by Lila Rose
He’d better think of his life before he answered.
He shrugged, his eyes dancing with humour. “It kinda looked like you were giving it a blow—”
“Kalen,” Mena cried. She must have seen the way I tensed and stood slowly. “Um, honey, let’s have that coffee before I go.”
Ignoring the grinning brother, I asked Mena, “Where you off to, darlin’?”
Her cheeks heated, and she glanced to Dive, to me, to her man and then back to me. “Um….”
“She’s goin’ to see Beast.”
My body tensed for a new reason.
Mena was hangin’ with Beast?
Why?
Clenching my jaw, I bit out, “Didn’t know they were close.”
The humour died from Dive’s expression. His eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms over his chest and stated, “Guess you don’t know a lot of things these days.”
Crossing my arms also, I braced my feet apart and asked on a snarl, “What’s that supposed to mean, brother?”
Dive’s upper body kinda came forward when he gruffly said back, “Means maybe you need to get your head outta your arse and open your eyes.”
“Kalen,” Mena called.
“You got no idea what you’re talkin’ about.”
He straightened. “No, I don’t. But what I do know is that I had two brothers who were close, so close they never went a day apart from each other, then something went down, and now a brother in need doesn’t have the support from his so-called close brother.”
“Then tell me what in the fuck is happenin’,” I demanded.
“Ain’t mine to tell.”
Shaking my head, I clenched my teeth together. I turned my gaze to his woman, “Mena—”
Her eyes widened. “I have to go,” she announced before placing her half-full coffee on the counter, going to her man, giving him a kiss, and running from the room.
“Do not ask my woman,” Dive clipped. “Grow a pair, Knife, and do it soon.” He stalked from the room.
“Fuck,” I muttered, running a hand over my face.
Since it wasn’t that long ago I’d decided to do something about Beast, I guessed it was lucky Mena and Dive came into the kitchen when I was blowin’ a banana or else I wouldn’t have known to follow Mena. See if she was headin’ to his place or meetin’ him somewhere.
I sure wasn’t happy with their little friendship.
In fact, it pissed me off.
Answers were what I needed, and in finding them, I had to get my arse outta there.
Chapter Three
Knife
Thank fuck I caught Parker on the way in as I headed out. Parker was a brother, only he didn’t carry the club’s cut since he was a detective, much like his cop partner, Lan, who was also Stoke’s cousin. Stoke being a brother in the Ballarat charter. So even though he didn’t wear the cut, I knew as soon as I got in his face and said I needed a lift somewhere, he’d do it, and he did. Turning back around, he walked outta the compound and straight to his GEN-F HSV GTS Maloo 1. If I wasn’t in a hurry, I would have taken the time to appreciate the beauty, even though nothing, and I mean nothing, could best my baby, my Harley Dyna.
“Where we headin’?” Parker asked after we were both situated in the vehicle.
Pointing to Mena in Dive’s truck, I said, “Follow her.”
“Mena?”
“Yes!” I yelled and gestured for him to go with a wave of my hand.
“Why?”
“Jesus, just go, and I’ll tell you on the way.”
His brows rose at me, but he started the car and pulled outta the compound car park. More luck, Mena was a cautious driver, which meant she was slow. So in no time, we were a couple of cars behind her.
“Right. You gonna talk?”
Fuck. I really didn’t want to, but I also didn’t want to take my ride to follow Mena. She would’ve heard it, and her not knowing was the perfect opportunity for me to find out what the situation was with her and Beast.
Sighing, I sat back into the seat and relaxed my body a little. Hadn’t realised I’d been holding it so tense. “Something is happenin’ with Beast, and no one is sayin’ shit to me. Mena’s goin’ to meet with him now.”
“But aren’t you and Beast close?”
“Yes. But, look, some shit happened. We haven’t talked for a while, so I don’t have a clue what’s happenin’ with him now.”
“So,” he drew out. “Why not go and ask him?”
Why not go and ask him? He made it sound so simple.
Christ.
It was so simple, and it was what I should have done. Not that day, it should have been when Beast stormed outta the compound.
“Shut the fuck up and just drive,” I told him.
“Damn, I love pointing out the obvious and gettin’ abused for it. Sits right in me just here.” He tapped his chest. I rolled my eyes and gave him the middle finger. I was famous for using it all the goddamn time. “You gonna go talk to him with Mena?”
Was I?
No, not yet, not when I wanted to find out how and why those two had become close.
“We’ll see,” I offered.
“Hmm.”
“Hmm what?” I asked.
“She just pulled off.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “And you’re driving by, why?”
“I thought we were still hiding. Didn’t want her to see me pull in after her. She’d spot us.”
“Okay.” I nodded and then looked out the back window, to the side window. “Where’d she pull in?”
Parker had done a U-turn before he answered and when he did, his voice was quiet. “An Auslan centre.”
“What kinda place is that?” Some kinky place? Were they gonna get their freak on? Hell, that was highly doubtful since Dive was a possessive fucker.
“Knife.”
“What?” I questioned, my eyes running all over the building and people walking in and out of it while Parker pulled into a parking space.
“It’s where people go to learn sign language.”
