by Lilly Wilde
“Are you regretting your decision?” Kellan asked.
What decision? I never had one. Not really. “I’m not sure; I’m in the process of accepting some of the unexpected aspects of it though,” I said.
“Learning curve?” he asked.
“Exactly,” I replied.
“In that case, I don’t think you have much to worry about. Relax and enjoy your accomplishment. Everything else will take care of itself.”
If it were only that simple, I wouldn’t be worried about going back to my office. I didn’t want to have another run-in with Aiden.
My phone pinged. I looked to see that it was a text from Aiden. Are you fucking kidding me?
*FYI the company we discussed earlier will be absorbed into RPH by the end of the next quarter. Your placement there will make it that much easier. You should consider it. If you discover that you’re absolutely against it, we’ll go with plan B … although it’s somewhat of a challenge, I’m always up for those.*
“Excuse me for just a second Kellan, this is work-related.”
“No problem,” he replied.
I responded to Aiden’s text.
*There’s nothing to consider. I’m not doing it. Besides I would hate to deprive you of the opportunity to endeavor in yet another challenge. We both know how much you enjoy those.*
I resumed my conversation with Kellan, as much as I could anyway. I was distracted. I needed to know how long Aiden would be in Boston. I doubted it would be more than a few days. If that were the case, I could arrange to work from home the remainder of the week. Just great, I thought, now I’m considering hiding from him. That’s what that man had reduced me to.
Kellan had just asked me a question and I totally didn’t know how to respond.
My phone pinged again. I sighed as I checked it.
*It dawned on me that your lunch meeting is with that guy from St. Barts? What are you doing Aria?*
He had the unmitigated gall to question me, even after everything he’d done!
*Focus on your latest challenge and leave me be. Please don’t text me again!!*
“I’m sorry, what did you ask me?” I asked, looking up at Kellan.
“I asked if you’d heard anything from April … about Blaine.”
“Yes, I have. Lots actually. I think it’s safe to say that she’s quite smitten,” I replied, thinking fondly of my friend. I was so happy for her. She, unlike me, had always been open to relationships; however, she had a tendency to finagle her way out of them when the guy wasn’t as perfect as she had initially thought. That typically took about a month. I wondered what she would have done with someone like Aiden. She hadn’t come across anyone like him. He was a game changer; he’d transformed me and pretty much revamped all of my Fuck Rules and I was one tough bitch so I knew someone like April, who is less inclined to have up as many walls and as many rules as I have, wouldn’t stand a chance with Aiden. She’d be putty in his hands. I had thought on many occasions that I was much the same when it came to him. He was the artist and I was the canvas and he painted the picture to fit his wants.
“Good, because Blaine has it pretty bad. I’m starting to worry about him,” he added, laughing.
“No need to be; from the sounds of it, they’re both on the same page.” I was inwardly relieved by Kellan’s admission. I didn’t want to see April get hurt.
Kellan and I had met during my vacation with my best friend, April Jensen. We’d ventured off to St. Barts in August and stumbled upon Kellan McClane and Blaine Davis. April and Blaine had quickly connected and had gone as far as making plans for a weekend get-a-way soon after our return from St. Barts.
Things didn’t click as quickly between Kellan and me. When we met, I wasn’t in a place to fully appreciate him because Aiden had suspiciously appeared on the island at the same time as I. I’d been too absorbed with Aiden to give much attention to Kellan, which I’d regretted both then and now … but Aiden’s arrival had done crazy things to my head. I was drawn to him and I didn’t want to be. I’d let him do things and say things to me that I’d never allowed any other man. I couldn’t comprehend the effect he had on me; it was baffling and overly-terrifying. Therefore most of my time in St. Barts was divvied up into two parts, thinking of Aiden willingly and thinking of Aiden unwillingly.
I did manage to have a couple of dates with Kellan during my short stay in St. Barts. And after spending only a small amount of time with him, I knew that I would have enjoyed getting to know him better but Aiden’s presence halted anything that could have developed. Before leaving St. Barts, Kellan and I exchanged additional contact information, which was something I never did on the escapes from my real world, but the nagging feeling that I was possibly excluding something potentially great, provided me the inclination to bend yet another rule. This was one I hadn’t regretted.
Within the last couple of weeks, Kellan and I had exchanged numerous texts and emails. We’d also had several long phone conversations. My end-of-day routine had become one of working out and talking to Kellan. He was in town for the next few days on business so, of course, we’d planned to spend some time together. Yet here I was again, straining to maintain focus on him.
“So how was your morning? Signing any new deals? Changing the world?” he asked.
I laughed. “Nothing as monumental as changing the world but we’re rolling out a few new projects that I’m pretty excited about,” I replied.
“Such as?” he asked.
“It’s top secret, if I told you … well you know how the saying goes.”
“Yeah, you’d have to kill me,” he replied, smiling.
