Before I can answer, she walks off, but I know she isn’t implying that our interaction would just be goodbye. I rub my hand over the stubble on my chin and up to my buzzed hair. Sloan’s leaving, she’s figured out how to shut me out for good. This isn’t what I want and I know, deep down, that it’s not what she wants either. Pulling out my phone, I text Jules: Is that boot camp drop-in card still good? This is it, Smitty, go big or go home.
Sloan
From my office, I look into the gym and my jaw drops. The ten-thousand square feet building where I hold my boot camp is packed with people wall to wall. In the fitness world, when life gets in the way, the workout is the first thing people eliminate from their day. So while I have over a hundred clients, they’re never here all at the same time. Today though, I recognize almost every person waiting to workout and it looks like a few of them brought friends along, too.
“You ready?” Kiera, my assistant, and the trainer taking over for me, asks.
Standing up, I nod and grab my water bottle. We make our way to the front of room where I’ll teach for the last time. There’s men and women of all ages and sizes standing on the mat. Before Kiera can introduce me, the crowd starts cheering and clapping.
It’s a humbling moment as I look into the faces of the people in the front row. I know each of their stories, I’ve seen their struggles and supported them on their ride. They may have come to me with weight concerns, but their issues ran so much deeper—divorce, the loss of their job, bullying. My job is so much more than getting them in shape physically. It is my personal mission for them to walk out of here a healthier and happier person.
Kiera looks over at me and grins. “They want the queen.”
I laugh and shake my head. Taking her place at the front of the gym, I’m wearing my black Nike training capris and Smitty’s old softball shirt with a sports bra underneath. It’s the last time I plan on wearing it, once I board my plane tomorrow, everything will be left behind.
I turn to the crowd and motion for them to quiet down. “Alright, alright. I appreciate the excitement, but don’t think it means I’m going to take it easy on you!” I tease them with a grin and there’s a mixture of laughing and groaning in response.
The upbeat music of Iggy Azalea pours through the speaker. After I demonstrate the moves for our workout, I walk through the crowd to check form. As I pass each of my clients that I know by name, they give me warm hugs and whisper in my ear their appreciation and the effect I had on them personally. Not even twenty minutes through the workout and I’m a hot mess, tears pouring down my cheeks. Kiera takes over the class for me so that I can spend time with each person.
“Great class today,” Kiera says. “I think I can say on behalf of everyone in this room that Sloan is going to be missed, but she’s spreading her love worldwide. We all know how she’s affected our lives and it’s time we let her go so she can help those that need her like we all did.”
The water works are in full effect, not just with me, but almost every person in the room. I stand by the door, receiving hugs, wishes of good luck, and tons of “I’ll miss you”s. By the time the building is cleared out, my tears are dry and all that remains are the puffy bags under my eyes.
“Wow,” I comment, wiping the now smeared mascara off my cheekbones, “that was a lot harder than I expected.”
Kiera nods and points to the back of the room by my office. I turn and see a well-toned man wearing a cap that covers his eyes. His stance is familiar and my heart skips a beat at who I think it might be while my stomach drops at the same time. As I walk toward him, he lifts his head and when I recognize who it is, I have to fight the urge to run into his arms.
Smitty cocks a grin. “You’re wearing my shirt.”
Trying to play it cool, I shrug and tug at the hem of it. “It was the first thing I grabbed,” I lie.
He takes a step toward me and my pulse beats loudly in my ears. We’re within a foot of each other but he doesn’t make any movement to touch me. I hold my breath, waiting for what he’s going to say.
“Sloan, did you really think I was going to let you go without saying goodbye?”
Slowly, I release the air in my lungs, disappointed at his words. Say goodbye? That’s not what I want from him. In a perfect world, I want him to tell me that he knows the truth and that he forgives me, but there’s no way for him to be in on my secret.
Pushing up on my tip toes, I kiss his cheek. “Thanks for stopping by. Give me a minute and I can change out of your shirt before you go.” I quickly move past him, ready for this to be over, but he grabs my hand when I walk by.
