by Leen Elle
"How do you know I'm not staring at Joe?" Lilli asked stubbornly.
"Because I know you! Not to mention the enamored look on your face, the same look that conquered your face whenever you read one of Sam's letters. You are certainly not wasting that look on a man who isn't alive, and only wrote you pathetic letters."
Lilli groaned, throwing the picture off the bed. "Would you hide it for me? Somewhere I won't find it."
"Please Lilli, when you want to see him, you will turn this room upside down to find it. I don't know why you don't just forgive him if you love him so much. I mean, you didn't even know Joe that well. If I remember correctly, you were going to stop writing to him."
"That doesn't matter! He lied to me, humiliated me! He could have died and I wouldn't have even known! I don't know who he is."
"I'll have to argue with that. I'm fairly certain you know exactly who he is."
"Vivian! You're not going to convince me. I can't trust him, what kind of relationship can be built without trust?"
"I don't know, and I am not saying that if you give him another chance you're going to end up married to him. All I'm saying is, don't you love him enough to hear his explanation and then decide?" Viv said carefully, settling beside her on the bed.
"I've already heard his explanation."
"When you were so angry that steam could have been billowing from your ears! And I'm sure he didn't manage to get it all out because you were so upset."
"It won't make a difference." Lilli said confidently.
"I think you're being stubborn."
"You just don't understand."
"No, maybe I don't understand exactly what you're feeling right now. But I do understand having a soldier overseas who you love and care about. Believe me, I never thought it would happen, but Bobby is over there and I would give anything to have him back right now. The man you've been slowly falling in love with for two years is an hour away now, and you're sitting on your bed staring at his picture! You claim to be angry, but I know he's all you think about. So don't tell me I don't understand." Viv said, her voice verging on anger.
"But he lied to me!"
Viv draped an arm around Lilli, "Maybe he had a reason, but you'll never know if you don't give him a chance."
"I can't, I just, can't." Lilli said, a tear slipping from her eye.
"Not even to read a letter?" Viv asked, fluttering an envelope in front of her face.
"What? From Sam?"
"Yes."
"Where did it come from?" Lilli was still, staring at the envelope, unable to take her eyes from it.
"It was on the table when I came in, your mom asked me to bring it up. Want to read it?"
"No, throw it away." Lilli said softly.
"I will do no such thing!"
"Then take it with you."
"Fine, and when you want it, you can call me."
"I won't want it."
"Whatever you say Lilli. I've got to get to work, I just thought I'd stop by to see how you were doing before I went. Why don't you come by later to see me, if you're feeling up to some fresh air and company. And by company, I mean, not staring at a photo that can't talk to you."
Lilli nodded and smiled, watching as Viv left her bedroom. What she didn't realize was that Viv had more than an hour before her shift started at Judy and Pete's. Viv was anxious to read Lilli's letter, and hoped that Lilli herself would do the honors. But, desperate times called for desperate measures, and when she reached the diner, she raced for the back room. Tearing into the letter as if it was from her own sweetheart, she read Sam's words carefully.
October 6, 1944
Dear Lilli,
I hope this letter is not offensive. I also hope you are not disappointed about receiving it so late. After our meeting in the diner, I wanted to respect your anger, and your request of me to leave you alone. While I know you asked to never see me again, that I couldn't do. I love you with all that I am, and I can't imagine my life without you. For the past month, I can't think of anything but you. I miss you every minute I'm home, knowing you're so close and still not being able to see you is almost more than I can bear.
You are the first girl I have ever loved, and will be the last. I am willing to fight in another war if it means winning your forgiveness and love in turn. It is a war I'm not willing to lose, a war I can't lose. I want to explain everything, but not here. Please call me at my house, the number is 4 134, I look forward to hearing from you.
All My Love,
Sam Carter
Viv smiled as she finished reading. She knew Lilli would never be the first one to fix anything about the relationship she was so confused over, and had almost become mad at Sam for not acting sooner. After reading, she understood his hesitation, and thought he was doing what was best, and perhaps he had. But, she also knew that Lilli didn't think she was ready yet, Viv had other ideas. With his phone number, she would certainly be making a call, but not to Sam. If she remembered correctly, Sam had a sister named Kate, surely she would have some idea of how to get the two of them together again. Viv sighed in contentment, planning to get to work as soon as her shift ended.
Chapter 15
October 30, 1944
Sam sat comfortably in the large chair in the living room, cuddling his newest favorite girl. His niece Grace Elizabeth Hawkins had arrived almost three weeks ago, Sam couldn't seem to get enough of her. She seemed to be the only one who could take his mind off of Lilli. Right now she was eating, her blue eyes hidden beneath her lash lined eyelids as she concentrated. Sam never thought she could fall in love so quickly, but Grace had gotten him with a single yawn.
