Bound

by Hill, J. Elizabeth

  Dearest Faylanna,

  I have waited so long for you, but now you must come to me, for I cannot come to you. Years I have waited, since the promise was given that we would be for each other. And yet now another threatens that. I will not lose you to him. I could not survive that. Only you, through all these years, have ever truly believed in my innocence, and I ask that you trust further. Come to me. I offer you all that I can. All that you dream will be yours. I ask only that you join with me. From the circle of my arms, all the world will lay before you for the taking. I will be yours every night, if you will only be mine through all the days. Faylanna, I await you in Iondis. Come soon, come quickly.

  Marcius

  Fay read the letter through twice before the sound of boots in the hallway startled her. She stuffed the letter into one of the bags and went downstairs to join the others, not sure what to think of anything anymore.

  Chapter 15

  Tavis had been silent but calmer since they had left Rianza that morning. Lydia and Keari, again wearing his loose robe and draped scarf, rode together but spoke little, and Fay was careful to keep them between herself and Tavis, which left him leading the group and her riding behind. She didn't trust herself to speak to him yet, though only part of it was the anger she could still feel simmering in the back of her mind. The letter from Marcius was on her mind as well. She kept running through it, though she wasn't sure that she remembered the wording of it all that well. She would have taken it out, but knew that the others might ask what it was or where she had gotten it. When she realized that her thoughts were simply going in circles, she put the letter aside, vowing that she would examine its wording again as soon as she could be alone. Once she stopped thinking about that, she found herself speculating about another letter, the one Tavis had been trying to send to her father, the one he had avoided talking about. What had he been trying to contact her father about and why, she wondered as she rode, trying to watch him without being noticed. As he almost never looked back, it was easy enough. They didn't stop for anything, eating near midday as they rode. It was only as the light began to fail that they made camp.

  While they were settling in for the night, she noticed that the air was calm and frowned. Lydia saw and asked her if something was wrong, but Fay shook her head. She listened closer to the rustling sound she had thought all day was a breeze and realized it was her name being repeated softly over and over. Straining to hear, Marcius’ voice became recognizable, but only slightly clearer. The desperation in it was astounding. She tried to understand why his voice was so faint, when she had heard his words in Rianza as if he had been standing next to her. Wondering if it meant they were wrong after all, that they were going in the wrong direction, she thought about it carefully and understanding came. She remembered his words in the study and grabbed her pack, trying not to let her rush to get to it show. She dug through to the dress she had been wearing earlier and turned it over so the pocket was on top. She reached in and as soon as her fingers touched the pendant, they tingled with warmth and his words surrounded her. Over and over, he spoke her name and pleaded for her to hear him. Then it stopped, as if he knew she had the pendant again. She felt his satisfaction wrap around her like silk.

  She pulled out her hair brush and, as she raised it for the first stroke, let the pendant fall into the sleeve of her tunic. She finished brushing her hair quickly and stuffed it back in the bag, which she pushed off her bedroll. She turned to crawl in and saw that Tavis was watching her again. The questioning look in his eyes made her think he had seen something. She rolled over and stared into the night, letting the fire warm her back.

  In the smallest movements she could manage, she pulled the pendant out of her sleeve and clutched it in her hand, feeling the edges of the ribbons digging into her fingers and palm. She expected to hear Marcius' voice, but instead, an image of her with an arm raised formed in her mind, faint and fleeting. She tried to remember, but it stayed in her memory no more than it had in her thoughts. After a while of waiting, listening, another image appeared, only to vanish with equal speed. Marcius, standing in front of something she couldn't identify, one arm trailing behind him, except she couldn't see what he was reaching for before it was gone. She waited, but nothing more seemed to come and she fell asleep, feeling him with her still.

