Only Heaven Knows (Hell Yeah!)

by Sable Hunter

  Oh well, if Kristen would cover for her, she’d find out tomorrow.

  * * *

  “Oh, ha, ha.” Denver’s laugh was sarcastic and bitter in the dark room where he sat staring at the television screen. The lights were off, the shades drawn. He’d locked himself away from the world to be alone with his misery. The heartbreaking confrontation with Bryn was still bothering him and he’d done nothing but mope around ever since. He was feeling lonely and distraught, missing the woman who’d turned his life upside down at the drop of a hat.

  Kicking the table leg, Denver knocked the contents of a plate of spaghetti off onto the scarred, wooden surface. “God damn it,” he cursed at the mess. He’d made the food the day before the breakup. Even after warming it in the microwave, the pasta wasn’t salvageable. Now, it looked unappetizing, more like an alien’s insides than Italian food. Just as he’d predicted, he was living in his own personal purgatory and the worst part was that it was his own damn fault.

  He’d tried to put her out of his mind, but he felt as if someone had stabbed him in the gut. Missing Bryn was much worse than he’d thought it could be. Denver literally felt like he was going to die from the pain and loss.

  Sliding forward on the couch, he scooped a VHS tape from the table top and wiped it off with a dirty napkin. He looked at the picture on the cover and blew out a harsh breath. This was the episode of Bewitched they’d seen together the night of the carnival. He’d watched it a dozen times since, rewinding each time. Looking back, he wished he could rewind things with Bryn. There was less of a chance for things to end differently with Bryn than there was the ending of this stupid tape changing, but he’d live through it all again, just to be able to spend a little more time with her.

  “Why are you doing this to yourself, Bolden?” he asked himself after cleaning the cover. “You did the right thing, setting her free. You need to quit thinking about it and move on.”

  The pain of his own judgment was harsh and burned right through him. But he knew it was true, Bryn Harmon was better off without him.

  A knock came at the door and Denver groaned. “Oh, just go away,” he whispered, pausing the tape in the VCR so whoever was knocking wouldn’t hear the noise.

  “I know you’re in there,” Lance yelled from the other side of the door after another knock. “I can see your damn truck in the driveway, Den. Now, let me in.”

  Denver paused a moment. Lance could be a persistent bugger, he knew that better than anyone. He worked with the man almost every damn day and he knew ignoring him wasn’t going to make Rogers go away. Hell, he’d crawl in the window or kick the door down just to prove to himself he was right about Denver being at home.

  “It’s open!” Denver called out from his spot on the couch.

  The door opened a second later and the light from outside nearly blinded Denver.

  “So, this is what you needed the day off for?” Lance took a step into the dark building and kicked something with his booted foot. Bending, he picked it up. “You got something against music?”

  In a fit of anger, Denver had smashed his radio on the floor. Whether in the car, at one of their homes, or at the flower shop, Bryn always played the radio and now he couldn’t bear to hear one playing. “I got sick of listening to Justin Bieber,” Denver said in response, not wanting to be asked more about it.

  Lance tossed the broken radio parts onto the table and went to the closest window.

  “Don’t open that,” Denver protested when he saw his boss reaching for the pullcord.

  Lance yanked the cord and the sunlight came blaring in. “Too late, Count Bolden. Sun is out. Deal with it.” Taking a seat in the chair across from him, Lance noticed the disheveled state of his co-worker and friend. “You mad at the washer and dryer too?”

  Denver looked down at the shirt he wore. There was a giant spaghetti sauce stain on the front. “The maid comes in on Wednesdays.”

  Lance just smiled back. “You know, I’ve been away on my honeymoon and you call in sick on my first day back to work. Wanna tell me what this is all about? Didn’t feel like seeing my vacation pictures?”

  “Shouldn’t you still be at work?” It was clear Lance was here to talk, and Denver wasn’t interested.

  “I was on my way into town and I thought I’d swing by. You knew we were planning on putting in that new row of fencing today. So why did you hang me out to dry?”

  “I wasn’t feeling good.”

