by Taryn Steele
“Jameson, wow. The North Conway Grand Hotel! It’s beautiful! Is this real?”
“I hope you’re okay with this. I called Marianne on Monday when you were at lunch and she put in for your time off for me as a favor. We leave Sunday March 3 and come back Thursday the seventh. I thought maybe one day we could drive to Maine too. I don’t expect anything Hillary. Please don’t freak out or over think.”
“I’m not. I promise. I think it’s great.”
HOLY SHIT! I’M TOTALLY FREAKING OUT AND I’M TOTALLY OVER THINKING!
February 15, 2002
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
February 15, 2002 9:07a.m.
Good Morning Sexy Lady!
So when are you/we going lingerie shopping for New Hampshire?
Yes of course I knew! Ha ha!
It’s gonna be great!
Xoxo – Lily
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
February 15, 2002 10:01 a.m.
Good Morning To You Too!
I’m not surprised at all that you knew. We need to go shopping ASAP and I need to start doing some serious sit ups and dieting. He can’t see me naked like this!
This Body = Hot Mess
xoxo – Hil
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
February 15, 2002 10:18 a.m.
You’re fine! Your body is fine! If Jameson didn’t like it he wouldn’t be with you!
Bevan is coming over tonight, so let’s go shopping tomorrow. Maybe we can grab lunch too?
Xoxo – Lily
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
February 15, 2002 10:59 a.m.
Tomorrow works. Call me later with details. I’m about to head in to a meeting.
Xoxo – Hil
IF I’M THIS NERVOUS ABOUT LINGERIE shopping how am I going to be when the time comes to close the deal with Jameson?
Robert fucked me up with what he put me through. My unloving house has fucked me too. I don’t trust anybody. I know Jameson told me not to overthink and he didn’t expect anything but I want to. I want to reach that intimacy level with Jameson. I want to be able to let my guard down. I want to be able to trust him, to believe he won’t hurt me.
Today it’s just me and Lily. I told her if she says she’s taking me to Frederick’s of Hollywood I will slap her. Luckily it didn’t come to that. We went to Victoria’s Secret first because they are the best. Lily thought one slutty outfit was enough and the rest should be a combination of sexy, cute and comfortable. I found two that fit that description at Filene’s. The final two choices were silk camisoles and matching short sets. One was plain lavender and the second was leopard-print. Every girl should have at least one piece of silk leopard-print sleepwear right?
I haven’t told my parents I’m going away yet. I’m interested to see what my mother’s reaction is going to be. She’s considered me a slut since I was fifteen. She probably thinks I’ve had sex with Jameson already. I’m not confirming or denying anything with her. She wouldn’t ask anyway. We just don’t have that kind of relationship. I’m sure we never will either, and I’m fine with that. I’ve made it this far without any motherly guidance. I figured out how to use a tampon on my own, how to apply mascara, how not to treat my future husband and children. I’ll be just fine.
I cannot have a repeat of New Year’s Eve. I cannot chicken out. I will go to New Hampshire and I will have a great time. Crap! I can feel the panic starting to set in. I need a talk with my favorite wise old lady, Grandma Nowal. She’ll calm me down without having to go in to gory details. She wouldn’t pry either.
Grandma Nowal is my world. She has always been there for me. She taught me how to plant crops and cook, she helped me with my homework, cooked for me when I was sick and so much more. Something special happens when I sit down and talk with her. I feel healed. Grandma Nowal gives me that feeling that everything will be okay when I leave her house.
“Grandma, you in here?” I shout in to the house.
“Yep, I’m in the den.” She shouts back. “I’m coming.”
“Got any Yoo-Hoo in the fridge?”
“Yes, of course. Take one. Is that why you’re here? For my Yoo-Hoo?” She replies sarcastically.
“Very funny. No. I’m just stopping to say ‘hi’, and to see if you need anything at the store.”
“No, I don’t need anything today but I probably will later this week if you can take me?”
“Of course I will take you. Don’t I always?”
