Book Boyfriends Cafe Summer Lovin' Anthology 2015

by Melinda Curtis

  That was the first night she had dreamed of Steven. It was most likely why she had slept so long. In the dream he was healthy and they were happy. That was where Hannah wanted to be now, not in the reality they had been dealt. She didn’t want to be alone, but there would never be another man for her. No one was lucky enough to fall in love like that twice in one lifetime. Even if she was, it wasn’t worth the risk of watching someone she loved die such a tragic and meaningless death. Hannah could never go through that again.

  Sobbing uncontrollably, she tried to catch her breath as her heart shattered all over again. She hated this day and all the memories, hated cancer. Five years on and she was still angry, still missed Steven.

  The headlights shining up the hill pulled her forehead up from her knees. Despite the emotion, curiosity had Hannah wondering who was traveling up the road that led to nowhere, because that’s exactly where this road went, nowhere. The only thing up the hill from her house was a couple more houses. After having lived here for ten years, she knew that traffic after eight on a Sunday was rare.

  Hannah was surprised to find the headlights turn into her driveway. Given the hour, it couldn’t be her parents. They hardly ever came by this late. Her dad was probably snoozing in front of the History Channel while her mom kept busy knitting. When the bright headlights shut off, Hannah realized it was Aaron’s truck.

  Her heart kicked into overdrive as she brushed the tears from her cheeks. This was exactly how she didn’t need him seeing her. Then again, maybe if he saw what a wreck she really was, he would lose interest. Run away. That’d help this predicament. The three-hundred dollar lingerie investment was another matter.

  “Hi,” he said, sauntering up to the porch with a box tucked under his arm. He set it down on the picnic table before moving over to the swing where she rocked slowly.

  Hannah couldn’t respond. She held her breath, trying to tone down the sobs. It was dark, so maybe he couldn't see the tears, but taming the sobs was a futile effort. As soon as Hannah took a much needed breath, the tears reared back up and her chest convulsed.

  “Are you ok?” He sat next to her. Hannah loved and hated the sincere concern in his voice.

  “Not really,” she admitted.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Not really.”

  “Come here.” Aaron wrapped his arm around her, pulling her snug against him.

  This wasn’t where she wanted to be, wrapped up in his arms where everything felt good and right and she wasn’t afraid of anything.

  “Aaron, really, I just want to be alone.” Finding comfort in another man’s arms as she mourned the loss of her husband felt like a betrayal. That’s the line her guilt fed her anyway. Her heart told her a different story.

  “Hey, I’m just a shoulder. It looks like you need one. If you need another, I have a spare. Right here.” He patted his other shoulder. “You don’t have to talk, Hannah, but if you want to, I’m a good listener.”

  Really? She was a wreck and he wasn’t running. He was being charming. Geez. This wasn’t going her way at all. And those arms of his … wrapped around her like they were. Holy hell.

  She was grateful he didn’t say a word after that, just held her and let her cry. Which she was going to do whether she wanted to or not. When the tears finally dried up, Hannah spoke, feeling as though she owed him an explanation.

  “It’s the anniversary of Steven’s death.”

  “Oh, Hannah, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize …” His words trailed off. She suspected he felt guilty, but she didn’t want him to. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she was glad he was there, holding her like this.

  “I wish I could just scream. At the top of my lungs. Just scream.” She wasn’t sure why she admitted that to him, but if she could just scream, maybe she would feel better.

  “Do it,” he said.

  “What? No, I can’t.” Gosh, he was supposed to think she was crazy, not encourage her.

  “Why not?”

  Hannah laughed and shook her head. “I have neighbors. And what if I woke Tabitha up? What would I tell her?”

  “You’d tell her that you just needed to scream.”

  “I can’t. She can’t see me like this.”

  “Does she know what today is?” he asked. He had probably done the math. Steven had been gone for five years. Tabitha was seven. She wouldn’t remember him dying. Thank goodness.

