Kissing Snowflakes

by Abby Sher

  “Oh, darlin’, can I do anything for you? Do you need anything?”

  Her face looked so long with concern.

  “That’s okay, Ashley. Really, I just need to go back to the inn and lie down.”

  “Okay. Well, how about I try to catch up with you later today on the phone, okay? We still have to exchange e-mail addresses or something so we can stay buds.”

  “That sounds good,” I said.

  “Ooooh, I’m gonna miss you. Can I …?” She reached in to give me a hug. “You take care now, you hear?” She looked like she might cry.

  “Promise. You, too.” I wanted to tell her how much fun she was, but I didn’t feel too steady standing up.

  Eric and I walked the rest of the way in silence. His truck was a big navy pickup.

  “This is Snoop,” he said.

  I looked around, but there was nobody there. “Who?”

  “The truck. His name is Snoop.”

  “Oh hi, Snoop.”

  “Just to warn you? It’s pretty hairy inside. Usually I’m traveling with someone much smaller and furrier.” He smiled.

  “No problem,” I said.

  He helped me up into the cab and made sure I was all settled in before he shut the door. There were a lot of dog hairs in here. And pine needles on the floor. And on the console I saw there was a small pad of paper with what looked like a sketch of a mountain pass, the rocks drawn in shades of gray. I didn’t have time to get a good look, though. Eric was already opening his door.

  “I swear it’ll warm up in just a few. You freezing?” he asked.

  “Nah, I’m fine.”

  He turned the key in the ignition, and Steely Dan was playing really loud.

  “Oops, sorry about that,” he said sheepishly, ejecting the CD. The local news came on.

  “Looks like it’s gonna be a big one, too. Starting off in the morning and not tapering off until late in the evening. We may get as much as one and a half to two feet, so get out those shovels,” said the announcer.

  Eric turned the radio down.

  “Sounds like it might be the perfect day to stay in tomorrow,” he said.

  I didn’t even answer. I just leaned back into the headrest and closed my eyes.

  By the time Dad and Kathy and Jeremy came back, Eric had already set me up in front of the fire in the living room with a fleece blanket that felt like butter and a steaming cup of hot chocolate. I wasn’t sure I could get it down, but it smelled great.

  “How’s the patient?” asked Dad, kissing me on the forehead.

  “Better,” I murmured.

  “We found someone who wanted to see you,” said Kathy.

  “Nice job, nerd,” said Jeremy, leaning in and rubbing my head delicately.

  “Sorry they brought you back, Jer.” My words kind of mushed all together, I was so relaxed and sleepy now.

  “Whatever. I was done. Just get some rest,” he said.

  The rest of the afternoon I spent in and out of sleep. I think I started to drink my hot chocolate about four different times, but I never made it very far. Each time I woke up, there was a fresh cup there. Dad and Kathy camped out on one of the other couches reading, and every once in a while when I woke up, one of them was hovering over me, just watching. At some point, Dad came into view with his cell phone in his hand.

  “Hey, chicken, can you talk?” he asked, handing me the phone.

  “Hello?”

  “Mom!” It was so good to hear her voice.

  “Oh honey, are you okay?”

  “Mom, don’t worry, I’m fine.”

  “That’s what your father said, but I just wanted to hear it from you.”

  “I am, Mom. I am.”

  “You know he called me first thing. It was so nice of him. And I was thinking I hadn’t talked to you in a while but I didn’t want to bug you on your honeymoon — I mean, their honeymoon, but … ah, I miss you, Sam,” she said quietly now.

  “Yeah, Mom. I miss you, too.” She sounded so lonely.

  “Okay,” said Mom, back to her cheerful patter. “It’s just a few days. I’ll see you soon. You get some rest now, you hear?”

  “Yes, Mom.”

  “I’m serious. Do not pass Go. Do not collect two hundred dollars.” That’s what Mom always says when she wants you to do something right away, like wash the dishes or take out the garbage. It’s from the game Monopoly.

  “Got it,” I said, smiling.

  “I love you, chicken.”

  “Love you, too, Mom.”

