Ruined: Loving An Alpha Male: BWWM Romance

by Lessly, S. K.

  I had just gotten out of the shower around 9 p.m. on a cold fall night, and I was heading downstairs to see what was going on in the sports world. I haven’t sold or rented out my apartment for a few months now. I was thinking about selling it, but as I walked in the place I hadn’t seen in years I felt at home. I know the reason for that was Maxine. We’ve spent so much time together in this apartment, cooking together, watching television, making love. We’ve christened every part of the apartment, which is probably why I stayed away so long. The memories consumed me when I walked in, and as I came down the stairs it consumed me once more.

  I sighed heavily, and when I turned the corner to head to the kitchen, someone was standing by the island.

  We stared at each other; stunned, I’m sure, that we were both here. I then smiled and walked toward her. She, on the other hand, stepped back

  “I see you’ve made it back in one piece,” she said without an ounce of sincerity.

  “Yes, I have. Thanks for your concern,” I said dryly.

  I know sarcasm isn’t probably the best decision but I couldn’t help it. Asshole, remember? Anyway, one thing about Max is that sarcasm rolls off her back with ease.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked me.

  I walked closer to her.

  “I came looking for you.”

  She scoffed.

  “Yeah, really? And you thought I’d be here?”

  I shook my head.

  “No, I’ve been here in Philly for a while. I’ve been hoping you would show up somewhere eventually.”

  “And what if I didn’t?”

  I shrugged.

  “Then I guess I’d be here until you did.”

  She put her hands on the counter, and I said quickly, “I thought you were waiting for me to get back, so we could talk.”

  “Yeah well, you took too long. So I figured I’d move on.”

  I put my head down.

  “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I didn’t expect it to take that long.” I moved closer still asking, “Do you think you could stay for a while so we could talk?”

  “Um, no. There’s really no need, Mason.”

  “I beg to differ. I think there is every need.”

  She frowned.

  “Why? Because you say so? You disappear to do God knows what for three months, and what do you expect me to do? Why aren’t you talking to your fiancé? I’m sure she misses you.”

  “I don’t have a fiancé anymore.”

  “Really? I hope that wasn’t for my benefit.”

  She folded her arms.

  “Well, it was for the both of us.” I looked in her eyes, and she couldn’t meet my gaze. I said softly, “Allura, talk to me, please. Just for a little while.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Mason.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m seeing someone,” she blurted.

  I stepped back. “What?!”

  She frowned with her whole face. “What? You think I’m not good enough for someone?”

  I shook my head. “No…I…”

  “What then? You think no one would want me or something? Well just because you threw me away like I was shit doesn’t mean someone else would.”

  She started rambling on and on, but I didn’t hear her. All I heard was she was seeing someone else, and my world was collapsing around me.

  I closed my eyes and said firmly, “Maxine, for fuck sake…”

  I ran my hands through my hair to try and get a hold of my anger. To think someone was holding what was mine, touching, kissing her. Damn it.

  “I need to go!” Maxine announced, and I snapped out of my misery.

  I need to make her see we were meant for each other.

  “Wait, please. Can you just give me twenty minutes? I have so much I want to say. Can you just give me a chance to tell you a little bit?”

  Damn, I sound like a pussy. But if this is what it takes.

  She turned and moved closer to the island.

  “You have fifteen.”

  I stared at her; hypnotized by the dismissiveness in her eyes. I tried to move closer to her, and she put her hands up, so I stopped.

  “Allura, never did I imagine I would be able to get this chance with you. I never thought I would see you again. I never thought I would still feel the way that I do. I still love you.”

  “Are you kidding me? You think its love you feel for me? No, I beg to differ. What you probably feel is the fact that you have been replaced by someone else. You felt upstaged by Cory the day you met him, and you feel the same way now. There’s no way you could feel anything for me.”

  “And how do you figure?”

  “Because if you did love me, you wouldn’t have treated me the way that you did, you wouldn’t have thrown me away. I’ve been lonely and miserable for four fucking years—unable to allow men to touch me or to get close to me. And here you were getting fucking engaged. And you stand here and tell me you love me. That’s bullshit.”

  “So that’s what you think? You think it was easy from me to walk away from you back then?”

  “Oh yeah, I do.”

  “You have no idea.”

  I ran my hands through my hair and kept them on top of my head, looking at her and trying to keep from punching the wall next to me. This is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

  “I can’t begin to tell you the shit I did in the name of revenge. I’ve done things that would give you fucking nightmares at night. I unleashed something in me that took me years to put back in its cage. I didn’t want to bring that kind of man back to you, Allura. I was void of all emotions. My heart was black as coal. Darkness consumed every part of my soul. If I would have come back to you that way, I would have ruined you.”

  “You destroyed me, Mason,” she yelled.

  “Allura, are you listening to what I’m saying? God, when you saw me at the beach, you were pissed at me. Hell, you probably hated my guts. But you stayed there. If I would have come back to you, the aftermath would have been much worse.” I shook my head. “I would have annihilated you, leaving nothing left. You would have tried to stay with me because you loved me. I would have fed that and used it and crumbled you. So yeah, I figured leaving you the way that I did would have broken your heart. But it wouldn’t have broken your spirit and crushed everything that’s good about you.”

