Shit!
I'm normally good at hiding my thoughts. I'm losing it. Maybe it's the fact all the lies are out in the open, or maybe he's just good at reading me. Either way, I'm going to have to tell him because I've sworn off lying.
Bad karma and all that.
I'm considering my car accident as karma catching up to me.
I'd rather not go through that again, considering I'm lucky to be alive right now. I probably won't be as lucky next time.
"It's nothing. I was just noticing how close you've been staying to me, that's all," I say, trying to sugarcoat things. I almost said clingy, but I knew that would sound bad.
"I just," he starts.
"Just what? Is this about the accident? I know I scared you, and I'm sorry for that, Zane.”
He nods as if my explanation is enough, but the look on his face tells me otherwise.
"Tell me," I urge. "What is it?"
After a long moment of silence, Zane takes both of our plates, puts them on the table in front of us, and turns to face me. Taking my hands in his, he lets out a breath and blows my world apart.
"I love you, Ally. You know that. When I heard about the accident, I lost my damn mind. All I could think about was losing you. What if you didn't wake up? What if you didn't remember me? And every day that passed made me worry more.
"I get that this is still new. We aren't Hunter and Bri. We haven't been together forever or struggled through the tough times yet. My mind still went to them, though. To what they have. The future they've built together. And I want that. With you. I was so scared the accident would take that away from me. From us.
"Our future was on the brink of being destroyed, and all I could focus on was missing my chance. My one chance at happiness, at a future, kids, the life I've always wanted with the woman I finally want it with. You, Ally. I want everything with you, and I almost lost you.
"Me staying as close to you as possible, that's me wanting to be here to protect you from everything and anything that could potentially hurt you. For the rest of your life. I don't ever want to be apart again, and I sure as hell don't want to go back to Miami and leave you here. I want to be with you from the time I wake up until the time we go to sleep with you wrapped safely in my arms."
There's more. I can feel it, but he doesn't continue. Maybe it's because there are tears streaming down my face. Or the fact he's on the brink of crying himself. Whatever it is that holds him back, I'm grateful.
Forever is a long time to promise yourself to someone. I've done that once before, and I'm not sure I'm ready to do it again. I love Zane, but there are a few things I need to put behind me before we can move forward together.
Chapter Eighteen
Shifting in the seat, I attempt to get comfortable. This is the third vehicle I've test driven today, and none of them feel right to me. Maybe it's because I'm a little nervous behind the wheel, but I'm guessing it's more the fact that Zane insisted I purchase a larger vehicle.
My tiny race car didn't survive the accident. It was a complete loss. Which meant car shopping was on our list of things to do as soon as Zane came back into town, and the SUV I'm currently in is the safest one available according to him.
"You don't like it," he points out when I still haven't started the car after a few minutes.
"It's not that. It just feels so big, and all the controls are different."
"We can try that one instead." Zane points to the sleek black SUV at the end of the next aisle. They all look the same to me. Different colors and styles of a gigantic box with wheels.
"Let me drive this one, and then if I don't like it, I'll drive that one."
He silently agrees, buckling his seatbelt and reminding me to adjust my mirrors. Whoever sat here before me was much taller than I am. I've already moved the seat forward at least four inches.
Four test drives later and I'm signing the paperwork on my new vehicle. A bright-red SUV that makes me feel like I'm driving a monster truck instead of a go-kart. It's not that big, more of a compact SUV, but I sit so far off the ground that it still feels huge compared to my last car.
Taking the long way home, afraid to drive on the highway yet, Zane maps out our week for me.
After we went to bed last night, he called Hunter, asked him if I could have more time off, and he agreed. I've already been off work for a week and a half. I was ready to get back and catch up on the massive pile of work I'm sure is growing larger by the day.
Then he mentioned taking me back to Miami with him, and the thought of lying on the beach relaxing became more important. Not to mention Zane will be there. We'll be able to spend the entire week together. He can show me around his hometown and introduce me to his friends.
It's going to be great and, from the sound of it, busy.
"How far do you live from the beach?" I interrupt.
"About ten minutes. We'll make it down there, I promise."
"Don't you have to work?"
"Yeah, but I can work from home if I need to."
"Can you work from the beach?" Coming to a stop at a red light, I glance in Zane’s direction, and he smirks at me.
"Yes, but not every day."
"That's fine. I can go without you when you have to be at the office."
Zane chuckles in the seat next to me as I make the last turn toward my apartment. Every time he's mentioned our trip today, I've brought up going to the beach. It's my top priority. I get that he has to work, and I don't expect him to entertain me every waking minute, so I figure the beach is something I can do on my own.
When we land in Miami, I instantly regret wearing pants. It's hot and humid, and my jeans are sticking to me everywhere. I was freezing cold on the plane, my toes going numb at one point because I was wearing flip-flops. Now I'm having hot flashes as we walk to Zane's car in the parking garage.
"Seriously," I say, coming to a stop just behind him. "You have your own parking spot at the airport?"