Sarah had asked Momma to take Gracie for the afternoon, needing some alone time with Rob before he left for the war. He had avoided battle for as long as he was able, but in three days, he would be on his way to training. Sam had stolen the baby as soon as she had woken from her nap. Of course it never took long for her to lull into another one. She smiled unabashed at Sam as he bounced her in his arms. Reaching for the buttons on his shirt, she occupied herself, leaving him laughing at her curiosity.
He had been out in the trees before coming in for lunch, and seeing Sarah decided to take a break from work. His knee had been doing better, but today it was bothering him. Sitting with Grace gave him some time to stretch his knee, and enjoy the addition to their family. Life had gone back to normal, Momma had stopped babying him, and the girls talked to him as if he never left. The only differences were Rob and Gracie, who were fitting into the family just fine.
"Oh, Sam!" Kate said in surprise, walking into the living room. "I thought you were in the orchard."
"I was, but when I came in for lunch, this little lady stole my attention." he laughed, smiling as Grace tugged on his shirt as if on cue. "And my knee was bothering me."
"Well I hope you don't plan on hogging Gracie for the whole day, I haven't seen her in almost two days. So, have you heard from Lilli?" she asked, trying a bit too hard to seem nonchalant.
"No," he sighed, "and I'm beginning to think I won't."
"Don't give up Sam, I'm sure she misses you. You said you had to give her some time."
"Maybe she does miss me, but I've destroyed her trust in me, I would understand if she never forgave me."
"I don't know how she could live without someone as wonderful as you. I think she must be insane."
"She's not insane, she wants a man she can trust, a man who she knows would be honest with her. I still don't know what I was thinking, I should have listened to Wes, he told me to just tell her who I was."
"Wes, tried to talk sense into you?" she asked, half laughing.
"Yea, he grew up quite a bit while we were in Europe. I think the bullets zinging around his head had an effect."
"I know."
Sam looked away from Grace, pinning Kate to her seat on the couch with curious eyes, "You know?"
"It's kind of obvious."
"Yea, I guess you're right. Have I changed as muc
h as he has?"
"I don't think so, I mean, you've changed, but you were already the most mature of your threesome. Think about it, Joe the womanizer and Wes the practical joke player, you've always just been the nice guy."
Grace squirmed in his arms, sighing as she rubbed her eyes with tiny hands. Sam felt his attention pulled back in her direction. "What is Sarah going to do when Rob goes? She's already exhausted, and he's here. I know Momma will watch her, but she gets busy too with her jams and preserves."
"I think I've talked Sarah into hiring a live in nanny."
"What?"
"She'll hire someone to stay with her and Grace. When Rob leaves, she'll have the extra room, and she won't want to be out in the cottage by herself, but there's not exactly enough room for her and Grace to live here permanently until whenever Rob gets back. If she hires someone to help with Grace and stay with her, she won't go insane and everyone else can keep their normal schedules. We might even make a new friend in the process!"
"That's a great idea Katie, I hope she can find someone she likes." Sam smiled at his sister, who was now beaming.
"I think I already have."
. . .
"I can't take it anymore Viv!" Lilli screamed uncharacteristically in the back room at Judy and Pete's. Viv was working late, and Lilli had rushed from her home right after dinner. She was still dressed up in a cute black cocktail dress with a red sweater over her shoulders. Her shoes clacked on the hard tile as she paced the break room, looking as if she was going to burst.
"Calm down, what's the matter? I've never seen you this upset."
"She invited another man over for dinner, that's the third one this week! She was practically rejoicing when she discovered I wasn't distracted by Joe anymore! Obviously, she thought that meant I would be more open to her boring, rich, single gentleman. She talks about me incessantly and I have to sit there, with a smile plastered to my face while a greasy over starched man stares at me in admiration for more than two hours!"
"Have you talked to her about it?"
"Yes! She just shakes her head and tells me I'm being ridiculous. Then she reminds me that I'm not getting any younger, and that soon she won't be able to find a single man looking for a woman of my age. Then she continues yapping about her being deprived of grandchildren, and that she always knew she should have had more than one child, just in case one never bloomed." Lilli huffed, falling into a chair. "Why doesn't she believe me when I say my heart is broken?"
"Because she didn't want to believe you were ever in love. She thought it was all foolishness."
Lilli felt Viv's arms around her before she felt the hot tears running down her cheeks. Surely she would have lines of mascara running down her face, not fit to be in public when she was finished unburdening herself to Viv. She hadn't cried this hard since the night Sam told her the truth. The only question she kept asking herself was, how long would all the pain last? She thought it would all be over by now, and that her busy but simple life would just go back to normal.
She never expected to miss a person that had never really been there. Every once in a while, she found herself checking the mailbox, looking for a letter from Sam. Wanting to know how his sisters were doing, or if he had ever found out who Katie was in love with. She wanted to know how he was doing at home, and if he felt like the stranger he assumed he would be once he stepped off the boat. Wanted to dance with him in the orchard, around the apple trees, holding onto his strong arms tightly. How could she want so much when she had never really known him at all?