“Yes, you do. You’re my favorite grandchild. You call me every day. You take me grocery shopping. None of the other ones do. So tell me, what’s with that puzzled look on your face?”
“It’s Jameson.”
“Oh. Is everything okay? I like him. He’s a good lookin’ one too, Hillary.”
“Yes, everything is fine. He asked me to go to New Hampshire with him for a couple of days.”
“Well, that sounds nice. No hanky-panky young lady.” She says while shaking her finger at me with a stern look in her old blue eyes.”
“Don’t worry, Grandma.”
“So why the troubled look on your face then?”
“I don’t know. I’m just scared of getting hurt I guess.”
“Before I dated your Grandpa I had an enormous crush on a man named Henry. Oh, he was such a looker. He had the best lookin’ tush. We flirted with each other a lot and even fooled around but there was no spark. He didn’t give me butterflies. Does Jameson give you butterflies?”
“Yeah, all the time.”
“About a month later of the chase game with Henry I met your Grandfather. Oh my, he made me so nervous. I was shaking all the time in the beginning. I even broke up with him one time because I was so scared of how he made me feel. I thought it would be easier to just run away and break it off before I fell in love. He chased after me. It was like a movie. He had his Army uniform on. He looked so handsome in it. If he doesn’t chase after you, he’s not for you. I can tell by that look in your face you did the same thing I did Hillary. You ran didn’t you, and he chased after you?”
I couldn’t speak. I just nodded my head. Damn, Grandma is good.
“You put it out there, so you were asking for it.”
March 3, 2002
WHILE I HAVE MY CAR WARMING UP I call Jameson to let him know I’m leaving shortly, so he knows to expect me to arrive within thirty minutes. I didn’t sleep very well last night. I’m tired and I’m nervous about the next couple of days. I swear I’m trying not to be.
I told Jameson I would wait till we were about to head out to stop for coffee, gas up my car, check the oil and windshield washer fluid. You know, all those pre-trip necessities.
As I pull into the parking lot of the apartment complex of Jameson and his mom’s place I don’t see him waiting outside so I park and go inside.
I knock at the door.
“It’s open!” I barely hear Marcie, Jameson’s mom yelling over what sounds like her television set.
“Hi!” I say, stepping inside while wiping my shoes off.
“Hi sweetie. Please take your shoes off before you come in.” Marcie sneers.
“Oh. I wiped them off. Don’t worry.”
“Still, dear. I don’t want excess dirt on the carpet.”
“Oh. Uh, okay. You’re watching ‘Face The Nation’ I see. The politics on that show drive me crazy.”
“Well dear, only intelligent people like that show, so it’s okay.”
What the—
“I’m ready to go!” Jameson shouts, exiting his bedroom carrying his luggage bag.
“Bye mom. I’ll call you when we get there.” He gives Marcie a hug.
“Have a great time.” Marcie says, while giving me a hug goodbye as well.
Here goes etting’!
Most of the five hour drive to New Hampshire I slept. Yup. I’m a bad
co-pilot. The lack of sleep the night before hit me in the drive. I woke up just as we were entering North Conway. It was like déjà vu. The stretch of road ahead looked so familiar. For a few years my father took us up to New Hampshire for a week during the summer but this couldn’t be the same town could it? He didn’t mention anything when I told him where I was going.
As we continue to drive on Route 16 towards the hotel, I’m noticing familiar sites. I notice a restaurant sign with a huge cow on top of it. I notice an arcade building and the motel across the street from it.
“Holy crap! This is where my dad took us!”
“Where?” Jameson asks, quizzically.
“Here. This town. This road. It’s all coming back to me now. Did you notice that restaurant with the big cow on top of the sign? And the arcade we passed. The motel across the street from it, that’s where I stayed as a kid. My dad would take me and my brother to the arcade across the street to play while my mom stayed in the room watching TV. The motel had a pool outside in the back.”
“That’s so cool babe.”
“I can’t believe I remember that. I was so little. I couldn’t have been more than eight years old at the time. I’ll have to tell my dad when I call him later so he knows we got here safe and sound.”
