Captivated

by Leen Elle

  "It's my fault she's at the orchard, because of me, his chances might already be ruined. I can't do something else that could hurt him, he deserves her, because he loves her, and I'm convinced she loves him too. He's been such a good brother to me, and after all he's been through, he deserves to be happy. And if our keeping our mouths shut for another month or two could make that happen, then I have to do it."

  Wes smiled, running his hand over her hair in an attempt to calm her, his love for her growing with every protective word. "We'll wait pumpkin, we'll wait. But we're going to have to find another place to see each other, because this will be a little too cold in a few weeks." He was a little disappointed by her decision, but knowing that she loved him was enough for now, he could put his plan into motion and not wonder if it was all for naught.

  Chapter 20

  December 19, 1944

  I don't know if mine will turn out very well." Sarah sighed as she stared at the Christmas cookie recipe in her hand.

  "Why do you think they won't turn out?" Lilli asked, settling Grace in her seat.

  "Because, I always either forget something, or add double."

  Lilli couldn't help but laugh, "That was always my problem too. So, I always set everything I need out on the counter and either put them back after I use them, or check them off the recipe card with a pencil."

  "Doesn't that take longer?"

  "Maybe a little longer, but it takes less time than making a new batch of cookies."

  "That's a good point."

  "And of course, your mom will be here to help."

  "And you too!" Sarah said with a smile. "What kind did you get?"

  "Peanut Butter, my favorite kind!" Lilli smiled, tasting them as she spoke.

  "Really? They're Sam's favorite too."

  Lilli was glad to be occupied, it made hiding her blush a great deal easier. She had been with this family for weeks now, but at every mention of Sam she felt her cheeks warm like a school girl. Mrs. Carter came in soon after and clapped the girls into action. They were each given a station in the large kitchen and got to work, swapping the ingredients they needed. Kate and Annie came in a little later, beginning their own assigned recipe's. Lilli's cookies were decidedly less involved than everyone else's , so when Grace started squealing, it was Lilli who took her.

  "I think she needs a change, a bottle and maybe a little quiet. Where can I take her Mrs. Carter?"

  "Go ahead to Sam's room dear, his is the only room down here. If Gracie falls asleep, we'll be able to hear her in there."

  Lilli felt her cheeks heat again, but nodded in agreement. She set a bottle in a pan of water on the stove, then escorted Grace to her Uncle Sam's room. Grace kept her attention from her surroundings, she placed the plastic pad down on the neatly made bed and changed Grace. While she worked, she wondered if Mrs. Carter had tidied Sam's room. Grace calmed down a little and Lilli set her in the middle of four, carefully placed pillows, and went to get the bottle.

  When she returned, she cuddled Grace into her arms and offered the bottle. Grace sucked at it greedily, making Lilli laugh, "You should have said something sooner baby girl."

  Grace continued to eat without a fuss and Lilli found herself with nothing to do, so her eyes wandered. It was a fairly large room, in perfect order. A tall dresser had a mirror above it. There was also a picture perched on top which Lilli couldn't quite see. On a longer, shorter dresser, sat a handmade dish with change and buttons, two other pictures, and books held neatly between two book ends. She could make out several written by Charles dickens and gasped when she saw Northanger Abbey on the end, a book mark sticking from the top.

  Not allowing herself to think too much about that, she moved her eyes to his night table. His worn Bible sat in front of an alarm clock. Next to his alarm clock was a picture of her. Tears clung to the corners of her eyes. Sam claimed to love her and she shouldn't be surprised that the picture she had sent him was somewhere in his room, but she was. She had asked Sam to keep his distance, and he had, but it was obvious that he had not given up on her. That knowledge was a little unsettling to Lilli and she wasn't exactly sure what to think.

  Grace hiccuped, bringing Lilli's attention back to her small charge. The bottle was nearly empty, Lilli set it aside and pulled Grace up against her shoulder, patting her back gently. A quiet burp sounded and Lilli snuggled Grace, bouncing her gently until she was asleep. Once again, surrounding Grace with pillows to keep her from rolling, she left the baby happily sucking her thumb.