  “How do you know that would’ve happened?” she said softly.

  “Because that’s how I felt. I didn’t believe I deserved you or your love. The things I’d done for the sake of revenge were unbelievable. I went down there with extreme prejudice and didn’t care who got in my way of finding who killed Alex. That’s why I couldn’t come back to you. And I know what you’re thinking: I should have had the balls to say that shit to your face. I couldn’t do that either, because you would have talked me into staying. You would have told me you could help me, and I knew I wouldn’t have been able to tell you no. I was trying to protect you. Yes, it was a fucked up thing to do, but I never stopped loving you.”

  I risked coming closer to her, and she didn’t seem to notice.

  I said, “The day I saw you after so many years approach the table at dinner, I thought I would lose my shit right there.”

  She frowned.

  “Really? Because I couldn’t tell that when you saw me.”

  “Really? Well, I thought I was going to faint like a bitch. You took my breath away, and I couldn’t stop shaking. I shoved my hands in my pocket so no one could see how you affected me. The way you smelled, how good you looked. I wanted to fall at your feet and beg your forgiveness right then.”

  “Yeah, what stopped you?”

  “The look on your face when you met Diane, the sight of Cory hugging you. I didn’t feel right wanting you the way that I had and being pissed off that you moved on. But I wanted you so desperately, I couldn’t think straight. I was pissed off about Cory, but most of all, I was pissed off at myself. I shouldn’
t have left you to begin with. I should have stayed with you.” Here goes nothing…“Allura, I’m just asking for another chance.”

  “Are you kidding me? So what? So you can break my heart again? Or fall into that darkness you keep talking about?”

  I shook my head.

  “Allura, I’m not going to lie. I do have those moments. Hell, I was still deep in darkness at the beach. But damn if you didn’t save me again. I was a grumpy and lousy drunk for so long, but just seeing the disappointment in your eyes made a difference. You told me to stop drinking, and I did. Not just because you said so, but damn it, because I wanted to. I wanted to be different for you. I know you wouldn’t have reached me back then, but you did just when I needed you to.”

  She shook her head.

  “I can’t afford to give you a second chance, Mason.”

  “Baby, I know I’ve done some fucked up things but…”

  “Mason, you tell me you love me now but it doesn’t change the fact that you are, or were, engaged. You decided I wasn’t good enough to be your wife. That has fucked with me ever since I met Diane. How can you tell me it’s just over with you and her so easily and think I’m just going to take you back.”

  “Diane and I didn’t have what you and I shared.”

  “Bullshit, Mason. You fucked her every day and night. You gave yourself to her.”

  “The fuck I did. Allura, you have been, and always will be, the one woman I will ever love. I never touched Diane the way I touched you. I’ve never kissed her the way I kissed you—not ever. The way you and I were, how I gave myself to you whole heartedly, I have never ever felt this way for anyone as I do you. Diane and I had an agreement. I wanted her family’s business connections. The only way we could achieve a merger is if they thought we were married. That’s the extent of our arrangement. I had no intentions of making her my wife. There is only one woman that I want to be my wife, and she’s standing right in front of me.”

  She frowned.

  “So you used her? That’s worse, Mason.”

  I shook my head.

  “No, I didn’t use her. She came to me, and we just had a mutual understanding. That’s all.”

  “Mason, we aren’t a good idea.” She protested, but I moved closer to her.

  “Yes, we are. Allura, I’m not complete without you. I need you in my life. I’m nothing without you, baby. You make me feel alive and loved beyond what I even feel I deserve, and I don’t want to let that go ever.”

  I made it to her without her realizing my approach, and my hands went to her face. I caressed her cheek and looked in her eyes. I didn’t care she saw the glint of moisture in them. I didn’t care if she felt the tremble in my touch. My heart felt like it was going to bust out of my chest, but I needed her to feel what I was saying.

  “Mason…” she said softly but she didn’t move from my touch.

  “Just tell me what I need to do, baby, and I’ll do it.”

  “You promised me, and you broke it.”

  “I know. I had to. But as God is my witness, I’ll never do that again. I’ll never lie to you, cheat on you, or be disloyal to you. I will give you every part of me—good and bad—without hesitation. I’d do anything for you if you just give me a chance. We can take our time, baby, and start over if you like. I’ll court you and call you every night and beg you to go out with me. I’ll wine you and dine you every night when you finally say yes. I’ll do my best to spoil you in every way.” I placed my forehead against hers. “I love you, Allura.”

  I moved my hands down her arms and went for her waist, and she pushed me away.

  “No, Mason. I can’t let you in anymore. There’s more at stake than just my feelings. You can’t go off and be a hero, thinking you’re saving someone.”

  “Okay.”

  I put my arms out to her, but she put her hands up to stop me from coming closer. I saw the tears forming in her eyes.

