Yearning for Love

by Toye Lawson Brown

  “She is adorable, honey.”

  Leslie’s staunch reply threw the flags in his face. He sighed turning in his seat to face her. “Okay, Mom; what’s wrong?”

  “Walker, are you sure about her?”

  He bucked his blue eyes at his mother. “What?”

  “Don’t look at me that way. I’m your mother and have to voice my concerns,” Leslie said sternly.

  He banged his hand on the steering wheel. “You told me to go for it and I doing just that.”

  “Yes, I did but you didn’t tell me everything about her.”

  “Oh yeah, I did omit she was black from the conversation. However, I don’t care about that. I’ve been missing her for the last three months, and I’m not leaving Columbus without a commitment from her.”

  “Walker, I see the hunger in your eyes you have for that woman. Honey, I’m sorry, but you cannot pursue a relationship with her.”

  “Mom, this discussion is going the wrong way and we need to shut it down before it turns ugly. I love you to death, but you will not dictate whom I bring into my life.”

  Her aging hand rested on his thigh. “It’s a part of life, Walker. People are expected to live a certain way and follow the rules.”

  He shook his head not believing his ears. First his brother and now his mother was exhibiting racist attitudes he’d never seen before. “I’ve never known you to be prejudice. If my being with Nicole is upsetting you, then I don’t know what to tell ya. She is the woman I want, and I’m going to get her.”

  “Walker, I’m not a prejudice person. I’m protecting you. You have a lot to lose by getting involved with her.”

  His eyes narrowed. “What do I have to lose? All I see is finally a chance at happiness.”

  “What you have to lose are millions. If you expect to inherit your share of Mitch Collingsworth’s estate, you will stay far away from that woman.”

  Walker’s chest filled with air. “You and Jeremy don’t get it! I don’t want his money. I don’t want squat from him!”

  “Walker…” Leslie’s eye widened, but Walker continued his tirade.

  “Stop it!” His voice vibrated through the cab of the truck. “I didn’t drive 200 miles to get pissed off about what Mitch won’t approve of me doing with my fucking life! I’m doing what makes me happy—not him. Nicole makes me happy and I’m getting her.”

  “I’m sorry I’ve upset you. You should have left me home and took this trip alone.”

  Walker nodded in agreement. He rarely argued with his mother, and when they did butt heads, it was usually because of something she did to put herself in harm’s way. “I think this time you’re right. I should have come alone.”

  Unbuckling his seat belt and exiting the car, he saw Nicole’s car was gone. He dropped his head swearing. “Damn it! She heard us arguing and left. Freaking great!”

  Leslie took a tissue from her purse and wiped her teary eyes. “She was standing at the window. I tried to get your attention, but you kept shouting at me.”

  Slamming the door, he started the engine. He peeled a layer of rubber from the tires as he sped from the parking lot, bouncing the heavy truck as it hit the street.

  Leslie held onto the roll bar fearing for her life. “Walker, slow down! You’re going to kill us driving this fast. Calm down before we get on the highway.”

  “We’re not going home, Mom. I’m dropping you off at the first hotel I see, then, I’m going after Nicole.”

  “You’re acting like a crazy person, Walker.”

  Keeping his eyes on the road, he gritted his teeth. “I am crazy and it’s about time people saw just how crazy I am.”

  *****

  Nicole hurried and locked the garage door assigned to her. Looking up and down the street as she walked to the front of the cobblestone apartment building, she didn’t see Walker’s truck. He hadn’t noticed she’d left the restaurant while arguing with his mother. She didn’t hear the whole argument but enough to know his mother didn’t approve of her. Unlocking the apartment door, she dropped her purse on the chair with her coat following.

  The apartment was small and nothing like the elegant mansion filled with servants. She was her own servant who cooked and cleaned. There was no pool house, tennis courts, or seven bedrooms and baths. There was one bathroom, one bedroom and a semi-spacious living area cluttered with racks of clothing from her failed store.

