Broken Melody (Graffiti On Tour Series)

by Jennifer Miller

  I can feel all of the guys watching me, and I know they have questions. It’s as if I can see their list of inquiries on the tip of their tongues, but they hold it in for now. Instead, they rally around me, and we all support each other as we wait for answers about the woman that has become more than a friend. A sister to them, the woman I love, to me.

  Two days later, I’m still sitting by her side, waiting for her to wake up. The two days have felt excruciatingly long. Two days since I’ve seen her smile, the light shine in her eyes, heard her voice. Two days since I wondered what was keeping her so long and went to check on her. Figuring she used the restroom in her dressing room, I determined to steal a minute or two to put my lips on hers before walking her back to the meet and greet. When I found her dressing room locked, I was confused initially, and then I heard strange smacking noise on the other side of the door. I started calling her name, then yelling it. The guys raced down the hall wondering what was wrong and together we beat down the door, and found her…found her…

  Frustratingly, my eyes fill with tears every time I think about it. When I remember how she looked, on the floor, beaten and bloody, her clothing ripped to shreds and a strange man on top of her. If I had been just seconds or a minute later… just seconds…he would have hurt her in a way that I fear she wouldn’t have had a chance…

  I wanted to rip him to shreds. To feel the satisfaction of my fist hitting his face over and over again, but my first priority was her. The guys, they took care of him, wrestled him to the ground and detained him until the police could arrive. I never laid a hand on him other than to push him off of her, and then my whole world only became about her.

  For the last two days, Nixon, Henley and Rocco have been in and out, but right now, we’re all here together. We’ve been watching and waiting, talking quietly occasionally, but mostly we’re ever vigilant, watchful and protective.

  “How long?” Rocco asks his voice sounding like a bomb in the quiet room other than the beep of the machines tracking Sailor’s vitals.

  “What?” I ask.

  “How long have you guys been together?” he clarifies and I nod surprised it took one of them this long to ask.

  “A while,” I admit. “Since the time she didn’t show up to practice that one day.”

  “What the fuck, Maddox? What are you doing? She’s not just some slutty chick whose feelings you can play with,” Henley says protectively.

  “That’s not-” I begin.

  “He’s right, Maddox,” Rocco says. “This doesn’t just involve you. We all… we all have come to care for her.”

  “She’s family,” Nixon says. “She’s come to be family to all of us, but you guys must be blind.”

  “What do you mean?” Henley asks defensively.

  “He’s not screwing around,” Nixon says confidently. “He’s in love with her. Surely you didn’t think his reaction was like that simply because she’s some fling. Come on.”

  They all look at me, and I meet each of their gazes. Rocco and Henley both hang their heads feeling ashamed. “I’m sorry,” Rocco says. “It’s just-”

  I cut him off, “I love her,” I say quietly and then louder. “I love her. I’m not just playing with her feelings. She’s my family too – she’s become my home. I’m in love with her.”

  Rocco and Henley stare at me in shock. Nixon smirks, “Told you. Hell, I knew weeks ago that the only routine they were putting on was for us not to know the truth. Do you really think the way they looked at each other on stage was all an act?”

  “I didn’t realize it was love,” Rocco says in surprise. “I feel really foolish.”

  “Does she feel the same way?” Henley questions.

  “She does. She told me she loves me too, the night of the concert…before…”

  “I do love you,” she says and all of us stand up in shock at hearing her voice. It sounds small in the room, but has quite the impact. I go to her bedside and hold her hand, brush the side of her face, smile down at her, “Sailor,” I breathe, feeling happiness at seeing her awake, at feeling her eyes on me.

  She attempts to smile at me, then at all the guys. “Why do you all look so upset that I love Maddox? We were going to tell you when you were less likely to kill us,” she tries to joke, but none of us are able to laugh. She sighs and reaches a hand up to touch her very swollen and bruised face. “You all look so sad and concerned. Lay it on me. How bad is it?” she asks.

  “Your face is black and blue, you have stitches in your scalp where your head hit the table as you fell. There are multiple contusions, a concussion, two bruised ribs, your shoulder was dislocated, and you had a laceration of your liver that required repair, but otherwise, you’re good to go.”

  “Wow. That’s all?” she asks trying to make a joke again, but I don’t laugh, I can’t. And she sees me unable to do so. She reaches a hand to me, brushes my cheek this time, then looks at the guys and kindly requests, “Can I have a few minutes with Maddox? I promise I’ll explain everything soon, but I’d like to talk to him first if that’s okay.”

  They all leave but not before each of them squeeze her hand and tell her they are happy she’s awake. When they’re gone, I lean down and kiss Sailor gently on the lips, quickly and nervously, not wanting to hurt her. “I was so scared,” I tell her honestly.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “God, why are you apologizing? You have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one that’s sorry.”

  She shakes her head, “Maddox, I have something to tell you.”

  “It can wait. You don’t have to tell me anything right now. You’re still recovering.”

  “No. I need to talk to you,” she insists. “I need to tell you about Adam.”

  “Adam? Is that the man that was in the dressing room with you?” I choke out.

  “Yes.”

