Goddamned Freaky Monsters (The Tome of Bill Book 5)

by Rick Gualtieri

  There was no fucking way I wanted another showdown with Brutus Beefcake without James by my side. Calibra had fucking protocol backing her up. Tom or Ed were both obvious candidates, but neither of them wanted the job and I really wasn’t big on forcing the issue. If that creep managed to pick up Ed’s scent again, it would end badly. Tom...well, who the fuck knows how that would have come back to bite me in the ass? I wouldn’t allow them to be compelled either, pulling what little rank as the Freewill that I could. Hell, I wasn’t certain it would have even worked on Ed, considering the weirdness from earlier.

  The next several hours had turned out to be pointless anyway. New York City was in utter chaos. The site of the first burning building about two blocks away from the safe house and the National Guardsmen nervously blocking off the street told us the underground was a better bet.

  We scoured all officially known coven properties first. Since Chuck had dominated Starlight and Firebird, we figured it made sense that he might have holed up in one of our hangouts.

  That was Tom’s idea, by the way - calling that fucker Chuck. He said it was easier than continually referring to our foe as “that badass tattooed vampire who kicked our asses.” Also, Chuck made him sound a bit less invincible. Never discount the effects of a little positive psychological reinforcement.

  I’d first led us to the site of the loft, which had been one of the main gathering points of Village Coven. It had been blown to shit months back, but I figured there was always the chance it had been rebuilt. It hadn’t. All that remained was a fenced off crater, the debris having been long removed. The underground larder beneath it remained, but it appeared that it hadn’t been used in quite some time.

  It was only then that I realized my knowledge of Village Coven was sadly outdated. I honestly had no idea what, if any, new properties had come under our management.

  Calibra couldn’t help much there, either. As Prefect, she had information on all of our official holdings. However, her current insight was no greater than mine. If we had acquired any new digs recently, they might very well be off the grid. I wouldn’t have put that past Sally. She always thought two steps ahead of just about everyone else.

  I wasn’t about to say it in front of my companions, but the truth was I really wished she were there. Together, we’d survived shit that should have easily reduced us to our respective component ashes. Without her, I felt almost...naked.

  Once our known locations were scoured and discovered empty - nary a Village vamp to be found - we turned to the safe houses I knew about. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing Sally hadn’t been around. She’d surely have kicked my ass for that part.

  At the end of what turned out to be a long, fruitless search, we had only one location left that was still off Boston’s radar. And that’s where my face was mistaken for a World Series curveball.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Village Coven shared a safe house near the Brooklyn Naval Yard with the Howard Beach Coven, HBC for short, a rival group of vamps from Queens. Sadly, most of that rivalry stemmed from the fact that they mostly hated my guts. Even so, frosty as our relations were, there hadn’t been any open hostilities between us ever since a little altercation that ended with the dusting of their master, Samuel.

  We’d approached the structure in the late hours of the night, following a prolonged hike through the subway tunnels. The trains had been suspended, no doubt due to whatever the fuck was going on. All the while, I couldn’t help but notice the curious glances James kept giving Ed, albeit he kept whatever he was thinking to himself. I had little doubt that he’d noticed the same thing Monkhbat had - somehow, Ed’s scent was off. At least so I’d been told. He still smelled like the same old Ed to me, but then again, I didn’t have hundreds of years of gradually heightening powers to fall back on.

  Right outside of the safe house, James’s phone rang. Colin was on the other end, probably to kiss some ass and blather on about how all of this was my fault.

  James and Calibra stepped aside to talk to him, leaving the rest of us to wait for them to finish. Or we would have waited, except that Tom decided we might as well save ourselves the trouble and check things out on our own since every other place had been empty.

  Yeah, that was a mistake.

  I smelled the presence of other vamps not too long after stepping through the door. They were unfamiliar, though - definitely not the big angry dude we were searching for. HBC, obviously.

  Despite the potential danger, none of us had wanted to look like pussies in front of James, so we proceeded with caution. Tom pulled out the magical amulet he’d worn ever since Canada. Christy had made it for him and it somehow channeled faith magic - in his case, the love he’d had for a certain collectible toy. Yeah, he was a bit of a weirdo.

  Ed was more practical, armed with a nine-millimeter Glock. I’d found it, along with a few spare magazines of ammo, in the safe house, recognizing it as Sally’s backup piece. It didn’t hold nearly as big of a bang as her Desert Eagle, lost during my tumble down the elevator shaft, but it was more easily concealed - handy for running around the city in the middle of an emergency.

  Even so, I hadn’t expected much more than some posturing. The HBC liked to remind my coven that they were going to kick our asses, but it was mostly trash talk.

  Or so I had thought.

  Upon entering a large room on the second floor, four HBC vamps approached us.

  I had just managed to ask, “Which of you guys is in charge, because...” when my face was abruptly chosen for batting practice.

  That’s the problem with the world today - nobody talks through their problems.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  The blow knocked me for a loop, but I had the express displeasure of experiencing much worse in my short time amongst the undead. Hell, a generic beating by your garden variety vampire goon was practically a vacation in paradise these days - minus the beach, drinks, and topless women sunning themselves.

