tell us.”
I nod and blink back the water trying to escape from my eyes. J.P.’s always been a great friend and he’s spot on. It is hard to see him, Jules, and Doug moving on while I fall farther and farther behind the trail of life, being left alone. “I appreciate that, I’ll let you know if I need anything.”
“Fair enough. Now, how about we run to the store and grab some beer. The Cards are in California tonight so the game’s just starting.”
After informing Bri of our plans, a part of his life tha
t I don’t envy, we head to the grocery store. J.P. heads to the alcohol section to find the perfect baseball beer for us to savor during the late night game while I make my way to the snack section. While I’m trying to recall whether it’s J.P. that likes salt and vinegar chips or Doug, someone calls my name. When I turn around, Elaina Talbott stands beside me with a smile on her face.
In motherly fashion, she gives me a hug and pulls away, inspecting me from head to toe. My mother always does it, Bentley’s mother does it and so does Doug’s. It’s as though they have mom-radar and with a quick once-over, they can pick up on any internal struggles.
“How are things?” she asks and the tone of her voice lets me know she’s asking about her daughter’s sudden disappearance in my life.
I’m never going to see Sloan again, she made that perfectly clear, so I’m not going to hold back. “Look, Mrs. Talbott, I like your daughter—a lot, but she obviously has issues with me and is too afraid to even attempt anything with me. I’ve been hurt, just like her, but I put myself out there, only to have her walk all over me. So honestly, things haven’t been great. I’m still trying to pick up the pieces she left behind.”
Elaina’s obviously surprised by my admission. Her lips purse together as though she’s ate something tart. She takes a second to let my words sink in before she talks. “Smitty, I’m speaking to you as a mother, not Sloan’s mother, but a mother. We all have our heart broken at some point. Maybe it’s a small break, other times it’s a big one. The ache of our broken heart is always there, but we must not be willing to give up on love. The past is just that, the past. We live it, we learn from it, and then we become stronger. A broken heart shouldn’t leave you loveless, it should teach you to love harder.”
I scoff. “Maybe you should tell your daughter that.”
Elaina pats my forearm. “Maybe that’s her problem, she’s loved too hard since Cooper’s death.”
I narrow my eyebrows, pondering what she means when J.P. yells at me down the aisle. Elaina squeezes my arm, bringing me out of my thoughts. “She’s leaving for Europe on Tuesday… indefinitely. She has a full schedule tomorrow, but she’ll be teaching one last class at the gym Monday morning if you want to say goodbye…”
Book Boyfriends Cafe Summer Lovin' Anthology 2015 Page 212