by Lila Rose
I had to get outta my room and away from the image I liked a hell’va lot.
Knife
My eyes were speared with white light. I cringed and pulled the blanket up over my head. Only it was snatched away too quickly and then I was kicked in the leg.
Rolling from my stomach over, I shielded my eyes from the sun streaming in through the window and asked my brother standing beside my bed, “What the fuck?”
Then I remembered the previous night and glanced around the room to see I was still in Beast’s bed.
Sitting, I threw my legs over the side of the bed. Nevaeh? I signed slowly through her name and then took Beast in.
Living room. She’s good. Got to shower and head to the garage.
Standing, I stretched and caught Beast watchin’ my body. Thanks for last night. Needed that sleep. You working today?
No worries. Yeah, a few hours.
Crap, I then remembered he was gonna head out on a date with Ben. Look, make it up to you for minding my girl. I’ll cook dinner tonight.
He stiffened, looked to the door and then back to me. Got something on.
That would not fuckin’ do. Come on, brother. I make an awesome lasagne. You can’t miss that.
He ran a hand through his hair before responding, Sorry, this thing’s already organised. Can’t back out. I’m going to shower.
I nodded.
Shit, fuck, shit ran through my mind.
I had to think of something else to get him outta his date. Why it was important, I didn’t know, but I felt it deep in my bones that Beast should not go anywhere with Ben.
I was a brother lookin’ out for a brother.
Knew I wouldn’t be able to get him outta attending the signing class, but the date I could do something about… and keep putting Beast off Ben until I found out more about the fucker.
Their names together sounded like shit. Beast and Ben. B1 and B2.
Rolling my eyes, I started for the door to find my girl and to start some planning.
Chapter Ten
Knife
Fucking bastard. Parker refused to do a background check on Ben. It didn’t help I had no clue of his last name, but I told him I could find out. All I had to do was call up the centre where he worked and ask. Still, he refused and… I still could not fuckin’ believe he said it to me, but he told me to man the fuck up.
What in the Christ did that mean?
Man the fuck up about what?
I’d asked what he meant, and he’d laughed, goddamn laughed in my ear over the phone, and I guessed it was lucky he was over the phone or I’d have had my hand around his throat choking the life outta him and doin’ it smiling because he then said, “Mate. You’re into him.”
After I’d coughed and spluttered over my clogged saliva because I was so pissed, I then asked him what drug he was on before hanging up.
I was not into Beast that way.
Fuck no.
And if I didn’t have my Nevaeh to take care of, I would have gone to the compound and screwed a club slut to prove it.
“Um, Knife?” Mena called hesitantly. “Are you just about done scoffing over your thoughts?”
“What? Ah, shit, yeah. Sorry, babe. What was the next word?”
“Are you okay?” she asked, instead of continuing with the lesson.
“Wait, shouldn’t you be at the class with Beast?”
“He’s comfortable going on his own now, and I’ve become busy teaching Kalen’s brothers.”
Great. Just fuckin’ great. Beast was alone with the grabby Ben.
“Knife, are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, babe. Why?” I asked, picking up the mugs on the table and taking them to the sink. The kids were in the living room where we could see them playing. Koda and Nevaeh had taken a liking to each other right away, which was great to see.
“You seem… stressed. Is it about Nevaeh? Are you regretting taking her in?”
Turning, I leaned my butt against the counter and crossed my arms over my chest. “No. I’d never regret it, even after only getting a few hours of sleep last night.”
“Good.” Mena smiled.
“You know Beast is gay, right?” Why in the fuck did that pop out?
Her cheeks pinked. She was a shy sweetheart. “Um, yes.”
“What’s your take on that Ben guy?”
She brushed her hands down her skirt, looking everywhere but at me.
“Mena?”
“He’s nice.”
“Nice?”
“Yes, and friendly.”
I snorted. “Yeah, figured.”