He interlocks our fingers and he moves behind me. His chest is against my back, and when he leans down, his lips are on my ear when he speaks. “I’m not going anywhere.” On my hip, his finger spells out R-E-L-A-X.
I close my eyes, letting myself fall back against him and he moves his free hand to my waist. He pulls me tighter to him and I start to shake my head, taking a step forward, but he holds me in place. “No, Sloan, you don’t get to run any more. You might be going to Europe tomorrow, but before you leave, before you give up on us, you’re going to tell me why.”
A lump forms in my throat and I shake my head, muttering, “I can’t.”
Smitty squeezes my hand. “Lo, tell me so we can work this out.”
My eyes still shut, Caroline’s face flashes in my mind. “We can’t, we’ll never be together,” I whisper.
“What if we could? What if—”
With a sudden surge of energy, I move out of his grasp and spin around to face him. I might as well tell him the ugly truth so he can move on. “Jacob, what if you had to choose between Caroline and me?”
His eyes, those gorgeous cat-like eyes that held hope just seconds ago, are clouded with darkness as he shakes his head. “Come on, Sloan, that’s not fair.”
I throw up my hands, my body trembling as I shout. “You’re right, it’s not fair! I was there the day she died, Smitty. I was with her.”
He freezes, every muscle in his body stills and he stares at me. I nod as I continue. “June sixth, Cooper’s birthday. Did you know that Cooper loved gooey butter cake? Just like you, right?” I laugh at the miniscule reason that Caroline and I crossed paths that day. “Every year on his birthday, I get him a piece from his favorite bakery on Hampton. You know the one, McBacker’s. Caroline wanted to surprise you so in between her salon appointment and the wedding, she stopped by to pick up a cake.”
I try to swallow the lump in my throat, my hands still shaking as I tell the story. “It was a Saturday so the line was out the door. We stood together for twenty minutes. She told me about this amazing man that she was marrying—Jacob.” I smile as I recall our conversation. “I talked about Cooper, she never knew he was dead, and I revelled in the similarities between the two of you. I loved watching her, excited for what was ahead of her, the love that you two had. I let her go ahead of me and place her order so she wouldn’t be late to her own wedding. We never exchanged names, but she gave me a hug after she paid and ran outside.”
It’s the first time he’s heard any of this. By the time the medics and the cops arrived, Caroline’s box of gooey butter cake for Smitty was long gone. Judging from the hard lines on his face, I can tell he had no clue what she was doing before she died.
Taking a deep breath, I continue. “A few minutes later, I walked outside and saw Caroline crossing the street, staring at her phone. I heard the roar of an engine as a car raced down the street, but when I looked around no one else seemed to notice. There were tons of people window shopping, tasting pastries, walking their dogs, but not a soul looked up. When I saw the car, I realized it was heading straight for Caroline. I ran into the crosswalk and shoved her as hard as I could. When I looked up, she was on the sidewalk, she’d made it to the other side and I was standing in the middle of the road. I looked at the car and the driver’s eyes met mine. He was just a few feet from me and honestly, the only thing going through my min
d was that I was going to get to see Cooper again. Then at the last second, he jerked the wheel and jumped the curb.”
By now, the tears have come back and my whole body is shaking. Smitty stands at an arm’s length. When I finish, he looks up and whispers, “And he hit Caroline.”
I nod. “I know how unfair that question is, Jacob, because I had to pick. I picked Caroline so that you two could enjoy the love you had for each other, but it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t save her, I couldn’t save you. I never wanted Jacob to know what it was like to lose the love of his life like I had.” I drop to the floor, sobbing as I pull my knees to my chest and bury my head in my legs.
The screams of the crowd, the smell of the burnt tires cloud my mind as the memory plays on repeat. Shaking uncontrollably, I’m praying that Smitty will be gone before I calm down. He’s heard the truth, he hates me, and hopefully, he can move on.
“Sloan.” His voice is deep and breaks me from my fear. He drops to his knees and pulls me against his chest. “Please don’t blame yourself. You tried, you did more than I did.”
