Broken Melody (Graffiti On Tour Series)

by Jennifer Miller

  “Shut the fuck up!” Henley demands of Rocco. “Why am I getting all the shit today? Your gas can clear a room, so you shouldn’t talk.”

  “And that happened like one…maybe two times,” Nixon says in protest. “You pick your toenails and it’s so fucking gross,” Nixon accuses Rocco.

  “And you?” Sailor asks turning to me making me stop laughing. “What should I know about you?”

  “You mean besides the fact that he walks around in his boxers scratching his ass?” Nixon says and I start to yell at him but then Henley adds, “Or that he meets a new chick at every tour stop?” My heart lurches in my chest at that comment and yelling at him suddenly takes priority. “Or when he’s really, really drunk how he sings everything he says instead of speaking it?” Rocco says.

  “Hey, fuck you,” I say at a loss for who to scream at first – but I’m still thinking Henley. If I were the kind of guy that got red in the face when he was embarrassed, I would look like I’d been shoveling snow in a blizzard right now. I look at Sailor reluctantly only to find that she’s bent over at the waist laughing. “Don’t laugh at them! They’re assholes!” I tell her but she only laughs harder, which makes us laugh too.

  “You guys all sound like brothers,” she says when she finally catches her breath. “I suppose it makes sense since you’ve been together so long. I know Maddox is an only child, like me, but do you guys have any brothers or sisters? I can’t believe how little I really know about you. We’ve been pretty much all business these weeks preparing and I really need to know some things.”

  “I have two older brothers,” Rocco says.

  “A sister and two brothers for me,” answers Henley.

  “A younger sister,” Nixon replies.

  “I’m jealous,” Sailor tells us. “I always wished for siblings. Especially after my parents passed away.”

  At first, we’re all quiet, processing what it may have been like for a twelve year old Sailor to be left without any family.

  “Well, it seems to me you have four of them now,” Henley says surprising all of us. I’d wince at the implication that I’m like a sibling to Sailor, but I appreciate Henley’s comment, so I refrain.

  “Well, I for one can’t wait to see what it would have been like to have some. Farts and all,” she says with a laugh. Then she stands, “Anyone hungry? I thought I’d make us something to eat,” she says over her shoulder as she moves to the kitchenette and starts opening cupboards.

  “Hell man, if she cooks too, I don’t know that I can keep feeling very brotherly,” Nixon says.

  “Don’t even think about it,” I growl before I catch myself. Fortunately, they all just laugh at Nixon’s comments and don’t pay attention to me. Watching Sailor as she moves around preparing food, I know exactly what he means.

  The rest of the night is spent with me wishing I could touch Sailor, talk to her one on one, whisper in her ear, hear her laugh just for me – but I can’t have any of that right now and the need is making me twitchy.

  Sailor is all too aware of my feelings. At least if the brushes against my body, the looks she sends my way, and the stares we share, are any indication. We all retired a while ago and the other guys are already sleeping. Henley snores, Nixon talks in his sleep, and Rocco usually reads for a little while with his book light on before he turns it off and passes out. I’ve been lying here willing myself to fall asleep but all I do is toss and turn and wonder if Sailor is sleeping and what she’s wearing. All that does is make my blood flow to an uncomfortable place since I can do nothing to relieve myself at the moment. I pick up my phone and stare. There’s nothing worth looking at that I haven’t seen.

  Finally, having enough, I decide maybe I’ll go have a snack or something when my phone vibrates under me. Digging it out from under my pillow I smile when I see Sailor is texting me. “Are you asleep?”

  Smiling I return, “No. Thoughts of you naked are keeping me awake. In more ways than one.”

  “Are the guys sleeping?” she asks next.

  “Yes.”

  “Come into my room.”

  She doesn’t have to ask me twice. As quietly as possible I get out of my sleeping cubby, thankful that mine is on the bottom, and make my way to her bedroom in the back of the bus. On a whim I grab my guitar from where I was strumming it earlier and bring it with me.

