Forbidden Paths

by Belden, P. J.

  They’d always say, “You’re an heiress, you need to act like it.”

  Pffftt! To hell I do. Just because they run among all these shallow people doesn’t mean I want to. But per my normal ‘walk all over me’ self, I dress in the ugliest dress she could find. Do my hair up in a hideous do, and then trapes around here showing off like the perfect little girl I was. Well, rather, that they wanted me to be.

  When really all I want to do is let my hair down, go down to the river and be in Logan’s arms for the rest of my life. We’ve made love so many times since that first time and each time getting more intense than the last. He certainly knows how to make me feel good. But since my parents came home yesterday, I haven’t seen him.

  He’s supposed to be waiting tonight for me in our spot. However, I did warn him that it might be later than normal. I wish I was normal and we could spend the night at each other’s places. I turn eighteen in a week. I want to be with Logan at his house when I do.

  “Yes, mother,” I greet her.

  “I want to introduce you to Tony D’luca,” she smiles.

  The smile sends a shiver of fear down my back. I don’t know why, but there just couldn’t be anything good from it. My mom is looking at him and not me. He looks to be a couple of years older than me. He had red hair, green eyes, and stood about my height. This Tony was nothing to look at really. His eyes were dull and lifeless in his face. His nose was crooked and seemed to tip up a bit at the end. Kind of fitting if you ask me. There was just a sense of snootiness that exudes him. The way he looked down at me. He was definitely nothing compared to my Logan, that’s for sure.

  “Tony, this here is Faith.”

  “Nice to meet you,” he practically grunts at me.

  Okay I don’t know what the hell is going on here, but I want to get out of here faster than I could blink. My stomach was churning. This was not good. Not good at all. My thoughts are drawn to Logan and fear settles in my stomach as I remember what my father said a little over a week ago.

  “Mother, what’s going on?”

  “Why sweetie, this is the man you will marry,” she states so plainly. As if what she’s saying is not life altering and completely insane.

  Inhaling sharply, I started to choke. Mother stood there just staring at me as if I have lost my mind. It’s not me that has gone crazy, I thought and so badly want to scream. Instead, I just walk away. I could hear my mother scurrying behind me. She wouldn’t scream at me right now, not with company.

  Running from the party, tears stream down my cheeks. They can’t do this to me. I’m in love with Logan. What the hell am I supposed to do? There’s no way I’m going to marry Tony. I don’t even know him. All I wanted to do was get to Logan. Logan would make this all better.

  “You stop right now young lady,” my father’s voice booms into the night.

  Stopping, I turn and face him. “Why are you doing this to me?”

  “Because this is how it’s supposed to be,” he says, frustrated.

  “But I’m in love with someone else. Can’t I marry him if you want me married so bad?”

  Anger filled his face and eyes. “I don’t know who it is that you think you’re in love with, but you are never to see them again. You are going to marry Tony, just as it was planned. You will merge our families together in one child and our…”

  “Do you hear yourself?” I scream through my tears. “I’m seventeen! You’ve planned my life for me. My life father. Mine. Not yours or mother’s, mine. I won’t marry Tony. I’m going to marry Logan.”

  His hand hits me across the face. “You will do as you’re told. If you go near this Logan, I promise you there will be no more Logan to contend with. You’ll not ruin this for your mother and I.”

  With that he stormed into the house and back to their party. My heart shatters in my chest as I turn to head toward the river. I know my father. He’d hold to his promise. If something ever happened to Logan, I’d never forgive myself. He has a family that depends on him.

  Once I step into view, I see Logan. With every beat of my heart, pain like I’ve never felt before fills me to my core. Each step toward him heavier than the last because I knew that this will be the last I’ll see of my Logan, my happiness, my love.

