Goddamned Freaky Monsters (The Tome of Bill Book 5)

by Rick Gualtieri

  Regardless, my spirits perked up as the lights from the airport came into view. A plane took off and I imagined myself safely aboard it. It was destined for parts unknown, but who cared? The truth was, finding the right flight was a wish-list item at best. Any plane headed out of this godforsaken country would be an improvement. Yeah, first priority was finding myself on soil that wasn’t owned by the undead. Once that happened, I’d have some time to plan out my next steps.

  The bus pulled into the drop-off lane and slowed. I stood and grabbed my bag - hoping my traveling companion was faring well. Unfortunately, I had a feeling that opening up to check on him might cause a bit of a scene. Oh well, we had to rely on the resiliency of his vampire physiology. If he was going to make it, he was going to make it. If not, there probably wasn’t much I could do about it. If he died, I could at least take comfort in knowing he died free - minus maybe the part about him being stuck in a backpack.

  I got in line and stepped toward the exit, anticipating blending in with the crowd beyond - heading to whatever destinations called to them. A smile crossed my lips as my feet touched the ground.

  It disappeared just as quickly as a female voice reached my ears. “Greetings, Freewill.”

  Theodora and Yehoshua stood there on the curb no more than ten feet away, flanked by a small contingent of airport security.

  Stowing aboard the correct flight suddenly seemed like the easiest thing in the world compared to getting away from this bunch.

  A Problem with Customs

  I stood there gaping, hoping for a brainstorm that wasn’t currently forecast. As I did, the remaining passengers disembarked from the bus. The doors closed behind me and I heard it pull away.

  I quickly glanced around, considering making a run for it, but it was a fool’s errand. Things would be problematic enough with just the guards, all of whom registered as vamps via my senses, but I was facing off against not one, but two members of the Draculas. My chances of escape were somewhat less than finding a winning lottery ticket in my pocket, followed by a supermodel pulling up and offering me a complimentary blowjob.

  There was only one possible chance: bullshitting my way out of this.

  Putting on my best arrogant sneer, I looked at them both, as if seeing them there was the most natural thing in the world. “You guys are late.”

  Theodora faced me down smirk for smirk. “Are we?”

  “Yep, I figured I’d have seen some resistance by now. You do realize it’s all futile, though.”

  “Oh?”

  “In case you haven’t heard, I’m the Freewill. I’m prepared to face down the worst the world has to offer. Do yourselves a favor - step aside and this doesn’t have to get ugly.”

  Yehoshua smiled and turned to the guards, saying something to them that I couldn’t understand. They all snapped to attention for a moment, then turned and headed off into the terminal.

  He and his gal pal stepped up to me, the amusement never leaving their faces.

  “Your friends were smart. Maybe you should follow them.” I said, hoping that sweat wasn’t currently beading on my forehead.

  Theodora lifted a finger and trailed the nail gently down my chest. Under normal circumstances, it would have been hot, but knowing who she was just made it extra creepy. “Or what? You’ll continue trying to unconvincingly bluff your way out of this?”

  Oh, crap. “You probably don’t want to tick me off. That tends to end bad...”

  “Please, child,” she said, sounding unimpressed. “I was present when Rome fell. I bore witness as the last Caesar arrogantly threatened reinforcements that weren’t coming. He was far more convincing than you, yet his blood still painted the walls before the sun rose the next day.”

  “I don’t need reinforcements. I’m the reborn...”

  “By all means, continue to insult my intelligence with your lies...”

  Yehoshua interrupted our foreplay. “Please, time is short.”

  Theodora sighed, then turned to him. “You are always one to spoil the fun, Joshua.”

  He smiled broadly at her before addressing me. “Kindly follow us, Freewill.”

  He hooked an arm around mine and guided me in a direction parallel to the terminal. He was gentle about it, but at the same time, there was the implied power behind his actions. We both knew damn well he could’ve just dragged my ass, regardless of my protests.