  "It smells wonderful out here!" Lilli smiled, glad to have something to hold her attention.

  "Your cookies just came out." Mrs. Carter smiled.

  "Would it break the rules to steal one?" she asked, peering at the cookies that were now cooling.

  The Carter women laughed, "We've already had one, Annie's had two!" Kate cried.

  Lilli laughed too as she reached the cooling rack, carefully picking her cookie. Mrs. Carter poured her a cup of coffee and Lilli fell into an empty kitchen chair. The girls talked as they waited for the timer to announce that the next batch was finished. Annie entertained them most of the time, telling them all about the week of school before Christmas vacation.

  "Lilli dear, would you like to take some cookies home with you? You should get to enjoy your own labor on Christmas." Mrs. Carter asked as she pulled a batch of chocolate chips from the oven.

  "Oh, actually, I'm not going home for Christmas..."

  "What? Sarah, why didn't you tell me?"

  "Because I didn't know. I thought you were leaving on the 23rd Lilli." Sarah said over her cup of coffee.

  "I was, but my parents decided to visit my dad's family this year. They are leaving tomorrow and won't be home until January 5th, I didn't want to be away that long."

  "Oh Lilli! You could have gone, I would have been fine." Sarah said.

  "That's alright, I didn't really want to go. My aunt and mother don't get along very well, so two weeks with them wouldn't be pleasant. I'll go home for a weekend after Christmas to see my parents."

  "Well then we'll expect to see you here." Mrs. Carter said, matter of factly as she rolled out cut-out cookies for the girls to decorate.

  "Gosh, we'll be squished this year!" Annie sighed.

  "Squished?" Lilli asked, confused.

  "Yes, everyone comes on Christmas Eve and spends the night. The adults sleep upstairs, and so do the boys. Us girls stay downstairs in Sam's room, I can't wait!"

  Lilli felt her stomach fall, she would have to spend the night in the same house as Sam, in his bedroom? How much more could she take? Knowing it wasn't Sam's idea, but tradition, she tried to push it from her mind, wanting to enjoy the rest of the afternoon.

  Soon, Kate and Annie had her mind far away from the problem of Christmas Eve. They were a hilarious duo and could probably have their own show on the radio. Sam had certainly represented them correctly in his letters. Despite everything going on in Lilli's mind, she was glad she had gotten the chance to know them. Kate was always looking for a way to tease, Annie said the most ridiculous things, Mrs. Carter was sweet and caring, and Sarah was just like her, always encouraging. They had made Lilli feel like part of the family, Christmas would certainly be interesting.

  Chapter 21

  December 24, 1944

  Lilli had pulled her hair into a braid over her left shoulder. Sarah had instructed her to shower before they left for the big house, because of the crowd, showers became a bit difficult on Christmas day. Wearing a comfortable dress and sweater, Lilli pushed her pajamas and Christmas dress carefully into a large bag where her gifts for Sarah and Grace were already waiting.

  When she was ready, she took her things to the living room, checking to see if she could help Sarah with anything. Lilli couldn't help but laugh at the state Sarah was in, she was bustling around the house, throwing things toward several large bags. "How can I help?'

  "Oh Lilli!" Sarah sighed. "I've been so busy getting Christmas things together I don'
t have a thing ready for Gracie."

  "Not a problem." Lilli got right to work, glad to have something to do. She pulled pre-made bottles from the refrigerator, tucking them inside a bag before moving to the nursery to get diapers and clothes. When she had gathered everything, Sarah was still not ready, so she set to packing the things that Sarah hadn't quite gotten into the bags. After about another half an hour, the three girls were on their way to the big house.

  "Merry Christmas!" Annie and Kate screamed, bounding out of the front door.

  "Merry Christmas." Sarah and Lilli echoed.