“I can tell you this. We plan to employ a multi-platform marketing approach … utilizing all forms of social media so you’ll hear about it soon enough.”
“Sounds like something big,” he said.
“It could be,” I replied, smiling. This could utterly transform the publishing industry. I just needed to get Aiden to sign off on it.
*****
I arrived at my office shortly after 1 o’clock. Raina gave me a strange look as I approached her desk. Please … what now? I knew my serenity would be short-lived with Aiden lurking about. He seemed to somehow place a dark stain on every day for me. I slowed my steps but then decided not to ask. Instead, I would bask in the enjoyment of my time with Kellan a while longer. Although it had taken some time to remove Aiden from my thoughts, I finally did and it was a huge relief because I’d started to feel like a first class jerk for ignoring what was right in front of me. Kellan had a very soothing effect on me, in direct contrast to Aiden who kept me on edge more than I cared to think about.
I opened my office door and the look on Raina’s face instantly made sense. My office had been slightly enhanced during my short absence. Orchids were everywhere. As I glanced around, I was immediately taken back to the day I arrived home from St. Barts to a similar scene; Aiden had arranged for the placement of orchids throughout my condo with the most sentimental of hand-written notes. I remember having felt as if I was in the midst of a fairy tale. No one had ever adorned me with such sentiments. I suppose they would have if I had ever allowed my relations with men to go beyond the physical; but I never had. But Aiden, he penetrated every barrier. It wasn’t so much as I allowed him to break through, he just somehow did. I rejected every attempt, some more adamantly than others but eventually I succumbed to his every desire and I was still paying the price for it.
I took in the many vases, each one a delicate crystal-styled design overflowing with my favorite flowers. They were beautiful. I inhaled the sweet fragrance and I was suddenly livid; this shit may have worked when I initially agreed to an arrangement with Aiden, but it would not work now! The largest vase was placed on the center of the work table with a white envelope propped against it. I marched over to the enormous bouquet and snatched the note from the table. I didn’t bother to read it; I crumbled it and tossed it into the trash.
I went directly to my desk, gra
bbed the phone and pressed the button for Bailey’s extension.
“Yes, Miss Cason,” she said.
“Bailey, can you please have someone remove the flowers from my office? Immediately.”
She was silent.
“Bailey, did you hear me?” I asked, irritated by her lack of response.
“Yes ma’am but –”
“But what?” I asked. My patience was thinning.
“I’m sorry Miss Cason but I’ve been given explicit instructions from Mr. Raine to not do that.”
I almost slammed the phone down. I inhaled deeply and replied as calmly as my current state would allow.
“Thank you. That will be all Bailey.” I placed the receiver on the base. I wanted to pick up the phone and toss it across the room.
He was doing it again. He was manipulating me and everyone around me! If he wanted a reaction from me, he would be disappointed because I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
Raina walked into my office and the look on her face verified my suspicions – that she too had been instructed to not touch the flowers.
“I’m sorry Miss Cason. Bailey said that you called – and that you sounded upset.”
That was stating it mildly. I shook my head as I looked at her knowing she couldn’t do anything to assist with this.
“Raina, can we just get to work? I need to make some changes with my schedule this week. Dr. Grist’s office called to inform me that she would be going on vacation and needs to reschedule my annual for Thursday or I’d have to see the on-call physician, which I don’t wish to do. Can you move the first two appointments around for me on that day?”
I didn’t want to miss that appointment. I’d decided several years ago that I didn’t want children and I wanted to discuss some permanent options with her. I had actually broached the topic with her a few years ago but she was insistent upon my waiting until I was older before making such a permanent decision. She asked that I give it at least five years and this month marked year five.
“Yes ma’am,” Raina replied. I could see that she was uncomfortable, given the flower ordeal but this simply had to stop. We couldn’t allow Aiden to set the tone for our work day.
After a two-hour meeting with Raina, my mind was where I preferred it remain … on work. The tension of my earlier encounter with Aiden had subsided; thanks in part to a text from Kellan extending a warm wish for the remainder of my day.
I looked up at the Phal Sogo Rose orchids and almost immediately my heart sank because I was instantly pulled back into that forbidden Aiden zone. This display was a poignant reminder of what I’d previously surmised; a relationship with him was too much of a distraction. Why was he making this so difficult for me? This had been a very trying time for me that I honestly wanted to put behind me. Of course, I would never forget Aiden. He had invoked feelings that I never imagined possible … emotions I’d never experienced. Every day with him had been a new adventure. But in the end, he was a liar and I no longer trusted his intentions; yet here he was again attempting to lure me back into his web. As sexy as the thought of being stuck to a web that was spun by that man, I knew there was much more behind his gorgeous green eyes that I didn’t want. He needed to move on and so did I … somehow.
