Sean shook his head and gently pulled her hands off his face. “I can’t.”
Maggie looked into his eyes for a long time, and whatever she saw there made her turn away. It was as if she finally understood what he was saying. That he was a terrible man and she was better off without him. He expected her to walk away, but instead she turned back, tears rolling down her cheeks. “You are not a monster, Sean. And I’m willing to fight for you, stay by your side through all the demons, because I think you’re worth it, and because I have never felt this way about another man before. But I can’t stay if you don’t want me here.”
“What kind of man would I be to ask you to stay?” Sean began to pace, something inside his chest burning so strong, he couldn’t stand still. “I’d ruin your life. You’d be fighting off something that isn’t yours to fight.”
“The same man who pulled me out of my protective shell and helped me to reclaim my life.” Maggie shook her head again. “The man who nurtured and cared for me. That made me laugh, and cry, and fall in love with him in only a few days.” She smiled through her tears, cupping his face again. “Don’t you see it, Sean? Don’t you see why a man like that is worth fighting for?”
“I can’t control myself, Maggie! Why can’t you see that?” Sean pulled away from her, shaking his head. “I won’t hurt you anymore, and I won’t allow you to heal me. I would rather die than watch you waste your life.”
“You’d rather die than allow me in, you mean?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“But it’s what you screamed at me last night. Over and over you promised you would never allow another person in again.”
Sean didn’t deny it, didn’t know what to say. Only that his chest continued to burn, warning him to stop Maggie’s pain, to make it better. But he didn’t have the words.
“Last night I thought I could fix your pain. That with enough time you would let me in, the same way I let you in.” She raised her eyes to his. “Tell me I wasn’t a fool to believe that.”
Sean swallowed hard, chest burning. All he felt was the madness inside his head and the need to protect her from it. “I can’t.”
“You made me love you,” Maggie cried. Her features tensed with so much pain, Sean knew he had finally pushed her too far. She turned away and mumbled softly, almost as if talking to herself, “Then you broke my heart.”
Her words stabbed directly into his chest, and suddenly it wasn’t just burning; Sean could no longer breathe. He wanted to scream that he was sorry, that he didn’t mean to hurt her—that he wanted her to stay and never leave. Instead he watched her run to her car and drive off into the sunlight.
Only then did he realize he would never see her again. He didn’t know her number. He had no idea where she lived, and no idea where she would go. Maggie had appeared so suddenly into his life, and during the time he had gotten to know her, he’d never thought of the moment they would part. Now she was gone, and he had the sickest feeling in his stomach. Pain worse than when his father had stolen all of his savings, worse than all those times he’d starved as a child, and not just for food. This pain was the most severe, gut-wrenching thing he had ever experienced. As if she’d stolen his heart right out of his chest.
Sean stood up and ran toward the beach, needing to move, to destroy this pain, to run until he collapsed. Anything to get rid of his mistake, the realization he would never see Maggie again unless she chose to seek him out. And she wouldn’t. He had broken her heart.
Sean ran for what felt like hours, making it to a nearly stranded stretch of beach and then screamed out his agony. He got what he asked for; Maggie was gone. He was left to battle his demons alone again.
CHAPTER 14
One year later
Maggie hated this time of year—the late March snow that came to shatter everyone’s dreams of spring. She sighed, staring out her bedroom window, attempting not to think about Sean or the road trip that had changed her life. It hardly seemed real that only a year had passed since she was driving a complete stranger down to Florida and allowing him to push her boundaries, open her eyes, and steal her heart.
Maggie shut her eyes tight, not allowing more bitter tears to fall. It had been a year, a lot had changed, and it was time to move on. She wasn’t sure if those memories of Sean were really as great as she once thought. He came in her life at a vulnerable time—when she’d ended things with her cheating fiancé and was on the cusp of making some serious changes in her life. Sean seemed to have been there to guide her along, and after a year that she clung to that idea for solace. He was like an angel sent to help her find her way. It was natural that she’d thought she was in love, considering her fragile state. But it was only a thought. Sean was not the man of her dreams.
Maggie had driven a straight twenty-two hours back to Michigan after Sean had broken her heart. She made it to her parents’ home and asked them to take her in. They agreed easily, both completely distraught over her weeklong disappearance. They said it gave them time to reflect and realize that seeing her live the life they wanted for her was not worth losing their only child over. Maggie forgave them both over time, and was grateful for a place to stay while she developed her art.
For six months straight she had worked tirelessly creating her Super Sean comic. The man who had changed her life had become her muse. Maggie obsessed over drawing the wrestler with the unique superpowers. He could fly, he could run miles in seconds, he could jump twice a man’s height. His name was Super Sean. She added words to her illustrations and spent endless time perfecting the details. Around fall she had a product she was completely thrilled with, and spent several months after submitting it to every publisher she could find that had an interest in graphic novels.
