by Lila Rose
After a quick goodbye, I looked around the empty room and felt the weight start to drown me. In a matter of hours, my life had changed. I knew it’d be for the better. Just glancing at my girl, I could see it would be. Still, it was fuckin’ freaky shit.
Chapter Eight
Beast
Fuck me. Motherfucking hell.
How was this new situation gonna help me get over the fucker in the living room since he was living under my goddamn roof?
Christ, the way he took on his girl without a thought was fuckin’ powerful. Wasn’t sure if it’d sunk in how much his life would change since he was a father. There’d be no club pussy when he wanted it, or drinking and hangin’ with the brothers. His time patrolling our territory would be cut right down, so would the time he’d be called into a situation. Then again, there were enough old ladies to help him out, and hell, I wouldn’t just stand back and not assist him. Babies didn’t freak me out like I knew they did him, yet there he was taking one on without hesitation.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I knew for certain fallin’ outta love for the dick had just been made harder.
Why in God’s name did I agree to him stayin’ here until he had his feet under him and knew what he was doin’ with a baby? Crap, I hoped he knew the living sitch’ was just temporary. That was something we’d have to talk about.
Knife had a kid.
Just a wee baby girl.
And they were stayin’ in my house. Under my roof.
Christ.
Shakin’ my head, I reread over the schedule Mena had written out. She’d just had her bottle, so it was playtime before she had a nap. Mena had suggested to hold off the nap for another hour, so then she wouldn’t get tired and cranky before dinner.
Takin’ the sheet with me, I walked back into the living room and stopped. Knife had just set Nevaeh down on the couch, and she was already sleeping. He looked over at me and grinned like he’d just done the best thing in the world. I shook the sheet out in front of me. Knife’s brows dipped together. I waved the sheet again and stalked over to him. I pointed out the problem.
His eyes widened, and his lips moved in a curse. What do I do? He signed.
That still shocked the hell outta me; he’d taken the time out to learn. Then again, we’d been pretty close before….
I shrugged. Wake her?
“Walk her?” he mouthed.
Snorting, I shook my head and spelt it out slowly. Wake her.
But she’s asleep. He sighed and then tapped his mouth. I watched his mouth move. “What happens if I wake her and she starts screaming?”
Groaning, I took my phone out and typed out a text. I can only follow so much. Did you say…. What happens if I wake her and she starts a scrimmage? She’s a bit young for that.
At least the worry from his eyes left, when after reading my text, he threw his head back and laughed. Only to abruptly stop and glance down at his girl to make sure she was still asleep.
I’ll ring Mena and ask her what to do.
I jerked my chin up in reply. It was then I noticed shit around the room. The brothers must have come and gone already. Which had me wondering if there were things I needed to put together.
Leavin’ Knife to his phone call, I made my way down the hall and stopped in the doorway to see, not only a hell’va mess, but Pick and Billy puttin’ the finishing touches on a baby crib. Billy saw me first and tipped his head. Fuckin’ hated I couldn’t just say shit, but I didn’t want to sound stupid.
Instead, I sent off a text to Billy. Need help?
He paused what he was doin’ and took out his phone. After a glance, he typed back. We’re good here, but there’s a change table in the living room that needs to be put together.
Me: On it.
How could one tiny person need so much? The room looked like a tornado had ripped through it. Not that I cared; it’d be good to have people in the house besides just myself. Would have been better if it were anyone else besides the man I loved, but I wouldn’t throw Knife and his girl out. When Knife had mentioned my place, I was sure my heart was gonna detonate in my chest, but I’d seen the fear building in his eyes. I couldn’t have said no.
He was one person I could never say no to.
Which was how we got into so much shit when we were younger. Speeding, drunk driving, indecent behaviour when caught in the park fuckin’. Actually, Knife had been poundin’ the woman hard while I’d been watchin’ him and waiting for my turn. It wouldn’t have taken me long to blow my load into the woman’s snatch, even if I hated the thought of a woman under me, but watching Knife and fantasizing it was me he was laying into had me near coming in my jeans. That was until the cops showed and put a stop to it all.