*****
It was 4 o’clock and I was so over this day; I shut down my computer, anxious to leave before any unwanted interruptions surfaced. I grabbed my purse and headed out of the office. My hand was on the door knob and I slowly released it and traipsed back over to the trash … retrieving the note from Aiden. I didn’t want to do it but the part of me that I didn’t like – the part that was having a hard time letting him go – wanted to know what he’d written. I was about to open it but for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to read it just yet. I placed it in my purse and slowly walked to the elevator as I contemplated the evening I would be spending with Kellan.
Aiden had left several sweeping spaces in my life and one of those vacancies had been filled with Kellan. I often wondered if I were using Kellan as a buffer between myself and Aiden. As badly as I didn’t want to believe I’d treat Kellan or anyone that way, I knew that I wasn’t on the same page as he was. Did that mean I should back away? Even if the answer was yes, I knew that I wouldn’t. I didn’t want to. I really liked him and I felt at ease with him … it was relaxed, it was natural.
Kellan lived in New York and would be flying home tomorrow. We’d planned to meet for dinner this evening and despite my initial reservations about his visit, I was looking forward to it.
My lunch with Kellan hadn’t started so well but it eventually evened out, revealing the comfort I could experience when my mind was free from thoughts of Aiden. At work, of course, Aiden was on my mind to a certain degree; but that was to be expected because in a sense he was RPH. I did manage to escape when I was in a meeting or working on a new project. At home, he was there too and not just because of the grand piano that captured my attention every day but because he was the only lover that had been to my home. Lover? That sounded wrong, even in my head. Something I never thought I would have. Something I never wanted but that is who he ultimately became. Looking back on everything, it was as though I’d been a sex-crazed teenager, full of hormones, ignoring obvious red flags. Why hadn’t I inquired more about Aiden’s past? I’d never had a reason to dig into anyone’s past for personal reasons before, which was likely the reason I didn’t think to take a closer look at Aiden’s. Actually the fact that all of this constituted a first time was even more reason to have checked. Would it have changed anything though? He’d said he wouldn’t have stood a chance with me? Was that true?
I was looking forward to spending the evening with one man but I was driving home thinking about the other. Aiden had taken up residence in my head and he wasn’t leaving anytime soon. I sighed as that truth sat in. It wasn’t as if I didn’t know it; I just didn’t want to admit it. Just like I didn’t want to admit that I missed him. But I did – I missed him every single day. I wanted to forget him but I knew that would never happen and a change of jobs wouldn’t change that so it was really pointless to even consider leaving RPH.
I loved RPH and I honestly didn’t want to resign because of issues with my boss. Although I’d been pressured to take the job, I was happy and excited about my new position. I couldn’t have asked for a better transition than what I’d experienced as I took on my new position as CEO. There had been little to no resistance in the new hierarchal structure. I don’t quite know if I had expected any but I was pleased all the same. I had hoped that Aiden would back off and allow me to truly appreciate my new role without his interruptions and finagling; so far that hadn’t been the case, so I couldn’t help but wonder what was next.
The doorman greeted me as I walked into my building. “Hello Miss Cason,” he said.
“Hello Silas,” I replied. Silas was one of the building’s front desk attendants who also served as a doorman as the need arose. I walked past him to the elevator, the doors opening just as I approached and a couple stepped out. I stepped in and pressed the button to my floor. I had just enough time before dinner to get in a quick work out. I entered my condo and dropped my purse on the sofa. I hurriedly undressed and tossed on some workout clothes and headed downstairs. I had a quick run on the treadmill followed by some time on the elliptical. The music was blaring; the upbeat tempos pulling me in as they pushed everything else to the background. Music was my therapy and I was relying on it more and more as of late. It was an escape from the memories, even if only for a short time. As for the long haul, I knew the memories would fade but they simply weren’t fading fast enough.
*****
Kellan and I had started a second glass of wine and the sound of a Skype call interrupted our laughter. My only Skype callers were typically one of my family members, April or Kellan. I moved my mouse to awaken my laptop and saw that it was my mother.
“Hi, Mom,” I said, greeting her with a cheeky smile.
“Hello, Ar
ia. How was your day?”
“It was okay.” I replied.
“Just okay? Is something wrong?” she asked.
“Not really. I’m not in complete agreement with my boss on a few things.” It killed me to think of Aiden that way. “But that’s typically the case for anyone working for the man,” I added, smiling. “But things will work out. How was your day?”
“Pretty great actually. I’m working on some gifts for you and your sisters for Christmas.”
“Already? You’re getting a great head start,” I said.
“Well, I think I should’ve started sooner because I actually don’t know what I’m doing. I’m attending a quilting class.”
“Wow! You’re making quilts for us?” I asked.
“Yes, and I wanted it to be a surprise but since I need to get more information on your favorite colors and such, I needed to check in with you,” she said.
“That sounds amazing. I can’t wait to see it.”
I totally forgot Kellan was sitting next to me until he grabbed a strand of my hair. “I’m being rude, Mom. My friend, Kellan is here,” I said, turning the monitor to include him.