  I pulled myself together in time to duck another swing of the bat. It connected with the pillar behind me with a solid clunk, stopping the vamp in his tracks as the vibrations from the impact traveled up his arm.

  It was enough of an opening for me. I grabbed him by the jacket, spun, and tossed him into the waiting arms of his buddy, who’d been heading over to help him out - no doubt assessing me as the biggest threat in the room.

  That might have been a mistake on their part.

  “Yeah, you like that, bitch?”

  I turned towards the voice to find Tom hanging off the back of the third vamp, one arm around the guy’s neck, the other holding the amulet against his forehead. The vampire’s scream drowned out whatever else my roommate had to say as his head caught fire. It was something to behold...reminding me to be wary of the day Tom returned home holding a prize even more valuable than the vintage Optimus Prime toy that had first earned his insane love.

  Two shots echoed throughout the room - Ed, no doubt. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a chance to check on whether he’d found his mark. The two punks squaring off against me rushed forward and took me down in a double tackle. Fuck. Didn’t these guys ever watch kung-fu movies? Everyone knows you’re supposed to squander your superior numbers by attacking one at a time. Jeez!

  I went down with them on top, realizing that I could potentially be in trouble if either of them was armed with something sharp enough to stake me with. Fortunately - sorta - they peppered my face with fists instead.

  “What’d you do with them, fucker?” the Major League hopeful screamed at me. “Where are they, you fucking freak?”

  What the hell? “I don’t know what...”

  Another fist slammed into my mouth. “Don’t lie to me!”

  Okay, this was starting to get old. It was time to get nasty before these guys managed to ugly me up.

  Thankfully, one of the hallmarks of those untrained in the fighting arts is to keep making the same mistake over and over again. Trust me, I’m a near expert in that.

&nb
sp; “Please, you have to believe me...” Again, the words died in my throat as another punch connected. This time, though, I’d extended my fangs first.

  I bit down and crunched the knuckles with my teeth. Oh, gross! When was the last time this asshole had washed his fucking hands?

  He let out a scream as he tried to shake me off, but I held fast like an angry junkyard dog, biting down even harder as a dribble of blood began to fill my mouth.

  His friend backed off, aghast at the display. Even these days, with vamps knowing what I was, it still freaked some out to see one vampire bite into another. It’s always the predators who are the most surprised to find they’ve become the prey.

  Another cry of pain filled the room, one that I recognized. Playtime was over. I crunched down again, then shoved the HBC vamp off me.

  Rolling to my feet, I spat out three fingers and turned toward where I’d heard Ed.

  The vamp he’d been squaring off against had gotten inside of his defenses and sunk his teeth into the meat of my roommate’s bicep - meager as it was. Fuck.

  I braced myself for a burst of speed so as to come to my friend’s aid, and that’s right about when shit got real.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “END THIS NONSENSE IMMEDIATELY!!”

  The compulsion rang out with enough force to instantly erase all of my momentum, maybe even knocking me back a few inches past where I’d started.

  James stood at the room’s entrance, looking none too pleased. Calibra was by his side, her expression more that of one who’d walked into their children’s bedroom to find a minor mess.

  The effect was instantaneous. The four HBC vamps ceased what they were doing as their eyes glazed over. They stood still like statues, offering no more threat. Tom was on the floor, staring unblinking at the ceiling. The compulsion had plowed through his defenses like a freight train.

  Ed, however, merely stood there clutching his arm and glaring at the vamp who’d bitten him. “Fucking asshole.”

  “Curious,” Calibra said. “How is it you...”

  And that’s when his attacker burst apart in an explosion of guts and white fire.

  Oh boy. When it rains, it sure as shit pours.

  White Lies

  Even if James’s sudden appearance hadn’t taken the fight out of the remaining HBC vamps, watching their buddy explore the finer aspects of self-immolation most certainly did. Needless to say, they were suitably freaked out. Not only were they in the presence of the legendary Freewill - albeit that hadn’t dissuaded them from trying to kick my ass - but they found themselves confronted by the Northeastern Prefect, a member of the Draculas, and whatever the hell Ed was able to do. All in all, it was probably like walking into a diner and coming face to face with the Pope, the President, and Kim Kardashian all eating a lunch of boiled baby meat together.

  James walked forward and gave me the barest of glances out of the corner of his eye. It spoke volumes to the fact that we’d no doubt have some words later on.

  When he reached the middle of the room, he released his hold on the compelled vamps. “Tell me why you attacked the Freewill. I am unaware of any open hostilities between Howard Beach and Village Covens. As I need not explain to anyone present, this is an ill time for intra-coven feuds. Such nonsense is intolerable.”

  It was well known in the vampire community that when a member of the Draculas told you to jump, your feet had better be off the ground before they finished that sentence.

  Apparently, Bat-man didn’t get the memo, though. He stepped forward, eyes wide, and pointed at Ed. “What the fuck is that, man?” Oh well, his funeral.

  Calibra raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Interesting. Colin wouldn’t have wasted an opportunity to crawl up James’s ass and get nice and comfy.

  “Manuel,” James replied tolerantly, proving once more that he was cut from a different material than most vampires, “kindly answer my question. I requested information from you. I shan’t do so twice.”