  “No,” she told him.

  “Why not?”

  “She doesn’t remember. She was too young. There’s already too many of us who carry the burden of that memory. Tabitha doesn’t need to carry it, too.”

  “So what do you tell her when she sees you crying?”

  “She doesn’t see me crying.” Hannah always kept it together around Tabitha. Mostly. She got angry, yelled unreasonably, but never let her daughter see her cry.

  “That must be tough,” he said.

  “It’s pretty amazing what maternal instincts will do to help you protect your child.” Hannah looked to the sky, wishing the stars would speak to her. Instead, she heard Aaron’s voice again.

  “Do you really think not crying in front of your daughter is protecting her?”

  He wasn’t a parent, didn’t know what it was like to keep a child safe from the tragedy of the world. “I do,” Hannah said. “I don’t think kids should have to see their parents in pain.”

  “Pain comes in a lot of forms, Hannah, not just tears. I know I’m not a father, but I’m a son who watched his mother mourn the loss of her husband, of my father. I think you should let Tabitha see you cry. It shows her it’s ok to let your emotions out. Otherwise, you’re teaching her to bottle everything up. That’s not healthy.”

  “I’m not debating my parental decisions with you,” she said on a sigh. That would take energy she didn’t have.

  “Then scream, Hannah. Let it out.”

  “I can’t. Not here.”

  Aaron reached into his pocket, pulled out his keys, and held them in front of her. “Take my truck. I was listening to the radio, but Metallica is in the CD player. Take a drive, find a deserted back road, or an empty parking lot, crank up the metal, and scream.”

  Hannah wanted to laugh in his face. It was so complicated, at least in her mind. He made it seem like it was the simplest solution. And normal. “You can’t be serious.”

  “I’m completely serious. If that’s what you need to do, do it.”

  She looked at the keys he dangled in front of her, then looked back at the house, contemplating whether or not she could actually do it. She needed to. Wanted to. Malinda’s question piqued in her mind. What do you want, Hannah?

  Right now, she wanted to scream.

  “Tabitha’s sleeping, right?” he asked. “She’ll never even know you’re gone. If she wakes up, I’m here. She likes me so, it shouldn’t be a problem.” Aaron smiled and extended the keys. “Go, Hannah. Go scream.”

  She hesitated, but this was what she wanted. It was right.

  Screw it. Hannah pushed herself off the wooden swing, away from the warm hold of Aaron’s arms and snagged the keys out of his hand. Heading toward his truck, she paused and looked back over her shoulder, as if to ask permission.

  “Go,” he urged one more time.

  She climbed into the truck.

  It smelled like Aaron and for a minute Hannah just breathed in the sexy scent. Used to her small sedan, she felt like a tiny little person in the driver’s seat of the big cab.

  She fired the truck up and laughed. Kenny Chesney sang from the radio. She smiled, thinking about the sexy way Aaron tilted his head and stretched his neck, how it reminded her of the singer. The words to You Save Me echoed from the speakers. Was that what Aaron was doing, saving her? She hit the band button and switched it to CD, not wanting to think about Aaron saving her from her pathetic self, or how sexy he was. She just needed to scream.

  Putting the truck in reverse, Hannah stretched her leg to push on the gas.
She paused at the end of the driveway and cranked the Metallica that was now screamed at her, just like Aaron had suggested.

  The giggle that escaped on her next breath was a funny contrast to the heavy metal rocking the truck. She was excited as she started to roll forward, not a clue where to go. She couldn’t explain the excitement racing through her. The thought of driving somewhere and screaming at the top of her lungs with no one to hear, no one to call the police thinking she was being murdered or beating her child … it was just exciting.

  When Hannah hit the bottom of Hodge Hill, she debated whether to head up Pearl Lake or go somewhere else. She had lived here her entire life, but couldn’t think of where to find a road to nowhere that didn’t have houses at the end of it. There were probably a hundred of them, but none came to mind at the moment. Then she thought of what Aaron said and realized there was an empty parking lot right at the bottom of the hill. Eight o’clock on a Sunday night, the Wire Mill would be empty, and it was close.

