Let Me Love

by Michelle Lynn

  Tossing the diaper bag on the table, I whisper shh noises into Drew’s ear, attempting to keep him asleep. The girls had a play date down the street, and I’ve desperately been yearning for a nap myself. Between keeping the house going and continuing to be a girlfriend to Trey, I barely sleep. My normal routine involves taking care of the house and kids during the day. Then when Caden comes home, I go over to Trey’s, or he comes over here. He’s bonded with the kids, and if Caden has to work late, Trey always takes them to the park to give me a break. The guilt that his life has changed course since he met me hits me every time he steps through that door with a pizza in his hand and the kids go running to him. He should be going to the bars, still celebrating his graduation.

  Today will be glorious, I think to myself as I lay Drew down, and he immediately turns to his side and sticks his thumb in his mouth. Turning on the monitor, I quietly vacate the room and shut the door behind me. I’m about to open my bedroom door to crawl into my bed when I spot Jen in her room on the floor. I stand in her doorway, watching her frantically placing papers in order here or there. She’s a meticulous organizer. “What’s up?” I say to her, and she barely glances up before her head is back down focusing on the papers and her hands flip through the pages in a frenzy.

  “Kailey, oh thank God. I need you. Sit down,” she demands. I sigh, realizing I won’t be getting those few minutes of sleep today. I take a seat next to her and cross my legs. “Caden will be in no shape to deal with this. You have to take charge of the paperwork. Okay?” Her speaking is rambling a mile a minute and I can barely catch every word. “There’s the life insurance, the kids birth certificates and social security cards, all the financial accounts—,”

  “It’s okay, Jen. I’ll handle it,” I place my hand on her forearm, and she looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “Oh, Jen. I promise, everything will be handled.” The tears prick behind my own eyes and the thought of escaping this room to allow them to freely fall deepens inside me. But I have to stay strong for her, for the family.

  “I know you will. I’m so sorry, Kailey,” she softly says. “You’ve lost your youth to this. We’ve all lost something to this FUCKING disease,” she yells. I have no idea what I should do. Sitting there looking at the piles of paperwork spread across her bedroom floor, anger at the disease begins rising inside of me as well.

  “Come with me,” I insist, standing up and holding my hand out for her to take. She gingerly leans her hand on the bed and rises to her feet. “Can you make it downstairs?” I ask.

  “Just took my pain go away pills, so I’m good for a little while,” she says.

  I hold her hand while we take one cautious step at a time. Escorting her to the garage, I sit her in a folding chair while I grab the white tarp and spread it across the concrete floor. “I’ve been meaning to do this, but time has been slim.” My fingertips grasp for the box, and I slowly lower it and walk it over to her feet.

  “Mom and Dad’s old dishes?” she questions confused.

  “Yep,” I answer, opening the box, I dig out their white china plates with yellow flowers and lace intricate designs.

  “They loved these,” she says. “We can’t.” She shakes her head.

  “They’re hideous, and you know it,” I grab a plate and throw it to the ground. Watching it shatter, a little piece of the anger and stress dissipates within me.

  “KAILEY!” she screeches.

  “Come on, Jen, it feels so damn good,” I say, nudging the plate in front of her.

  She sighs a few times before ultimately taking the plate from my hands. “Think of everything you’re mad at, Jen. How unfair this whole thing is. Take it out on this damn china.” She stares up at me, contemplating her decision. Then she winds her arm behind her head and uses the small amount of strength she has to smash the china to the ground allowing it to shatter into thousands of pieces. “Feels good, doesn’t it?” I ask, and she holds her hand out for another plate.

  I hand her the pieces one by one and a smile starts creeping across her face with each broken china piece. Every fifth one, or so, I smash one myself. By the end, we’re laughing at how much we hated those plates and how much our parents loved them when they bought them from an estate sale. After we finish, I go over to the outside fridge and hand her a bottle of water. Clinking the plastic bottles together, we sit and relax, both feeling a little more at peace. “Why did you ever keep these?” I ask her.