Damn. I’d been in love with the idiot for far too long. I needed to get over it instead of wanting him under me, or shit, over me.
Maybe another date with Ben, or any guy where I could just fuck him, was in order.
As I walked back into the living room, I saw Knife sitting on the couch staring down at his girl, but his hands were moving over some signs. Fuck, he was practicing. He must have heard me because he looked up. Mena said it was okay. We just have to put up with her being upset later.
He was slow at it, but spot on with what he’d said.
Wait a fuckin’ second.
We?
He’d said we.
As in we had to put up with her later.
I knew I’d assist him when I could, but I didn’t expect…. Fuck, I didn’t know. I just thought he’d come here to stay with her and he’d do mostly everything for her while I was a bystander and helped out when I could. Never expected to be placed in the same parenting role as him.
Shit, I’d leave it and see how things played out. He could have just slipped up and said we. Instead, I gestured to the box containing the change table. Putting it together.
He nodded and smiled. Thanks, brother. Have to keep an eye on her. Mena said she wasn’t safe sleeping on the couch. Again, he signed slowly but had all the words right.
After a chin lift, I got down to work on the change table. A motor I could put together with my fuckin’ eyes closed. A change table was another goddamn story. It took me longer than I thought it would, and then I moved on to unpacking diapers, wipes, creams, and everything else in the bags. The clothes I found were tiny. I’d pack them in her room when Pick and Billy were done. Then again, maybe it was best they were washed before she wore them. With that thought, I took them into the laundry room off the kitchen and set about doing just that.
Hours later, my place was starting to look back to normal. Only there was a shit-ton of girly things layin’ around. Toys, pink blankets, a bath, only that was in the bathroom with Knife as he gave Nevaeh a wash down. There had been pink, purple, hell, all bright coloured clothes that were washed, dried, and folded. In her room, I organised the crib to the window, the change table beside it, and a goddam ugly yellow rug on the floor. I’d even moved the living room around so I could place the overflowing tub of toys in the corner and a device a baby sat in to help them walk, plus a stroller. I did all that while Knife dealt with Nevaeh after she woke. He seemed to have been doing a good job. Before he’d taken her for a walk, I’d caught a few smiles and laughs on her face. She looked happy enough to be in the house.
Thank fuck I’d cleaned the whole place just the previous day. I’d felt content when I saw her playin’ on the living room floor earlier.
By the time the sun set, Pick and Billy were long gone with a wish of luck. Fina-fuckin’-lly, I was sitting on the couch doing nothin’, but was fuckin’ exhausted. Too tired to even cook. Thank fuck the pizza places had the online option since I couldn’t have rang an order through.
Just after I finished ordering, my phone vibrated with a text.
Ben: How’s your day been?
I found myself smiling. Me: Busy. Yours?
Ben: Good, since you replied.
Shit. I liked what he’d said; it showed me he
was interested. Also meant he’d let me have his arse. But… Knife walked into the room with Nevaeh in his arms. Christ, he looked good holding a baby, his own baby. Though he looked good no matter.
I was done for.
I needed a distraction from the man, so could Ben be one?
My phone vibrated. Ben: Too soon? :)
Was it?
We’d known each other a little while, but could there be more between us?
Me: Not sure.
Ben: All good. I’ll keep trying. You coming to class tomorrow?
Me: Yeah.
Knife’s bare feet stopped in front of me, I glanced up. “Who you talkin’ to?” I read from his lips.
Ben. I waited for anything from him, but got nothing. Actually, what I got was a shrug. Then he turned back around and went over to the space on the floor to place his girl down. I pulled my attention back to my phone when it vibrated again.
Ben: Great, I’ll see you then and ask if you want to catch dinner tomorrow night.
Snorting, I grinned. Me: You’re not asking now?
Ben: Nope. Give you more time to think. Because after dinner, I’d like to kiss you.
My eyes widened. I looked up and caught Knife shifting his gaze from me back to Nevaeh sitting on the floor playin’ with something.