  She pulled into the lot behind the Mill. She figured it was better to be discreet than park out front where everyone passing through town would have an opportunity to hear her free her inner banshee. Back here it was just Hannah, the back of the building, and the winding river. She sat there for a few minutes, working up the nerve, which seemed silly. She wanted to scream. Just do it. She didn’t need nerve, she just needed to …

  Banshee was probably an understatement. The scream that came to life rocked her old body until she was out of breath. Then she cranked the music even louder and did it again. Hannah felt like she had been trapped in a glass box and now all those fragile walls were being shattered, the emotions trapped inside, choking on the pain of her loss were now free and flying with the shattered glass, finding new breath.

  God, it felt good, invigorating. Why hadn’t she done this five years ago? Oh, yeah, because she was worried people would think her crazy. She laughed at the thought. She was crazy, all right. “Crazy, crazy, crazy,” she mocked out loud, which only made her laugh even more.

  Soon she was hysterical, laughing at herself and how absurd the whole scene was. She’d been crazy all along. Just because she didn’t scream didn’t excuse her from that reality. In fact, the false brave front and locked away emotions probably only contributed to the insanity of this path she never would’ve chosen for herself. A single mom, a widow, it all made her crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy. As the hysteria turned to tears, Hannah gave up on the laughter and screamed some more. It felt so good.

  Hannah gave up when her throat was raw and her whole body tingled. She turned the music down and opened the windows. As cool air floated across her skin, she stretched out across the seat, kicked off the flip flops and hung her feet out the window. Closing her eyes, Hannah thought of nothing but the cool air and the hum of the music.

  She might have nodded off, but couldn’t be sure. All she knew was she felt more relaxed than she’d been for a long time. This beat therapy. Eyeing the clock, Hannah realized she’d been gone for over an hour. The chances of Tabitha waking up were pretty slim. She was a good sleeper, always had been. Plus, Tabs liked Aaron, so even if she did wake up, Hannah not being there wasn’t a big deal. She’d probably charm him into making more promises.

  Thinking about Aaron drew a smile from her. Somehow it wasn’t strange he had shown up tonight. Hannah was actually grateful for it. Clearing her head with all the screaming had her thinking about him from a different perspective. He got her, seemed to know just what she needed. Maybe dating him wasn’t such a bad idea. Love and marriage didn’t have to come into play. They didn’t even have to call it dating. Aaron had suggested that they just hang out. Maybe if she hung out with him enough they would eventually have sex, because that’s what she really wanted – or maybe it was what she needed. A screaming orgasm was sure to release some more tension.

  As the memory of his lips caressing hers warmed her body, Hannah realized he was waiting back at the house. Just up the hill. And his lips were there, too.

  She sat up, fired up the engine, and two minutes later pulled into the driveway. A peaceful calm had replaced the frenzy of anger, making Hannah smile. Quite the contrast to the ridiculous tears she didn’t have the strength to hold back when Aaron arrived.

  He sat on the swing and in that gentlemanly way of his, stood to greet her as she walked up the porch. It looked like he was about to say something, but Hannah didn’t let him. She put her arms around him and pressed her lips to his.

  It must have caught him by surprise because for a few seconds he didn’t respond. Then his lips moved with hers as his arms wrapped around her waist. The cool May air heated up around them.

  When Hannah let go, she laughed. “Someone should have told me to do that a long time ago. Thank you. I really needed that.”

  “You’ve really never done that before?” Aaron sounded surprised.

  She laughed again. “Nope. I thought if I did, people would think I was crazy.”

  “Who cares what people think?”

  “I’m a single mom. I have to care a little bit. I can’t have anyone thinking I’m a whacko. I don’t want anyone taking my daughter away. Well, most days, anyway.”