  He turns then and smiles brightly. The love shining brightly in his eyes. When he sees my face, he hurries to me wrapping me in his arms. For just a minute, I allow him to hold me. Allowing myself a moment to feel the warmth that only his touch, his closeness can give me.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “We can’t see each other anymore,” I force out each word leaving a nasty taste on my tongue.

  “What?” He pulls back as he asks me. “Why not?”

  “Because my father… He went through… I’m supposed to marry…” I can’t finish a single sentence.

  “No,” he shakes his head. He understood what I couldn’t say. “Tell him no!”

  “I did, but I’m left with no choice…”

  “Tell him that I’ll marry you. Tell him that I love you more than anything and want to marry you.”

  Tears fell faster as I saw the man I love breaking before me. “Logan…”

  “No, Faith, I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you. With all my heart and soul, I love you. Marry me! I’ll take care of you. I’ll love you more than any man can love a woman. Please,” his voice cracks.

  “Logan, you don't understand. My…” I try to explain, but he cups my face in his hands kissing me tenderly.

  “I’ve lived in the dark for a long time Faith. A long time. You are the reason I keep going every day. It’s you, only you. Nothing can touch me when I’m with you. I love you, Faith. I fucking love you,” his lips crash down on mine, hard and passionately.

  A sob escapes and he pulls back to look at me. His eyes contain the fear that he's losing me... and he is... God, he is...

  “I can’t put you in that kind of danger,” I sob.

  “If I get to keep you then that’s all that matters to me.”

  “You need to go... Go now... I don’t... I don’t want to see you anymore.”

  Tears course down my cheeks as I stare at him. Logan stares back at me searching for something.

  “You don’t mean that, baby. I know you don’t,” his voice cracking more as he speaks.

  “If it keeps you safe... I mean it with all my heart because all my heart will forever be with you...”

  A tear falls down Logan’s cheek. He doesn’t say anything, but takes a few steps away from me. This is killing me as much as it’s killing him, but if I tell him that he’ll plead with me to stay. He’d convince me too, but then I’d lose him in a way I can’t handle.

  “How am I supposed to sleep tonight knowing you’ll be sleeping in another man’s arms? How am I supposed to go through the day tomorrow knowing he’s going to be touching you...” He looks up at me. “How?” He yells. “You’re mine, Faith Harper. Mine! Don’t walk away please,” he pleads as he takes my hands in his.

  “Please Logan. I have to do this... If you were hurt...” I pull my hands from his.

  “You’re hurting me. No, you’re killing me here.”

  “I love you Logan,” I sob. “I’ll never stop loving you. Please take care of yourself.”

  He reaches for me to pull me into his arms again, but I jerk back and run from the only ounce of happiness I’ve ever known.

  Chapter Two

  Logan

  Nineteen years old…

  “Levi, can you get down here please?”

  I’m tired, beyond tired. The word exhaustion doesn’t even sound strong enough. Eighteen hour days on the site and then when I’m off from there, I’m working twelve hours. There was no way I’m letting my siblings down. If my Dad hadn’t been so fucking stupid, they would be here right now and I wouldn’t have had to become a parent overnight.

  That’s not right. It wasn’t my Dad’s fault. He couldn’t control the crane operator from drinking that morning because he lost
his wife to his brother. Nor could he control the operator passing out while lifting a beam and then dropping it…

  Life hasn’t been easy for any of us, not just me. Landon, Lucas, Leif, and Levi, all had it hard too, Landon especially. He was only eight when Dad passed away. But when we moved in with my grandparents, that is when it really got hard for all of us.

  They were set in their ways. Their common thing to say daily was, We’ve already raised our kids, we don’t want to raise anymore. They made sure they let us know exactly how unwelcome we were. If we weren’t being hit, we were being starved or belittled. There was no way that my brothers were going to grow up in that. Hell, Dad never even raised his voice to us let alone put us down like that.

