Tea and Destiny

by Sherryl Woods

  Where the hell was she? It was after eight and there was still no sign of her. He knew the nightly routine now. The little ones should have had their baths and been tucked in by eight. He walked into the living room and found Melissa still sitting in front of the TV, a thumb stuck in her mouth, her blanket clutched tightly in her other hand. Tommy, still wearing the hard hat Hank had given him, and Paul were racing their miniature cars around her. Despite the noise, it was obvious she could barely keep her eyes open. Someone had to take over in Ann’s absence and it seemed he was elected. The unaccustomed role made him uneasy. He might be able to handle a hundred construction workers without blinking an eye, but these pint-size terrors still scared the daylights out of him.

  “Okay, kids, bedtime,” he announced in what he hoped was a convincing tone of voice. The boys scowled their protest, but Melissa just lifted her arms. He bent down and picked her up. Her arms circled his neck and her head rested under his chin. She smelled of baby shampoo and peanut butter. There was something about the combined scents that plunged him back more than thirty years. He wasn’t crazy about that particular bit of time travel. He snapped himself back to the present, his voice rough. “Clean up the toys, Tommy, Paul. Then go get ready for bed.”

  “What about our baths?”

  Hank groaned. How could he have forgotten the baths? Maybe they could get by without them for once. He looked at Melissa. She was as clean as she had been when Ann had helped her dress in the morning. He almost wished she were a little messier. It would have indicated that she’d played hard, instead of spending the day sitting quietly in front of the television afraid to get dirty, terrified of doing something wrong. The boys, however, were filthy from their streaked faces to their bare feet.

  “You two guys go get cleaned up while I put Melissa to bed.” He recalled their tendency to flood the bathroom. “And call me if you have any problems with the drain.” As they started to race down the hall, he shouted one last warning. “And no water fights.”

  In Melissa’s room, he struggled with the tiny, unfamiliar buttons on her blouse, then tugged off her shorts and searched for her pajamas.

  “Where’s Ann?” Melissa demanded sleepily.

  “She’ll be home soon,” he promised. “She’ll be in to give you a kiss as soon as she gets here.”

  “Want Ann,” she protested, then stuck her thumb back in her mouth.

  “I know you do, baby. She’ll be here before you know it.” He tried to get the pajama top on, but Melissa stubbornly refused to help. Her thumb left her mouth only long enough to ask plaintively again and again for Ann. Feeling utterly helpless, Hank awkwardly tucked her in and patted her head.

  “Sleep tight, little one,” he murmured, backing toward the door.

  When he reached for the light switch, Melissa began to cry. “No go,” she whimpered.

  “I’m right here, baby,” he said, turning off the light and plunging the room into darkness.

  “No go!” Melissa wailed.

  Responding instinctively to the genuine note of terror in her cries, he went back to the bed and sat down beside her. “Shh, little one. It’s okay. I’m right here.”

  Melissa sniffed. As his eyes became accustomed to the dark, he saw that she was curled into a tight little ball, her whole body tense. All at once he recalled the lonely, scary nights he’d spent as a child, his mother away from home, some strange babysitter in the living room. The dark had been filled with all sorts of terrifying shadows. Ann would never let Melissa know that fear. He got up and searched the room, finally finding the tiny light plugged into a socket over the dresser. He switched it on.

  “Is that better?” he murmured softly, looking down at the little girl whose body was finally relaxing. He reached out and rubbed away the last of the tears on the petal-soft cheeks. His throat tight with some overwhelming and unfamiliar emotion, he leaned down and touched a gentle kiss to that cheek. “Sweet dreams,” he whispered.

  Melissa wound her fingers trustingly around his thumb and sighed. Minutes later he heard the steady rise and fall of her breath. He tiptoed from the room, his heart filled to overflowing with sensations he couldn’t identify, sensations that both frightened and intrigued him.

  Tommy and Paul had finished their baths by the time he went to get them. The bathroom floor was under a sea of puddles. Plastic boats and toy animals were underfoot and soaked towels were scattered everywhere. For the most part, as near as he could tell, they had managed to wash off the worst of the dirt in the process of creating the watery havoc.

  “Okay, guys, into bed.”

  “Will you come and tuck us in?”

  Hugs and kisses later, the house was quiet. He knocked on David’s door, poked his head in and found the boy doing his homework.

  “Don’t stay up too much longer.”

  “I won’t.”

  “I wish you’d come with us tonight.”

  “It’s okay. I had stuff to do here.”

  Hank nodded. “Maybe another time.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  Sighing, Hank shut the door. David’s aloofness saddened him, especially since he now knew the cause. He’d stayed behind tonight simply because he’d been afraid of doing something wrong. It was safer to stick with something familiar, to sit quietly in his room doing his homework. Nobody got angry at a straight-A student. Nobody got rid of a thirteen-year-old who never made any noise. Hank vowed to keep trying to include him in more activities, to give him back his boyhood.

  After Hank had cleaned up the bathroom, he went outside to wait for Ann. He took a beer with him and settled down in the hammock. Rocking it to and fro with one foot, he began drifting off. Rousing himself, he glanced at the illuminated dial of his watch. It was almost ten o’clock. He sat straight up, nearly tumbling from the hammock in the process.

