by Taryn Steele
I notice Rick rush to the front of the room pulling the young man aside.
“Who is that?” I ask Jameson.
“That would be my brother David.”
Oh-my-god! They could not be any more opposite! Not what I expected at all!
“Is your dad mad at him or something? Why did he rush over there pulling him aside?”
“Because he was about to get his ass kicked by the local guys.” Jameson tells me.
“Why?”
“Do you see what he’s wearing? He looks like a fucking pimp from the seventies. He’s wearing a full-length fur coat with a matching hat and a slutty looking chick on either arm. He looks like a white Kat Williams.”
I notice David and Rick coming towards us, without the females though. I also notice Rick making quick comments to a few of the guys along the way. He must be letting them know to back off of David. He’s lucky to have a protective father like that.
“Happy birthday bro! Good to see you.” I overhear David say to Jameson as they embrace.
“Thanks bro. Let me introduce you to some friends.”
David looks more normal with his pimp gear off. He’s about two or three inches taller than Jameson. Thin with dark brown hair and thick eyebrows. A little white gangsta wanna-be comes to mind once I see the large, gold, flashy jewelry and the oversized clothes.
After countless drinks and numerous games of pool I find myself having a great time and feeling very drunk. David and Rick are in a fiery game with an even number of balls on left on the table. I notice Jameson get up from his stool and go to the men’s room. After about three minutes contemplating playing a joke on him I get up and go in there. He’s at the sink washing his hands.
“Hah!” I pinch his butt. “Gotcha!” I shout.
He looks up at me through the mirror in front him with a devilish grin on his face. He grabs a paper towel and dries his hands.
“I was just trying to scare ya.” I laugh as I turn around to leave. He catches me off guard. He grabs me by the elbow and pushes me up against the wall. My chest immediately feels tight, a feeling I’m not familiar with. His face is so close to mine. I want to touch it but he has my arms pinned to the wall. My heart is beating so fast. I think I can even see my chest rise and fall from my breasts moving up and down so much.
“I’ve wanted to do this for a very long time Hillary.”
Without even waiting for a response he crashes his lips in to mine with urgency. I can taste the sugary, robust liquor on his tongue, it tastes like cherry… and I like it. I kiss him back with fervor! He releases my arms and I grab around his neck to pull him closer to me. He pushes me harder against the wall maneuvering one of his legs in between my two. I can feel him hardening up against my jeans. His breathing is just as heavy as mine.
What is happening right now? How did this happen? I was just joking around following him in to the bathroom. He said he’s wanted to do this for a long time? It must be because he’s drunk.
I break away from the kiss. My thoughts taking over. I walk towards the door to leave but I can’t open it. I hear loud voices and laughter.
“I’m not letting you two horn dogs out!” Christian yells, from the other side.
“Let us out, Christian!” I shout back, and with that the door opens with all eyes on me and Jameson. I notice Tess out of the corner of my eye. Her legs crossed as she sits on the bar stool, head tilted to the side with a peculiar look on her face. I stalk towards her and plop in the seat next to her.
“What the hell was that all about?” She seems peeved.
“I have no idea. I was just going in there to follow him as a joke and then out of nowhere, he kissed me.”
“Hmph.” She retorts.
That’s an offbeat reply I think to myself but brush it off just as quickly. We aren’t doing anything wrong. I’m not with Mike any more. Jameson and Ally broke things off when they realized they were two really different people. So who cares? We’re young, drunk and having fun.
Around 1:30am we decided to call it a night. We said our goodbyes and headed outside to my car. When Tess went to open the back door Jameson stopped her. “Sorry Tess. You’re in the front with Chris.” Jameson tells her.
“What? Are you serious?” She asks.
“I’m not ready for this night to end. I have more kissing to do.”