  When I landed my first job, I petitioned the court for full guardianship of my brothers and man was that a process. There were several times that I thought they were going to say no, but in the end it was my grandparents testifying they couldn’t stand us that won the guardianship for me. Dad has a pension as well as the company paid a settlement for how my father died. All of that sits in a bank account accruing money.

  Unless absolutely necessary, I do not use that money. My goal is to wait until all of us are of legal age and we will all split whatever is there. Thankfully my grandparents didn’t get any of that money. It was left all to me. So the full amounts sat in the bank account. We had enough to be more than comfortable and I could quit a job, but that’s not the message I’m sending my brothers.

  Levi enters the room in his uniform for work. Levi was only twelve when we lost our dad. He is now sixteen. The boy has a good head on his shoulders. The minute he could work he went out there and found a job at Jim B’s. It was fast food, but he didn’t care because he was bringing money to help us.

  “What’s up?”

  “What time do you work tonight?” I ask placing the last dish in the cupboard.

  “In about thirty minutes. When do you go in?”

  “Temporary layoff until September, so I’m off tonight.”

  “Wow, that’s like your first day off in a long time man. You should get out of the house tonight. You deserve it. Leif can keep the boys in line,” Levi says as he bites into an apple.

  “What can I do?” Leif asks walking into the kitchen.

  He stands in front of the open fridge door, just staring in at the contents inside. Rolling my eyes, Leif was a good kid too. He’s fifteen now and delivers papers in the morning to help out around the house. Like I said, they were good kids.

  “You’d watch the boys while Logan went out for a while since it’s his first night off in years, wouldn’t ya?”

  Finally, grabbing out a pear, he turns around and walks to the sink, washing it off. After taking a bite, he says around the chunk in his mouth. “Of course. You need to get out of here man. Get some fresh air and just be by yourself for a bit.”

  “Lucas and Landon both have projects to do. Lan…” Leif interrupts me.

  “Landon has a book report and Lucas a science project. I was just breaking from working with them on it. Go, Logan. Shit get some damn tail while you’re out. When’s the last time you had a piece of ass, anyway?”

  Wouldn’t they all just shit their pants if I said never. I’ve been so focused on the boys, I’ve not even thought about sex. Maybe I do need to get away. Looking at my brothers, they’ve grown into such level headed men. We are in this together. It’s always been a team effort.

  Sure we are brothers so we do fight and it does get pretty messy, but in the end we’ve always had each other’s backs and it will remain that way. They were all I had left, all that mattered to me.

  “Yeah, maybe I will. If you’re sure you’re okay. I know it’s coming up on midterms for you.”

  “I’m good. Get away. We’ll be fine,” Leif squeezes my shoulder and walks out of the room.

  “I gotta get outta here, but you need to break away from responsibility for a night at least,” he slaps me on the back as he walks out of the room.

  Leaning back against the sink, I look around our kitchen. I bought this house a year ago. It wasn’t cheap either, but it was big enough that we wouldn’t feel like we were on top of each other. Four bedrooms, five baths on a two acre lot completely fenced in. Of course for the price I paid there was work that needed to be done, but that was fine by me. It’s all fixed now and we like it. It was home.

  Walking out of the kitchen, I walk through the dining room to the little hall that leads to the stairs. Once upstairs in my room, I showered and put on a pair of shorts and white t-shirt. As I’m slipping on my tennis shoes, there’s a knock at my door.

  “Come in,” I holler.

  “Lo, can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure Lan. What’s up?”

  “When Dad was alive… Did he date after mom died?”

  My head snaps up to look at Landon. “Where is this coming from?”

  His face looks broken. My heart is aching in my chest. Landon was the only one out of all of us that has never talked about Mom and Dad. He was only five when Mom passed and eight when Dad did. This had my pulse quickening.

  “Leif says you’re going out because you need time to be you. I get that, but…”

  “But what, buddy?”

  He looks up at me with tears in his eyes. “What if we lose you too?” Tears start falling as he stares at me.