  I handed the phone back to Dad.

  “I guess I should’ve asked you before I called her, but I knew she would want to know. Sorry, kiddo,” he said.

  “No, I’m glad you did. It was good to hear her voice.”

  “Yeah, yeah, it was,” said Dad. And I realized how lucky I was that they were still friends. That they really did try to keep us a family somehow.

  Just then, Eric came in with another cup of cocoa.

  “Hey!” he said. “I didn’t know you were up. You look a lot better.”

  “Doesn’t she?” said Dad.

  Then they both just stood there, looking at me. So I said, “What did I miss?”

  “Nothin’,” said Eric. “Oh, actually, you got a phone message.”

  “Huh?”

  “Let me see if I got this right.” He cleared his throat, then started again in a sugary singsong: “Please tell Sam that it was tote hilare hangin’ out with her and I hope she gets better soon. And we have to stay in touch. I think it’d be super-fun to be PPs because nobody does that anymore. Okay, toodles!”

  Dad gave him a small round of applause.

  “Wait — PPs?” I asked.

  “Pen pals?” Eric shrugged. “She gave me her address, too.”

  “Right.”

  And now I saw that the lamp next to me was on, and the room had softened into a bluish gray. There were a bunch of guests from the inn crowded into the lobby, and some heading into the dining room, too.

  “Hey, is it happy hour already?” I asked, sitting up.

  “Yeah, but I don’t suggest that you drink right now,” Dad said, smiling.

  “Thanks, Dad. No, I meant, sorry I’m still in the middle of everything.”

  “No worries,” said Eric.

  “Oh, yay! You’re up!” Kathy came in then, with two cocktails in her hands. She handed one to Dad. Her cheeks were really flushed, and she looked like she was swaying a little.

  “To Sam!” she said, raising her glass. And then her eyes got big and watery. “We’re really, really grateful that you’re okay,” she said. Her voice was trembling. She looked down quickly.

  “Hey, thanks,” I said. I looked down, too.

  But out of the corner of my eye, I saw Eric slip out of the room.

  My favorite moment of any movie is when everything goes dark, just before the first image, and the music begins. It’s only a breath — less than a second, but it always sends shivers up my spine.

  After dinner, Phil and Eric had rearranged the living room for Classic Movie Night. They put the couches in a semicircle and pulled out a big screen. The first one was going to be Hitchcock’s North by Northwest. The second one was going to be something about snow. I was planning on being asleep by then, anyway. Everyone settled into their spots. It seemed like it was mostly couples except for me — Dad and Kathy, Dara and Stevie D., a couple of other twosomes I’d seen at breakfast. Jeremy was upstairs watching some heavyweight fight. And then there was me, tucked into a corner of one of the armchairs. That was okay. I wasn’t in the mood for cuddling, except for maybe a couch pillow. But just as I was sinking back, letting my eyes grow heavy again, I felt a vibrating in my sweatshirt pocket. My cell phone. I must’ve looked like a frog, jumping in my seat. The couple next to me jumped, too.

  The caller ID said PHEEBS. Should I take it? I didn’t know what I had to say to her. I didn’t really want to tell her about my concussion or the Drew saga and I certainly didn’t want to he
ar about how important our friendship was.

  The call went to voice mail, and I saw that I had eight missed calls. All from her. The phone started vibrating again. I could just see her waiting on the other end, twisting a red curl around her finger. Ugh. What was there to talk about?

  C’mon, Levy. She was your best friend just a few days ago.

  Weren’t near-death experiences supposed to make you more humble and forgiving? What about clunks on the head? Before I could think about it too much, I wrapped a blanket around myself, put on my slippers, and crept toward the back of the room.

  “You okay?” whispered Dad. Kathy was asleep on his shoulder.

  “Yeah, yeah. Just getting some air,” I whispered back.

  I made it outside just as she was calling a third time.

  “Hey, Phoebe.”

  “Sam! Wow! I didn’t think that I would get you! I just — I just was trying in case — wow. I didn’t know if you would pick up. Or if you wanted to talk or — am I interrupting you?” She was breathing so loud it felt like a tornado in my ear.