  She sat on a stool at the dinette table to take off her boots. Man, what a day. She tossed the suede boots by the door frustrated at what happened but refused to throw a hissy fit. What good would it do to raise her blood pressure? His spontaneous actions caused this problem. Driving away to let him deal with his mother, who did not approve of him dating outside his race, was a personal dispute not involving her.

  In the kitchen, she turned the dial on the oven to 375 degrees to preheat. Going to the sink, she washed her hands before removing a baking dish from the fridge containing a chicken she’d prepped the night before. Placing the dish in the oven and went to the bedroom to change from her work clothes.

  The bedroom was medium sized, but cluttered with more items from the store. The designing board and sewing machine took a good portion on one side of the room. Tall rolls of fabric, and storage boxes lined the floor and wall on the other side of the room. She downsized the bed from queen to twin in order to have a place to sleep.

  Nicole squeezed between the clutter to get inside the closet to hang her clothes and grab a sweat shirt and sweat pants. She unhooked her bra slipping it off before pulling the sweatshirt over her head. Putting on the sweat pants, she slid her feet into warm bedroom slippers and closed the closet door. “Okay, off to finish my reports before I eat, and forget this day happened.”

  Returning to the living room, she looked around for her laptop. Smacking her forehead with the palm of her hand, she remembered it was in Walker’s truck.

  Idiot!

  She paced. She needed that laptop because it had the programs installed to process the reports. She picked up the phone and paused. “I can’t call him! I don’t want him here after what happened or to bring that woman with him,” she mumbled aloud clicking off the phone.

  The buzz of the intercom interrupted her rant. Darn it! I bet that’s him. “Who is it,” she asked pressing the button on the intercom.

  “Walker—please let me in; I have your laptop.”

  “Walker, you can leave it by the door, I’ll get it later.”

  “Nicole, please open the door. I want to explain what happened.”

  She leaned her head against the cold metal plate of the intercom. “All right but, only for a minute; I don’t want any drama.”

  She opened the door to the first floor apartment. Walker’s face was sullen and his color pale. His appearance was not as vibrant or full of life as earlier. Part of her wanted to console him, but she immediately withdrew the idea thinking no one ever hugged her when she was down.

  “Come on in,” she said not taking a step from the arch of her doorway.

  He gave a weak smile and entered the apartment. “Thank you.” He briefly looked around the cluttered living room before turning to her. “Nicole, I want to apologize for what you might have heard.”

  “You’re not obligated to do that since you said nothing wrong. I do thank you for dropping off my laptop.”

  Nicole remained by the door, opening it slightly as a hint for him to leave since she had the laptop and he’d apologized. Instead of following her lead and going through the door, he moved to the middle of the living room hell-bent on telling his side of the story.

  “Nicole, my plan today wasn’t supposed to blow up in my face. I had a different vision of how this night would end. I don’t know what happened.”

  She closed the door to shut out the neighbors snooping ears. “What happened is always what happens in situations like this. The color of my skin is the first thing your mother saw. God, she just doesn’t know my skin color is the least of my problems.” />
  “What do you mean, Nicole?”

  “Don’t mind me, I’m rambling. Walker you’re fighting with your mom over me; which is stupid since we are only friends.”

  “She has a different agenda for me and I don’t care what she thinks about the color of your skin, Nicole. I know what my heart wants.”

  “You should care! Walker, you’re at odds with your biological father and Jeremy. You don’t want to lose your mom’s respect also. Especially over me! I’m not worth it.”

  “Would you please stop putting yourself down. I’m working my ass off to get next to you and you raise that damn shield to keep me out.”

  “Trust me—you don’t need me to complicate your life any more than it is,” she said pacing in front of the door.

  He pinched the bridge of his nose saying, “I admit my life is complicated. My mother really is a warm woman, but she is not listening to me and what I want. She wants to make sure I get my fair share when Mitch is six-feet under.”