Maggie had planned to move out of her parents’ house around Christmas, deciding she was too old to live at home while waiting on her publishing dream to come true. She thought about going back to school and becoming an art educator, determined to make a career out of her passion. But then she got an early Christmas present. A publisher was interested in her graphic novel. From December on, her life had become a whirlwind. When she wasn’t drawing, she was adding words to her illustrations. When she wasn’t writing, she was working with the editor the publisher provided to perfect her product. When she wasn’t perfecting her first graphic novel, she was brainstorming her second. The Super Sean graphic novel was scheduled to come out later this week, and the publisher had paid her an advance to create a follow-up to her first novel.
Despite the advance, Maggie had yet to move out. Her bedroom was spacious, with enough room for her large bed and her worktable. Not to mention it was rent free, and Maggie was still a penny-pincher at heart. But mostly she just couldn’t muster the drive to move out. She had fallen into the comforts of not having to make a decision about where to live. If the Super Sean comics did well, she could live anywhere. The problem was, she didn’t want to. Part of her felt as though if she decided to move, she would have to admit Sean was gone. It was insane to think that way, but she couldn’t let the feeling go. Her heart just couldn’t seem to move on.
Maggie stood up from her desk and walked in front of the mirror. Her hair had grown long, almost down to the middle of her back. That was the only thing that one visibly change, everything else had been internal. She had grown creatively and was living her own life now. But she still didn’t feel like she was truly living. Besides drawing her Super Sean comics she did little else—unless she could count shoveling the snow with her father or taking the family dog for a walk. In fact, her skin looked paler than usual, as if she hadn’t been outside in months. She remembered when her skin was golden from the Florida sunshine, and her body nourished by the man who had taken her there.
Maggie bit her bottom lip, recalling Sean’s touch; how he made her body ache with need long after they’d parted. She might be able to close the door on their relationship, but the sex? Gods! What she wouldn’t give to be touched like that again.
“Look at me, twenty-six, and still aching for a man who doesn’t want me.” She shook her head, feeling ashamed. “Pathetic. When will I start really living my life?”
Her reflection had nothing to say, so she chose to find someone who would tell her. Maggie walked out of her bedroom and followed the smell of her mother’s cookies into the kitchen.
Cathy Heugan had tied her gray hair back in a loose bun, and light makeup softly highlighted her delicate features. Her mother was tall and petite, Maggie’s complete opposite. But their eyes were the same emeralds that shined with both intelligent and passion. Her mother looked up from her chocolate chip cookie dough and turned those eyes on Maggie now.
“Smelled my cookies, huh?” She smiled at Maggie, and Maggie smiled back. Baking and smiling were two things her mother did now that Maggie had come home that she never had before. My mother changed more than I have, Maggie thought.
“I did smell those delicious cookies.” She sat down at the kitchen table and sighed. “Are they done?”
“Not yet.” Cathy rolled more dough into balls, smiling again. “The first batch should be up soon, though.”
“Okay. Maybe I’ll go walk the dog while I wait.”
“Really, Maggie?” Cathy shook her head. “You’re going to go walk Sam again?”
“What?” She looked back at her mother curiously. “You act like it’s a crime to walk Sam more than once a day.”
“It is a crime when all you do is walk Sam, and draw, and walk Sam again.”
“I shovel snow too,” Maggie interjected with a half-smile.
“Wow, now you’re living,” she responded sarcastically.
Maggie took that in with a frown. Her mother was calling her out on her pathetic life—which was exactly what she had come down to talk to her about.
“Okay, I got your point, Mom.” Maggie tapped her fingers on the table. “I’m not really living my life. But what can I do? I’m getting published—”
“Yes, we know,” she said, rolling another ball of cookie dough in her hands. “Your father and I are extremely proud and have admitted we were wrong not to see your talent before. But what about the rest of your life?”
“What about it?”
“You don’t go out, you don’t date.”
“I don’t want to date.”
“Maggie.” Her mother sighed. “When are you going to get over what Trevor did to you? Not every man cheats.”
“I’m over Trevor, Mom.” Maggie rolled her eyes. “Believe me.”
“Then what’s the problem?” She raised one gray brow. “You’re young, attractive, successful. It’s a perfect time to meet someone.”
“You don’t understand.” Maggie bit her lip, tapping her fingers faster. She’d never told her parent’s about Sean. They would have been horrified to know she’d driven a strange man down to Florida, and even more horrified to know she had fallen in love with him. Plus, Sean didn’t want her in his life anymore, so talking about him would only hurt.
“Then help me understand, Maggie.” Cathy wiped her hands on her apron, and sat down next to her. “Ever since you came home from that mysterious trip you took last year, you’ve been like this.”
“Been like what?”
“Moody, depressed.”
“I’m neither of those things,” Maggie assured her. Now if only she could assure herself.
“I thought maybe it was Trevor,” her mother continued as if Maggie hadn’t spoken. “Because you’re acting like a woman with a broken heart.”
“It’s not Trevor,” Maggie responded, holding her mother’s gaze. She could answer that honestly, but the broken heart she could not deny.
“Then what is it, Maggie? Why can’t you snap out of this mood?”
Maggie tapped her fingers faster, wanting to scream. But this was the reason she had come down to talk to her mother. She needed someone to call her out on her pathetic existence. But addressing something wasn’t the same as being able to change it. How was she supposed to get over Sean? “I don’t know, Mother.” She shook her head sadly. “I think this is just who I am now.”