  Turning the doorknob as quietly as possible, I open the door to Sailor’s smiling face. “Hi,” she whispers.

  “Hi,” I close the door behind me and move to where she’s sitting on the bed. The space she has is small, but it’s hers. There’s a queen size bed and a dresser – it even has an attached bedroom. Usually the guys and I would alternate sleeping in the bedroom. Knowing she’s using it, we haven’t complained or said a word about it, not minding a bit.

  “Why aren’t you sleeping?” I ask her.

  “I think I’m just excited. There’s so much happening. Our album dropping, the magazine feature, it’s all making me unable to sleep.”

  “It’s not dumb at all. I remember this feeling well. I’m not nervous now, but before we actually go on stage it will be a different story. I still get the jitters.”

  “You do?”

  “Definitely. It’s exciting and such a rush. Of course you’ll want everything to go perfectly, but the best thing you can do is know that nothing ever goes off without a hitch. You just learn to roll with it.”

  “I can’t imagine being on a stage like the arena where we rehearsed and having that many people watching us.

  “It’s pretty crazy. Imagine hearing people singing words to a song you wrote. It’s… well it’s like nothing I can even describe.”

  “I’m nervous that no one will like me.”

  “If there is one thing I can tell you with certainty, it’s that everyone is going to be as captivated by you as I am, songbird,” I tell her while pushing her hair off her shoulder and placing a kiss on her mouth. She opens for me and I immediately sweep my tongue inside her mouth and moan at the taste of her. She tastes like vanilla and sugar. I make myself pull away from her knowing if I don’t that I’ll easily get carried away.

  She smiles, “You brought your guitar?”

  I look at where I placed it on the bed, “Yep. I grabbed it when I started to pass it though I’m not sure why.”

  She looks at me then down at her hands for a moment and it’s clear she’s hesitating. I wait it out for a minute. “Can I…can I show you something?”

  “Of course.”

  She grabs her purse and from inside removes a yellow spiral notebook. The cover is filled with what look like doodles of music notes, staffs, and lyrics. She turns to a page and runs her fingers over it, takes a deep breath and then turns it around to face me. “I tried writing a song. It’s not any good,” she says quickly. “But I was thinking, maybe you could help me with it?”

  I look at her and then the page, pick it up, and read the words she’s written.

  I’ll never forget the day,

  I saw your face.

  Heart exploded, senses overloaded,

  It was love at first sight.

  Color me surprised,

  Never imagined, a reaction like this.

  I’ve never felt so alive, as I did holding you close, oh so close,

  Since then all I want to do is cry,

  When I think about the look in your eyes.

  It wasn’t our time - wish it could have been,

  I’m hoping and praying you can forgive,

  Did I perform the ultimate sin?

  Because I wouldn’t let you in, oh I couldn’t let you in?

  I hope you understand, but ever since that day,

  Things haven’t been the same.

  Hoping and praying that will change,

  Because every day, I’m wasting away.

  Tell me what I should do,

  There’s so much I wish I could say, that I could say,

  Are you in love with life? Are you a dreamer too?

/>   Tell me it was okay, leavin’ you that way,

  It wasn’t our time - wish it could have been,

  I’m hoping and praying you can forgive,

  Did I perform the ultimate sin?

  Because I wouldn’t let you in, oh I couldn’t let you in?

  “This is really good, Sailor.”

  “You don’t have to say that. I’ve never tried before, I know it isn’t great, but help me.”

  “No, I’m serious. This is good. Is it… who’s it about?” I read the words again and feel a little stab of jealousy imagining her thinking about a lost love while she wrote them.

  “It’s about my son,” she says and my eyes immediately meet hers. “I know that if you didn’t know about him it would seem like it’s about a man – a lost love. I did that on purpose.”