Mena sighed. It was cute and quiet, but I still heard it. “He could be good for Beast, Knife. And I think Beast needs good right now, especially after everything he’s been through.”
The sincerity in her voice hit me hard. She was right. I knew she was, yet I still fuckin’ hated hearing it for some reason.
Shit.
Fuck me.
I had to step back.
Beast deserved happiness, and if dickwad could bring it, then I had to let him try. For Beast’s sake.
Besides, I couldn’t give Beast what he wanted. Not sayin’ I was what he wanted, but I didn’t see myself in that type of relationship.
Still…
No, I couldn’t.
Then there was Nevaeh. My girl should come first. I had to stop thinkin’ of myself and my worries when I had a little girl to take care of.
So I’d try my goddamn best to support Beast while we lived there and went on with our lives.
Trying could fly right out the motherfuckin’ window. I was fuming mad. Jesus, Beast hardly knew the guy, and there he was gettin’ in late from his date with fuckface. When the front door came open, I was sitting in the living room with Nevaeh in my arms. She was havin’ another rough night due to, as Mena figured out, teething. My girl’s tooth was ripping apart her gums, and she was in pain. Hell, that night I felt like crying with her.
Beast came into the room. I was already looking his way so I caught the shock crossing his features before he rearranged them to a calm look and gave me a chin lift.
Bad night again? He signed.
My jaw ached from all the times I’d clenched it. Standing, I readjusted the seat in Nevaeh’s stroller and lay her in it, since she liked to be rocked in it. I then straightened. Have a good night?
My eyes narrowed further when his lips twitched. He nodded. Yeah, was okay.
Since I was pushing the stroller back and forth, I asked instead of signing, “Where did you go?”
Dinner and back to a friend’s place.
Fury burned in my gut. “Really?”
He tilted his head to the side, then righted it and nodded, crossing his arms over his chest.
Did he put out? My eyes widened along with his when I finished signing that question. What was wrong with me? Why in the hell did I ask that?
What are you talking about?
Seriously, he was going to play dumb? “Your date with Ben.”
His eyes narrowed. You read my messages. His hands fisted down at his sides after signing that.
Fuck.
Shrugging, I said, “So what? You never used to care if I was on your phone.”
Stay out of this.
I rolled my eyes. “Why? He not playing nice with you? Not giving you what you want?”
Oh no. He gives me what I want. After all, he just sucked me off good and proper. That what you want to hear?
Christ. No. No, I didn’t want to hear that. My anger turned up a notch, to where I wanted to punch him. But I couldn’t because I’d brought it all on myself.
Clearing my throat, I shifted from one foot to another. “Maybe next time you want to be out late to get off, you can think about messaging me telling me you’ll be late.” Fuck me. I sounded like a whiny old maid. “Shit, ignore that. I’m tired,” I added. I waved him off and bent to pick up Nevaeh. She was sound asleep, so I prayed when I took her to her room, she’d stay
that way. I needed to bury myself in my bed and try to get some much-needed sleep, while ignoring the fact I just acted like a total pussy.
My eyes met Beast’s when I stood with my girl. He nodded down to my daughter. Want me to take her for a bit?
Since I couldn’t sign, I shook my head and left the room.
Maybe living with Beast wasn’t a good idea after all.
Then again, I really had to take it back to when we were just friends. If it was back, then I wouldn’t have given a fuck if he were out. Shit, I would have shaken his hand about gettin’ some.
So why in the hell did I feel like I wanted to be sick over the thought of Ben…. Goddamn, I couldn’t even think the word without wanting to bash some walls in.
Maybe what I really needed was to talk to someone.
Fuck, first I had to admit to myself I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about that night. As I climbed into bed after puttin’ Nevaeh down, I found my cock twitching at just thinkin’ of that night. Thinkin’ of rubbing my dick against his arse. How his cock felt in my hand and how’d he come all over it.
Confusion at how I couldn’t feel disgusted over it swirled in my head. But I wasn’t. If anything, I was turned the hell on and thought about his body more.