I just stare in astonishment. Do I want to do more kissing with him? Why does he want to kiss me more? It’s because he’s drunk. Yup, that’s it. He’s drunk and horny and I’m letting him. So that does make me the whore my mother has been calling me since I was fifteen? Why does Tess seem mad? At this point my alcohol high is coming down with the fresh air and late hours so I just get in the back seat. Whoever sits back there with me, well, whatever.
Winner winner chicken dinner, it’s Jameson.
As soon as he sits he leans over, grabs my face with a tight-lipped grin and kisses me…again… and again... and again... the whole ride back to Dawn’s.
“No one will ever love you.”
September 8, 2001
Bzzzzzz bzzzzzz bzzzzzz
Ugh… go away… shut it off…
My head hurts. It’s so heavy. It feels like a watermelon.
Bzzzzzz bzzzzzz bzzzzzz
Who the fuck is calling me already? What time is it anyway? I pull the covers off from my head, carefully turning my head to the side to see my alarm clock to attempt at lessening the throbbing.
11:00 a.m. Christ almighty!
“Hillary!”
Nooooooooooooo!
“Hillary! Tess is on the phone!” My dad is yelling from down the hall.
I reach down from my bed to grab the cordless phone resting on a stool on my bedroom floor.
“I got it dad.” I hear the click and know he hung up.
“Morning, sunshine!” Tess yells in the phone.
“Stop yelling.”
“Ha ha ha. What’s the matter buttercup? Got a hangover?”
“Something like that.”
“What are you doing today? I want to go shopping.” She says excitedly.
“I could shop.”
Anything that didn’t involve alcohol at this point would be fantastic!
“Cool. What time do you want to go?”
“I’m still in bed, so I need to shower and attempt to eat some type of bread or cracker. Can you give me till like one or two o’clock and we could grab dinner after shopping or something?” I suggest.
“That sounds perfect. Hey, I saw Jameson’s Mustang still at Dawn’s this morning when I went out for coffee. I think Christian made him crash at his place.”
“Oh, thank God.”
I can’t believe I drove home myself. That was so stupid of me. It was a crazy night, and knowing my mom is out of state and my dad couldn’t care less what time I came home, I took advantage of the opportunity.
“Yeah, but you’d sobered up a lot by the time we got back to town.”
“It was still stupid.”
“Call me when you’re on your way to my house.”
“Okay. Bye.”
I drop the phone on the floor and struggle with the thought of having to physically get out of the bed. Maybe I’ll just lay here for another minute.
I look at my cell phone to see how many times Tess was calling me before she called my house.
Oh fuck! It wasn’t Tess, it was Jameson. But there were no messages. Phew.
Time to get out of bed.
AS SOON AS I PULL in to Tess’s driveway, she’s already running out to the driveway.
“In a rush to get out of the house?” I ask, quizzically.
“Oh geez, my parents are driving me nuts and my little sister is crying.”
“Alright. On that note let’s go shopping. Express is calling my name.” We weren’t even at the end of her road and I could feel Tess’s eyes burning a hole in my head. I turn to quickly look at her and she’s just staring at me while smoking a cigarette.
“What?
” I ask her.
“So are you going to tell me what the fuck all that shit was with Jameson last night?”
I chuckle at her bold statement. “I don’t know Tess. I was drunk. It was just a joke gone crazy.”
“So you don’t like him like that?”
“I don’t know. I never really gave it much thought. He was drunk too Tess. I’m sure there are no feelings on his end.”
“Okay.”
She dropped the subject.
Interesting…
AFTER A FUN AFTERNOON of clothes shopping at our two favorite stores Express and New York & Co. We decide to stop at Ruby Tuesday’s for a simple sit down dinner.
“So where’s Brody tonight?”
“I don’t know. At home I guess.” She says with a look in her eyes that couldn’t care less where he was or what he was doing.
“Are you guys fighting?”
“Yeah. I don’t know. He’s been such a jerk lately and I’m sick of it. I want to go out and have fun with my friends but he never wants to come along. But I’m supposed to go out with his stupid friends.”