Holy fuck.
He wanted to kiss me. He was tellin’ me so.
Did I want him to? Hell, did I want to go to dinner with him again? I enjoyed his company, but could I find myself lip lockin’ with him after it?
Fuck it.
I’d never get what I wanted from the man sitting in my living room, so why the hell not get what I could from Ben? He was being straight with me, so I could with him.
Me: ’Kay, see you tomorrow, and when you ask me, I’ll say yes. As long as you know I ain’t lookin’ for anything permanent.
My heart raced in my chest. I chanced a glance to Knife, and nearly fuckin’ jumped when I saw his eyes already on me. His hands lifted. Dinner?
Got pizza on the way.
Right. I’ll feed Nevaeh. He paused to study me. You cool?
Yes.
His gaze searched my face once more. Right. He stood, picked Nevaeh up, and dragged her high chair into the kitchen.
My phone vibrated.
Ben: Sounds fine to me :) See you tomorrow.
Chapter Nine
Knife
Something was up with Beast, and it had to do with that cockhead Ben. I wanted to know what they were talkin’ about. Why Beast smiled the way he did, and shit, why his cheeks heated when he read something on his goddamn motherfuckin’ phone?
As I was just finishin’ up with Nevaeh’s dinner, Beast walked into the kitchen. Going to wait out front for pizza, should be here soon.
Nodding, I watched him spin back around and walk outta the room. I guessed the texting to Ben had stopped.
“Stupid fuckin’ loser. Ben, what kinda name is boring Ben?” I asked my girl as I cleaned down her face. She started giggling. Smiling, I pulled her outta her seat and took her back into the living room. Only once my eyes landed on something, my feet came to a halt.
Beast’s phone sat on the couch.
Before I could control my body, not that I was trying real hard, my feet took me to the couch where I sat next to his phone with Nevaeh on my lap. She cooed and then started to get testy about something. Leaning over, I picked up the toy she’d thrown earlier and handed it to her.
I was distracted from my girl, and I hated that I was. It was the tool out the front’s fault. So it’d be his fault I went through his phone.
Shit. I was invading his privacy.
But he’d just left it lying around.
It ain’t my problem I found his phone out in the open and knew his password.
That was if the password was still the same.
Picking up the phone, I prayed the password was still the same and smiled when I pressed in the numbers and it lit to life. Only to motherfuckin’ frown when their messages popped right up; he mustn’t have got outta messenger.
Then my frown turned into a hiss. My hand clenched around the phone.
Dickface wanted to kiss Beast.
Wanted to eat dinner with him.
Kiss him.
Fuck. Kiss. Him.
Why didn’t the thought of that sit well with me? Maybe what I read off the guy the other night was right? There was something about him I didn’t like. He could be into shit we didn’t know about. I had to get Parker to do a background check on the dick.
Nodding to myself, I scrolled down to see Beast’s reply and froze.
What the ever lovin’ fuck?
Beast was gonna have dinner with the cockhead.
He didn’t want anything permanent. What in Christ did that mean? Did Beast want to screw him? Kiss him, dip in him and then dump him?
Fuckin’ hell.
I didn’t like it.
Beast could do better. Shit, I had to put that crap off in one way or another. Then I’d get the background check done and if the results came back sayin’ he was an outstanding citizen, then Beast could—I screwed my nose up—go to dinner with twatface.
The front door came open. I jumped and nearly lost the phone in my hand. Instead, I quickly placed it down between the couch cushions.
Standing, I took Nevaeh over to her walkin’ machine, takin’ my furious thoughts off Beast and that dude, and onto my girl. God, I hoped she was gonna be okay bein’ in a new place. At least she seemed to be takin’ to it. Still, Mena did warn me she could fuss that night.
How her cunt of a mother could leave her I didn’t know. Christ, I didn’t think I’d ever know. My girl was sweet. She was practically with a stranger and was copin’ okay. What did that woman put my girl through before she dropped her off to Sana?