  When she woke, she was almost disappointed to realize that she didn't remember dreaming that night. She could feel the pendant, still in her hand, before she was aware of anything around her. She got up, slid her hand with the pendant into her pocket, nodded to Lydia, who was slicing up bread for them all, and then walked down to the river they had camped next to. She looked around and saw that a nearby bush blocked her from their view. Delighted, she took the opportunity and slipped the slender silver chain over her head, pulling her hair over it and settling the pendant under her tunic so that it didn't show. She thought she heard a sigh, but it might have been the wind this time, which had picked up in the night.

  By the time she had returned to the camp, everyone was up and Tavis was watching her again. They ate in relative silence and packed up. When they had all mounted, Keari nudged his bay gelding over to her and asked her to ride with him. They led the group out, and Fay didn't think it was her imagination that Lydia and Tavis kept back from them as they rode.

  "You wanted to talk to me about something," she said, turning to the prince, her words not quite a question.

  "Yes. But first, are you all right? You seemed distracted yesterday. I hope you aren't still angry with Tavis."

  She shook her head. "I'm fine."

  "And you know that we'll all be doing everything in our power to keep Calder from hurting you or forcing you to do anything."

  She nodded as the image of herself from the night before passed through her mind, a little more slowly this time. It was quickly followed by the one of Marcius, but that also faded.

  Keari didn't speak for a few minutes, and a new image flashed through her mind, people staring up in astonishment and wonder at something she couldn't see, then vanished. She looked over at the prince and saw something about him that made her smile. "You seem different this morning, your Highness, more relaxed."

  He turned to her, laughing. "Please, don't call me that while we're traveling like this. The whole point of the disguise is that no one knows who I am, but it doesn't work well when people start using titles. Besides, in many ways, I'm no fonder of mine than you are of yours, if perhaps for different reasons." He paused, then said, "But you're right. I like to get away from the palace sometimes. It's why I have that house in the city. But I rarely get a chance like this, to just get out and ride, to leave behind the trappings and the attendants of my position, to see something other than Rianza. It's normally a fight to get a horse, instead of an Imperial carriage."

  They rode in silence for a while before Keari started speaking again. "I have to ask you something, because I’m genuinely curious. Do you realize what a gift my father gave you when he agreed to your request for emancipation?" She looked over at him, confused. He shook his head sadly. "No, I can see you don't. You can do anything you want with your life now and no one can tell you otherwise, so long as it's within the bounds of Imperial Law. You can go where you choose, live the life you wish. You can love whomever your heart desires."

  Fay thought she understood where he was going with this and was a little disappointed. She nearly said that Tavis had already made his case when another fragment of an image, the Emperor bowing down this time, distracted her. The prince went on, "The only duties that can bind you now are those you choose, and I wish I could make you see how incredible that freedom is."

  She heard the longing in his voice and realized she had been wrong. "You wish you could be so free as that."

  He didn't turn, nor did he respond immediately. "I learned long ago not to wish for things that are so impossible as that. I am the eldest son of the Emperor. Duty has been my life since I was born, Faylanna."

  She though
t about this, then said cautiously, "But if it became known that you are a Magicia, you could be free. You and Lydia could-"

  "No," he said, cutting her off swiftly, and she wondered if it was because he was afraid for her to speak the words aloud. "That can never be allowed to happen. Someone must be here to rule when my father cannot any longer. May it be many years before then, but I must be there for it. My brother is too much a warrior for the job of ruling. It would be a disaster were if he ascended to the throne. My uncle often seems too selfish to me to do the job well." He trailed off into thought, then said, "I have as much as I can hope for within the bounds of my duty already. But we're talking about you, in any case. I wonder if you have any thoughts on what you will do with this incredible freedom you now possess. Perhaps I am prying, but my concern for your well-being has not changed, Faylanna."

  His question, seriously asked, demanded she think her answer through. She did, trying to ignore the images that filled her mind with increasing frequency. She looked over her shoulder to see Tavis talking with his mother and then turned back around. "I don't really know. I would do what my heart tells me if I had a clear idea of what that was. It seems to change every time I think I know what I want."