  “You…you know him?”

  “Yes.”

  “How did he get in there with you? Why did he hurt you? The guys said he wouldn’t say a word while they waited for the police. Jace took care of everything to do with him. He’s not been my immediate concern.”

  “He was at the meet and greet. He threatened to tell everyone about our past if I didn’t meet him in the dressing room.”

  “Why didn’t you say something to me? To anyone? I don’t understand.”

  “Because…because what he had to say could ruin the band.”

  “And so you put the band before your own safety? That just doesn’t make any sense.”

  “Maddox. Let me talk to you, okay? You can yell at me afterwards.”

  “Okay. I’m sorry.”

  She takes a deep breath and briefly closes her eyes. When she opens them, she’s looking at me but she’s not really seeing me. “When my parents died, I had no family. My grandparents had passed away, my mother was an only child and my father had a brother that died at a young age. I didn’t have any family. My parent’s were all I had in the world.” She swallows thickly and I squeeze her hand. “Before I could even wrap my head around their loss, I was put into the foster care system and ended up in a foster home quickly. My guardians were a man named Lex and his wife, Cara. The two of them were wonderful at putting on a show for the state. But in truth, they represented everything you’ve seen and heard about bad apples being foster parents so they can get a check from the state. That was the situation I was forced to live in. People that could care less about me, made me fend for myself, were harsh disciplinarians, only purchased the bare essentials for me, and constantly told me what a pain in the ass I was.”

  I squeeze her hand while feeling pain imagining a young Sailor having to deal with people like this.

  “I wasn’t alone in their home. There were four of us all-together, two children younger than me - Bree and Carrie - and then eventually, almost five years later, Adam came into the home as well.”

  “Adam was your foster brother?”

  She nods. “He was, yes, and he was a very angry kid. I know that he did
n’t have a father, and his mother was in jail for something, though I’m not sure what. He hated me. We never got along; he even picked on me at school. At home, I found him several times digging through my stuff. He would steal money I earned from my part time job, take notebooks and pens. I would do my best to ignore it and eventually realized I needed to find a hiding spot for the things of mine that were most important.” She pauses and swallows thickly before continuing. “He ended up finding my hiding place and the thing that shifted our already dysfunctional relationship was when I found he tore the head off of my childhood doll. It was a doll my mother and father gave me. I was rushed out of my home so fast, I only had a few things of mine, things that reminded me of them – my doll, a blanket, a book. I was devastated. I didn’t care it could be sewn back on, I didn’t care that it would make him angry, I initially let all of my prior unspoken anger toward him out in one angry diatribe – I told him what I thought – about him, what he had done, everything. I was seventeen and withheld nothing and then I told on him like a child and I didn’t care, I was so devastated. He got in a fight with Lex and Lex hit him. Lex told him he was tired of his shit and to knock it off or he could find a new home.”

  “A couple days later, I was asleep in my room. Tired after a long shift at my job, I came home and went to bed quickly. I woke up…” she stops and seems to take a moment to compose herself. She shifts on the bed, then grimaces in pain.

  “We can talk later, baby. You should rest. You don’t have to tell me all of this right now.”

  “No. I want to get through this. It’s just not easy. I woke up to a hand covering my face. It was so tight, I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t…I couldn’t scream. I think you know what I’m going to tell you.” My stomach drops and it burns. My hand that isn’t holding hers, bunches into a fist. The hair on the back of my neck rises. I know exactly what she’s going to say. I’d give anything to be able to turn the clock back, and save her. Anything. “Adam…he…he…. held me down. He…hurt me.” A tear falls from the corner of her eye and it’s like a shot to the heart. I grab it and kiss it. She smiles and it seems to calm her. “I was a virgin and that was my first time…” she whispers in pain and pauses again. I’m grateful because I need a moment to compose myself too. “He said horrible things, did horrible things. I can still remember the weight of his body on mine. The smell of his breath, the gouges he made with his nails and his harsh breathing. It would follow me into my dreams for years. I thought it would never end. I tried to think about something else, anything. I just wanted to mentally remove myself from what was happening to me.”

  “Sailor,” I say her name with such pain in my voice unable to keep my emotion to myself.

  “I told my foster parents, you know. I told them what he had done and Cara slapped me and said I was lying and trying to get their money taken from them. Lex told me that if I was telling the truth, fact is, he didn’t give a shit and that if I opened my mouth I would regret it. It’s funny; I knew they didn’t care about me, so I’m not sure why I told them. I don’t know what I thought they would say or do.”

  “Why didn’t you tell a social worker? Didn’t they visit your house and check up on you?”

  “No. The system was messed up in that small town. They didn’t do their monthly visits routinely at all and I was close to the time for aging out of the system. They were too sporadic and honestly, Lex and Cara were friends with the woman. The system was corrupt. And I was counting down the days until I turned eighteen and could leave. I was afraid of being thrown back into the system and god knew where I would have been put next.”

  “That had to be better than what you were facing.”