  “I thought we would appreciate them someday. Maybe we needed to age to see their beauty,” she says, laughing at her own statement.

  “There’s still nothing beautiful about them. What Mom and Dad saw, I have no idea?” I shake my head, laughing.

  Then the garage door shuffles and begins to open. “Crap,” I yelp, springing to my feet to stop Caden. He immediately hits the breaks and puts the car in park. When he sees what we’ve been up to, he shoots us both a knowing smile. I’m reminded of when I first met him; how attractive I thought he was and how lucky Jen was to find him, even if I hated him. Caden to Jen is like Trey to me. Although they are drastically different in appearances, they both hold great regard to family and protect their loved ones fiercely.

  Caden examines the piles of broken dishes and raises his eyebrows to us. “Any left?” he questions, and I search the box, finding one small saucer.

  “Here.” I toss it to him, and he catches it. He places his keys in his pocket, smiles at Jen and then throws it against the concrete. Shrugging his shoulders, he walks over to Jen and bends down to kiss her.

  “How’s my gorgeous wife?” he asks, and she beams at his words.

  “Tired,” she softly replies, melting into his lips as they meet one more time.

  “Well, then, I should take you to bed,” he drops his black bag and swiftly picks her up out of the chair. His hand rests on the doorknob before he tosses his head back my way. “You got this, right, Kailey?”

  “Yeah. I think I’ll take Drew over to Trey’s for a bit. Girls are on a play date until five.”

  “Thanks,” he sincerely acknowledges.

  “Any—,” I say and the garage door shuts before I can finish.

  Don’t people say not to wake a sleeping baby? Well, those people don’t have a dying sister who desperately needs to spend some quality time with her husband. Drew is a ball of sweat when I pick him up, but he nuzzles into my neck. We get to the minivan and I buckle him up. Thank god, he actually stays asleep. Oh how I envy him right now.

  When we pull up, Trey’s car is in the driveway. I should’ve called or texted him to tell him I was coming, but I was in such a rush to leave Jen and Caden it didn’t cross my mind. Drew stirs and wakes up as soon as I unbuckle him out of his car seat. “Tr, Tr,” he asks.

  “Yep, Trey’s house,” I tell him, pulling his hand out of my hair again. I think I’ve forgotten what my hair looks like not thrown up in a ponytail and actually brushed with a comb instead of my fingers.

  “Kailey, hi,” Sadie opens the door and greets me. “Hi, Drew,” she says, tickling his stomach. He smiles widely at her. She immediately grabs him from my arms.

  “Thanks,” I say.

  “No problem. Come on in. Jessa and I are just doing the favors for the wedding.” I follow her into the living room. Small pieces of silver wrapping paper along with white and black ribbon and little boxes of chocolate occupy every inch of the floor.

  “Oh, maybe Drew and I should go somewhere else,” I automatically worry. This would be his dream to tear all that paper up and ruin everything they’re doing.

  “No way, we can figure something out. In the meantime, you can take my place while I take care of this adorable little man.” She scrunches her face into his, and he giggles before locking his hands into her hair. “Ouch,” she yells.

  “I’m sorry, Sadie, let me have him.” I quickly rise to my feet to take him, but she shifts her weight not allowing me to.

  “Really, Kailey, it’s fine. My fingers are numb from all the ribbon tying anyway.
” She laughs good-naturedly, and Jessa narrows her eyes at her.

  “Sit down, let’s chat,” Jessa calls me over, patting the ground next to her.

  Sadie props her feet up on the table and positions Drew so he’s sitting on her stomach. She plays with his hands, clapping them together.

  “How’s it going?” Jessa asks, handing me the supplies to wrap the small chocolate box. The one thing I love about this spunky blonde is she never gives me the sympathy look. As though she understands how much my situation sucks, but she’s not going to continuously remind me.

  “Okay. I saw Trey’s car, is he home?” I ask, not because I don’t enjoy girl time. I crave it most days, especially with Jen being so sick recently.

  “I think he walked today. I guess there was some luncheon at Filgrees.” Sadie informs me while raising Drew up in her arms and bringing him back down to her as he grasps for her face.