  He nodded at this. "Just make sure it's your heart you're listening to and not anyone else's, because you will be the one to live with the choices you make."

  She didn't know how to respond to that, and he didn't wait for her to give one. He dropped back to ride with Lydia, leaving Fay to the increasingly frantic and fragmented images from Marcius. After a while, the images began to blend together, becoming part of each other. When they stopped for the night, she didn't participate in their conversation, distracted as she was trying to wring sense out of what Marcius was showing her. She knew he was trying to tell her something, but none of it seemed to connect into anything. She fell asleep, mentally exhausted by the effort.

  The third day of their journey was overcast, the light dim and the sun invisible. Fay thought it would rain, and was almost ready to grumble when a whole and coherent image bloomed in her mind. All of the pieces were there, and she realized that every image had been part of this one. It left no room for other thoughts or sensations as she sat beside the fire, marveling at what she saw, and she could feel her eyes widen. In the picture, she stood next to Marcius, one of her hands on his shoulder, the other in his own as it trailed back to her. They stood on a hill and faced out at everyone. Those who gathered around looked on them in awe, or worshiped them for their power, which caused even the Emperor to bow to them.

  As she took in the image, something tugged at her thoughts, something not quite- A hand on her shoulder made her jump and she looked up into Tavis' concerned eyes.

  "We're all packing up. It's time to go. We should be there early in the day tomorrow, right?"

  Fay looked around, confused for a moment about where she was, then regained her bearings and nodded. "We may be able to see it before we camp tonight."

  He searched her face for a minute, then straightened and walked over to Swift. She watched him go, realized the vision had faded, and got up to pack. When she tied her bag to Rain's saddle, he seemed restless and she stroked his neck to calm him while looking over her shoulder at Tavis. He was watching her again and the look in his eyes reminded her for some reason of the day he had kissed her. She blushed at the memory, and quickly mounted up to have an excuse to break eye contact. They rode out a few minutes later, and she kept to herself mostly, playing with the pendant under her tunic in an idle fashion, ignoring the looks from the others.

  She had become so used to the images Marcius had been throwing at her over the past two days that it was almost a shock when she heard his voice again near midday. You know what I'm offering now, the things I could not explain in my letter. I had to show you. Words could never have conveyed it. All of it, everything you want, it will be yours. I will give everything to you. All you have to do is be by my side. Be mine, Faylanna, be with me. Come to me. Give yourself to me.

  She felt the expectation in his presence and there was something in it that frightened her a little. She wondered if there was something he was hiding from her, if that was the cause of her sense of foreboding. She pulled her hand from the pendant and leaned forward a little to let it swing out from her skin under the loose fabric of her tunic. As she did, she concentrated on keeping every thought out of her mind, reflex making her thread the firm intention with magic. Silence filled her like a balm, banishing worry and pretense. For a moment, she could think more clearly than she had for days. She could see her choices, Tavis and Marcius, and set them side by side for the first time since finding out their feelings for her.

  Before she could consider it closely though, she realized that Rain had picked up speed, misinterpreting her movement. She leaned back, pulling on the reins to slow him down, also letting her concentration on the silence fade. The instant the pendant contacted her skin again, Marcius' voice filled her mind, but it wasn't his usual smooth, charming words. Panic made his voice strident.

  ...leave me here, don't leave me alone in this place. They put me here, left me with it, left me. Faylanna, don't leave me here all alone!

  His frantic begging touched her heart. Compassion filled her, and she was unable to imagine how horrible it must be, locked in the Mirror. She reached out to him. Marcius, I'm here. It's all right, you aren't alone.

  Her words had an immediate effect. She felt the sense of his presence wrap around her again, no longer expectant, cajoling or anything she had experienced from him. It was like he was just holding on to make sure she was still there. One word repeated in her mind almost like a long, slow heartbeat. Safe. He didn't speak to her again for the rest of the day beyond that one word, but remained with her, like a drowning man clutching a rock in a fast river.