  “Well, shit. I can see you aren’t feeling good, Den. You haven’t shaved or bathed, judging by the aroma I smell. I don’t hear a cough or see a runny nose, though, and for some reason you decided to call Noah and let him know instead of calling me. Hell, I can take a lot of things, but that kinda seems personal. So, let’s just cut through the bullshit and you tell me what’s wrong. You’re moping around like you’ve lost your best friend.”

  Denver rose from his seat, cleaned up the mess, and took the plate of congealed spaghetti off the table and headed to the kitchen to dump it in the garbage. “You’re one to judge, you just came back from your honeymoon. You think the whole world is coming up roses.”

  “I am in a good mood. Love is wonderful, but I’m not doing this all day, Den.” Lance followed him into the kitchen. “You’ve got this place closed off like a damn crypt. You’re giving me the creeps. So, out with it. Is it money? Your truck? How’s your romance with Bryn coming along?”

  Bam! Denver knew Lance had saved the most likely problem for last. There was no fooling his boss. “It’s not. I broke it off with her.”

  Lance’s face darkened. “What the fuck are you talking about? The girl was perfect for you.”

  Denver shook his head in the negative. “She’s too good for me. She’s perfect. That’s the problem, I’m not.”

  “Explain.”

  Seeing his boss was going to press him until he talked, Denver just let go. He told Lance all about Louis, about his horrible mistake, about Louis’s death and his prison time. “I’m sorry I never told you, but I served my time. After I got out of the pen, I just wandered around doing odd jobs until I landed here. You and the McCoys have been good to me and if you feel I shouldn’t work here anymore because I wasn’t straight with you, I’ll understand.”

  “Forget it, you proved yourself a long time ago. What does any of this have to do with Bryn? Did she find out and lambast you for it?”

  “No, I told her, and she was completely understanding.”

  Lance raised his hands in supplication. “So, what’s the problem?”

  Denver looked at Lance like he was missing the point. “I failed Louis. My parents disowned me. They made it clear that I am lacking in many ways. I can’t trust myself with Bryn. One way or the other, I’ll let her down like I let down Louis.”

  “Bullshit,” Lance said flatly. “Excuse my French.”

  He pointed to Denver’s truck. “You need to get your ass in gear and get that girl back. I need you to get your act together. Tricia and I recently reclaimed my family ranch.”

  “Shenandoah?”

  “Yea, I didn’t tell you or anyone else.” He shook his head. “It was complicated, and I wanted to be sure before I said anything to anyone.”

  Denver came over to his friend and boss. He still didn’t understand it all, but he was happy for Lance, he knew how much the ranch meant to him. “Congratulations, buddy.”

  Lance stood and accepted his friend’s hug and sat again. “Anyway, I’m leaving Tebow,” he said once he sat down.

  “You’re what?” Denver was shocked. “Are you serious? I figured you’d just deal with both.”

  “No, Tricia and I are moving to Shenandoah. With me leaving Tebow, my job will open up and I’ve already endorsed you as my replacement.”

  Denver was bowled over. “Are you kidding me?”

  “Not at all. It’s not a done deal, of course, but I’ve made my thoughts perfectly clear to Aron and the family on who I believe should take my job and I believe they’ll liste
n to me. But you need to do your part, Denver. You’ve gotta clean up your act. First, you go off on Nathan like you did at the party and now you miss a day when we have a big project planned. I know women can turn your world upside down, but you need to screw that head of yours back on straight and move forward. Go apologize to the girl. If you and Bryn were meant to be, you will be. You can’t let your entire world crumble over a breakup.”

  “You’re right,” he told Lance, not fully believing what he was saying. “I need to pull myself up by my boot straps. I appreciate you putting in a good word for me at Tebow.” He paused for a moment and dry-scrubbed his face. “You think I’m ready for this much responsibility? You’d trust me to do the job?”

  “If we don’t count today, you’ve always done everything I’ve ever asked you to do and more.” Lance put his hand on Denver’s arm. “You saved my life down in that hole. Remember?”

  “I didn’t, not really.” He couldn’t give Bryn away. “It was a team effort.”