  I debated making a scene, but then realized the only ones who would respond would probably be vampires - and they weren’t likely to be all that helpful. Thus, I followed his lead with Theodora keeping step on my other side.

  “How’d you guys find me?” There wasn’t much I could do against them, but maybe some small talk would give me a bit of insight.

  “Find you?” Thea huffed. “You came straight to the airport. You could not have been more obvious had you left a note explaining your intentions. Next time, I would suggest making for the Alps. At least the terrain is vast enough that it might buy you a few hours.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind. I assume you’re taking me back.”

  “You assume incorrectly.”

  Uh oh. I got a bad feeling in my gut. Either she was still ticked from our little standoff earlier, or they were here to make an example out of me. Hell, maybe both. “Let me guess. Alex is pissed.”

  “Quite the contrary,” Yehoshua, or whatever his name was, replied. Unfortunately, if I was hoping to be further enlightened as to his meaning, I was in for disappointment. This guy seemed to be a man of few words. Thea, on the other hand, was typical of the vamps I’d met - full of herself. I figured I’d have better luck with her as they continued leading me onward.

  I tried to keep the surprise out of my voice. “That’s a bit unexpected.”

  “I will admit that your escape was somewhat amusing,” she said. “Locking up Alexander with Druaga...an inspired concept. Suicidal for most, but amusing nevertheless.”

  “Well, I’m not most.” We turned a corner. A heavy gate stood about a hundred yards ahead of us, guarded. Beyond it, another plane took off. Freedom was so close, yet at the same time, impossibly far away.

  “Don’t forget, that I’m...”

  “Powerless?” Thea offered.

  “Uh...”

  “The grand seer told us everything,” Yehoshua explained. “We know that you can no longer access the power inside of you.”

  They did? “But Alex said they...”

  “The seers are known for their absolute loyalty and discretion,” Thea said. “They are the keepers of secrets from time unmeasured. For them to do otherwise is a great dishonor to their station.”

  “But?”

  One side of her lips raised in a half smile. “But they are not stupid.”

  “What Theodora is trying to say is that the keepers of knowledge are not so blind as to ignore the threat to us all.” He smiled again. There was something disarming about it. Had I not known what he was, I’d have been tempted to take him at his word. He just had one of those faces. But I wasn’t stupid, either. I wasn’t about to be so easily won over by a friendly smile...at least on a guy.

  “And how do you know Alex didn’t specifically tell the seers to spread that rumor?”

  The air around us seemed to drop twenty degrees as Thea’s eyes practically bored a hole through me. “I could tear your arms off if that would help verify their story.”

  Oh boy. I needed to remind myself that these guys were not known for their tolerance of mouthy underlings. “Um...maybe we can just assume, for argument’s sake, of course, that perhaps they were on to something.”

  Yehoshua placed a hand onto my shoulder. I was half expecting it to tighten into a crushing grip, but thankfully, it didn’t. “The reality, Freewill, is that your condition is only one of several disturbing factors at play right now...perhaps the least of them.”

  Way to stroke a guy’s ego. Oh, fuck it. These guys weren’t buying my bullshit, so there was no point in continuing to try hawking it.
>
  “Fine. Let’s cut the crap.” I took a step and turned so that I was facing both of them. If a serious ass-beating was incoming, I at least wanted to be aware of it. It would also serve to, hopefully, keep me from staring at Thea.

  She, much like many other female vamps I’d known, was a fine piece of ass. Considering her supposed age, though, I had a feeling a slap across the face from her would knock my head clean off.

  “One part of my power seems to be...broken, if you will. I’m pretty sure it’s temporary, but regardless, the usual methods of bringing it out don’t seem to be working. So no, there isn’t much I’m going to be able to do if you guys are here to drag me back.”

  “To which we have already told you, we are not,” Yehoshua replied.

  “I know, which makes me curious as to why you’re really here.”

