Have a Heart

by Nashina Makhani

  ‘Well, not really, no.’

  ‘There you go then,’ she told me. ‘It’ll probably sting a bit and maybe it’ll be a bit tender for a little while after but it ain’t so bad.’ The words calmed my nerves a lot and I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. ‘D’you know whereabouts you’d like it?’ she asked.

  ‘I was thinking maybe here,’ I answered, pointing to a spot on my upper arm. She looked between me and Jai, eyes narrowing as she thought on something before having him come and stand by me, putting his arm next to mine and checking to see if it would work. After a minute or so, she nodded and told Jai he could move, going to prep the equipment.

  As she cleaned the needle and sorted to colours, Jai moved around to my right side, pulling over one of the chairs that people usually waited on and sitting on it, taking a hold of my hand without a word.

  A minute later, the artist came back over, cleaning to patch of skin before wiping it down with water and pressing a piece of paper to my skin. I looked down at my arm curiously, hmming as she pulled back the paper and I saw the outline of my half of the tattoo. She rubbed a little ointment over the design and then, telling me to take a deep breath and relax, she put the needle to my skin.

  ***

  Almost four hours later, we left the tattoo parlour, each of us with a piece of gauze covering the recently-inked patches of skin on our arms. I was itching to peel back the gauze and look at it, run my fingers over the ink, both to admire it and make sure it was real and I hadn’t just dreamt up the whole thing. But we’d been given strict instructions to keep them covered at least until we got home and, for once, I was trying my best to do as told; taking it off before that would expose the raw skin to the environment which could lead to an infection. And that was something I very much wanted to avoid.

  So, I slipped my right hand into Jai’s left, his hold ensuring I wouldn’t be able to touch the white pad on my arm. He looked at me with a knowing smile and a chuckle but made no comment. ‘So,’ I said as we headed back towards the middle of town centre. ‘Disney?’

  He let out a long-suffering sigh and gave me an eye roll but nodded. ‘Come on then pagli, let’s go Disney.’

  Chapter Thirty

  Jai

  The start of October rolled around about two weeks after we’d gone to the tattoo parlour. With less than six weeks till me and Alia would be leaving for India, preparations were in full swing. At least twice a week, aunty and uncle would spend the evening on the phone with aunty’s brother, finalising plans and double-checking arrangements. Of course, only about a quarter of the conversation was ever about the actual visit, everyone getting off topic easily, but I digress.

  They made about three-million other phone calls too, all to the multitude of relatives that we’d have to visit at some point over the two weeks we’d be on holiday. ‘Ma, seriously,’ Alia said with an exasperated sigh one evening as her mum mentioned yet another relative’s name. ‘We’re only going for a couple of weeks. Staying with mama is one thing but do we really have to go see every person we’re related to in the entirety of India?’ She was exaggerating of course; given the time constraint, we’d only be able to see the sights in Mumbai, take a trip to Gujarat to see where Alia’s family came from and, if we were lucky, maybe get to go see the Seven Wonders Park in Kota. All the same, the list of people we’d have to meet with wasn’t short.

  ‘Alia, you know how it is betta; if you don’t go and see our relations, they’ll be offended.’

  ‘But mumma, I wanna actually be able to see India. I wanna experience it and explore. As it is, we’re only gonna be there for two weeks and, you’ve said yourself that that’s not enough time to see much in India. How am I gonna really experience even that much if I have to spend half my time sitting with relatives I’ve only ever spoken to on the phone?’ she complained.

  ‘Alia, badhia ne jowa jawanu tari faraj tye. It’s your duty, you know that,’ aunty told her for what was probably the millionth time that week, the usual exasperated sigh accompanying it.

  ‘But maa!’ she whined, pouting.

  From my seat on the sofa, I watched them, trying my hardest not to laugh, knowing full well how the conversation would end. Just like every other time they’d had this argument over the past few weeks, it would end with Alia giving in with multiple eyerolls, an overexaggerated fine! and probably a stomped foot.