  Nicole ushered him to the couch offering him a seat. “I understand living a complicated life, Walker. What your mother is doing is offering you advice. You’re not listening to her side of the story.”

  “Yeah, well she refuses to realize Mitch doesn’t acknowledge either one of us, and I’m sure I’m not an heir to his throne.”

  “You never know what a person might do. He might leave you a little money as a way of showing his sorrow for neglecting you.”

  “I ain’t holding my breath. Nonetheless, forget Mitch; this visit is about us,” he said inching closer to her.

  Nicole recoiled away from him. “That was my next question. Why did you decide to do this today? We haven’t had any contact in weeks. Didn’t you take that as a clue that maybe I didn’t want to start anything with you?”

  “Yes, it crossed my mind. I decided that wouldn’t work for me. I want you in my life and not as a friend.”

  “Oh God,” she groaned.

  “Nicole, I want to wake up next to you in the mornings. Baby, let me provide you those adventures you missed growing up.”

  “Walker, stop, please.” She knew the begging wouldn’t work on him and sat back on the couch listening to him.

  “We could have so much fun together if you’d let me inside your heart. I know you want this. Remember the kiss we shared—because I sure as hell do,” he said softly.

  She made the mistake and looked into the midnight blue of his eyes setting her soul afire. He wasn’t playing fair and bringing out the sledge hammer to break away at her wall. Not knowing what to do with her hands, she tucked them under her thighs. “This is silly; you can’t want me.”

  “Why is it silly? I know we’ve only spent a little time together but damn, you are the woman I’ve been waiting for all my life.”

  “You have no idea who I am, Walker. How I present myself to others, and who I really am, would shock the hell out of you.”

  He scooted closer to her until there was no room to escape him unless she physically moved off the couch. “Tell me who you are. You know about my sordid past and didn’t judge me. I won’t judge you.”

  Her hip was pinned between the arm of the couch and his thick thigh sheathed in dark blue jeans. The claustrophobia was setting in, suffocating her airway. It would be too bold a move to get up and sit in the nice comfy chair one foot-step across from her. Plus, he smelled so damn good.

  The voices in her head were arguing too loud for her to think. The positive voice was that of her nanny telling her to take a chance at love. The other voice was unknown, and warned her to stay away. Walker would never understand her dysfunctions and end up leaving her. He would leave just as her male friend with benefits left when she couldn’t commit to him.

  Nicole was confused by the voices in her head. She had to turn them off before they drove her to scream. Walker Albright was hypnotic. His penetrating stare was awakening sexual sensations that lay dormant since her last encounter years ago. She was sure she’d inherited her father’s warped genes and programmed herself never to fall prey to the human emotion that caused pain and suffering.

  She licked her lips to stop her mouth from watering. She wanted to kiss those lips that were so close to her. Resting her elbow on the padded arm of the couch, she crawled out of her head and back to the conversation with him. “Your past is a walk through a field of lilies compared to mine. Besides, your mom is waiting in the car. You shouldn’t leave her outside alone.”

  “My mother is relaxing in a plush hotel with room service at her beck and call. She isn’t suffering.”

  “Well, I don’t want to bring you down further by talking about me. Walker, you should listen to her. I’m not the person you want in your life.”

  He took her hands and cradled them between his. “I’m listening to my heart. It’s yearning for you. Nicole, you can’t hide you feel something for me. If you didn’t, your mind wouldn’t be working so hard to find a way to get rid of me.”

  “You’re a mind reader now?”

  “I’m not an expert, but you drifted off for a minute.”

  “You saw that?”

  “Yep, and apparently the voice of reason won since I’m still here.” He sighed, playing with her slender fingers. “Come on, Nicole, you don’t strike me as the type to let prejudices influence for you. What is going on inside your head that you don’t want me to know?”

  She closed her eyes. “I don’t want you to know me. I’m an awful person who doesn’t deserve anyone in my life.”

  “Woman, what are you talking about?”

  “I’m not going to tell you. My pitiful life goes to the grave with me.”