  “No.”

  “It’s really good to hear your voice! How are you? How’s everything?”

  “Good.” Maybe I wasn’t ready to have this conversation after all. I still felt so angry.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Nothin’.”

  “You go skiing?”

  “Yup.”

  “Was it cold?”

  “Yup.”

  “How cold?”

  This was stupid.

  “Listen, Phoebe. I really don’t feel like talking to you but I picked up because I thought I should, but unless you have anything to say — no, actually I don’t want to hear anything you have to say right now, so why are you calling?” My head was throbbing now and my jaw felt stiff and sore.

  “I just wanted to know how you were, Sam. I mean, I don’t want to talk about this stuff until you get home. I mean, it’s over. But the point is, how are you?”

  “Fine,” I said blandly.

  “But, really, I know things were hard with Kathy and then you said things were weird with Drew last time, and I just wanted to know what was up.” She really was trying. I had to give her credit for that.

  “Well, Kathy is still Kathy, and Drew and I broke up.”

  “You did? Why? What happened?!”

  “Listen, Phoebe, I don’t know if I feel comfortable talking to you about this right now. I mean, we wanted different things. He only reads magazines. He said I talked too much. He really just wanted to get down my pants.”

  Then there was a few minutes of us just listening to each other breathe.

  Until Phoebe said, “I’m sorry, Sam. I really am.”

  “Yeah, thanks,” I said. I wanted to believe her. But I was also done. “Hey, Phoebe, I’m gonna go back inside now. It’s cold.”

  “Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want you to get cold. But it’s good to talk to you.”

  “Yeah, but I need to go. I’ll be home on Sunday.”

  “Oh, no! We have to talk before then. I mean, if you want to.”

  “We’ll see.”

  “Okay. Sam?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I love you.” She sounded a little teary now. But I couldn’t say it back. Not right now at least.

  “Sorry, Pheebs. You’re cutting out,” I said. And then I hung up.

  I drew my blanket in tighter around my shoulders and tucked my hands inside. It was cold out here, but I wasn’t ready to leave this night quite yet. The moon peeking through the clouds, its beams flooding the snow with shafts of shimmering light. It was the first time my head had felt completely calm in a while.

  And then, just ahead, out beyond the first small hill, I saw something dark zip across the white expanse. I pulled myself up on my toes to get a better look. It flickered across the snow again. It looked like maybe it was an animal of some kind. Were there wolves out here? Mountain lions? I should’ve read one of those magazines they had lying around more carefully. What kind of animals roamed the hills of Vermont? Maybe I needed to go back in after all. It would be just like me to get mauled by a mountain lion. And everybody would be too busy watching the movie to hear my screams. But I stood on my tiptoes again. I was fascinated. Yes, it was definitely an animal and it was racing back and forth across the lawn now, coming toward the inn. And then behind it, coming out of the darkness, I saw a human figure jogging through the snow.

  “Hey!” said Eric, coming up to the porch, panting.

  “Hey.”

  There was a stick in his hand and his dog was jumping up and down, trying to grab it from him.

  “How you doing?”

  “Good. Better. Thanks — for everything,” I said.

  “Ah, please. No worries. Whatcha doing out here?”

  “I don’t know. Just enjoying this night, I guess.”

  “Yeah, it is great, isn’t it?” he said. “You can feel the storm coming. Can smell it in the trees.” He gestured above his head.

  The dog jumped up even higher.

  “Hey, I don’t think you two have formally met, have you?” asked Eric.

  I shook my head no.

  “Samantha, Fozzie. Fozzie, Samantha.”

  It was funny hearing him say my full name.

  “Pleased to meet you, Fozzie,” I said. Fozzie was still concentrating on the stick, leaping and standing on his hind legs.

  “He says the pleasure is all his,” said Eric. “Here, come here, boy!” He led Fozzie up onto the porch next to where I was standing. “Now, be a gentleman,” Eric said, and he bent down to tap the wooden boards twice with the stick. Fozzie sat down and raised his right paw.