  “Child,” he said, his tone oddly tolerant, “know that the First need not answer to any but our own. Sadly, we find ourselves in strange days indeed. Thus, I see no reason to not speak freely just this once, especially being that our kind holds you in such high regard. To answer your question, we are here because Alexander has ordered you to be returned.”

  “So he sent you...”

  “Do not misunderstand,” Thea interrupted. “We are of the First and not at his beck and call. Such missions are for lesser beings.”

  “We came of our own accord,” Yehoshua clarified.

  I opened my mouth to reply, but found it hanging agape as he finished his sentence.

  “...to ensure that Alexander’s edicts were not successful.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “Wait, did you just say you were here to fuck up Alex’s plans?”

  “I do not believe I phrased it so crudely, but that is essentially correct.”

  “Why?”

  Thea sniffed impatiently at that. “Our motivations...”

  “It is quite all right. I believe he can be trusted.” He turned back toward me and said, “Long ago, when I was still able to enjoy the sun on my face, I spoke of peace to my fellow man.”

  I raised an eyebrow and he chuckled. “I will admit to being a very different person back then. That man is long dead, put to death by those who claimed him an insurrectionist then reborn in darkness - turned by those who wished to make a mockery of my teachings. Despite that, I survived. Though I do not live up to the naïve ideals I once upheld, I have never forgotten them. I have always advocated that we live alongside mankind peacefully.”

  “Peacefully?”

  “We are wolves amongst the flock, true, but does not the pack only take what they must to survive? A wolf may consume the rabbit, but he holds no ill will toward its kind. Once sated, he will be content to let the rest go about their lives. Such has been my philosophy.”

  “And the same goes for you?” I asked Thea.

  A sly grin appeared on her face as she momentarily eyed him. I wouldn’t have doubted that he was slipping her the old blood sausage. “Joshua can be quite persuasive. Though I am cut from different cloth, I too enjoy the status quo we have shared with the humans.”

  “So how do you know I won’t rat you both out? I mean, it’s not like you can compel me to keep my mouth shut.”

  “True enough,” Yeho...Joshua said. “But then, one does not typically attempt to escape from their confidants.”

  “We have also heard rumors, Freewill.”

  “Rumors?”

  “Yes. The eyes of our people see far indeed. There are those who question the veracity of the events relayed to us from the Woods of Mourning. Indeed, there are whispers that indicate a distinct lack of enthusiasm for Alexander’s war on your part.”

  Talk about the understatement of the century. That I was apparently being sold to the masses as the poster boy for world domination was a particular sore spot for me. Fuck that. I was no hero. Hell, I wasn’t even a passable foot soldier. All I wanted out of life was to spend some good times with my friends and maybe eventually settle down with...well, the girl who could potentially disintegrate me with a touch.

  Regardless of that, though, I most certainly had no interest in watching the world burn around me. If there was anything I could do to stop it from happening, I would - providing, of course, it didn’t get me horribly killed. Did I mention that I’m no martyr either?

  Unfortunately, I had no way of knowing if these two clowns were playing me or not. Their actions would suggest that they weren’t, but that didn’t mean shit. Vampires that old would no doubt be masters at manipulating others to believe what they wanted. That being said, vamps also tended to be massive suck-ups to those who outranked them. Alex was at the very top of the food chain. He was a cult of personality all unto himself. Showing him anything other than sycophantic worship was practically unheard of for most of our kind.

  That was a possibility...one that could potentially get me beaten to a pulp. Oh well, it was all I had to try.

  “Those rumors would be correct,” I said. “This entire war is because Alex is a giant egomaniacal douchebag. As far as I’m concerned, he can go fuck himself sideways with one of the seers’ hot pokers.”

  I braced myself, first for the shock on their faces, and then for the bigger shock of myself being torn limb from limb. Thankfully, neither came.

  Instead, the slightest look of amusement crossed over Thea’s face. “The rumors also mention that you’ve quite the unique way of expressing yourself.”