  “You would think, but getting out of there became more important than anything else. I started locking my door, pushing my desk in front of it, and slept with a knife under my pillow. If he tried to come into my room again, I didn’t know it. I dropped out of school and picked up more work shifts and got my GED years later. He sneered at me, made me feel uncomfortable, but even though I was scared, I did my best to ignore him, saved every penny I could, and continually counted down the days until I was eighteen so I could leave without repercussions. But then, something changed my plan. I started feeling sick, passed out at work once, and at first denied what I knew was the case. When I could no longer ignore it, I got a test to confirm that Adam left something behind when he took my innocence. My whole world just…shifted again.”

  “Your son,” I whisper feeling pained for her. Wishing I could wipe away the pain and sorrow she must feel.

  “Yes. My son.”

  “Does Adam know that you were pregnant?”

  “No. And the way he was conceived, well that’s one of the reasons why…why I gave him up for adoption. He didn’t ask to be conceived, I know it wasn’t his fault, but I couldn’t…” she breaks off and I squeeze her hand again. “It’s okay, Sailor. That was a choice you were entitled to make.”

  “I still feel guilt sometimes, but I wasn’t able to offer him the kind of life he deserved. At that point, it just became about getting out. So, two weeks before my eighteenth birthday, I secretly packed whatever I could carry in my backpack and purse, took my cash, and left. I moved away, worked my way through my pregnancy, and then gave my son up for adoption to a nice family that helped pay for my medical expenses and any additional needs during that time. When it was finished, I did my best to move on, start over.”

  “I still don’t understand why you didn’t tell us that he was here.”

  “Because he threatened to tell all of you, but worse, the media. He told me he wanted money to keep quiet. I know that the band can’t take that kind of press, Maddox. That was one of the things Rick asked me specifically when I signed the contract, if I had any skeletons in my closet. I lied. I lied because I wanted to be in the band so badly.”

  “It’s okay,” I begin but she shakes her head.

  “No, it’s not. My lying could have potentially ruined everything you were trying to rebuild. I didn’t want to be responsible for that. I didn’t want what he did to me years ago, what I’ve fought to overcome, and finally did, for a past that doesn’t define me any longer to hurt you - to hurt all of you. I didn’t want to ruin something that I’ve come to love so much.”

  “Sailor, there is nothing, absolutely nothing, more important than you. I would do anything to keep you safe. I thought…god… I thought I was going to lose you. When I went into the room and you were just lying there…”

  “I thought I heard you come in. I saw you before I passed out.”

  “I beat down the fucking door,” I tell her honestly.

  “Maddox, you saved me,” she squeezes my hand, brings it to her face and kisses my palm. “I’m sure this brought back some bad memories for you and I’m sorry.”

  “Do not apologize to me. I’m so glad, so fucking glad, that you are okay.”

  “Well, when I’m feeling better, I’m going to thank you properly.”

  “Is that right?” I ask her and make her laugh when I wiggle my eyebrows. “Actually, songbird, you can thank me by getting better. And when you get out of here, go away with me for a little while until you’re completely healed.”

  “Sounds like a deal,” she smiles.

  “Also, I’m going to tell you right now, when I get you to myself, and you’re finally feeling better, I’m taking you to the bedroom…”

  “Yeah?” she asks with a smile.

  “And I’m going to smack that sweet ass of yours over and over until you realize your mistake of not seeing your own value.” She laughs knowing I’m teasing and the sound of it sooths me. “Seriously though, I meant it when I told you I’m in love with you. If I had lost you…” I shake my head. “And I’m not the only one angry with you. We all love you - Nixon, Rocco, Henley, Jace and Rick. You’re a part of us now whether you like it or not.”

  “I like it. Believe me, I like it. I love all of you too.”

  “We could
have managed Adam. You should have trusted us.”

  “I’m sorry,” she says meekly and her eyes get heavy. “I really am. I’m sorry.”

  “Rest now. We can talk again later.”

  “I want to tell the guys, Maddox. They deserve to know what happened.”

  “That’s up to you, but I will be here beside you the whole time should you choose to tell them.”

  “I love you, Maddox. Thank you for saving me.”

  Her words soothe something within me that I don’t understand. “I love you,” I tell her, but she’s already asleep once again so I hope her soul hears my words instead.

  “Will you make fun of me if I tell you I want to make a sandcastle?” I ask looking over at Maddox and smiling. His tan stands out against his blue swim trunks and his white teeth flash at me when he smiles.

  “Of course not, let’s go!” He runs down the wooden incline leading away from our water villa toward the sand, me following in his wake laughing the whole way.

  It’s been a month since my attack. I’m healed for the most part other than some lingering bruises, tenderness at my incision site, and emotional pain. Our tour was postponed for the last month but resumes in a few days.

  When I was released from the hospital, Maddox took me home to recover at his place. I didn’t complain. I know it helped soothe something within him to take care of me, nurse me back to health, and to keep me under a watchful eye for a little while. He wanted me to rest and relax and to dote on me.

  Rick and Jace and all the guys were constantly checking in on me and making sure I was okay. If they didn’t come by, they called daily. They were all a bit overbearing to be honest, but I couldn’t get angry at them for caring. Plus, for the first time, in a long time, I have a family again, and it feels wonderful.