In front of his shiny black convertible is a sign that reads ‘Allen Adventures.’
"It's not just for me. It's for my clients as well. I made arrangements with airport security."
"What do they get out of the deal?"
"A discount for all airport employees if they book their travel arrangements with me."
"And you get a prime parking spot."
"I get ten parking spots and no parking fees," he corrects as he arranges our bags in his trunk.
"So basically I'm dating a Miami hotshot," I tease.
"Basically. He's also one of Miami's most sought-after bachelors."
"Really?" Lifting an eyebrow at him suspiciously, I walk into his open arms.
"Well, I was until I took myself off the market," he explains as a group of girls walks past us, their eyes shamelessly traveling the length of Zane's body.
A sudden need to claim him as mine assaults me, so I push up on my tiptoes, wrap my arms around his neck, and press my lips to his. Zane smiles and takes control of our kiss, lifting me by my ass and pressing me against his car.
Hands are everywhere. The world around us is forgotten, along with the gaggle of bitches that were checking my man out.
"Think they got the message?" he asks, pulling away as I slide down the car, breathless.
"I don't care," I reply with a smile.
"Good. Let's get out of here. There are things I want to do to you that require us to be behind closed doors or risk going to jail."
"I'm sure it'll be worth it," I note as he opens the car door and ushers me inside.
It smells brand new. The leather seats are in pristine condition. There's a palm tree air freshener hanging from the rear-view mirror. It's not really his style, in my opinion, but when it twists, I see his logo and realize it's actually marketing material.
My man is smart. Dangerously sexy. Knows how to turn me on with just a look.
Most importantly, he's mine.
The drive to Zane's condo is short. True to his word, we leave our bags
in the car and he gives me a two-second tour of his place as he drags me into his bedroom, shutting the door and the rest of the world out.
That's when he slows things down. Taking his time with me. Cherishing every inch of my body. Bringing me to the brink only to let me calm down before repeating the process. Over and over again.
Day one we spend most of our time in Zane's office. I help him organize everything while he makes phone calls and catches up on the last two weeks of work. That doesn't mean we don't take breaks to enjoy each other's company every now and then. More than we should have probably since part of the next day is spent in there as well. If we had put clothes on, we would have gotten a lot more work done.
What's that saying? All work and no play...
I don't remember the rest, but I imagine it's boring.
Once Zane's home office is organized and he's mostly caught up, we head out to grab a bite to eat, and he wants to show me his main office. It's small and cozy, decorated in a beach theme. Palm trees everywhere, which makes sense now that I've seen his company logo.
He has his very own Helen at the front desk. Her name is Sylvia. She's an early sixties woman who answers the phones and directs traffic. She's sweet, but it makes me wonder if it's all an act.
Not that Helen isn't sweet, but she has a dark and twisted side of her, just like the rest of us. I never would have guessed that when I first looked at her, but over time, if you watch her closely, you'll see it in her eyes. The need to know everything.
Or maybe it's just an older lady thing. Being nosy. Either way, Sylvia seems nice, and she dotes on Zane and me the moment we walk through the door.
"Oh my gosh, is this the girl who finally snagged you?" she says, holding me at arm’s length before pulling me in for a hug. "You take care of my boy, you hear?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"If he gives you any trouble, you tell me. I'll whip him into shape."
Zane and I both laugh at Sylvia's threat. She's looking at Zane with nothing but a smile on her face and love in her eyes. She knows he'd never hurt me. You can tell by the way she takes his hand and squeezes it gently.
"Any messages, Mom?"
Mom? As in, his mom? Or a woman he has adopted as his mother and calls mom?
"Just your father, wanting to know if you were back yet. You should call him. You know how he worries."
Defiantly his mom. The one who gave birth to him. The mom that I wasn't prepared to meet the second I walked into his office and if I had known, I'd at least wiped the 'I just had mind-blowing sex' grin off my face before I walked through the door.
Zane pulls me into his office when he sees the shocked look on my face and closes the door behind us.
"You don't remember our conversation this morning, do you?" he asks, running his hand up and down my back to comfort me.
It’s not going to relieve the shock coursing through my body, but I like the way it feels so I don't complain.
"I think I'd remember if you told me I was about to meet your mom."
"We were getting the shower. I told you we were headed to the office and that my mom was going to be there."
"Yeah, but you didn't say she was your receptionist."
"I didn't think that part mattered."
That's when I laugh. Because he really doesn't get it.
"There's a difference between meeting your mom at some point in time today and your mom greeting us at the door. Hell, I was still thinking about what happened in the shower. I thought you meant she was stopping by. I thought I had time to prepare. I even have a nicer top in my bag. I was going to change."
"Stop, Ally. You're gorgeous and sweet, and it doesn't matter what shirt you’re wearing. She's going to love you no matter what and so is my father. Just be yourself. Let them see what I see."