"I think you should get away." Viv said, interrupting her thoughts.
"What?"
"I think you should get away for a while."
"You mean like a vacation?"
Viv laughed, "We both know you wouldn't do well with the free time. I had something else in mind."
"Well are you going to share, or are you going to make me guess while I'm in such a state?" Lilli said, unable to stop a sob that bubbled up from her chest.
"I have a friend who's sister just had a baby. I talked to her the other day and said she could really use an extra pair of hands. Her husband is leaving for the war very soon and the family is looking for someone to stay with her for a few months. You would stay in her small home with her and the baby, and be there when she needed a break, or couldn't quite handle everything on her own. You love babies, and working around the house, you could definitely use the time away, and I'm sure you'll love Sarah."
"Sarah?"
"Yes, Sarah Hawkins, the mother, you would be a real encouragement. I also hear that Gracie is the most adorable baby, but that is coming from her adoring aunt, so I'm not sure it can be trusted. But let's face it, you even have a soft spot for ugly babies."
"Babies are not ugly!"
Viv laughed, "Believe me, babies are ugly sometimes. Bridget O'Connor was an ugly baby. I can still remember thinking she looked more like a mouse than a human being. Her hair was so white it didn't even look like she had eyelashes or eyebrows. And you fell in love with her right away."
"Bridget was an adorable baby!" Lilli defended.
"No, Bridget is an adorable little girl, but she didn't start to get cute until she was at least nine months old."
"You're terrible."
"Yes, I think you bring that characteristic up about every time we see each other. We both agree that I'm terrible, but you know I always tell the truth. So, what can I tell my friend, will you go?"
"It actually sounds tempting." Lilli said after a moment, still a bit upset at Viv calling Bridget an ugly baby. "Being away with a baby to focus on might do just the trick."
"Good! I'll give you Sarah's number. She wanted to speak with you personally to set everything up. I know she'll fall in love with you on the phone."
Lilli smiled for the first time that evening, she gave Viv another hug and then walked to the sink to clean up her face. Maybe she would be alright after all. She did love babies, any time with children usually swallowed up everything else on her mind. She never worried about Joe while she was with the O'Connor's, so why would she think about Sam while she was with Sarah and Grace. It was perfect, absolutely perfect, she couldn't wait to be on her way.
Chapter 16
November 10, 1944
The train ride was only a half an hour long, but Lilli's nerves had made it seem much longer. Lilli had called Sarah the day after she spoke with Viv and they had a good conversation. Sarah told her about Grace, and they agreed that Lilli should come as soon as she could after Rob's departure. Now Lilli stood on the train platform with her two suitcases, scanning the crowd for someone wearing a blue sweater.
After ten minutes of waiting in the brisk temperature, Lilli walked toward the street, hoping to see someone in a car. A green pick up pulled up, a young girl with a black braid leaned over and rolled down the window. "Are you Lillian?" she asked, her voice high pitched with a slight southern accent.
"Yes..."
Relief flooded her young face, "Hi, I'm Annie, one of Sarah's sisters. Sorry I'm late, I stalled out a couple of times on my way here."
"No problem," Lilli smiled, "thank you for coming to get me, and please call me Lilli."
"Sure!" Annie exclaimed, climbing out of the truck. "I love any excuse to drive. We'll just throw your bags in the back and be on our way. Sarah is really looking forward to meeting you. She spent all day yesterday readying your room, she wants you to be comfortable. Don't tell her I told you this, but I think she's a little afraid that you might not like her."
Lilli laughed, liking this talkative girl already, "I know exactly how she feels."
"Are you afraid Sarah won't like you?" Annie asked, her voice full of disbelief.
Lilli giggled, "Yes, I guess I am, but not just Sarah, your whole family."
"Well you don't have to worry about anything, because I already like you. If I like you, everyone else will too, we all have the same taste in people."
"Thank you for saying that Annie, I fee
l a little better already."
"Even if you don't like our family, you'll love Gracie. She is the sweetest thing I've ever seen. I try to visit every day after school. I tell you, she is going to be one spoiled little girl. But, she is the first baby in the family, so it's understandable. Oh, here's our house!" Annie exclaimed, turning sharply on to the gravel drive. "You'll meet Momma and Dad later I'm sure. Sarah and Rob live down the lane just a little ways. I'm sure the two of you will be at the big house for supper an awful lot. Sarah's not the greatest cook, she tries, but she always seems to forget ingredients, important ingredients."
Lilli laughed, "I love to cook."
"So does Sarah, but what she cooks tastes awful. Maybe you can teach Sarah a few things." Annie smiled, her brown eyes twinkling. "Well, here we are. Let's go in, I know Sarah's anxious to meet you, we'll come for your bags later."