Shit, if I wasn’t so tired I’d have my hand in my boxers rubbin’ one out.
Yeah. I needed to talk to someone. Maybe they could punch some sense into me.
Only, who could I talk to?
Julian was totally out. He annoyed the fuck outta me too much to have an actual conversation with him.
Mattie was also out. He was a decent guy, but he’d no doubt tell Julian since they were partners, and then Julian would tell the pussy posse. After that happened, my life would no longer be the same because everyone would know about it.
Shit, I’d be sure my parents would somehow find out too, and that’d be just bloody brilliant. They already hated me for turning my back on them when I was in my teens. But there was no way in hell I wanted to take over Mr Frank Conger’s, also known as my schmuck father’s accountant firm. Not only was he corrupt with his accounting, which one day would blow his arse wide open, but he was a lying, cheating, arrogant arsehole. He hated I wanted nothing to do with his business, so he’d hate me even more if he found out I was even thinking of turning gay.
Holy fuck.
Was I thinkin’ of turning gay? Was that even a fuckin’ thing?
Christ, I needed to shut my brain down and get some sleep. I didn’t really know what I was thinking.
Still, maybe once I talked to someone about what was in my head, it would get sorted out more, and I’d quit being a fuckin’ idiot.
God, I was probably just thinkin’ the way I was because I hadn’t been laid in a while.
So who could I talk to? I needed someone who’d understand what was in my head without judging. There was Pick and Billy, but then I didn’t think they were the right brothers to talk to. They had Josie, and I knew they weren’t into what I was thinkin’ of. They might give each other head, but they didn’t fuck each other. That was what I’d heard anyway.
I had a feelin’ if I was gonna change, I’d need to talk to someone who’d gone through what I was. A dude who wasn’t gay, but had happened to have switched teams for some reason.
Hell, I knew no one like that, so I was fucked.
My body stilled.
There could be someone.
I’d heard Pick and Billy talkin’ about some customers in their new bar. I’d have to investigate, see who they were and what they were like. Then maybe they could shed some light on things.
What I needed right then was for my brain to shut off.
Exhaustion and my brain didn’t get along; it made me think too much.
Like Beast.
His swingin’ dick.
My hand wrapped around it.
Rubbin’ against him.
Bloody goddamn hell, once again I grew hard.
Chapter Eleven
Beast
Even though a month had passed, I was still fuckin’ confused by Knife’s words when I’d gotten home from being on a date with Ben. Hell, it was like he was either acting like a mother hen or a jilted lover. He was neither. Maybe it was like he said, he was just tired, so things in his head were weird.
Since that night, he’d been okay. Things weren’t like we used to be, but he hadn’t got in my face like he had that night.
We’d hung out, shared our home time with Nevaeh, who was thankfully settling after two teeth finally popped. Some nights we cooked together. The company, having him in my house, felt good. But I also knew there was something missing. It was as if he didn’t know how to act around me, and I couldn’t understand why. Actually, that wasn’t right. I’d put it down to the fact he knew I was gay, which made him feel uncomfortable. The banter we used to have was gone. We were mates, and that was it. The closeness we once had, where we shared everything with each other, was lost, and it fuckin’ sucked.
Admittedly, I didn’t think he’d appreciate knowing about what Ben and I got up to. I hadn’t been lying about him giving me head that night. He did, only I couldn’t blow my load. Something was holding me back, embarrassing the fuck outta me.
Ben, being the cool guy he was, told me not to worry about it, suggested we’d work up to that part. So we’d been seeing each other on and off for the past month. It got heated when we kissed, so I jacked him off in his car. He tried with me since I was rockin’ an erection and was into it all, but in the end, I pushed his hand away.
There was something seriously wrong with me when I couldn’t find release.
How-fuckin’-ever, I wasn’t one to give up. I’d try again when I saw Ben next out of class. He helped distract from Knife. Having Knife in the house all the time…. Shit, it was fuckin’ hard to separate my feelings for him when he was constantly in my personal space.