I stiffened, then slowly turned to Parker. “What?” Was sure I heard him wrong.
“Mate, I don’t know what’s gone on with Beast, but with Mena being here to meet him, tells me, fuck, mate, he’s here to learn sign language. Never heard the bloke talk. Has he always been deaf?”
Beast, deaf?
Deaf?
Shit. Fuck.
I’d cut people’s throats, slit their wrists. Taken down, beaten, and killed many. Each and every time, not once was I scared about doing any of it. Nothin’ had scared me. Until then.
My chest hurt, my stomach turned. Sweat broke out on my skin while the back of my neck itched.
Beast was deaf?
But how in the fuck did that happen?
It couldn’t be.
Fuck.
Motherfuckin’ Christ.
I hadn’t been there for him.
No. It couldn’t be that.
Shaking my head, I said, “No, maybe they’re there to learn for another reason.”
“Yeah, could be,” Parker replied, but he didn’t sound convinced.
Shifting back to look out the window, I squeezed my eyes closed and prayed they were there for another reason. “Wait here for me,” I ordered, and not waiting for a reply, I had the door open and was out stalking my way to the entrance in seconds.
My footsteps ate up the pavement quickly. I had the door open before I stopped. There was a main office and then hallways down each side. Had Beast already been here waiting for Mena? Must have been or else I’d see Mena standing there, and she was none of the few standing around talking.
A woman in her late fifties started towards me. Her gaze raked over my body and stopped on my club vest for a second before smiling. “Hi, are you a friend of Maddox?”
Maddox. Beast’s real name.
Clearing my throat, I said, “Ah, yeah. Is he about?”
“Already in class. Come this way.” She tu
rned about and started down the hall to the left. “Are you joining the class? If you are, there’s a fee you have to pay.”
“No, I, ah, just wanted to have a word with him.”
“Okay. But you should really think about joining. Having friends who are willing to learn with him helps a lot.”
“Right.” I nodded.
So he was deaf.
Fuck me.
Pain pinched at my chest.
“He’s just in here. I can call him out?” Her hand went to the doorknob.
“Wait.” Fuck. “Shit, I mean, sorry, could, can I, just, uh… I can talk to him after, but could I just see for a bit?” There were no windows in the room except for the one in the door.
The woman studied me for a moment before she nodded. “Sure.” She gave me a sad smile and then patted my arm for some fucked-up reason. “Take your time.”
“Thanks,” I said and then watched her walk back down the hall.
Christ.
Beast was deaf and there learning how to communicate. And Mena was there to support him. How’d she known? Why did he open up to her?
Because you weren’t there for him, fucker.
Shuffling forward, I ducked a bit to glance through the window. There were about ten people at the other end of the room away from the door with one man up the front waving his hands around. I found Beast first. He was a big fucker, and next to him was Mena. She looked up to him and smiled, then laughed. Beast grinned down at her, then turned his gaze back to the screen the dude up the front was pointing at.
He was there learning.
Mena was with him learning as well.
Bloody hell.
I felt like the biggest piece of shit out there.
Spinning around, I walked out to the front desk to see the same lady as before sitting behind it. “I gotta get shit, I mean, stuff done. Don’t tell him someone was here for him.”
Her brows dipped. “But—”
“Not a word. Please.”
As soon as I had her nod, I turned and made my way out to Parker’s car. Opening the door, I climbed in and sat. My eyes to my knees, thoughts running through my head.
“You okay?” Parker asked.
“Not even a little.” I thumped my head back against the headrest and sighed. “He’s deaf.”
“Thought as much. No one knows?”
Snorting, I said, “Maybe Dodge and Dive. That’s it.”
“Sounds like he’s only coming to terms with it himself. Doesn’t seem he’s ready for others to know. Fuckin’ sucks.”
It more than fuckin’ sucked. It was crushing.
“Can we get outta here?”
“Yeah, mate.” He started his car. “Compound?”
“Yeah, need a drink or twenty.”
“What you gonna do?”
What was I gonna do?
I didn’t have a fuckin’ clue.
“Not sure.” Shaking my head, I knew I needed to process it all. Let it sink in and then deal with what I knew. First, I needed to take my mind away from it all. I’d process when I was alone. “Anyway, what were you coming to the compound for?”
“Needed to talk to Dodge. A strip club just outta your territory has had some trouble.”
“What kinda trouble?”
“Robberies. A girl found another in the car park beaten.”
“Raped?”
“Nope.”
“You think it’ll drift over to our side?”
“Learnt in the past month that hadn’t been the only strip joint dealing with things similar to that. Another had a fire started in the dumpster out back. Another had a woman taken, beaten, and then dropped back.”
“The women know who?”
“If they do, they ain’t talkin’.”
“You know if it comes our way, to our clubs, we’ll sort it out ourselves, yeah?”
“Course, just wanted to give you all a heads-up.”
“Appreciate it, brother.”
Maybe the distraction of something happenin’ in our area was what I needed. Then again, maybe not. Christ, I needed a drink, to mellow and to think. Let me just pray my mind stayed on task and didn’t drift off to dirty land in that time.