Hmmm... Does he mean the scandalous girl who picked him up at the wedding or the hot mess of a friend who was spreading rumors? I'm doubting he means either of those people. So who am I supposed to be? I'm still trying to figure that out myself.
Hiding in Zane's office most of the afternoon, I read a book on my phone to calm my nerves. His father is on his way to the office. The four of us are going out to dinner together. They want to get to know me. More than likely to figure out who I am and why their son fell for me.
That would be what I'd want to know.
I mean, come on. He left for Zane's wedding with Cammie and came home alone. Then he started leaving town every weekend. They had to know something was going on.
"What are you pretending to read?" Zane asks as he hangs up the phone. It's been ringing off the hook since we arrived, keeping him busy booking flights and vacations for his clients. I didn't realize how busy he was.
"A book Justine recommended to me."
What's the name of it again? I'm only two chapters in.
"I take it it's not very interesting."
"No, it's pretty good so far."
"Then why haven't you flipped a page in almost an hour? You've been staring at your phone so long I thought you fell asleep with your eyes open." Has it really been that long? "What's on your mind, gorgeous?"
Ha! So many things I don't want to confess.
"Nothing. I was just thinking about how your mom knew I was coming. She knew who I was."
"Of course she did. We've been seeing each other of months now. Did you think I wouldn't tell my parents about you?"
I haven't told mine, but that's a topic for a different day. They don't even know where I live, and I don't plan to tell them. They died long before Kevin did. Not physically; they're both alive and kicking from what I hear, still raising hell and being assholes. The moment I moved out from under their roof, I never looked back. I didn't want their life, and they didn't understand that.
They tried to make me feel bad about it, to get me to come home, the first few years. Then they suddenly stopped. I met Kevin. The rest is history.
"No. I figured you would. I know you're close with them." And now I realize how close with his mom only a few feet away on the other side of the door.
"They know everything," he says, getting out of his chair and coming to sit next to me. "They know I love you, that I plan to marry you one day, and that grandbabies are in their future. After the first weekend I came back from your place, Mom called me out. I was so excited when I left and miserable when I came back. She wanted to know why, and when I wouldn't tell her at first, she guessed it was because of a woman.
"Even without meeting you, with no details at all, she knew I was in love with you. She knew before I did. It didn't take me long to realize it. She always told me, one day, I would find the one person I was meant to be with. The person who made me whole. She's been wanting to meet you since that day, but I didn't think you were ready. I knew I wasn't ready. Meeting the parents is a big deal. When I finally meet yours, I'm sure I'll be just as nervous as you are right now."
"That won't happen," I state firmly.
"What? Meeting your parents? Of course it will, eventually."
"No. I don't see them. I don't talk to them. They're not a part of my life. As much as I'm sure they would love you, they have a way of tearing people down, me especially. They're toxic, and I cut them out of my life a long time ago. Kevin never met them either."
Of course, Sylvia chose that moment to walk through the door. As Kevin's name crossed my lips, we made eye contact, and there's pity in her eyes. She's giving me the look I've been trying to avoid all this time.
Zane told her about my dead husband.
Chapter Nineteen
It took me almost the three days to get past Sylvia and Ted knowing about Kevin. Neither of them asked about him, and other than that moment in Zane's office, I didn't bring him up.
Zane apologized profusely for sharing my personal business with them. I get why he did it, but it didn't make it any easier to come to terms with.
He needed someone to talk to about it. He couldn't go to Hunter, his best friend, so he went to his mom
and dad. It had less to do with the fact that I had been married or that I had kept it from him, but more about the way Kevin died. How distraught I still was over it and that I hadn't really dealt with his death.
He wanted to know how to help me.
If my relationship with my parents existed, I may have done the same thing is the situation were reversed.
So, I tried to see it from his perspective. I pushed past the shame and the sorrow and focused on spending time with Zane, getting to know his family and friends, and having fun.
It wasn’t until we were having dinner with his parents at the home he grew up in that I finally broke.
Now, let me preface this with the fact that I'm not a religious person. I believe what I believe. I'm also not against anyone else's religion.
When Sylvia took my hand and bowed her head, I went along with it. A lot of families still say grace before a meal. Mine wasn't ever one of them, but I had friends whose parents always made us say grace before we ate.
"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the delicious food you've provided us tonight. For bringing Allison into our son’s life. Please bless their relationship as you've blessed ours all these years. Watch over them, protect them, and show them how to love one another like only they can. Forgive them of their past mistakes. Protect their heart like only you can and show them the righteous ways. We thank you for all your gifts and honor your name. Amen."
Past mistakes.
Zane swore he didn't tell them anything else about me. Nothing about the rumors. Nothing about my family, mainly because he didn't know anything about them. I have always changed the subject when he's asked.
Aside from my job, how we met, and Kevin, they should’ve known nothing.
So what past mistakes was his father referring to?
"Amen," Sylvia chimed, releasing my hand and reaching for her napkin, gently placing it in her lap. "Chicken, dear?"
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