  That got their attention. His two remaining buddies backed up a step as if to distance themselves from the inevitable splatter. The first one, Manuel, I presumed, finally seemed to take the hint. He focused on James as if seeing him for the first time. His face turned a shade paler in the process as he averted his eyes.

  “My apologies. Didn’t mean no disrespect, man...I mean, sir.”

  Jeez, how come I never got any brown-nosing like that?

  “A couple hours ago,” he continued, “these two Village Coven bitches came waltzing into our den like they owned the place.”

  “Were they alone?”

  “No. They was flanking this big dude. Never seen him before. Guy was dressed like some fucking weirdo. Wearing some kind of skirt, but up top, he was sporting a Kevlar vest, like maybe he’d just stolen it from a cop.”

  Considering what had occurred earlier at the office, I deemed that an entirely likely scenario.

  “Anything else about him?”

  “He had long hair, like some rock star, and he was sportin’ ink.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, a moon and star on his shoulders, and some kind of monster on his chest. Couldn’t see it too well with that vest on, though.”

  “What happened then?”

  “I don’t know. I walked up and told them they was uninvited - to get the fuck out.”

  “And...”

  Manny seemed hesitant to continue, but one did not try their luck with the Draculas. Finally, he said, “And this big fucker just backhanded me. Next thing I know, my hombres here was smackin’ me awake. I got back to my feet and saw that everyone else was gone.”

  James turned his attention to the two other HBC vamps. “And you didn’t witness anything?”

  One of them shook his head. “We were out hunting.”

  “This is worrisome,” James said. It was more to himself than anyone, but Manny apparently decided he was being addressed.

  “Shit, yeah, it’s worrisome.” He turned and pointed a finger at me. “What the fuck did you do with my people, asshole?”

  “Me?”

  “Yeah, that’s your group. They don’t take a shit unless you tell them to.”

  Oh, if only that were true. But at least that answered why this guy tried to send my head into the outfield upon seeing me.

  “The Freewill is not to blame,” James said dismissively as he turned away. Something plainly bothered him, but I figured the present company was most likely not in the need for knowing. “He just recently returned from...First Coven related business.”

  He turned to me. “Gather your friends. We need to go.”

  “That’s it?” Manny complained, seeming to, once more, forget he was in the presence of one of the thirteen most powerful vampires in the world. Some people just didn’t learn. “This fucker kidnaps our people and he just walks?”

  Finally, Calibra broke her silence. “As Prefect, your coven’s safety falls to me. You will provide me with names and descriptions for all of your missing members, and I will do everything I can to make sure they are accounted for.”

  “Okay fine, but what about this freak?” He pointed an accusing finger at Ed, who’d moved over to help Tom back to his feet. It was rare to see a vamp push his luck so many times. At the very least, I had to give him credit for having more balls than brains.

  James turned back. That couldn’t be a good thing. A part of me wished I’d brought a rain slicker because this was going to get messy.

  Instead, he simply asked, “You are aware of our war, no?”

  “Of course,” Manny replied.

  “Then know that in any war, new weapons are developed to better fight one’s enemies.”

  “Weapons?”

  “Classified weapons. I can tell you no more, but I will stress the importance of discretion. All you need know is that he is on our side and will be of great importance in the coming days.”

  What the fuck?

  James’s answer seemed to mollify Manny, though, who nodded k
nowingly and turned his attention back to Calibra.

  Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect on me.

  What the fuck did he know about Ed that I didn’t?

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Calibra stayed behind, telling us she’d catch up shortly. We’d agreed beforehand to visit all uncompromised Village Coven lairs first, saving one for last in case those didn’t pan out. It was risky returning to the office. It was an active crime scene now. There were bound to be cops still there, even with all the weird shit happening in the city.

  As if to accentuate this point, a strange cry pierced the night as we made our way back to the subway tunnel entrance.

  “What the fuck?” Tom asked, having finally recovered from having his brains scrambled.

  “River Naga,” James said offhandedly, trudging forward as if that sort of thing were normal. “We can assume one has taken up residence nearby. You may wish to avoid the waterways for the time being. They are not on our side.”

  “Um, okay,” I replied, making a note to grab my Monster Manual the second I got home. “So, what was that stuff about Ed back there?” I glanced back at my roommate, but he raised his hands and waved me off, apparently knowing when to keep his mouth shut.

  “Huh?”

  “Ed. You said he was a weapon being...”

  “Oh, that?” he replied dismissively. “A lie, made up to pacify them. Nothing more. I was hoping perhaps one of you could enlighten me.” The weird thing was, his tone suggested otherwise - as if Ed’s odd new condition was the furthest thing from his mind. Even so, he had piqued my curiosity.

  “Why didn’t you just compel them to forget him, then?”

  “Did you see their eyes, Dr. Death?” he asked, giving me only the barest of looks. “Fear is a very strong emotion, and they were terrified. Even with my power, it is possible such a compulsion wouldn’t hold for long. Then what? We just barely managed to maintain order during the Icon incident.”

  Hopefully, he didn’t notice me wince. It was far more than a mere incident to me.