  When they stopped for the night, they were on the last rise before the road dipped down into the valley that enfolded Iondis. They had stopped early enough to allow for a hot supper and she found out that Tavis knew how to cook. The soup he put together in the pot from herbs and dried meat in their packs was delicious. Everyone had seconds and Fay thought she might have had more if any had been left. Night had fallen by then, and Lydia was gathering the dishes to wash them in the nearby Aben River when Tavis rose and turned to her.

  "Faylanna, would you like to go for a walk with me?"

  She was too surprised to answer, but stood up and followed him away from the fire and across the road. He led her along the rim of the valley for a few minutes, stopping in clearing that overlooked the broad expanse as it dropped away and opened out into the familiar lands of her childhood home. She looked behind her, making sure she could still see the fire that marked their camp in the darkness, before joining him at the rim. She looked out, her heart gladdened by the sight of home, but then she frowned, surprised that she couldn't pick her family's manor out. It was still early enough that she should have been able to see lights from the house she'd been born in, especially if her father was there. She turned to say something about this to Tavis but her words dried up as their eyes met.

  He stood next to her, almost close enough to kiss her again, and his expression was serious as he stared down at her. The slight frown that he almost always wore was deeper now. "Why are you doing this?"

  She was surprised by the question. "What do you mean? Doing what?"

  "Why are you taking this risk, going to Iondis? I agree with you that it's where the Mirror is, and I think it’s probably where your father is too, but doesn't that just make the risk greater? I need to understand."

  She thought about it before she answered, trying to figure out how to explain it so he would see. "Whatever my father is involved in, I know he's doing it out of some misguided notion that it's what I need, that he’s helping me by doing this. He's wrong, as he has always been wrong about the things I need, but that just makes it more important that I stop him. And it has to be me, Tavis, I'm sure of that much. I'm his daughter, a
nd that makes whatever he's set in motion my responsibility too." She had intended to stop there, but her breath hitched in her throat and she felt a tear slide down her face. It undid the calm control of herself she no longer realized she was exercising and the rest came flooding out with her tears. "And I don't think- I think he's in over his head. He looked so ill in the Gardensia. I'm afraid- I think that it's killing him, whatever he's doing, it's destroying him. He's all the family I have, Tavis, all I have left. My mother's dead, so are all the rest of my family, believe it or not. Ganson was like family, but he's gone too and I'm afraid that the dark cloud or whatever it was killed him. My father is everything and-"

  She knew she wasn't making any sense, and she couldn't go on. She dropped to her knees in the grass, wrapping her arms around herself and gave herself over to the tears she couldn't hold back. Even the feel of Marcius recoiling from her mind, his disgust at her tears and weakness clear as he went, didn't stop them. A strong pair of arms wrapped around her shoulders, turning her. She buried her face in Tavis' chest, her arms finding their way around him. Distantly, she was aware of him murmuring softly as he stroked her hair. She didn't know how long they remained like that before she finally regained control of herself.

  When the tears had stopped, she tried to pull away, and he loosened his arms enough for her to see his face, but he didn't release her. She saw that his frown had smoothed out, and the intense look that had been in his eyes was replaced by a profound sadness. She dropped her gaze to his chest and was a little embarrassed by the dark patch she saw in the moonlight. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

  He pulled one arm from around her and laid a finger on her lips to quiet her. She looked up into his eyes. "You have nothing to apologize for. You've been under more strain than I think any of us knew, and I don't think you had time to grieve for your mentor. I may not have liked my father, but I still spent some time grieving his death, and I already know that you loved Ganson." He removed his finger from her lips and stroked them down the side of her face, a tender smile forming. "But you're wrong about one thing. You do have family beyond your father. He's not all you have. Ki, for one thing. He cares about you, worries about you and tries to protect you. I think that's a good definition of family, once you get past blood. My mother cares too. She doesn't show it as much, but she does. And I do. I care about you, Faylanna. You are never as alone as you think."