Gulping down air, trying to talk over my tears, I pull myself together enough to tell him, “She didn’t die alone…she died in my arms. I held her, stroked her hair, told her how much you loved her, helped her call and leave you a voicemail. I did everything I didn’t do for Cooper when I held him in my arms while he died. I wanted her to know she wasn’t alone, that she was loved.”
Warm tears run down Smitty’s cheeks and land on my face. He pushes his hands through my hair, one hand on both sides of my cheeks. “Don’t leave me, Sloan. If I had to pick between the two of you, I don’t know that I could. But the choice has been made for me and I can’t lose you. I love you, Sloan.”
My heart races and I wrap my arms around his neck. Still, it isn’t so easy. I kiss him softly and then pull back to look in his eyes. “I love you, too, Jacob, but I’m leaving for Europe tomorrow. I have to go, I have to leave this place behind. The memories of Cooper and Caroline, it’s just too much. I’ve tried to face them down over the years, but it’s time for me to start over somewhere fresh.”
Smitty nods his head. “Sloan, I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, I’ll go where ever you are.”
He stands up, taking my hand and pulling me with him. For the first time since I left him in Jamaica, a smile spreads across my face and excitement washes over me. I press my mouth against his, my tongue sliding across his lips, and he deepens our kiss. Pulling away, his fingers thread through my hair. “Guess I’m headed to Italy?”
My smile gets wider and I move my arms around his neck, jumping and wrapping my legs around his waist. I giggle as he kisses my neck and I look him in the eyes. “How did we get so lucky to have found the love of our lives twice?”
He leans his forehead against mine, rubbing our noses together. “I think we probably had a little help.”
Epilogue
Smitty
Yawning, I turn on the laptop sitting on the desk at the far side of the bedroom. The glow of the screen lights up the room, casting shadows over the light colored paint on the walls. I type in the password and wait for the machine to boot up. Rubbing my eyes, I glance at the clock. The bright red one on the digital clock and the darkness outside reminds me that I should be sleeping.
Carrying the laptop to the living room, I settle on the couch and turn on the lamp sitting on the end table. A cool September breeze blows through the open window from the kitchen, but I’m always warm so I welcome the air flow. I lean my head back on the cushion behind me and internally curse the slow speed of the Internet.
Finally, the Skype application opens and Jules’ face appears on screen. “Hey Smitty, are you ready for this madness?”
I let out a soft chuckle. “I think it’s more like, are you ready?”
Behind her, I can see the Ladner family along with J.P., Bri, and Callum gathering around the kitchen counter. It’s still evening time back in the States. There’s a small cake in front of Bri and one in front of Bentley and his daughter, Emmy. Bentley is holding out his arm, motioning for Jules to come stand by him. My buddy Doug sticks his head in front of the computer screen on their end, making a goofy face and waving.
I laugh and shake my head. It’s only been a few weeks, but I already miss everyone’s goofy antics back home. I’m loving our time in Italy, but definitely ready to get back home. Sloan and I agreed to split our time, six months in Italy and six months in St. Louis. Despite wanting to run from the memories back home, I think Sloan is just as happy that we’ll still be seeing our families and friends on a regular basis.
Slowly, each couple cuts their cake while everyone else in the room holds their breath. Both pairs peek at the inside of the pastry, trying to determine the color of the icing before anyone else. Finally, Emmy squeals and yells at her grandmother, “Pink!!! I’m getting a sister!”
Bentley and Bri’s parents cheer and I hear his dad make a comment about not being able to escape his princesses. I smile at his comment and lean forward, trying to read Jules’ expression. She wraps her arms around a grinning Bentley and rests her head on his chest. He leans down and kisses the top of her head, his other arm picking up his daughter.
Bentley looks at his sister and pokes her side. “Come on, sis. Share the news.”
Bri looks up at J.P., who is grinning and announces, “Callum’s going to have a baby sister.”