  I place the paper down and pull her to me. I know what it feels like to share a piece of your soul like that with someone. Each word and press of her pencil on the paper is filled with emotion and meaning. I get that, I understand. “Let me play around with it and see if I can come up with a melody for it, but I don’t want to change a word. Not one. Is it okay if I take this?” She nods and I smile. “In the mean time, I think it’s time for your first lesson.”

  “My first lesson?” she asks her nose scrunching in confusion.

  “Yep.” I place the guitar in her lap, and then move behind her.

  “What if the guys wake up?”

  “They can sleep through anything, trust me.”

  Placing one of her hands on the neck of the guitar and lining her fingers up on the frets, I take her other in mine and strum a chord. The vibration of the guitar moves through her body and into mine. When she looks at me over her shoulder and smiles, it’s more than the guitar that makes me hum. Moving her fingers to a different chord, we strum the guitar again. “This is a B chord,” I tell her. Move her fingers again, “This is D.” I take her pointer finger and show her how to pluck the strings at the same time I move my lips to her neck and kiss it.

  “Oh, I think you should show me those notes again,” she tells me and bends her neck to the side further to give me better access.

  I smile and kiss her neck again, and bite it a little bit too because I can’t help myself. “Like that?”

  She surprises me when she sets the guitar aside gently, “My turn.”

  “Your turn?” I ask her confused.

  “I’m going to teach you how to play something,” she smiles over her shoulder again, but wickedly this time, then takes one of my hands and places it at her breast, and the other one she moves boldly between her legs and presses. “This hand” she says squeezing the one at her breast, “you flick your fingers just so,” she tells me flicking her own nipple, which makes my dick harden in seconds.

  “Then with this hand,” she says moving it back up to her belly so she can slide it slowly down her pants and into her underwear. She takes my middle finger and brazenly slides it through her wetness and circles her sweet spot, “With this one,” she says again breathless, “you move it just so,” she instructs. When I obey, her head falls back on her shoulders and she emits a deep sigh. She moans when I enter her with one finger, then two. I stroke her, rub her, tease her, lean forward and kiss her belly, playing her like the most important instrument I’ve ever had in my hands. She moans softly under my ministrations, whispers my name, grasps handfuls of my hair, while making her own music with her voice, body, and its moves.

  When her whole body stiffens as she finds release, one of her hands clutches my shoulder while the other she places over her mouth to muffle the sound. Then she shocks me when she kneels in front of me and paws at the waistband of my jeans working frantically to free me. I’m too surprised to move and when she takes me in her mouth, it’s my turn to moan. “Oh my god,” I stutter out and I can’t concentrate on anything other than the feel of her mouth on me. My head falls forward so I can watch her and I can’t help but think fuck her learning to play the guitar, I’m going to need all of her spare time to play my body like she is right…”Fuck,” I curse when she does something magical with her tongue.

  She has me coming in no time and I cradle her face in my hands. She smiles and rises to kiss me. I pull her to me and enjoy her body against mine before I rise to put myself back together. She smiles, “You should get back before anyone realizes you’re gone. We’ve made a lot of noise in here between the guitar and your inability to keep it together.”

  “Hey, I was not expecting that at all, you can’t blame me.”

  “Well, what can I say, I’m just full of surprises.”

  “That you are, songbird. That you are,” I give her a kiss and quietly make my way back to my cot. As far as I can tell, the guys are none the wiser. Wishing I could fall asleep next to Sailor, I easily drift off, but not before thanking my lucky starts that Jace and Rick went to hear her in that bar.

  It’s the night of our first concert and I’m so nervous I’m pacing in my dressing room. I must have walked a few miles by now. Our time on the bus, arriving here ahead of schedule, preparing – it’s all passed in a whirlwind. Our album released to raving reviews. There was a bit of criticism too of course, but not unexpected or significant. There’s a critic in every crowd they say. Our single has already shot to the top of the charts at number five. Rick called to convey how thrilled he was; the guys all beamed and I almost cried when Rocco thanked me. Funny that he thinks I did them a favor when I look at it in the complete reverse.