  “What can I say? I have a colorful vocabulary.” I was just making small talk, trying to process it all. By rights, I should have been put into chains, then tossed into the back of a truck headed for Chillon Castle - my destination being an even danker dungeon than my previous one. “So where’s that all leave us?”

  “In an ideal world, I would wish to see us return to our former status quo,” Joshua said. “Alas, I fear that the time to avert this war has passed. We are going to battle our ancient enemies whether we wish to or not. The outcome is still undecided, though.”

  “The prophecy,” Thea offered.

  “How are we to know if it means anything?” he countered. “Who is to say the prophecy hasn’t been massaged by Alexander to suit his needs? You heard the seers today. We are sailing upon unknown waters - the Freewill’s powers, the forbidden name, and then their proclamation that the so-called sun walker would be the catalyst...” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Mad ramblings, all of it. At this point, I fear they are making little more than guesses.”

  “Huh?”

  “Nothing more than prattle,” he replied. “The seers are able to see the distant shores of time, but I suspect, with destiny looming, they can peer through the immediate mists no better than the rest of us.”

  I was tempted to comment about the general dumbassery of sitting around, making shit up, with the only consolation prize being burning your eyes out every hour, but Joshua wasn’t finished. Considering Thea had already nearly kicked my ass once that day, I opted to keep my opinions to myself.

  “Defeat at our enemies’ hands is an outcome none of us want. However, the victory that Alexander desires is a dark one as well. He was once an emperor. He has tasted unlimited power. Though he claims to do everything with our people’s best interest in mind, I can foresee a time when he craves that title once more. There would be no need for the First, as he would seek to become the One.”

  “Whoa, so you’re thinking he’s gonna pull a Palpatine on you guys?” Their confused looks were, once more, confirmation that elder vamps really needed to turn on the TV once in a fucking blue moon. “I mean, he’s gonna snuff you all?”

  “I would not doubt that.”

  “Then why not take him down first?”

  Something passed through both of their faces. It was quick, barely noticeable, but as someone who’d gotten his ass kicked in high school, I knew it well - fear.

  “Alexander is too powerful,” Thea said. “The bulk of our people are too loyal to him.”

  Her tone faltered and I was tempted to of
fer a counter-argument. After all, Gan sure as shit hadn’t been bothered by the idea of putting Alex on ice. Then again, she was batshit crazy, so perhaps using her as an example wasn’t the best of ideas.

  “Theodora is correct. Our best bet is to weaken his position. If we can end this war in a stalemate, or perhaps diminish the glory of his victory, then he would have no choice but to stay his hand - accept the wisdom of the First.”

  “So where do I play in all of this drama?”

  “Is it not obvious?” Thea asked.

  Goddamn, I so hated when people asked that. Made me want to slug them in the face. Of course, most couldn’t put you through a cinderblock wall as way of response. “Pretend I’m an idiot.”

  “You are Alexander’s great prize. He has been using you to strengthen his position - even more so since you came to join us.”

  Hmprh, they’d either been fed a plate of bullshit regarding my capture or they had a very loose definition of the word “join.” Even so, I sorta liked where they were going with this. “And if I escaped?”

  “If you were instantly recaptured, nothing. But if you were to return to your coven, make our people aware of your reemergence, he would either be forced to admit to your escape - a great embarrassment for one who holds us all to such a high standard - or proclaim it was meant to be by the seers.”

  “So he couldn’t touch me?”

  “Not openly. Our people are uncertain. If they were to view our leadership as desperate, it would potentially compromise us.”

  “More importantly,” Joshua added, “you would be free to continue along whatever path destiny has in store for you.”

  “You have to be aware that I’ve been trying my damnedest to shit on my destiny since day one.”

  “Exactly!” He beamed at my response. “Your reputation for being unorthodox has spread. Now that Theodora and I are certain that you are not Alexander’s willing pawn, we know that you will work in your own way to avoid the cataclysm at hand. Though we must all tread carefully in the coming days, perhaps our combined efforts can shift the winds of fate enough so as to not bring us all to ruin.”