  “God, Mason. You have no idea, do you? I just can’t do this again. You made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for you, that there was something wrong with me, that I wasn’t pretty enough or smart enough.“

  “No, baby. God, if anything, I’m not good enough for you. There is no woman that can hold a torch to you. I’m all yours, baby—body and soul. You have so much control over me, baby. I would do anything for you.

  I reached for her again, and she shook her head.

  “No, Mason. I’m sorry, too. But I can’t afford you to be halfway into this for my own sanity and…”

  “Allura, let me prove it to you then. I can’t just tell you how much I’m sorry and how much I need you and love you. I know I’ve made mistakes, but I can only show you how much you mean to me. Let me show you.”

  She stood there before me with tears falling from her eyes.

  I felt tears falling from my own, and I whispered, pleading, “Just give me a chance, please.”

  She watched me closely, and finally I saw a small nod from her. She opened her coat and let it drop down to the floor. I looked at her, confused for a while. She walked toward me a little. The moonlight that was coming through the apartment illuminated her. All I wanted to do was to kiss her and hold her. I loved this woman and…

  “Oh my God,” I blurted.

  My eyes grew wide as they traveled down to a small bump in her belly. Her hands instantly went to her stomach, and she rubbed.

  “Do you see why this is hard for me?” she said softly.

  I walked slowly to her, staring at her belly. I then kneeled in front of her, not caring how the floor was killing me. I pulled her sweater up to reveal a bare stomach, and I touched it. I rubbed her belly and kissed it.

  I said softy, “You’re pregnant?”

  Yeah, I know this isn’t my finest hour. But I was in complete shock.

  “Yes, I’m pregnant. I need you to be here for them, not just me.”

  My eyebrows rose. “Them?”

  She nodded. “Yes, I’m having twins. How lucky am I?”

  I smiled and stood up, not removing my hands from her belly. “Love of my life, there is no way I’m ever leaving you and my children again. I mean it. I’m all yours—fucked up parts and all—if you’ll have me.”

  I leaned down slightly so our lips were lined up, and I kissed her. I let go of her belly, put my hands through her hair, and grabbed the back of her neck. She didn’t resist me at all, which turned me on even more. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I couldn’t help but groan. I loved the feeling of her in my arms.

  “I’ve missed you so much, baby,” I whispered to her in between our kisses.

  I lifted her slightly, trying not to hurt the babies, and she wrapped her legs around me. I moved her to the stool by the island, still kissing her.

  I pulled back and looked in her eyes, fisting and fingering her soft hair.

  “Does this mean I’m forgiven?”

  “I’ll let you take me out from time to time.”

  I smiled.

  “Yeah, what about kissing you? Can I do that?” I started kissing her neck.

  “Uhh…yeah. I think that’s okay.”

  “What about touching you? Can I touch you?”

  I moved my hands under her sweater to her breasts and started to massage them gently, as I continued to kiss her neck.

  “Oh God, Mason…Yes.”

  I moved one of my hands down to between her legs and rubbed her pussy, knowing and feeling by just the way her body always reacted around me that she was wet for me.

  “What about doctor’s visits?” I asked, with my lips close to her neck.

  She pulled back from me and gave me one of the most evil eyes I had ever seen. “I will skin you alive if you don’t.”

  She was so serious that all I could do was laugh.

  I attacked her lips more urgently. This time when my tongue entered her beautiful mouth, I couldn’t stop my assault on her. I did, though, for one purpose and moved back from her. I was breathing heavy, and I knew she saw the tent tha
t was pushing against my shorts. She looked at me confused.

  “What?”

  “You’re staying with me tonight.”

  I wasn’t asking her, and I hoped she knew that.

  I pointed to her purse on the counter and said, “Do you need to call whomever you’re seeing and tell him you two are over? I’m not fucking sharing you.”

  She frowned. “Yeah well, you made me share you.”

  “When?”

  “Oh, come on. You and Diane…”

  “I never touched Diane after we made love, baby. I wanted you and only you. You ruined me. You unmanned me. You spoiled me. All I ever want touching me is you.”

  She stared at me, probably trying to figure out if I was telling her the truth. I moved to my door and made sure it was locked. I put my alarm on, and I walked over to her.

  “Well? Are you going to call him?” I asked.

  She suddenly smiled the most beautiful and sexy ass smile.

  She said, “There isn’t anyone else, Mason. I was mad and obviously hormonal. I just wanted you to feel that you had lost me. I couldn’t make this easy for you. You wouldn’t respect me if I had.”

  I shook my head. “Oh you little...”

  I grabbed for her, and tickled her side. She let out a squeal. I picked her up by her ass, and she wrapped her legs around me.

  “I’m definitely going to make you pay for that.”

  She started kissing my neck and said against my skin, “God, I hope so.”

  “Damn I love you, baby,” I said with excitement, as I carried her to my bedroom.

  I pulled her sweater off her body and laid her down on my bed slowly. I took off her boots and then her socks. Then I pulled off her tights and panties. She scooted up on my bed as I removed my shirt and pulled my shorts off. My dick sprang out, ready and waiting. I saw the lust in her as she dragged her hooded eyes over my body. Getting eye fucked by this woman is such a complete turn on.