The rest of the drive to the hotel consists of me staring out of the window with eyes wide and a smile from ear to ear. It’s so scenic and beautiful up here. Before I even realize it we are turning off the main road and up towards the hotel. I can’t help but notice the enormous outlet center that we pass on the way. I am totally going shopping at some point. I giggle as I notice the massive moose statue in front of the hotel entrance sign. I am awe struck with the large grey buildings beauty covered in a light dusting of fresh snow. Eight large white pillars adorn the main entrance giving it that extra fancy feeling.
As Jameson pulls the car to the front of the hotel, I notice I’m still smiling and no longer nervous. Jameson is the one who looks nervous. Why is he nervous? He unloads the luggage and tells me to wait inside where it’s warm and he’ll be right back after he parks the car. He’s such a gentleman.
When I step in to the hotel with our luggage I immediately notice the restaurant and bar to my left. I look up and see the post and beam ceiling and chandeliers made out of deer antlers. I am up north for sure. I wait near the check in counter for Jameson. It’s not too busy so he can’t miss me. I think most of the people must be shopping down the road at the outlets. I grab a flyer while waiting for Jameson that said there are more than sixty stores, shops and restaurants in the outlet center. I can’t wait to check it out.
“Already planning your shopping excursion?” Jameson asks, from behind me.
“There you are. I thought you got lost in the parking lot for a minute.”
“Sorry. I grabbed a smoke while I was out there.”
“Okay. Ready to check in then?”
“Yep. Let’s go.”
THE SHORT RIDE IN THE ELEVATOR up to the third floor felt like an eternity. I don’t know what came over me but the sexual energy I had building up inside of me had to be released, and fast. I don’t think Jameson noticed. If he did, he didn’t say anything.
The elevator chime and doors opening knocked me out of my daze. We stepped out in to the hall and followed the sign pointing to go right to find our room number 309. The short trip down the hall had us there in seconds. Jameson scanned the key card and opened the door. As I stepped inside I had to laugh when I noticed two queen size beds.
“Are you trying to tell me something here?” I ask, while pointing to the beds.
“What the hell? I didn’t ask for a non-smoking room either.”
“It’s fine. I just think it’s funny, that’s all.”
“Well I’m glad you’re amused then.” He says, with a devilish grin while stalking towards me.
I think he’s caught on to my insurmountable sexual energy. There’s no more time to think. My low self-esteem needs to take the back burner and bare everything. Instinctively we grab on to each other hard and our lips crash. My hands are on either side of his face. His hands are on the back of my head fisting my hair. We’re pressed so tightly to each other, as if we’re afraid to lose the moment if we let go of one another. I immediately open my mouth inviting his tongue to gratify me. I start making small steps back towards one of the beds. Which one I don’t know and I don’t really care. Once the back of my legs hit the mattress I climb up backwards on to it. On my knees I wrap my arms around his neck, never letting go of our kiss. I start to lean back letting him know I want him on top of me now. He follows my lead. I can instantly feel his pleasure hardening through his jeans.
“You’re so beautiful. I want you in the worst way… your taste, your scent, the feel of your bare skin next to mine. I want it all.”
“Jameson… make love to me.”
He doesn’t take his eyes off of mine. With one hand he caresses the side of my face and places a soft kiss to my lips. Then on my jaw, on my neck and on my collar bone. Carefully he lifts up my shirt over my head. I follow suit and do the same to him. We admire each other just for a moment, too desperate to bare ourselves. I want to cover my stomach with my arms but the need to touch him is stronger. He traces his fingers over the lace on my bra. Making sure to graze the peaks of my nipples so they harden to his attention. He places delicate kisses all over my chest and stomach while un-securing the bra clasped behind my back. While gently running my nails up and down his bare back I places kisses along his shoulder and under his jaw line. He slowly pulls the bra straps down my arms and over my breasts, and tosses it aside.
“Exquisite,” he says.
Within seconds his hands and mouth are all over my breasts. Massaging and licking. Rubbing and tasting. Devouring like a wolf having its last meal. Moan after moan escaping my breath as I indulge in the tingling sensation.