  “What the hell? Where is she?”

  Ann would not go off and leave those children alone unless it had been an emergency. Now wait, he reminded himself. They hadn’t been alone exactly. Jason had been there, which explained the makeshift dinner. Still, surely she should have been home by now. What if one of the kids had gotten sick? What if Melissa had had one of her dreams and had awakened frightened and crying? Jason couldn’t have coped with that. The more he thought about it, the more furious he became.

  It was typical female behavior. His own mother hadn’t been able to stand the loneliness of the house at night. By the time he was ten he was used to the absences, accustomed to her flighty refusal to accept parental responsibility. His father had apparently had enough of her flirtations within the first year of the marriage. He had gone before Hank had even been born. The whole experience had colored Hank’s relationships with women. He enjoyed them, appreciated their beauty the way a connoisseur appreciated a fine vintage wine, but he’d never wanted to possess one in any sort of lasting way. He’d learned from the cradle on that there was no such thing as a lasting commitment when it came to a woman.

  Still, everything he’d discovered about Ann ran counter to that image. She’d always seemed rock solid, dependable. She was an instinctive nurturer, one of those people who gave a part of herself to everyone she met. She adored these kids. She’d never once given him any reason to doubt her love or her commitment to them. A blinding image of her car crashing made him sick to his stomach. He began pacing. If she didn’t get home in the next half hour, he’d call the police. In the meantime, he’d ask Jason what he knew about her absence. Surely she’d at least called.

  He tapped on Jason’s door, then heard Paul’s sleepy voice. He stuck his head in. Paul was blinking at him. There was no sign of Jason. Damn that kid. He’d obviously sneaked off the minute he heard Hank go outside.

  The only thing left to do was wait. He paced some more. It was nearly midnight when he finally heard the car door slam and heard Ann’s voice as she called out a cheerful good-night.

  “Thanks, Tom. I’m glad I went.”

  Tom? He’d been tucking in kids and
worrying himself sick and she’d been out on a date? He watched as she came around to the kitchen door.

  “So you had a good time?” he said, his voice brimming over with sarcasm. He was furious with himself for believing that she was any different.

  “Hank?”

  “Who else were you expecting?”

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Everything is just swell. Next time you want a baby-sitter, though, I’d suggest you hire one.”

  Even in the dark, he could see her stiffen. Her arms folded around her waist. “What are you talking about?” she said defensively. “Jason was watching the kids.”

  “Wanna bet?”

  “But I talked to him. He promised. Besides, I thought Paul and Tommy were going to be with you.”

  “They were. Once we got home, though, Jason took off without mentioning that you had a date.”

  “I did not have a date. I went to a meeting. I tried to call you, but you’d already left. I thought Jason would tell you where I was.” A tense silence hung over them for several minutes before she finally took a deep breath and asked, “Is that the problem? You thought I had a date?” There was a note of surprise in her voice. He was too angry to acknowledge what it implied about her self-esteem.

  “Why the hell should that be a problem?” he snapped. “You don’t owe me anything.”

  “That’s right, I don’t. This household ran just fine before your arrival. I wasn’t counting on you to look after the kids, so why are you in such a snit?”

  “I am not in a snit.”

  “What would you call it?” she asked patiently.

  Hank tried to analyze the emotions that were whirling through him. Relief at discovering that she was okay had quickly given way to anger and jealousy. “I was worried,” he said finally. It was the only admission he had any intention of making. It was bad enough that she was so damn calm. He wouldn’t have her laughing at him.

  “I’m sorry. I really thought Jason would explain. I went to Key West for a meeting about offshore drilling. It was unexpected or I would have told you about it this morning. Next time I’ll try your cell and leave a message to cover the bases.”

  He nodded. He figured it was about as close to an apology as he was likely to get and probably about as much as he deserved after his sarcasm.

  “How about a cup of tea?” she said quietly.

  Despite himself, he grinned and felt himself beginning to relax. Tea. Ann’s cure for everything. The world was clearly righting itself, getting back to normal.

  “I’ll sit with you while you have one. I’ll have a beer.”

  He sat down in the kitchen and tilted his chair back on two legs, watching as she made the tea. There were no wasted motions, just quiet efficiency. Her expression, even after his irrational behavior, was unperturbed. That serenity conveyed itself to him, drawing him into the aura of warmth that seemed to surround her. He felt the last of the tension draining away.

  “So tell me about Jason,” she suggested, sitting down opposite him.

  The muscles across the back of his shoulders knotted at once. “He’s gone off somewhere,” he said carefully, anticipating her panic.

  “Gone off?” she said without the slightest evidence of concern. “What makes you think that?”

  “I sent him to his room earlier. When I checked a while ago, he was gone.”

  She shrugged. “He’s probably down by the water. That’s where he goes whenever he’s upset. He’ll be back in an hour or so. What happened?”

  “We had a fight over his attitude, as usual.”

  “Don’t you think maybe you’re a little hard on him? He is just a kid.”