“I’m sorry, Tess. I wish I had some advice for you.”
“I know. It’s okay.”
“I can tell you this. You are young and beautiful with many years of good times still ahead of you. Don’t let him drag you down.”
“Aww, Hil. Thanks. I think we’re gonna have a serious talk tonight.”
“If shit gets crazy you know how to get ahold of me, okay?”
“You got it,” she says, with a barely there smile.
AFTER I DROPPED TESS OFF at home and wished her luck with Brody I decided to take a drive up Route 66 to see if anyone was hanging out at Dawn’s Coffee Depot.
I noticed Christian’s truck there, so I decided to pull in, order a coffee and see what information he would divulge from last night’s activities.
“Hey Chris. What’s going on?”
“Sup Hillary. How you feelin’?” He says with a chuckle.
“Oh man. It was rough getting up let me tell ya. I would have slept longer but Tess called my house at 11:00 a.m. and had my dad wake me up.”
“Oh, that’s not cool. She wasn’t nearly as drunk as you and Jameson.”
I couldn’t look at him after he said that. I felt embarrassed for some reason.
“You didn’t let him drive home last night, did you?” I asked.
“Oh hell no! I made him get in my truck and drove back to my house. I brought him back here later this morning when he woke up and wanted to drive home.”
“Oh phew. He called me this morning but I couldn’t move out of bed to answer the phone.”
“He did, did he?”
“Um, yeeeaaahhhhh. Why? Is there something I need to know?”
“I don’t know. You tell me hot lips. You guys were all over each other in the car last night. I thought it was funny but Tess seemed disgusted by it.”
“Disgusted? Why would she be disgusted?”
“I don’t know. Maybe she’s got the hots for Jameson? They’ve been close friends for a while.”
“What? No way. She’s with Brody…”
And then it hits me… the conversation we had in the car just a short while ago. Is she gonna dump Brody because she was jealous of what happened between me and Jameson last night? Does she have feelings for Jameson?
“Yeah, well according to our conversation last night driving home she wasn’t too confident about that relationship lasting much longer.” He admits.
Whoa!
Snapping me out of my thoughts is the sound of loud roaring engine.
Jameson.
I see in my rearview mirror Jameson’s white Mustang in the drive-thru, and he’s grabbing himself a coffee. I turn my head to the left and see Christian grinning. I turn my head to the right and see Jameson pulling his car up next to mine.
“Hey Hillary. Wanna go for a drive and talk?”
“Hey guys. I’m heading home for dinner. I’ll be back later.” Christian interjects and takes off.
“Um… hey… how ya feelin’ today?”
“I’m good.”
This is awkward.
Without any words said he gets out of his car and gets in to mine.
“Look Jameson… about last night… you don’t need to say anything. We were drinking and having fun and –“
“Hillary, I like you.”
“It’s okay. It’s no big deal. Wait, what?”
“I said, ‘I like you’. I’ve been attracted to you since the first time I saw you here and Tess introduced us. I just never did anything or said anything about it because the timing wasn’t right. If I was dating someone and you weren’t or vice versa.”
I’m dumbfounded. Why me?
“Really?”
“Yeah really. Are the feelings mutual or was last night just a one-time fun night for you?”
Now is when I need to reassess all those thoughts and feelings I’ve had over the last couple of months when it came to Jameson.
“Wow! I-a-um—”
“You don’t have to answer me now if you can’t Hillary. I just wanted to be honest with you.”
I think for a moment. “Jameson, will you go for a drive with me?”
“I would love to.”
THE SUN HAS SET, the roads are narrow, dark and winding but that doesn’t stop my speed. I think I’m scaring Jameson which is way too fucking funny considering what a speed demon he is in his Mustang. I grew up on these roads. I could take these turns in my sleep.
“I’ve never taken anywhere here before. This… this is my hiding place. Where I go for peace, I guess you could say.”