  The caress of his fingers on her cheek had her longing to feel his lips again. “Well, you let me know anytime you need to scream. You can take my truck and I’ll stay with Tabitha. I promise not to tell anyone, or think you’re a whacko.”

  Hannah might just take him up on that. “So what’s in the box?” she asked, eyeing the package he’d put on the picnic table when he first arrived.

  “Dessert,” he said, grabbing her hand and leading to the table. He took out a can of whipped cream, a plastic container filled with strawberries, and an angel food cake.

  Hannah cracked open the strawberries, suspecting she knew what was inside. “You marinated them in amaretto,” she said after breathing in the fragrant liquor.

  “You said it was your favorite. I wanted to try it, so figured I’d share.” He reached into the box and pulled out paper bowls and plastic spoons. Then he served Hannah a bowl and handed her the whipped cream.

  “I’m not sure how much whipped cream you like,” he said.

  She couldn’t stop the smile that seemed to be a permanent fixture on her face. He brought dessert. Her favorite dessert. He just showed up, with dessert. Hannah shook her head in disbelief before burying the angel food cake and strawberries under a mountain of whipped cream.

  Aaron laughed. “Did you leave any for me?”

  “Maybe just a little.” She took a bite of the dessert. “Oh, wow, this is just what I needed too.” There was nothing like a little amaretto and whipped cream to chase all the scary ghosts away. Add strawberries and angel food cake into the mix, and wow, it was pure heaven.

  They enjoyed their dessert in silence, exchanging the occasional smile. Hannah was incredibly comfortable in the silence, which was great since she was in no mood for small talk.

  When they were done with the dessert, Aaron wrapped put everything back in the box, but left the remaining dessert on the table. Including the whipped cream.

  “I should go,” he said as he caressed her cheek. “The rest of the dessert is yours. Goodnight, Hannah.”

  He turned, heading off the porch.

  “Aaron, wait,” she called after him. This completely betrayed her perfect formula, but she couldn’t just let him go.

  “I like hanging out with you,” she blurted. Oh, did that sound corny or what? That wasn’t at all what she had wanted to say, but it was safer than asking to see him again.

  He smiled, a look of anticipation as if he could tell she wanted to say something more. When her hesitation lingered, he finally filled the void.

  “I have to work late tomorrow night, but maybe I can come over later in the evening and help you finish off that angel food cake?”

  Yes, Hannah thought as she nodded. “I’d like that, but I can’t guarantee there’ll be any dessert left.”

  “T
hen we can just enjoy each other’s company,” he said. “It’ll be some time after eight. I’ve got a meeting I have to cover for the paper and my editor wants the story for this week’s edition. The paper goes to press at nine P.M., so it won’t be any later than that.”

  She hoped enjoying each other’s company included more kissing. “Well, I’ll be here, so come by whenever you’re done. And Aaron, thank you. For tonight.”

  He wrapped his arms around her and held her close as he spoke softly across her ear. “You’re welcome, Hannah.”

  Chapter 11

  Hannah sat at the bar at the end of her kitchen island watching Aaron make dinner. He had just finished with the dough for the homemade bread sticks. Now he was dicing up the mushrooms, yellow peppers, and tomatoes for chicken cacciatore.

  “At least let me get the pasta going for you,” she insisted. They had seen each other almost every night for the past two weeks, ever since he told her to go scream. They were just hanging out, and kissing like he had promised. Hannah really liked that part. If she was going to be honest, she liked every part of him and had been swept away by his charm. Right now, as she watched those strong hands work on the vegetables, she was once again hoping to get swept away by his body.

  Aaron had been there for dinner several times, but this was the first time he was doing the cooking. He told her she had to cook all the time and deserved a break. Hannah wondered if he was also trying to impress her with his kitchen skills.

  “What part of ‘I’m making dinner for you’ don’t you understand?” he asked without taking his eyes off the vegetables.