“Open your eyes Hillary. I want to see you. I need to know you’re here with me too.”
I was so lost in the enticement I didn’t even realize my eyes were closed. He starts kissing my lower stomach while unbuttoning my jeans. He shuffles them down over my hips and pulls them off throwing them to the side on the floor. I lay there motionless staring at him, watching him unbutton his pants and pull them down. A scene of laundry mass destruction on the floor.
Standing in front of me in all of his naked glory like an Adonis, his muscular shoulders stand strong and wide. His chest beautifully chiseled from his occasional weight lifting he’s mentioned. He shifted down back on to the bed. He trailed kisses down my face, then down my neck and on to my breasts. His fingers dancing over my bare skin. I tremble in his hold. Moisture was pooling between my legs. I was yearning for more. I couldn’t hold back any more. I couldn’t be scared anymore. I couldn’t run anymore. It wasn’t about needing to give myself to him. I wanted to give myself to him. Jameson slid to his knees, grabbed the back of my knees and trekked them over his shoulders. I was fully exposed.
His touch was soft and loving. It wasn’t enough for me. It was driving me mad. It’s as if he was too scared or nervous to be stronger with me. I grabbed at his hair and pushed him in to me harder to let him know it was okay. I was okay. I needed more. He lunged his tongue in to my opening. He sucked ruthlessly and I immediately cried out. He plunged two fingers inside and I instantly clamped down on him. My arms flew out and I gripped on to the sheets for dear life. When I had finally caught my breath Jameson got up off of his knees and grabbed on to my hips.
“You are so fucking hot right now.” He said breathlessly. “Are you okay?”
“I’m more than okay.”
He stood in front of me as he ripped open a condom packet and rolled it on to himself. He lowered himself over me, wrapping his arms around holding me close. Grabbing on to my left knee he wrapped my leg around him and slowly pushed himself in to me. Gasping at the same time I felt myself push my head back in to the pillow. I could feel his hot breath on my neck.
“Oh-my-god baby! You’re so fucking tight!”
Over and over he slowly pulled in and out. He rotated his hips with expertise, hitting all of the right spots. Before long his needs took over and he thrusted harder and harder in to me. He grabbed my right butt cheek and went deeper with each push. The bed was rocking into the wall. I could feel the fire start in my toes and begin to rise. I knew I was on the verge. I could tell by the changing in his breathing he was about to also. One final thrust and we both yelled out in elation.
“Holy fuck!” He groaned.
“Yeah!” Was about all I could manage as I attempted to catch my breath.
He stayed laying on top of me propped up on his elbows splaying small kisses over my chest. I could still feel him throbbing inside of me. I never told him how much that turned me on and I was ready for round two. I was still a little shaky coming down from my high and a bit tired and sweaty. It was our first time, so I was expecting awkwardness after. I’m happy to say that never happened. We cuddled, took a nap, showered and had a nice simple dinner. The long, early morning drive took most of our energy from us. I wasn’t worried, we had a few more days here and this was just the first.
March 4, 2002
My damn body clock. It knows its Monday and says I should be up at the ass-crack of dawn because it’s a workday. I’m on vacation and I’m awake at 7:00am. Jameson is sound asleep next to me, lying on his back looking peaceful. I giggle a little when I hear slightly gentle snores come from him. I find it manly. At least until it keeps me awake one night, I think to myself. I’m feeling self-conscious at the moment and feel the need to run to the bathroom to give myself a look in the mirror. I slowly roll out of the bed doing my best not to wake Jameson, and tip toe away.
OH GOD I LOOK AWFUL!
I quickly run a brush through my hair, gargle with mouthwash and dab on some strawberry flavored lip gloss from Victoria’s Secret. Pee. I have to pee. Sitting on the toilet I remember these toiletry wipes Lily gave me. She got them from a sex toy party. They make your lady parts smell pretty. This package of wipes is strawberry scented. Perfect. Now both sets of my lips will not only smell the same but taste the same as well. Delicious!