  The girls helped Lilli with the bags while Sarah gathered Grace. They managed to get everything inside in one trip and were greeted by the rest of the Carter family. Lilli accepted a hug from Mrs. Carter and even wished Sam a Merry Christmas before working to get everything settled. They were only alone for a moment before Aunt Abby's family arrived.

  Lilli couldn't stop her smile and building excitement, having the entire family was a wonderful tradition and Lilli was enjoying herself. Hot chocolate, cider and egg nog had been passed around and cookies had been laid out. Lilli couldn't help but notice Sam reaching for the peanut butter cookies more than once, and willed her blush to remain under the surface. At eight o'clock, Grandad Carter gathered the children of the family and read a Christmas story. When they had finished, the entire family broke into song, sending the kids to bed in the guest room upstairs.

  After another half hour of mingling, the adults set to work. A Christmas tree was hauled in the back door and set up quickly. Lilli helped to decorate it and then moved to help Sarah's cousin Marie assemble a toy cradle for her daughter Danielle. Two hours of work left the living room sparkling with Christmas sprit.

  As soon as everything was finished, the adults rushed to bed, knowing full well that tomorrow would bring an early morning. The ladies were now in Sam's room, settling down for the night. Lilli was on the floor between Marie and Kate and knew she would have trouble sleeping. Christmas Eve always proved to be the hardest night to settle her excitement and find rest.

  "Here's a pillow." Sarah offered Lilli from the bed. Lilli thanked her and snuggled down into her pile of quilts and blankets. The lights went out and she breathed deeply, surprised by the scent. Her pillow smelled clean, but there was the lingering aroma of shaving cream and cologne that could only belong to Sam. Somehow the smell comforted her and she fell into an easy, shallow sleep.

  Checking the clock, Lilli could see that she had only slept for forty-five minutes. Sighing in frustration, she felt a gnawing sensation in her stomach and realized she wouldn't be able to sleep until she had something to eat. When she got up carefully, she noticed that Kate was also missing, which made her feel better about wandering around the house. Pulling on her robe, she tip-toed through the house into the kitchen.

  Lilli poured herself a cup of milk and found a few cookies, which she thought would hold her until morning. While she ate, she heard a squeal that came from the porch and nearly fell off of her chair from fright. Forgetting her cookies, she stood and peeked out the kitchen window. What she saw made her choke on the piece of chocolate chip still in her mouth.

  Kate was sitting on the porch, arms around a man, an opened gift on her lap. Lilli maintained her perch, determined to discover who the man was. She didn't have to wait long, Kate pressed a kiss to his lips and walked him to the top of the porches steps, then he turned. Lilli's breath caught when she recognized Wes. "Katie is in love with Sam's best friend!" she thought.

  Excitement pulsed through her but she managed to remained quiet while Kate snuck back into the bedroom holding all of the girls. When she was sure Kate was settled, she moved into the living room, where she found Sam, fast asleep on her couch. Without thinking, she shook him, his warm brown eyes blinking open in surprise.

  "Lilli?" he asked, groggily. "Is something wrong?"

  "No, but I have to tell you something."

  "Right now?"

  "Believe me, you're going to want to hear this." she smiled. Sam nodded and moved his legs, inviting Lilli to sit beside him. She plopped onto the couch about to begin when she noticed the shocked expression on Sam's face. "What?"

  Sam laughed, "I wasn't really expecting you to sit next to me, you've been very careful to keep your distance."

  "Well, this is important, a secret, and everyone's asleep."

  "You're going to tell me a secret?" he asked, his eyes lighting in excitement, unbelief threaded around his gravely voice.

  "Would you listen to me?" Lilli sighed.

  "Yes," he laughed, "I'm very interested to hear what the secret is."

  "I know who Katie's in love with!"

  "What? Who?" he said in nearly a shout.

  "I just saw Katie on the porch with Wes!"

  Sam laughed, "Wes is my best friend, it's not unusual for them to be together." Sam fell backward into the couch, as if disappointed by this news, but Lilli wasn't finished.

  "It's eleven o'clock on Christmas Eve, and she kissed him!" she announced, fighting to keep her voice down.