  “I think you’re shortchanging yourself in a lot of ways.” He shook his finger at Denver. “Mark my word, you need to go to Bryn Harmon and make things right. I almost lost Tricia because of my hard-headedness. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”

  “Thanks.” Denver stood up and straightened his shirt. “Lance, as much as I hate that you’re leaving, I would like the job. Could I come in to work now and put in a few hours?”

  Lance gave him a long look. “I was heading into town for some more fence staples, but if you can find a clean shirt to put on, you can take my place and meet me back at Tebow afterward.”

  Denver headed for his room. “I’m on it. I’ll be back with the staples before you know it.”

  After he quickly changed clothes and freshened up, Denver took off for town. He still couldn’t believe Lance had recommended him for foreman at Tebow. As he drove, he considered what this would mean. He’d really have to step up his game. Could he do it? Not surprisingly, his first impulse was to call Bryn and tell her his good news. His heart sank when he realized that wasn’t possible. He couldn’t just call out of the blue, not with things the way they were between them.

  Damn, his emotions were all over the place.

  Had he made a mistake? Could he be the man Bryn needed?

  Lance’s confidence in him was causing Denver to question everything.

  Maybe if he could just see Bryn one more time.

  A trip to the hardware store for supplies would mean going past the flower shop. He’d go slow and if he caught a glimpse of her, he’d take that as a sign.

  Turning left at the light, he eased off the gas. Slowing to a crawl, he came upon a sight that damn near tore a hole in his chest. Bryn was standing out in front of the store, but she wasn’t alone. Freddy Danvers was with her and he had his arm around her. Denver felt his chest tighten. He winced and hit the gas, swerving to narrowly miss a car that had pulled over to let someone out. Fuck! What had he expected? He’d pushed her away and right into someone else’s arms.

  … “Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you to Boerne?” Freddy asked hopefully.

  “No, I have Denver’s car, I’ll take it. I don’t know how long I’ll be.” She didn’t want to use it, but until she sold the property, she couldn’t afford to buy anything else.

  “Well, if you change your mind… Gee, that guy is in some kind of a hurry.”

  Bryn looked up when she heard the tires squeal. The truck was familiar and there was no mistaking the handsome face of the driver. Denver! Had he seen her? Her first instinct was to raise her hand to wave, but he didn’t stop or slow down, he sped up. “Yea, he must have somewhere to be,” Bryn said with a sigh. Most likely, he’d seen her and couldn’t wait to get away from her. The thought broke Bryn’s heart anew and she felt tears begin to form in her eyes.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  “I can’t believe this,” Tricia said as she stared at Bryn who was about to walk out the door to drive to Emmaus House. “I come back from a glorious honeymoon to find you’ve given your notice!”

  “Yes, I know this will put you in a bind and I’m sorry, but I just can’t stay.”

  Tricia waved her hand dismissively. “Oh, I’ll get someone to help Kristen, we’ll make it.” She frowned at Bryn. “I’m worried about you. What happened?”

  Bryn glanced at her watch, she didn’t really have time to go into it now. “Things just didn’t work out.”

  “With Denver?”

  Bryn sighed. “You got it in one.” She made another step toward the door. “I have to leave, but I promise I’ll tell you everything. Okay?” She owed Tricia that much.

  “All right, but let me give you something to think about while you’re gone.”

  Bryn narrowed her eyes. Tricia’s expression was pure mischief. “Do not even think about setting me up with anyone. I’m swearing off men.”

  “No, it’s nothing like that. I’m leaving Kerrville. Lance and I are moving to his family’s ranch up near San Saba.”

  “You’re leaving?” Bryn was stunned. “I’m sorry…” She stammered. “I know my leaving will complicate matters.”

  “That’s not what I’m getting at.” Tricia tapped a pen on the counter, clearly excited. “I was planning on turning the shop over to you to manage. I know Avery would approve. And if things worked out, maybe we could start a very reasonable payment plan for you to buy me out.”

  Bryn swayed on her feet with shock. “I don’t know what to say. I’m speechless.” If only things were different. If only she still had Denver in her life. How amazing all of this could be! But…no use wishing for things that could never happen. If she needed further proof, Denver drag racing down the street to avoid her seeing him was clear evidence.