“Why?”
“Because I fell in love with Super Sean and no other man can measure up.”
Maggie knew her mother would think she was talking about her comic book, so she could safely make an overgeneralization like that. But her heart knew the truth, and in that moment it felt as if it were crumpling inside her chest.
“That is insane, Maggie. Super Sean is a fictional character.” Cathy grabbed Maggie’s hand and looked into her eyes. “Real men have real flaws.”
Maggie stared back at her mother, and in that moment, everything became crystal clear. She had fallen in love with Sean and made him into some sort of superhero. But he wasn’t. He was just a man with flaws—and demons. He was trying to protect her from his baggage the night she left, but she wouldn’t listen. All she saw was rejection, and instead of finding some sort of closure, she ran.
A year had passed, and all she had managed to do was draw Super Sean and make him even more flawless when what she needed to do was face the real, flawed man, and put an end to this obsession. She would never move forward in her life, until she did.
“Mom, I’ve got to go.” Maggie stood up from the kitchen table, heart jumping in her chest.
“Where are you going?” she asked, looking completely taken aback.
“On a trip.”
“Not another one.”
“Yes, another one.”
Maggie fled up the stairs, taking them two at a time. She knew Sean had made it to the EWXN main roaster. She had seen him wrestle on TV once. Watching it was a mistake, one that made her cry for a week straight. For some reason she could draw cartoon versions of him, but seeing the real thing was too much. Now, however, she needed to check into his EWXN schedule. She planned to fly to whatever state he was currently in.
That is, if she could find the money. Her savings were drained, and she had a feeling her parents would not lend her money for another random trip. She walked into her bedroom and pulled open her laptop. A series of searches brought her the information she sought and stole the breath from her chest. Sean was wrestling two days from now in Indianapolis.
She sat down on her bed, taking that in. They had come full circle. Maggie had met Sean in Indianapolis, and in a few days she would close the door on him in Indianapolis—this time for good.
***
Sean tossed and turned in his hotel bed. It was close to seven in the morning. Usually his insomnia wore off around now, but not this time. His therapist had lied. He said the more time Sean worked on his demons, the better sleep he’d get. But Sean had been going to therapy for months, and sleep only seemed to evade him more.
It was so unfair! He’d never had trouble sleeping before. Then Maggie left his life and he could get no rest. It had gotten so bad he’d decided to see a professional, which felt like a huge weakness for a man like him. Not that it did any good. He’d thought the more time that passed, the weaker Maggie’s hold would be on him. But the truth was that the closer he got to the anniversary of the day he’d met her, the worse he felt.
Sean growled, throwing off his covers and stomping toward the bathroom. He might as well just go work out, since his body seemed to insist on slowly killing him from sleep deprivation. He was already struggling to concentrate during his matches. Soon he would be nothing more than a vacant shell of a man. As if that wasn’t already true. Before Maggie he was something; now, despite living out his career dream, he was nothing.
Sean had only managed to remove his shirt before a loud knock at his door destroyed his dreams of an early shower. He knew that a knock this early meant EWXN had made a change in his match later today and wanted to discuss the storyline. Sean sighed loudly. He should have taken one of the sleeping pills his therapist had prescribed. Maybe then he would have passed out and not felt this groggy.
The knock came again, and Sean hurried to the door and experie
nced a brief moment of deja vu. This was the same hotel Maggie had driven him to after his accident. It seemed so wrong for him to have to remember that right now, a year to the date when he wanted to crawl back in bed and never get out, his career be damned.
Sean opened the door.
“Hello, Sean.” Maggie’s voice came to him softly and stole whatever breath he had in his chest.
She stood there smiling. Her beautiful face hadn’t changed a bit, and her eyes were the same piercing emeralds. She had let her hair grow long, which she wore in loose crimson waves that fell down her back. Maggie was dressed in a relaxed manner—a simple T-shirt and worn jeans. If Sean hadn’t remembered the uptight woman he’d met only a year before, he would have thought this was a complete stranger. But it was Maggie—the most beautiful woman he had ever known—and suddenly the heart that had stopped beating a year ago began racing erratically in his chest.
“Aren’t you going to say hello?” She giggled, raising her brows in a teasing manner.
Sean swallowed hard. “Hello, Maggie.”
“Can I come in?” She looked nervous now, as if his greeting sounded forced. Had he forgotten to smile? If only she knew what this moment meant to him.
“Come in.” He opened the door wider and even managed a smile, which she returned before walking into the room.
Besides a coat, she had a large blue handbag, which she set on the bed, but not before pulling something out of its pocket. “I wanted to see you,” she said, turning to offer him the item, “and give you this.”
Sean accepted what looked like a thick magazine. On the cover was a comic drawing of a muscular man wearing black shorts, wrestling a dragon into a headlock while dogging its fiery breath. The title was Super Sean. Maggie’s name was written beneath. This was her work.
“I got published.” Maggie sounded proud as she walked over to his side, looking at the cover over his shoulder. “My graphic novel comes out later this week, but I asked for an advance copy.” She waited until his eyes met hers. “I wanted to give you the first copy.”
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