  “Filgrees? That’s nice,” I mention completely envious that Trey gets to eat at some five star restaurant all the faculty usually dine while I ate cold macaroni and cheese right out of the pot.

  “I know, he really nailed it with this job.” Jessa smiles brightly, holding the box with the ribbon around it. “Can you hold your finger here?”

  I place my finger on the box to secure the ribbon while she starts knotting it. “Be careful, Kailey, she’ll tie your finger if you don’t snatch it away fast enough,” Sadie jokes.

  “She just has slow reactions. That ring weighs it down,” Jessa whispers and laughs.

  “What did she say?” Sadie turns her head to see us. “What did you say, Jessa?”

  “Nothing.” Jessa shakes her head back and forth, pursing her lips together to harbor her giggles.

  “I swear, if you weren’t getting married...” Sadie doesn’t finish because the girl knows nothing except how to be nice to everyone.

  “Oh!” Jessa places the box down and excitedly pats her legs. “I almost forgot, Sadie and I are planning a spa day, and we booked you too. Trey said he’ll cover the kids for the day. I think Dex is going with him. Too bad it won’t be me, since I’m an awesome babysitter, right, Drew?” She’s rambling so fast, and Drew obviously doesn’t respond, but she keeps going. “So, it’s next Saturday. We already booked you, so you’re going.”

  “Geez, Jess, give the girl some breathing time,” Sadie chimes in, but Jessa waves her off.

  “Kailey, you need the break, and I really want you to come with us. It will be so much fun. Believe me, Trey is like Mr. Mom over there. He’ll have it under control.” She begs me, and I just nod, knowing I could always cancel with them later. I desperately would love to go, but guilt quickly supersedes my excitement that Jen can’t. We’ve always done stuff like that together, and she would’ve loved to come. Maybe a few weeks ago, but no way now. “Great!” She ends the conversation and grabs another box. I think she’s on some kind of high from the upcoming wedding. I’d probably be on one too if I was marrying Trey. Speak of the devil. I hear his voice carry through the front door.

  He must be on the phone, and I spring to my feet, eager to see him. I’m at the edge of the door when a girl’s voice chimes into the conversation. My stomach drops and my movements abruptly stop. Sadie looks my way with Drew in her arms. Her expression isn’t anything but curiosity. Jessa, on the other hand, rises to her feet and stomps into the foyer.

  “Hi,” I hear her say to the girl. “I’m Jessa, who would you be?”

  “I’m Sara,” the small soft voice answers.

  Jessa disregards her and turns her attention to Trey, “Kailey and Drew are here,” her voice stern and noticeably annoyed.

  “I saw the van. I’m just getting something for Sara. Where are they?” he casually asks her.

  I finally reveal myself and stand in the doorway with my hands clasps together in front of me. What the hell am I doing? I should be fighting for him. Letting this Sara know that he’s mine, and she needs to back off. His eyes light up when he sees me, and I’m in his arms in point three seconds.

  “Hey, baby, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” he asks.

  “It was unexpected,” I answer.

  “Where are the girls?”

  “Play date,” I answer all his questions, and then turn my head to look at Sara.

  She’s a mousy little girl with short red hair and hazel eyes. From the way she’s shifting her feet from side to side and staring at the ground, her discomfort in this tension filled room is clear. By now Sadie appears in the doorway with Drew in her arms.

  “Drew!” Trey hollers, and the little guy reaches for him. Not thinking twice, Trey grabs him from Sadie and walks us over to Sara. “Sara, this is my girlfriend Kailey and her nephew Drew.”

  “Hi.” Her hand lifts slightly, but you can tell she’s uneasy, most likely from the way Jessa ran in here and the tension radiating off of me.

  “Hi, it’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you,” I say, holding my hand out for her. A smile quickly comes across her face, and she limply shakes my hand.

  “I feel like I practically know you,” she jokes, her voice rising to what I assume is her normal range.