Chapter Four
Beast
It’d been a month of going to Auslan, and I was still learnin’ new shit every time. The instructor was a good bloke, a few years older than myself, so a few weeks back, after class had finished for the day, I’d approached him with Mena. What I wanted to learn was how to sign curse words. When Mena blushed through asking, since Ben, the instructor, could hear, he threw his head back and laughed. Apparently he’d been wondering how long it would take me to ask such a thing. We got to talking. He’d signed that he thought it good my girlfriend came with me to every class. I told him Mena wasn’t my girlfriend, but my brother’s woman. Mena, understanding it all, blushed once again, something she did a lot. She also didn’t miss the way Ben’s eyes looked me over with a new interest lighting in them. Not that he knew I liked dudes, and not that I’d go there with him when I was still stuck on a certain prick who wanted nothin’ to do with me. A prick I was sure I’d seen standing out the door at the Auslan class. Then again, it could have been my mind messin’ with me.
If it weren’t for Knife, Ben could have been a man I’d be interested in. He was big and good-looking. I even liked the tats covering his hands and arms. Had to wonder how he got into the business of teaching sign language when he wasn’t deaf himself.
When I’d asked just the other day, he smiled and said, “Grab dinner with me one night, and I’ll tell you all about it.” He’d used his mouth and hands to get his question across. Telling me it was good to watch the lips move, another way to learn what people were saying was to read their lips. I’d caught some of the words, but lip reading wasn’t as easy as sign language; it was gonna take me longer to grasp.
I’d glanced down at Mena to see she was looking everywhere but at us. Did she know I was gay? I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t feel comfortable accepting his offer with her around. Ben, seeing me glancing to Mena, tapped my arm and said, “I’ll give you my number. Text me if you want.”
Searchin’ his face, I realised his offer could also mean he wanted to just talk and it wasn’t an actual date he was asking me on. So I nodded and gave over my phone.
It wasn’t until two nights later I texted him. Gonna head out to eat.
Ben: Is that an offer to join you?
My teeth bit into my bottom lip. Me: Suppose.
Ben: Lol. Sure. Where?
Me: Burger joint down from Auslan?
Ben: See you there in ten.
Me: Right.
Just as I was headin’ out the door, I got a text from Mena: Hi, Beast. Would you like to come for dinner at Kalen’s?
Shit.
I could say I’d already eaten, then I thought why in the hell was I hiding gettin’ dinner with the guy who was teaching us sign language? So I replied with: Thanks for the offer, but headin’ out to talk with Ben.
Mena: Okay, have fun!
What did that mean? Have fun in what way?
Goddamn, I was gonna have to sit Mena down and talk with her. We’d become close over time. In fact, she was a woman I’d call a close friend. I enjoyed her company and sharing time with her. If it wasn’t for her and Dodge, I’d still be holed up in my house drinking my sorrows away. Since I was coming to terms with shit, I knew my life wasn’t as dark as I thought it would be. With Mena havin’ my back, I decided she deserved to know more about me. Everything.
As I walked into the burger joint, I couldn’t help but want it to be walking in there to see my brothers. However, I’d told Dodge I wasn’t ready to come back to the club or see the brothers in person yet. He understood, and still he popped in when he could. Dive also messaged me, along with a heap of other brothers. Only there was one who hadn’t done shit, and he would have known from my absence there was something goin’ on, yet I still got nothin’ from him. Guess I�
��d scared him stupid.
It fuckin’ sucked. What was worse was how much I missed the dickhead.
Hell, I missed all their company.
But mostly Knife.
However, I couldn’t go back in time. I couldn’t change what I forced on him. If I could, I would, so I was stuck with knowing I fucked it all up because I’d been hell’a turned on after waking and finding him rubbing up against my arse.
I’d lost count of the times I’d tugged one out thinkin’ about that moment and when I’d wrapped his hand around my cock, and he hadn’t pulled away. My thoughts too regularly turned to when my hand guided his, and I’d all too quickly finished myself off. It hadn’t taken long either because I’d always wanted that. A scene like that with Knife. Jay Conger.
He was the one man who consumed my mind day in and out, who played in every fuckin’ fucked-up fantasy I’d had since that night. I wished my feelings hadn’t grown towards him.
It should have stayed as a friendship.
Fuck, I still wanted a friendship with the dick, but I’d scared him off.
Regret burned through my veins. There was no escaping it.
Ben waving across the shop brought me away from my thoughts. I sent him a chin lift, which he smiled at, and made my way over. He was seated in a booth, so I slid into the other side of it and signed “Hi.” He signed it back, and I also saw his mouth move over the word.
Pulling the menu my way, I took a look at it, suddenly feelin’ weird about being there with him. I wasn’t sure how long I glanced at it, but then I felt fingers tap my arm. Meeting his gaze, he signed. Are you going to ignore me the whole time?
Shit, I felt my cheeks heat. I gave him a smile. No, but I am starved.
His body moved as he chuckled. I can understand that. You’re a big guy.
My hands flew before I could stop myself. Are you gay?
Yes. Are you?
No. Yes. And then I added a nod to go with it.
He raised his brows. No one knows you are?
No. How did you?
He smiled. It was more hoped.
Fuck me.