“I’m honored you are sharing this with me then.”
“It’s nothing special… just a peaceful place I sit to unwind if something is bothering me or to just think or relax.”
“I’ve been in this area but never down here on the docks. It’s really nice.”
He’s been over here before?
“Sometimes the restaurant over there on the right, up on the hill, has a live band and I get a free show.”
“That’s cool. So are we here because you need to think about what I asked you?”
“I don’t know… maybe. So it was pretty stupid to bring you then, huh?” I ask with a slight chuckle.
“Maybe I can help persuade you then Miss Nowal?”
Oh damn!
“And how exactly would you do that Mr. Michaels?”
We stand on the dock, scattered lamp posts illuminating our view, gentle waves lapping at the bank of the river. Jameson takes a step closer to me, places one hand on my hip and his other hand on my cheek. He’s so close, and I’m nervous, so I look down breaking eye contact. He takes one finger and lifts my chin so I’m looking at him. He strokes my cheek with his thumb and my eyes close at the sensual touch. His lips are on mine. His kiss takes my breath away, so much that I can feel myself about to lose my balance. I grab on to his shirt so I don’t fall. His arm is immediately around my waist.
This kiss tells me all that I need to know. Last night wasn’t just a drunken night of fun, he really does like me. Although I don’t understand why. I’m nothing special, but this kiss is. I can feel his desire for me in this kiss. This is how he’s communicating his feelings for me. I snake my hands up his chest, and around his neck to pull him closer to me. I start to wonder if I’m a good enough kisser. He’s not making any moans or anything. Does he like this? Maybe I need to be more playful? Okay, I’m going for it. I nip his bottom lip.
“Oooohhh.” He smiles.
Fuck yeah!
“Jameson…”
“Yeah…”
The warming sensation between my thighs is becoming hotter and wetter. Our breathing is getting heavier. Our hands are moving faster, exploring each other.
“I need a minute. I need to breathe.” I pant.
“I’m sorry.”
“No. It’s okay. Don’t apologize. I-I liked it. I just needed a minute… to
breathe.” I say, honestly.
“I’m sorry. You just smell so good... taste so good… kiss so good. I lost myself in you.”
Holy crap!
“Our first song goes out to the couple making out on the dock.” A male voice announces. Quickly we turn our heads to the restaurant up on the hill. We never noticed the band setting up when we first pulled in.
I hear a keyboard… a guitar… drums… It’s “Is This Love”…
“I know this song!” I exclaim.
“Me too. It’s Whitesnake!”
“God, I love 80’s music!”
“Care to dance?”
“I’m not that good. I should warn you I’m fifty percent Polish.”
“Then we can be clumsy together because I’m a little Polish too.” He admits.
So, we danced…
“By all means, please, run away from here and make life better.”
October 2, 2001
GROWING UP IN A LOVELESS HOUSE doesn’t help a girl’s confidence level. Understand my frustration when Jameson told me that not only are he and his brother David going skydiving, but this girl he once fooled around with is going with them. I know who she is, we grew up in the same town. Gloria Moranski.
I’ve been internally struggling with this since Jameson told me. Why does he want to hang out with a girl he once fooled around with? Is it her that wants him? Can I compete with her? Other than sharing with Tess, I’ve kept these thoughts to myself.
I’M SUPPOSED TO MEET JAMESON and David at the pool hall tonight after work. David is spending the night at the apartment Jameson shares with his mom, Marcie. She’s a pretty cool lady. I’ve met her before when I’ve gone out with the guys. We would meet at Jameson’s house, and Marcie was always there, so while the guys were doing guy things I would sit and talk with her. I usually talked about my crappy relationship with my mom. It was nice to be able to talk to a mother figure.
I pull into the parking lot at Breakers Pool Hall, and take the open spot next to Jameson’s white Mustang. I check my hair and makeup in my mirror, spritz on some perfume, grab my purse and head on in, but not before making sure to lock up my car.