  Nevertheless, it was always entertaining to watch. If for no other reason than it was hilarious to see Alia arguing with her mother.

  Jaya aunty was one of the few people who could give Alia a run for her money in the stubborn department. Watching the two of them go head to head was one of the most amusing things I’d ever seen – especially when it came down to aunty giving Alia the look.

  Though both Alia and Anjali di had inherited the ability to deliver the look almost perfectly, neither of them could do it nearly half as well as their mother. Seeing either one of them on the receiving end of aunty’s was a priceless moment.

  I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from bursting into a fit of laughter as Jaya aunty let out a sigh, shoulders drooping slightly as she shook her head, the look on her face showing defeat and disappointment. ‘Betta,’ aunty started, her tone both calm and placating, somehow managing to be sympathetic and convincing at the same time – something neither of the Sharma girls had managed to get down yet.

  ‘No,’ Alia said, shaking her head in an attempt to fend off the impending guilt trip. ‘No, ma, just no.’

  ‘Betta, listen –’

  Before aunty could get past those two words, Alia spoke again. ‘Ma, come on, please,’ she tried again, the words mostly lacking any kind of conviction because she knew as well as I did that arguing past this point was futile.

  ‘Alia, you know that I wouldn’t tell you if it wasn’t important.’ Alia sighed, any tiny amount of resistance she had visibly disappearing.

  ‘Ugh, fine!’ she gave in, rolling her eyes and stomping her foot.

  ‘Thank you betta,’ aunty said with a wide grin. Alia narrowed her eyes slightly but didn’t bother attempting her full-blown glare, knowing that it would have absolutely no effect whatsoever on her mum. Aunty simply laughed and patted her daughter on the arm, heading for the kitchen.

  ‘Well,’ I said, the chuckles I was trying to hide audible in my voice. ‘That went well.’ Alia threw a glare my way and stick two fingers up at me before – rather dramatically – flopping down onto the sofa.

  ***

  As it always does when you’re looking forward to something, time decided to slow down. That is, up until the week before we due to board the plane.

  Of course, going to India meant suitcases full of sweets, chocolates and just about every other thing you could possibly give someone as a gift for just about every person we could possibly come across. It was only logical that fitting the gifts in was the most important thing, the other stuff like clothes and toiletries being shoved in wherever there was space.

  Getting gifts for the undeniably massive Sharma-Merchant family meant we actually had to go out and buy the stuff because, for whatever reason, ordering it all in on Amazon just wasn’t good enough. And obviously we couldn’t possibly go shopping for any of it more than a day before the flight. Which is why, the night before we were due to leave, we were all sat in the living room of the Sharma house, suitcases and carry-on bags open around us, clothes, sweets and what felt everything but the kitchen sink covering pretty much every available surface.

  Given the amount of stuff we had to pack, maybe starting to put it all in suitcases at six in the evening the night before we’d be flying out wasn’t what most people would consider the best idea, especially considering it was less than twelve hours till we had to be up if we wanted to get to the airport on time. Then again, most people had never seen Jaya Sharma and her girls pack.

  Between Jaya aunty, Alia, Anjali di and Maya bhabhi, the bags got packed pretty fast, even with all the talking and laughing th
at was going on – and having to stop Zia from sitting in the suitcases and chucking things out.

  By the time bhaiya took Zia up to bed two hours later, the suitcases were already half-packed. When he came back down nearly an hour later, two of the three suitcases were fully packed – with an eighty percent chance they’d actually stay that way – and the third was nearly done too.

  ‘I guess we’re planning on skipping dinner tonight then?’ he asked, eyes going to the clock on the wall. We all copied him, actually registering the time; even though we’d all kept an eye on the time, it was surprising to see the hour hand was nearly on the nine. Of course, nine wasn’t what any of us would usually consider all that late but, when we had to be up before the break of dawn, it was pretty damn late.