  "Katie and Wes?" Sam said thoughtfully. He was quiet for a moment, then started to laugh silently, his shoulders shaking. "I should have known! While we were in Europe he kept talking to me about Katie and who I would want her to date. One time he asked if I would like her to date one of my best friends. That way I would know I would like my new brother in law. I was so occupied with thoughts of you, that I didn't pay much attention."

  "I couldn't believe my eyes! I was having something to eat and I heard Kate squeal. I can't believe you didn't hear her, some Christmas guard you are!" she laughed.

  "Well, I am tired, but children aren't as quiet as pretty young women. They don't usually sneak down either."

  Lilli laughed, "I had better try to get some sleep so I can enjoy tomorrow."

  "Lilli?" he called before she rose from the couch.

  "Yes?"

  "I am very glad you came to tell me about Katie," he said hesitantly, "you know I've been curious, but I can't help but wonder why you did. You've been so persistent about keeping your distance..."

  Lilli sighed, searching her own mind for the answer, "I know. I guess it's because I knew you wanted to know as badly as I did. When I read your letters, I always scanned them for news about Katie and her secret romance. I don't know why I was so interested, but I was. Seeing them tonight got me so excited that I woke you before really thinking about it. You're the only one that would understand," she said, playing with her fingers nervously as she spoke. She looked up at Sam for just a moment before refocusing her gaze on her lap and breathed, "And because I miss you."

  "Did you just say you miss me?" he said, almost in a yell.

  "Would you be quiet! Other people are sleeping you know. And yes, I think I do. I miss reading your letters, it was like talking to you but on paper. So, when I see you, part of me wants to talk to you, because we used to have the most wonderful conversations..."

  "Lilli, you've always been the one that has wanted me to stay away. I would love for us to start talking again, to say I've missed you is an understatement."

  Lilli sat quietly for a moment, not entirely sure of what to say next, but knowing she was not ready to plunge back into a relationship with the man who had wounded her trust so badly. She took a breath, then spoke, "I think I am ready to hear your explanation of all that happened, but not tonight. I'm tired, and with Christmas being tomorrow, I'd like to wake up with some semblance of energy. It is one of my favorite days you know."

  "Yes, I know." he said, a grin on his lips.

  "So, for tonight, I'm going to go back to my bedroll, and when we have some time, you can give me your explanation, and we'll take things from there." She got up from the couch, moving around the back side when Sam called her name softly. She turned to face him, melting at the earnest look on his face.

  "Sleep well, I'll see you in the morning."

  "Good night," she managed, her heart in her throat. Moving
faster now, she walked straight to the girls bedroom and settled down. Somehow she managed to fall asleep quickly, perhaps she would have been less able to relax if she knew that the next day would bring the explanation that she had long been afraid to hear.

  Chapter 22

  December 25, 1944

  Sam woke feeling more wonderful than he had in months. He didn't notice at all the stiffness in his leg from being curled up on the couch all night. Lilli had come to talk to him all on her own, and while it wasn't an admission of feelings, it was certainly a step in the right direction. He rose from the couch and folded the quilts neatly, leaving them in the corner. After checking the state of the room, he went to the kitchen, starting a pot of coffee, something he knew the adults in the house would appreciate when the children woke them.

  He was only alone for a minute before Annie shuffled into the kitchen, her hands balled into fists, rubbing her eyes. "Merry Christmas!" Sam smiled, giving her a giant squeeze.

  "Merry Christmas!" she smiled, suddenly very awake. "Where is everyone else? Katie is usually awake before me."

  Sam laughed, "Katie had a bit of a late night."

  Annie just stared at him, not comprehending his statement, and Sam was not about to elaborate, not yet. He poured them both coffee and settled beside her at the kitchen table. Annie guessed at what might be under the tree for her until they were joined by Lilli, Sarah and Grace. Sam ventured a glance at Lilli and found her smiling shyly at him, which made his heart soar, it was a wonderful Christmas gift.