  When the feature in Rolling Stone came out, I stared at the photos so long Maddox and the guys laughed at me. I didn’t even look like me. Maddox secretly came to my room that night and had me act out some of our poses once more…. which led to other things. That man is sex personified. He may be sweet on the inside but on the outside, he…well he can be downright sinful. And I like it. A lot.

  Now, looking in the mirror my hair and makeup flawless, I stare at the person looking back at me. Since it’s the first time I’m being presented to a crowd, they wanted me to wow them, and my dress does much more than that. Black and beaded, it has a flesh colored lining. The beads are placed over my intimate areas, but where the flesh color shows through I look almost naked. It’s quite the showstopper if I do say so myself.

  Suddenly, Maddox’s reflection appears in the mirror. His eyes explore me head to toe and when I turn around and face him, they’re burning with lust. “So you like it?” I ask. He makes a twirling motion with his finger and I smile first then obey.

  “That’s an understatement. You look so amazing. I think I would thoroughly enjoy peeling it off of your body.” He moves to me and trails the tip of his finger from my collarbone over my breast and down. “And songbird, your ass in the dress,” and then he makes a groaning noise, “delicious. How much time do we have right now?”

  I laugh, “Don’t even think about it.” He pouts and I smile, “You don’t look so bad yourself,” I tell him checking out his body in black leather pants that are molded to his skin topped by a simple white t-shirt. It may be simple, but he looks hot as hell. “You’re going to make all the ladies crazy tonight.”

  “There’s only one lady I care about impressing.”

  Before I can respond there’s a knock on the door and someone says, “Time to take your place, Miss. Blue.”

  My heart begins to race and my palms sweat. My anxiety has been on the edge all evening, but now it flares knowing my performance is imminent. “I’m nervous,” I tell Maddox honestly.

  He takes my hand, “I understand, I was too. But you fight it. You push through and when you get on that stage, you let the real you shine. You know how you feel when you get on the stage at the bar?” he asks and I nod. “Tonight will feel like that but more – so much more. When you’re out there, close your eyes and let the music speak for you - your heart, body and soul will do the rest. And if that doesn’t work then, hell, picture everyone naked I guess.” Then he frowns, “Wait, I don’t like that idea. Picture every
one in their underwear instead.”

  Nervous as I am, that makes me laugh a little and so I nod, “Thank you.” He kisses me on the nose then takes my hand leading us out of the dressing room and toward the area that leads us under the stage. Our hands fall away as we approach the guys. When they see me, they make me laugh when their mouths fall open and they whistle or cat call.

  “Whoa,” Rocco says.

  “Wow,” Nixon adds.

  “Hot,” Henley weighs in.

  “You’ve reduced them to one word sentences,” Maddox teases as the crew shuffles around us putting microphones in all of our ears.

  “Guys, it’s just a dress.”

  “Yeah, but you’re the one filling it out,” Henley says making me look at Maddox.

  He shrugs, “He’s not wrong.”

  “Get on your lifts!” a stagehand instructs.

  And then, it happens. We’re in a small arena but it’s full. Unsold tickets that existed prior to our album dropping sold out in minutes after its release. The crew gives us the play by play as they speak to each other with their ear microphones or headsets. The lights go out, and the crowd explodes. Their screams make my mouth drop open and my hands begin to shake with excitement as my adrenaline picks up. All the guys are sporting smiles.

  “Fuck yes!” Henley says rubbing his hands together.

  “It’s good to be back boys,” Nixon says.

  Rocco smiles and jumps in place like he’s a fighter in a ring clearly anxious for the concert to begin. And then it does. One by one, the guys rise to the stage floor.

  As rehearsed, the music begins and expands as each of them starts playing their instruments. It doesn’t seem possible, but the crowd manages to get louder each time another member hits the stage. When it’s just Maddox and I left, he looks at me, winks, “Hey, Sailor?”

  “Yeah?” I ask him, feeling all the sudden like I need to pee. Why now? I just went. I hate nervous feelings of needing to urinate.