  ‘Chalo, let’s finish this up quickly now,’ aunty instructed. ‘Then we can get something to eat jaldi se and up to bed. We’ve got to be up early!’ We all nodded and hastened to do as she said, wanting to be able to get some food before bed.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Alia

  As much as I hated going to London for any period of time longer than a few days, I had to admit that I was a little jealous of the people that live close to the airports. I imagine it sucks pretty bad to have to deal with the noise of planes taking off and touching down but at least they wouldn’t have to get up at three in the morning to make it to the airport in time for a midday flight.

  The drive from Blidworth to Gatwick Airport was three hours minimum – in good traffic and without having to stop for a single break. Of course, there’s no way the Sharma family is going to drive straight to London; making at least one stop on the way was mandatory. Or, you know, five because Zia was three and needed the toilet every thirty minutes, making the journey that should had been three to four hours a nearly seven-hour trip instead.

  Despite leaving at an ungodly hour of the morning, by the time we unloaded the luggage from the boot and began heading for the departure gate, there was only about two hours left for us to check in and make our way through security in time to board the plane. Regardless of the time constraint though, there was no way that me and Jai could get on a plane that would take us halfway across the world for two weeks without a round of goodbyes.

  So, we stopped before the check in, all eight of us standing there for a long moment, none of us sure of exactly it was we should say. It wasn’t every day that any of us boarded an international flight.

  Papa was the one to break the silence. ‘Chalo betta, you two need to be getting along.’

  ‘Yeah, we uh, we should probably check in and all,’ I said with a nod though neither of us made a move.

  ‘Alright, you two take care okay,’ bhaiya told us, stepping forward and pulling us both into a hug. As he stepped away, he lifted a hand like he was going to ruffle my hair, ending up ruffling Jai’s instead when I dodged; to my surprise Jai didn’t protest, just let him do it with a smile.

  ‘Oi Zain, hatt. We’re all waiting here too,’ ma said, hitting him on the arm. He winced but complied, quickly moving aside to let ma come forward. To the pair of us, she said, ‘You call me as soon as you get there, okay?’

  ‘Yes mum. ‘

  ‘And at least once a day.’

  ‘Haan ma,’

  ‘And Jai, you take care of her.’

  ‘Of course aunty.’

  ‘And, most importantly, enjoy yourselves haan? Make sure you have a good time, make the most of it,’ she instructed with a smile, surprising us both a little. We nodded though and she stayed standing in front of us a minute longer before dad reminded her that we had to get through security at least an hour before boarding.

  Jai checked his watch and his eyes widened a little. ‘We should probably get going quickly. God knows how long it’ll take to get through security.’

  ‘Probably a while,’ bhabhi said with a laugh. ‘Give us hug and then get going!’ We did as she said, exchanging a hug with each of them, including a very confused, sleepy Zia who mumbled a miss you and tried to wrap her hands around me more securely like she wanted to come along with us. I chuckled and told her we’d be back before she knew it and then the pair of us headed for the check-in counters.

  We turned back once before we moved past the barrier shielding the check-in lanes from view. My family waved, smiling at us and then, with a last wave, we moved passed the screens, my family disappearing from view.

  I let out a long breath, feeling slightly off kilter. Jai slipped his hand into mine and I turned to him; his eyes were understanding and his smile excited. He knew exactly how weird I was feeling, probably because he was feeling it too. But as strange as it was to be leaving the country without so much as one of my siblings coming along, it was also the most exciting thing I’d ever done.

  ‘Chalien?’ he asked, gesturing ahead of us.

  I nodded, feeling the anxiety fade, the excitement blotting it out. ‘India, here we come!’ I exclaimed.

  ***

  Check in and security took an age, as expected. Sitting around waiting to board the plane felt like it took even longer.

  But, once we were through and to the gate, it finally fully settled in that this was actually happening. ‘Jai,’ I said as we settled into our seats on the plane.

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘We’re going to India. This-this is actually happening. We’re really going!’

  ‘Did you just now realise this?’ he questioned, mirth audible in his voice.