  “Well, just think about it, that’s all I ask.” Tricia came around to hug her. “I want you to be happy, Bryn Harmon. And I don’t think leaving Kerrville and Denver is the answer.”

  …After Tricia dropped her bomb about the shop, Bryn drove south to Boerne in a daze. Too much was happening too fast. Life outside the convent walls was certainly complicated. In a short number of weeks, she felt as if she’d lived a lifetime. Having a home of her own. Finding a job. Meeting a man. Falling in love. Losing her virginity - gulp. Getting her heart broken in two. Now, a crazy business opportunity. Her head was swimming. If only she could talk to Denver, she’d feel better. “Dream on, Miss Bryn,” she told herself sarcastically, using Denver’s pet name for her. “Ain’t gonna happen.”

  The drive wasn’t far, just over an hour on Interstate 10. During that time, as requested, she did give Tricia’s offer some thought. Bryn hated to turn down such a generous gesture, but she couldn’t see any way to make it work. Just the idea of staying in a town and watching her ex find love with someone else was unbearable.

  As she neared her destination, Bryn could see the spire of the chapel peeping up over the large oaks. Emmaus House was enclosed within a high stone wall with massive wrought iron gates, flanked by gas lamps. Through the ornate gates, outsiders could see the huge white structure, both mysterious and awe inspiring. Those who did take time to peer inside the compound, could catch glimpses of the black-robed sisters going silently about their tasks.

  Bryn felt her heart begin to pound as she pulled up to the gate to gain entrance. She leaned from the window and pressed the button, waiting for the camera to zero in on her face. For the longest, she hadn’t even known this surveillance equipment existed. Inside the walls of the convent, very little technology was visible. No televisions. One computer in the secretary’s office who worked for Mother Superior, and one landline in the communal living room. Bryn never had cause to use any of the equipment. Now, she was well versed in how to use a phone and a radio was her constant companion.

  “Enter, please.”

  As the gates swung open, Bryn felt her blood pressure rise. She was nervous. In some ways, she felt as if she was coming home. Only the memory of the inquisition she’d suffered at the hands
of Mother Superior and the church council kept the feelings of nostalgia at bay.

  Pulling up to the convent entrance, she left Denver’s car in the visitor’s parking lot. Standing up, she checked her clothing. She was dressed in a simple navy dress, very modest and very inexpensive. Still, she felt like she was wearing something highly inappropriate. Pushing her hair over her shoulder, she straightened up to her full height and started up the steps. If she’d had more time and not been so worried over Denver, she would’ve dyed her hair red again – just to see Mother’s expression. Even without knowing why she’d been summoned, Bryn expected to be attacked again. After the people she trusted the most in the world turned against her like a pack of raving wolves, she couldn’t imagine them welcoming her with open arms at this late date.

  To Bryn’s surprise, she seemed to be mistaken.

  “Brianna, so glad you could take the time to meet with me.”

  Bryn made a slight bowing motion with her head, acknowledging Mother Superior’s status within the church. “I’m not sure why I’m here.”

  “Please, sit down.” She made a sweeping motion with her hand, indicating a gilded, velvet covered chair. The rest of the convent might be furnished in a spartan motif, but Mother Superior’s office was much more lavish.

  “Thank you.” Bryn sat down on the edge of the seat, as if she might have need to flee at any moment. “What can I do for you, Mother?”

  Mother Superior sat down in her high back chair, keeping eye contact with Bryn. “I find myself in unusual circumstances.”

  “You do?” Bryn waited for more.

  “Yes, I fear I have done you a great injustice.”

  Bryn’s heart began to race. “Really? How so?”

  Mother Superior folded her hands. “Like the apostle Paul on the road to Damascus, I have received a vision from the Lord.”

  Bryn didn’t know what to say. She just waited for the elder nun to continue.

  Mother cleared her throat. “I know this may come too late, but I want to offer you an apology. I have had a message from heaven, clearly telling me to be careful how I treat strangers, lest I be entertaining angels unaware.”