  “I have a habit of talking about you constantly.” Trey kisses my temple and hands me Drew. “Let me get that disk for you, Sara. I know Matt is waiting for you.” He takes the stairs two at a time.

  “Matt?” Jessa questions, her voice tremendously softer than two seconds ago.

  “My fiancé,” she answers. “He works at the restaurant, so he gave us a ride home.”

  “Fiancé, huh?” Jessa calms her temper down. “When are you getting married?”

  “Christmas. I’ve always wanted a winter wedding,” she continues.

  “This one’s got two weeks,” Sadie divulges, jerking her thumb toward Jessa. “Do me a favor and treat your bridesmaids nicely before your big day.” She playfully cocks her head to Jessa, who gives her a small push on the shoulder.

  “Congratulations,” Sara’s voice lowers again. Trey’s steps coming down the stairs can be heard before he appears.

  “Here you go, Sara.” He hands her the disk, and she smiles.

  “Thanks, Trey, I’ll get it back to you tomorrow,” she tells him turning around and opening the door. She turns around when her hands reaches the knob. “It was nice meeting all of you,” she says, and we all scramble to get the same words out of our own mouths.

  “Time for a break, give me this big guy.” Jessa grabs Drew. “I bet you’re hungry,” she says, and Drew nods his head excessively.

  “There’s snacks—.”

  “I got it covered,” she tells me.

  I walk over to the window and find a guy pulling out of the driveway with Sara in the passenger seat. Trey’s arms wrap around my waist and his chin rests on my shoulder. “Jealous?” he kids. Little does he know I was green with jealously, and I actually doubted him. I shut my eyes in regret of my foolish suspicions before turning around.

  “I’m sorry,” I apologize.

  “I told you, Kailey, I’m yours,” he brushes his lips against mine way too short for my liking.

  “You were always talking about her, but I shouldn’t have come to conclusions. It’s just things are...getting worse,” I admit to him.

  “I know, we’ll get through it. Let’s just take it one day at a time.” He peers down at me, and I nod in agreement. “So, why are you here?” he asks. “Not that I’m not thrilled to see you,” he adds.

  “Long story, but pretty much giving Caden and Jen some much needed time alone.” I nuzzle into his chest, relishing the ocean breeze scent that is Trey.

  “Let’s give them the whole night. Sara was telling me she takes Matt’s niece to this Showtime Pizza Palace all the time.”

  “Are you nuts? You do know what it is, right?” I raise both eyebrows at him.

  “Yeah, they have games and stuff. I’m sure Drew can’t do much, but the girls will love it.” He appears so excited at the idea; I’m not about to tell him
the truth.

  “Alright, we’ll get the girls from their play date and go,” I agree.

  Chapter 14

  Trey

  We pull up outside the enormous castle-like structure, and I spy parents tugging their screaming kids away from the building. The whole unfolding scene makes me want to speed away as though the building caught on fire. I glance at Kailey from the corner of my eyes and she giggles. “It will be fine,” she assures me and pats my leg.

  “I don’t think so,” I say dead serious. These three well-behaved, precious kids we have in the back might just turn out to be like the aliens now tearing away from their parents’ hands and back into the building.

  I got to hand it to the redheaded boy with glasses, he’s escaped his dad’s tight grip twice, circling around, making it back inside the doors before his dad could figure out where he had disappeared. I could be looking at a future pro running back with skills like that.

  “Out!” Tara screams, and I give Kailey the ‘I told you so look’, but all she does is giggle again. Her amusement goes to show I’ll be one of these poor souls dragging some kid away in a few hours.

  I turn off the ignition as the rear sliding doors open. Chloe is already unbuckled and helping Tara out of her car seat contraption. They both jump in my arms and their excitement is contagious, bringing a smile to my face and quickly vanquishing the memory of what I just witnessed. Kailey takes Drew in her arms, and the five of us venture into the unknown. At least for me it’s an abyss I’m not sure we’ll escape out of the same way we went in. Giving the smiling Kailey one last look, I open the door for us, and the noise that blasts out of the energy filled building has me fearful for my life.