I never wanted to see that woman’s face again.
Leavin’ her own kid to a man she hardly knew, even though I was the daddy. The bitch made me sick with disgust.
Pizza consumed, while Nevaeh had played and we’d eaten and watched football, I’d then sorted her a bottle and made sure she got her wind up. Shit, I was even proud I hadn’t collapsed in a heap when she’d started crying. It had me thinking I could handle about anything.
I was wrong.
So very fuckin’ wrong.
Stayin’ up late was the wrong move to start with, but I wanted time with just sittin’ with Beast. We’d watched football while he showed me some signs for curse words. Before he’d headed to bed, I thanked him for everything he’d done that day. His house had been a disaster, but he got it under control while I’d spent some time with my girl. It was what Nevaeh and I needed, and I reckon he knew it as well.
It felt like I’d just gotten my eyes closed when she’d woke crying. I rushed in there naked, reminding myself to wear clothes to bed in the future. When I picked her up, I found her PJs soaked. She’d peed through the nappy. Then I discovered it’d been my fault because I hadn’t done the diaper up properly. After a change of clothes, blankets, and nappy, I eventually got her back to sleep. With my eyes half open, I stumbled into my room and slipped on a pair of boxers before I face-planted the bed. I was sure it was only seconds I was down when I heard her crying again. I got up, ran to Nevaeh’s room and picked her up. As soon as she was in my arms, she settled her head against my chest. I rocked her a few times and set her back down.
Another wrong move was walking over floorboards. I was fuckin’ certain I stepped on every goddamn squeaky board as I tried to sneak out of her room. I’d just made it into the hall when she started bawling again.
Ten more times, where a few I’d made it to my room, I came to the conclusion I wasn’t made out to have a child because lack of sleep and I weren’t friends.
So, to make sure I wouldn’t be the biggest bitch in the world the next day, I walked down the hall with my girl in my arms and opened Beast’s bedroom door. Switching the light on caused Beast to come to life. He was out of his bed blinking sle
ep from his eyes in seconds.
He was also fuckin’ naked.
As in naked.
His dick swung from the movement, and it was as though it had tranced me to watch it move.
Huh, I thought, so that’s his dick. He’s big. Bigger than me.
Suddenly a click to the quiet room had me snapping my head up to meet his gaze. I knew my cheeks were heating, so I glared, covered my daughter’s eyes and clipped, “Cover it up. My girl doesn’t need to see it.”
His eyes watched my mouth before he snorted and picked up the boxers beside his bed, slippin’ them on.
Making sure I kept my eyes on his face and not his hypnotising body, which obviously could trance a man who was all about pussy, I walked towards him and deposited Nevaeh in his arms. “I’m beat, brother. She won’t sleep. Been crying for the last four hours. Just need a nap and I’ll be right.”
His eyes widened. It was a low blow, but I knew he couldn’t say shit when his arms were full. So I climbed into his bed, on the other side he’d been sleeping in and landed on my back. It took effort, but I lifted my tired arms and signed. Just five. Please.
I opened my eyes enough to catch Beast nod down at me.
Then I was out.
Beast
That was a wake-up call I didn’t need. The light flashing behind my eyelids scared the fuck outta me, and I thought someone was coming in to attack. Which was how I was outta bed so fast ready to fight. Only to find Knife standing there lookin’ like death.
Then reality crashed in.
Knife had seen me naked.
Hell, I was being a freak because I was watching him sleep in my bed as I rocked his girl in my arms standing next to it. I was also doin’ it smiling.
He’d seen my junk, and he fuckin’ watched it for a good amount of time.
What was up with that?
Shit, that was something I couldn’t think about. There was no way in hell I’d get my hopes up. Not after he freaked the way he had with the hotel incident.
But damn, he looked fuckin’ good sleepin’ in my bed.
Shaking my head, I strolled from the room with a sleeping Nevaeh in my arms. Knife looked like rat shit. He needed some sleep, so I’d stay with Nevaeh in her room. It was only a few hours before I had to wake anyway.