  “I know, and I had an idea. What would you think about my offering him a job? He could work after school, pick up a little money, maybe develop a better sense of responsibility.”

  Her eyes lit up. “You’d do that for him?”

  “Why not?”

  “I know you don’t really trust him.”

  He didn’t bother denying it. “Even so, maybe he just needs a break.”

  “That’s exactly what he needs.” She reached over and took his hand. “Thank you, Hank.”

  Startled by the impulsive gesture, Hank wasn’t sure how to react. Ann kept him constantly off balance. With any other woman, the touch might have been an invitation. With Ann, it was nothing more than an innocent, friendly gesture of thanks. There was nothing at all innocent about his reaction, however. His pulse was hammering.

  “Ann…” he began.

  As if she’d guessed the change in his mood, the swift stirring of desire, she patted his hand affectionately once more, then withdrew.

  “Tell me about your night,” she suggested. Something in her penetrating gaze hinted that she was after more than a rundown on his experiences in getting the kids to bed. He doubted she gave a hang about what he’d watched on TV, either.

  “It was quiet,” he said, intentionally evading what he suspected she wanted to know. “Paul and Tommy had a great time at the construction site. I think Tommy’s going to be a construction worker. It was all I could do to keep him from taking off across those girders. He’s sleeping with the hard hat I gave him.”

  “I’m sure he loved all the attention.”

  “I couldn’t talk David into going.”

  “I’m not surprised, but thanks for trying.”

  All the polite chitchat was beginning to grate on Hank’s nerves, even though he was the one who’d started it. “This isn’t really what’s on your mind, is it?” he said finally.

  “No.”

  “Go ahead. Say it.”

  “Your reaction when I got home, it was more than worry, Hank. You were really angry. Tell me why.”

  The fact that she sounded as much like a psychologist as a concerned woman really bugged him. He didn’t want to be treated like one of her patients. He wasn’t interested in baring his soul.

  “You been reading those textbooks again, doctor?” he said.

  She waited, her gaze intent.

  He shrugged finally. Holding out was pointless. Ann was better at it than he was. She did it for a living. “Okay. Maybe I was jealous. Big deal.”

  She smiled. “I’m flattered, but I’m not convinced.”

  He tried to smile back. “I’m making a big admission here and you don’t believe me? What’s the deal?”

  “Let’s just say you’re not a man whose confidence is easily shaken. Assuming for a moment that you were actually interested in me, you wouldn’t be the least bit thrown by the fact that I’d spent the evening with another man. You’d chalk it up as a challenge.”

  Oddly enough, Hank realized that her analysis had a ring of truth to it. “Uncanny,” he muttered under his breath.

  She chuckled. “I’m a psychologist, Hank. Not a wizard.”

  “Same difference, if you ask me.”

  “You still haven’t answered my question. What I really sensed underlying your anger was resentment. Is that possible?”

  Hank thought back to all those unexplained absences that had tormented his childhood. “Maybe so,” he admitted finally.

  Ann’s compassion reached out to him. He could feel it stealing over him, easing years of pain. “What happened?” she asked in that gentle tone that might have set off desire under other circumstances. Now, for some utterly absurd reason, it merely made him want to weep. He wasn’t wild about the reaction. He hadn’t shed a tear in more than twenty-five years, not since he’d finally figured out that things weren’t ever likely to be any different.

  “Hank?”

  Despite his intention to curtail any private revelations, he found himself saying, “I guess I was just remembering some stuff I thought I’d put behind me.”

  “And you felt betrayed again,” she guessed with more uncanny accuracy. Even without knowing the details, she’d struck on the truth.

  He lifted his gaze to hers. A desire to be completely honest with her compelled him to admit it. “Maybe so
. I got left behind all too often when I was a kid.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Hey, it was the kids you left on their own. Not me.”

  Ann shook her head. “They weren’t alone, Hank. They had you.”

  “It’s not the same.”

  “I think it’s pretty darn good.”

  Her voice rang with quiet conviction, but he searched her face, looking for evidence of the easy comeback, the quick lie. He found sincerity. The last of his tension eased, replaced by a sudden need to hold her, to feel even closer to her. Then he was struck by a sudden and disconcerting revelation. He felt closer to Ann at this moment than he’d ever felt to any of the women he’d taken to his bed.

  Could be he was growing up.

  Could be he was heading for disaster.

  Chapter 6

  Something had changed between them. Ann noticed it at once the next morning. After reluctantly opening up to her, she had anticipated that Hank would be reserved. She had hoped for it, in fact. She desperately needed anything that would put a little distance between them. Instead, the expression in Hank’s eyes was bolder than ever, more speculative. The atmosphere was as emotionally charged as if they’d made love. The edge of anticipation that teased her senses made her nervous.

  Her wariness did not, however, keep her from snatching an entire box of jelly doughnuts from in front of Hank before he could swallow the first mouthful of sugar. She’d watched him devour about as many empty calories as she could without intervening. He watched the box go into the trash can with surprising equanimity. Heady with her success, she reached for his can of soda. He clamped it in a death grip.