  Pulling him into my arms, I hug him tightly against me. For a long time there, I wondered when he’d break. But as time went on, I thought maybe he wouldn’t. Here we are though. He’s breaking and all because I’m leaving the house with nothing specific to do.

  “Buddy, just because I’m going out doesn’t mean you’re going to lose me. I can’t predict what’s going to happen, but I’m only going out to just relax for a little while. I’ll be home later. I promise.”

  I want so bad to tell him that I won’t go, but I thought it’d be coddling him if I did. How do I do this? He cries for a little longer into my chest before pulling back and wiping his eyes.

  “Come into my room when you get back, just so I know you made it back, okay?”

  “Sure buddy,” I say softly.

  I watch Landon as he leaves the room, my heart breaking for him. In his experience, the ones he loves just seem to leave. There was nothing I could say to ease his mind that just because bad things happen doesn’t mean that they always will.

  Shaking my head, I throw on a bit of my cologne and walk out of my room. As I made my way down the hall, I can hear Leif talking to Landon. Hopefully, everything will be okay with him.

  Stepping outside on the porch, I walk down the steps toward my truck. Where did people go to get away? Hell if I know. If things were different I might know, but they aren’t and I don’t. So I decide to just drive. Wherever the road takes me I’ll go.

  Though I hated it, I needed this break from the house. I’ve been going at this for four years. After a while of driving around, I ended up down by the river, walking along the edge. I remember coming here when I was younger, when we lived closer. It was one of my favorite places to go.

  From the looks of things though, the property has been purchased. It was for sale for as long as I could remember. Mom and Dad had talked about buying it at one point because Leif, Levi and I all loved it so much. Then a month before closing, Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Everything changed from then on. Dad changed at that moment.

  He was never neglectful or mean toward us. Liam loved his sons with every fiber of his being. Anyone who ever met him knew that. But I think losing the love of his life so tragically, I think it altered the way he saw the world, the way he saw himself.

  So lost in thought, I didn’t realize where I was until I look up and saw the vision before me. She sat on the ground by the water’s edge. Her sexy legs pulled up to her chest as she rests her chin on her knees.

  My heart beat wildly in my chest just looking at the profile of this woman surrounded by trees and water. Her dark hair is pulled back in
a tight bun allowing me to see the seductive skin of her neck. My cock jumps in my pants. No one else has ever gotten a reaction out of me and definitely not made me hard without even seeing their full face or hearing their voice.

  “Hello there,” I say as I start walking closer to her.

  Closeness, that’s what I want with her. It was as if my heart was finding the last piece of itself in this girl before me. Smiling, I walk closer.

  “Beautiful night, isn’t it?” I look up at the sky that you can just barely see through the trees as I talk.

  When she still didn’t reply, I worried that something might be wrong. Stepping closer still, I say a little loudly. “Are you okay?”

  She jumps and turns to face me. Her dress lay askew showing me, a beautiful pair of legs. Biting my lip to keep a groan from escaping, I look up and meet her beautiful blue/grey eyes. That was all it took. I was hooked on the mystery woman before me.

  We introduced ourselves and for whatever reason I tell her all about the struggles my family and I have gone through. But what shocks me even more was the feeling my body lights with when she flings her arms around my neck.

  But just like that it’s gone and she’s backing away, just before turning and running away. I thought for a minute there we’d kiss, but it didn’t happen and maybe it was a good thing. The way I was feeling about this woman was worth waiting for, I just knew it.

  Three months later…

  I’ve been meeting Faith here for three months now. I’ve never been happier. Levi and Leif have been pestering me about her. They are happy for me, that I’m starting to live. We all agree not to say anything to the boys because of Landon’s comment.

  When I met her tonight, I didn’t have any clue that we would go as far as we did. Don’t get me wrong, I’d hoped for it, but I thought it was a lost cause. God, I need her. The love I feel for this woman is consuming and I just know we were meant to meet. She’s my forever.