At least Nevaeh helped. She was a beauty. Seeing her laugh or just enjoying things like her food, was something special to watch.
Never thought Knife would have it in him, but he’d proved me wrong. He was a good father.
Even though he was managing, I knew he needed a break, which was why I was gonna offer to have Nevaeh for the night. He needed to chill, hang with the brothers. Destress a little and start fresh the next day.
Even if the thought of him pickin’ up a slut for a rough time churned my gut, I had to let it pass because it’d be unfair if I was… Christ, I couldn’t even say gettin’ a bit since I wasn’t coming. But I was enjoyin’ my time with Ben, so Knife should enjoy his time away from the house.
Fuck. It killed me to even think about Knife out on the town with women around him. Still, it was the least I could do for him since he was the one who suggested I get a dog.
Apparently Knife had been doing some research and came across a site about dogs who helped in all types of situations, and one was for deaf people. At first, I thought the suggestion was a dick move on his part, sayin’ I needed help. It wasn’t until Knife showed me a video on just what the dog could do that I saw the merit.
The dog could let its owner know if someone was at the door, being called by someone, an alarm clock went off or if a baby cried. They helped in public situations like sirens or when dicks honked their horns.
In fact, the more I thought about it, the more having a dog appealed to me. Which was why I was at home waiting for the trainer to arrive with my dog. The training took three to five days, where the trainer would come back each day to help us get used to one another and to teach us everything we needed to know.
Movement caught my eye. I glanced up to see Knife, with Nevaeh in his arms, point towards the door. He went back down the hall, no doubt putting his girl down for a sleep, and I got up to answer.
Opening the door, I was greeted by a smiling man who looked a few years younger than me. Hi, I’m Mitch, and this is Kevin, your hearing dog. The guy greeted, then pointed down to the German Shepherd sitting beside him. The dog looked
up at me with his head tilted to its side, and fuck, that look alone won me over.
A smile turned up my lips, and I glanced back to Mitch. I’m Maddox. Come on in. Stepping back, Mitch entered with Kevin, an unusual name for a dog, right beside him. I shut the front door and went into the living room to find them standing in the middle.
Not sure how this works. I admitted.
His smile widened, and I saw his gaze sweep over me just as Knife stopped at my side. I’ll help you through it. Hi,—he faced Knife—I’m Mitch, and this is Kevin.
Knife. Was Knife’s only reply.
Mitch’s smile faltered a little. Do you live here?
“Yeah, with my daughter.”
“Oh, you speak and hear,” Mitch said while continuing to sign.
“Sure do.”
Ignoring Knife, I stepped further into the room and stopped beside Kevin. Can I pat him?
Mitch’s grin was back. Turning away from Knife, he gave me his whole attention. Yes. Get to know him, let him get to know you. We’ll have a coffee and a chat about it all. I have some supplies in the car for him. A dog bed and such. It’s best if he never sleeps on the bed or couch else they could tend to get lazy. But we’ll talk about it more soon.
Nodding, I bent and ran my hand over Kevin’s head then down his back. His tail wagged, and I felt the vibration from hard hits to the floor.
Yeah, I could see myself easily getting along with Kevin. Vin, for short, was much better though. When I’d looked at the site, I’d seen all small dogs and was worried I’d get a miniature poodle or some shit. Guess I lucked out.
It wasn’t until dinner time when I remembered to offer Knife the night off. Most of the afternoon was spent with Mitch as he taught me some commands and all things I needed to know for Vin. Hopefully the week would fly by so I didn’t have to see Mitch again after the full week of training. He kinda annoyed me. I found out more about him than I should have. Where he lived, what he liked, how he liked to date men older than him. The last part was said with a glint in his eyes. I wasn’t interested though. The guy was tall and lanky, not my type at all. To me he had one purpose, to integrate Vin into my life and me into his.