Bri squeals as she hugs her mother and her father shakes J.P.’s hand. I lean back, watching my friends celebrate, folding my hands behind my head. Glancing into the bedroom, I see my love roll over, fast asleep in our bed. When I turn back to the computer, Jules has taken the computer into another room and it’s just me and her.
“A girl, Julianna, you’re going to have a daughter!”
She nods, something obviously on her mind. “Yeah, another girl for Bent…”
I sigh. “Stop it. That man is beside himself about another daughter. Besides, if he really wants a boy, then you’ll just have to try again.”
Jules snarls at me and laughs. “Ha, ha, I don’t think so.” She pauses, then asks. “You really think he’s excited? Because I really wanted a girl!”
I chuckle and nod. “Yes, Julianna, he is happy and it’s okay for you to be excited, too. How’s everything going?”
“Ugh, I hate being pregnant. Bentley cooked dinner the other night, including brownies for dessert and I sobbed. The other morning, I couldn’t get my pants buttoned and Emmy told me it was okay to get fat since I had a baby inside me and I lost it. My boobs hurt, I have to pee all the time, and if one more person touches my stomach, I swear I’ll scream.”
I laugh, that’s the Jules that I know and love. “At least you’re pregnant with Bri so she can commiserate with you.”
“Are you kidding me? She’s one of those crazy women who love every part of being pregnant. Mark my words, this definitely isn’t their last kid.”
“Smitty?” I hear from the bedroom.
I turn back to the screen. “Congrats, Jules, I’m excited for you guys. I need to get back to bed, but I’ll call you this weekend.”
Jules lifts her eyebrows. “Bed? Is there going to be a baby Smitty soon?”
I roll my eyes. “G’night, Julianna.”
“You’ll be back before I have baby Ladner, right?”
“Of course, Jules, I wouldn’t miss it.”
Pleased with my answer, Jules says goodbye and we end our call. Closing the laptop, I walk into our bedroom. Pulling back the sheet, I slide underneath and pull Sloan’s body against mine. She slips her leg between mine and buries her head.
“I’m freezing,” she mumbles, still in a sleepy haze.
“Sorry, babe. It was the gender reveal for the babies tonight.”
Sloan turns her head up to me. “Why didn’t you wake me up?” She sticks out her bottom lip, pouting.
I smile and trace my finger over her lip. “Because you’re so peaceful when you sleep and you’ve been
exhausted lately.” Sloan’s business exploded. When we moved here a few weeks ago, she only had a handful of clients and already she has tripled that. I’m not surprised, she’s amazing all around, but especially when it comes to her work.
My fingers run through her long hair. The image of my friends and their excitement replays in my mind. There was a time in my life where I wanted all of that. A wife, kids, my parents excitement over grandbabies, but right now, in this moment, I have everything I’ve ever needed.
I brush my lips across her forehead. “Girls. They’re both having girls.”
“Oh! How exciting! I can’t wait to go shopping for them. I saw the most adorable outfit in the boutique the other day—”
“What were you doing looking at baby clothes?”
Sloan leans up and kisses me softly. “Relax, babe. Right now, it’s just you and me, I promise.”
My hand runs down her cheek. “Do you want kids?”
Sloan gives me an Eskimo kiss and drops her head to my ear, nibbling on it. “I like practicing.”
I laugh and run my hand down her bare back, giving her backside a playful tap. She jumps and giggles, moving herself so she’s straddling me. I slide my hands up and down her thighs while she rubs herself against my semi-hard erection. I close my eyes, enjoying the sensations she’s sending through my body. We may have both been afraid of loving again when we met, but now, neither of us holds back.
Sloan
Smitty’s hands mindlessly wander from my thighs to my stomach over my chest and back down. I love this man, I love him with every fiber of my being. I want nothing more than to be in his presence for the rest of my life. He’s definitely not Cooper and he never will be, just like I’ll never be his Caroline. Instead, we’re Smitty and Sloan, our own kind of relationship that is unique and of its own.
Book Boyfriends Cafe Summer Lovin' Anthology 2015 Page 213