  ‘Don’t laugh at me,’ I fake-scolded, slapping him on the chest lightly. ‘It just hit me now that this is real and not some kind of super-realistic dream. It all felt kinda surreal till now, like I’d wake up any second and realise that it’s just not real. But it is and we’re here and, in a little while, we’ll be in the air. No turning back.’

  ‘It’s a little crazy huh?’

  ‘A little crazy?’ I repeated. ‘It’s completely insane! I just can’t believe it.’

  ‘Honestly Al, I can’t really either,’ he admitted. ‘I mean, all of this is… well, let’s just say this isn’t where I imagined we’d be at this point, you know?’

  ‘You’re telling me,’ I agreed with something between a laugh and a sigh.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Jai asked, correctly interpreting the sound. I shook my head, not particularly wanting to let him know what I was thinking. Despite this trip being the one thing I’d most wanted to tick off, my thoughts weren’t exactly the happiest and I didn’t feel like indulging them, sharing them.

  Luckily for me, the safety announcements began before he could persist in his questioning and I shushed him, gesturing for him to pay attention. He narrowed his eyes at me but didn’t try to continue the conversation – though, from the look on his face, I knew it was far from over.

  ***

  Jai didn’t pick up the thread of the conversation again until we were in the air. He’d spent the entire ascent doodling in his pocket sketchbook and I’d spent the entire time reading, my headphones around my neck but switched off because I hated the feeling of my ears popping with them on.

  I reached up a hand to switch them on as the pilot announced we’d reached cruising height but, before I could find the button, Jai stopped my hand, making me turn to look at him, question written on my face. ‘Can we talk?’ he asked.

  ‘Uhm, yeah, sure.’

  ‘Is there something wrong? I mean, you don’t seem to be all that excited…’ he trailed off, looking at me with concern as he waited for a response.

  ‘No, everything’s fine. Nothing to worry about,’ I dismissed with a smile. Unfortunately, Jai knew better than to accept such a simple answer from me; while the words worked to assure him that I was okay physically, my overly-light tone of voice and the smile that probably came across as less-than-genuine did nothing to assure him of how I was doing otherwise.

  ‘Come on Li, you don’t honestly expect me to believe that, do you?’ I let out a sigh and turned away from him, not at all interested in having this
conversation. ‘You’re not getting out of this all that easily Lia. We’re having this conversation whether you like it or not.’

  ‘No, we’re not. Because it’s a stupid conversation and I don’t even know why I’m thinking it,’ I snapped, closing my book with a dull thud and setting it on my lap, putting my hands on top of it.

  ‘it may seem stupid to you but I can guarantee you it’s not. And, even if it is, it’s obviously making you feel bad so let’s just talk about it. It’ll make you feel better at least,’ he coaxed, putting a hand on my shoulder.

  I leaned my head back against the seat with a groan, closing my eyes for a minute, letting out a long breath before opening them again and facing him. ‘Using my own tactics against me is a dirty trick Edmonds,’ I grumbled. He said nothing, just looked at me with an eyebrow raised, waiting for an explanation. ‘Alright, I give,’ I huffed. ‘It’s just – what you said earlier, you know, about this not being what you imagined for your life… I know you didn’t mean anything by it but it just kinda reminded me. Cause this definitely wasn’t part of the plan. And, I’ll admit, the plan, it was a dream, I’d maybe even call it a fantasy. I’m not sure it was ever real but still, it was a solid path. It gave me something to aim for, goals, milestones, something to focus on. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret ditching it, not for a second. But it’s just, I hadn’t thought about it in so long but well, this isn’t where I saw myself. And, after so many years working towards that goal, pushing myself for it… it’s hard to let it all go. And I know this was my decision and I know it was the right one. I guess I just didn’t really realise what it meant till now. It’s never felt so final as it does now.’

  Jai let out a sigh and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, attempting to pull me into his side, remembering the arm rest a little too late. I winced as it dug into my side and he dropped his arm to give me space enough to move away while he pushed it out the way. I couldn’t help but laugh a little as he did, ignoring his half-assed glares and snuggling back into his side once he’d done.