  He released her hand and started to untie his shoe. Kicking it off, he switched to the other foot. Nicole crinkled her nose shaking her head. “What are you doing?”

  “Getting comfortable,” he said kicking off the shoe and working the buttons on his black shirt.

  “I didn’t ask you to stay. As you can see, I don’t have any room for another body in this place.”

  “Then, you have two options. You either tell me what you’re hiding, or we’ll be sharing this tiny space until you decide you’ve had enough of me. And since I don’t have a change of clothes, it could get a little ripe in here.”

  “You’re strong-arming me.”

  “Tell me what’s going and maybe I’ll go home afterwards.”

  She sighed. “All right, but remember you asked to hear about my hideous life.”

  “I did and I’m listening,” he said putting his shoes on.

  She got off the couch. She had to leave a path for him to run. “I’m not who you think I am. I’m alone in this world. I have no family or anyone I can depend on if I need someone.”

  “Nicole, your parents are alive.”

  “Yes they are. Only, I hate my father, and he hates me. My mother is so weak-minded it’s disgraceful to acknowledge her as my mother.”

  “This is what you didn’t want to talk about that night on the drive to the hotel?”

  “Right. I try my best not to let people know they exist. I’m a super-rich kid without the benefit of their love or money. When I was kicked out of the mansion with only the clothes on my back, I vowed never to go back to that house, and I haven’t.”

  “Whoa, this is deep. Patty never said you were estranged from your parents.”

  “Patty doesn’t know everything about me. No one knows. I’ve maintain a low-profile since doing that fashion competition. It was a blessing I lost. I had time to think about what would happen if I’d won. The attention would’ve been devastating to me and it wasn’t worth it; not even for fame and fortune.”

  “I don’t know how your parent’s are allowing their only kid not to be a part of their life. You have an illness….anything could happen to you and they wouldn’t know.”

  “To be blunt, my father would jump for joy if he learned I’d died. I’m sorry to say my feelings about him are mutual. The man is a monster and my mother is afraid of him. H
owever, I’m not; I couldn’t take his bullying anymore and if I had not left that house….” She shuddered from the thought.

  He got off the couch going over to her. “Nicole, did he abuse you?”

  She gave a chuckle as tears tried to form in her eyes. She blinked knowing nothing would fall. Crying was a sign of hurt, and she no longer felt the pain, only a numbing and the void. The void of knowing she would never love a man because her father’s evil blood flowed through her veins.

  “He was mentally abusive. He would berate me to my soul and my mother would do nothing but hide and hope she wasn’t next on his list.”

  “There had to be someone to help you. Grandparents, servants concerned about your well-being.”

  “The help didn’t step out of line and my poor grandmother—he was willing to let her rot away in a filthy nursing home before I took the steps necessary to get her help. He couldn’t muster the compassion to make her dying days comfortable. The bastard banished me after I threatened him.”

  “You’re his only daughter. His first priority should be protecting you.”

  “Walker, he doesn’t even acknowledge me as a human being. Because people have forgotten I exist, he doesn’t talk about me and my mother would be too scared to contact me. It has been ten or eleven years since I’ve seen or spoken to either of them.”

  He reached to touch her, and she shied away. “This is why I said you didn’t want to know about me. Telling you my dark side will change the way you look at me.”

  “Nothing could ever change the way I look at you, Nicole.”

  She sucked in a deep breath. Her lips trembled from the pain of recalling her past. “That was just the ice tip, there is so much more.”

  “I have all night.”

  She couldn’t stop herself now that she’d opened up and continued to tell him about her past. “The man is pure evil man with no spirit. There was no love in my house. No hugs, no congratulations on a job well done. I graduated from college, and neither one of my parents bothered to attend. I had no family in the audience or a celebration waiting for me when my design won the competition. I’ve never even had a birthday party. However, when I was about six-years old, I remember during one election, I was expected to be the cute kid and smile and kiss his cheek. I couldn’t do it because all I wanted to do was smack the hell out him.”