  “He wants to shake your hand,” Eric said. I bent down and took Fozzie’s paw. He looked up at me with big, black, shiny eyes. His whiskers were drizzled with snow. I petted him behind the ears a little bit, and he licked my arm. Then Eric sent the stick sailing through the air.

  “Go get it, boy!” he said, and Fozzie raced back into the snow, grabbed the stick, and galloped back toward us, his tail wagging furiously. He circled us up on the porch and then dropped the stick at my feet.

  “I think he likes you,” said Eric.

  “He’s not gonna like me once he sees how I throw,” I said, picking up the stick. My head felt wonky when I bent down, and it took me a moment to readjust my balance once I stood up. But then I pulled my arm back and hurled the stick as far as I could. Which was only about twelve feet out in front of the porch. Fozzie looked at the stick lying in the snow, then looked back up at me.

  “Sorry to disappoint you, Fozzie,” I said.

  “Nonsense. Go get it, Fozzie!” said Eric, and Fozzie ran out into the snow, grabbed the stick, and ran back, laying it at Eric’s feet this time.

  “Oooh, harsh,” I said.

  “Don’t listen to him,” said Eric. “He’s just a dog.” Then he picked up the stick and threw it out so far I couldn’t see where it landed. Fozzie bounded out again.

  “Hey, really. Thank you for taking care of me today,” I said.

  “Sure thing. How’s the head?”

  “Okay, a little wackadoo. But okay.”

  “Good, good.”

  “Listen, I feel like —”

  “I just wanted to say —”

  We were both talking at the same time.

  “You go,” he said.

  “No, you go,” I said.

  “Really, you —”

  “I just wanted to say sorry for yelling at you when we first met!” I burst out, and we both laughed. The corners of his eyes curled up when he laughed and now I saw he had really long eyelashes, too.

  “Sam, you had every right to yell at me. I was butting my nose in where it wasn’t needed,” he said. “I just can’t help it sometimes, you know? I mean, this thing is so huge.” He tugged on his nose and laughed sheepishly.

  “Well, you were right. Not just about Drew, but also, that first time you saw me, I was being pretty rough o
n Kathy — and she didn’t deserve it.”

  “Right, Kathy,” he said.

  “She’s my …” Say it, Levy. “Yeah, she’s sorta my new stepmom.”

  Eric nodded. “They just got married, huh?”

  “Yeah, last Saturday. This is like their honeymoon, only my brother Jeremy and I are here with them, which I think is kinda strange, but whatever. I think I was just giving her crap because she’s not my mom and I’m kinda comparing her, or not really comparing, but I don’t really — ugh, there I go again. See? Sometimes, if you haven’t noticed, I don’t know what to do, so I start talking and I just get carried away. You can tell me to shut up, you know that, don’t you?”

  Eric threw the stick back out for Fozzie.

  “What if I don’t want to?” he said.

  “Well, I’ll probably keep yapping away like I always do and sooner or later you’re gonna wish you had,” I said.

  “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.” Eric smiled.

  Huh. That was the first time anyone had said that to me.

  “And just for the record,” he continued, “I have mom issues, too. That’s probably why I reacted so strongly. But it still wasn’t cool of me.” His voice got very quiet now, and even though I really wanted to ask him what he meant, I knew I shouldn’t.

  “Hey, um, so do you think you’re going to go back to the slopes tomorrow?” he said eventually.

  “I don’t know, why?”

  “Well, I’m no doctor, and again, I’m kinda butting my nose in your business, but I thought maybe you should take it easy.”

  “Yeah, I probably will.” My head still felt pretty heavy. I hadn’t noticed it while I was talking to him, but now that he mentioned it …

  “Fozzie and I will be around if you need anything. Although I promised him a good hike through the field.”

  “Sounds nice.”

  “Hey — you’re welcome to join us, if you feel up for it,” he said.

  “Sure!” I volunteered before he was even done talking. And then I felt a little embarrassed. “I mean, sure,” I said, a little softer.

  “Great!” Eric said.

  “Wait, do you need to ask Fozzie if that’s okay? I don’t want to intrude, you know.”