“It’s about me.” It was more of a statement than a question, and he could barely manage that. Maggie had been published. She’d taken control of her life and followed her dreams. For a year Sean had hoped she hadn’t given up on her art, and now the proof she hadn’t was in his hands.
“It is.” Maggie held his gaze and smiled. “I wanted to draw the man who changed my life.”
Sean looked back at the comic in his hands. He’d wondered about one other thing every day for a year—whether Maggie thought about him. Now he knew she not only did, but she credited him with changing her life. It was wrong for Maggie to feel this way about him, but still Sean could feel the pride filling his chest. He remembered dreaming of one day becoming a superhero as a child, of having everyone look at him in awe. Now, thanks to Maggie, that dream had come true.
“You changed your own life, Maggie.” He placed the comic on the bed and grabbed her hands. “I am so proud of you.”
Maggie blushed prettily, and she looked relieved, as if she needed to hear him say that. “Thank you.”
“Thank you,” he responded, bringing her hands to his lips and pressing a kiss to both. “For remembering me in a good way.”
“Why wouldn’t I, Sean?” She scrunched her brows, shaking her head.
“Because of the way we ended things.” He squeezed her hands. “You said I broke your heart, and I’m sorry about that.”
“I was wrong to say that.” Maggie pulled her hands from his and picked up the comic book. “I guess I always thought of you as Super Sean, but the truth was you were only a man. You have flaws and baggage like everyone else. I know you were just trying to protect me from all that, but I refused to listen.”
“I just didn’t want to ruin your life.” Sean grabbed the comic out of her hand and held it up. “I know how much this means to you. I saw all the passion and potential swimming in your eyes. I wanted you to move forward and succeed.”
“And you thought you would have prevented that,” Maggie finished with a sigh.
“No, I know I would have.” Sean flipped through the comic book pages, unable to look at her. He saw picture after picture of him flying around the ring, like Superman. It touched him that she saw him as strong when in reality he was not only falling apart, but couldn’t even sleep. “My demons are real, Maggie.” He looked up at her. “They would have weighed you down.”
“Maybe.” She inclined her head thoughtfully. “I still would have liked to have made that decision myself.”
“I know.” He smiled, shrugging. “But what kind of man would I have been to allow you that choice?”
“It is what it is, Sean. It’s what you believe.” She sighed again, shaking her head. “That’s why I’m here. I need to hear all this. I need to find closure.”
“Closure,” Sean repeated, attempting to keep the disappointment from his voice. Maggie was not here to reunite, but to put an official end to what they were. And he owed her this, and more. “What do you need to hear?”
“Just this, Sean.” Maggie cupped his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. “Did you push me away because you were protecting me, or because you didn’t feel the same way I did?”
Sean took his time answering this. It felt so good to have her hands on him again, to look into her beautiful emerald eyes, to smell her sweet scent. He didn’t want to break contact, and he didn’t want to tell her the truth. If he admitted he felt the same, she would probably ruin her life giving this another chance. And what kind of boyfriend would he make now? He traveled all the time and never slept. On top of that, he felt the demons wrestling inside him. He wanted to crush her to the bed and make love to her until she was screaming his name. He wanted to force her to heal him over and over again.
“I wanted to protect you,” he finally said, knowing this would give her the closure she was looking for. Still, the pain of having to lie gave him that familiar burning feeling in his chest.
“I see.” Maggie looked so far from seeing it was ridiculous. The pain in her eyes told him this was not what she wanted to hear. She nodded, as if convincing herself this was what she needed to hear. “Thank you for protecting me, Sean.” She let go of his face and picked up her purse. “I am glad you told me the truth.”
It’s not the truth! The burning in Sean’s chest became uncontrollable, and the things he wanted to say to her became jumbled in his head.
“I have to get back home.” She turned to him and smiled. “I hope your match goes well tonight.”
“You’re not going to go?” Sean felt like such a fraud asking her something so stupid, when all he wanted to do was lock the door so she could never leave. But everything inside him was so jumbled and confused. He needed to think. He needed to sleep.
“I don’t have tickets—”
“I have some.” Sean ran over to his bag, happy for some sort of direction. If he could get her to come tonight, maybe it would be enough time to work through all the congestion in his head.
“Sean—”
“Here you go.” He placed a ticket in her hand and smiled. “I need you to come see me. Okay, Maggie? It’s important.” Sean cringed. He sounded both insane and pathetic. A minute ago he was giving her every reason to leave for good; now he was begging her to come to his match. This was probably the last thing Maggie would agree to do.
“Okay, I’ll go.” She took the ticket and surprised him with a smile. “If it’s important to you.”
“It is.” Sean smiled back and fought the need to pull her into his arms. Maybe he could later, if he could fight through all the chaos in his mind. “I’ll take you to dinner after.”
“We’ll see.” She gave him a noncommittal sort of shrug and then turned toward the door. “I’ll see your match tonight for sure, though.”
“Thank you.”
Maggie said nothing and walked out the door. Sean sat on the bed, staring at the closed door for what felt like hours. He could neither move nor breathe. She had not forgotten him. She had come to find closure, and he had given her crazy. Sean knew his response was confirmation of why he had to push her away, yet he wanted to chase her down the hall and force her to stay forever. The things swimming in his mind were so confusing, so painful. He knew he would never get it sorted out in time. Not without help.
Sean grabbed his cell phone off the nightstand and called his therapist. Calling the office on a Sunday was a long shot, but Sean was desperate. On the second ring, he got lucky.
“Mark Vaughn speaking.”
“Mark.” Sean let out a breath of relief. “It’s Sean Miller.”
“Hello, Sean.” He paused, as if reminding himself of Sean’s history. “Aren’t you on the road with the EWXN today?”
“I am.” Sean let out another breath of relief, this time because his therapist remembered their sessions. It meant he could trust Mark’s advice. “We’re in Indianapolis for a show tonight.”
“Ah, I see.” Mark took a minute before adding, “I bet that’s hard considering that’s where you met Maggie.”
“Exactly.” Sean smiled. He had picked a good therapist. “I’ve been having more trouble sleeping. In fact, I haven’t slept in days.”
“Not even in the morning.”
“Nope.”
“That’s not good, Sean.”
“I know.” He lay back on the bed, suddenly exhausted. “It hasn’t been a good trip. Maggie just showed up here, out of the blue.”
“At your hotel?” Mark sounded surprised.
“Yes, she drove down to see me, said she needed closure.”
“And did you give her closure?” Mark’s voice was calm, going into therapist mode. It normally irritated Sean, but he needed someone to bring him back to reality.
“I did, but then I asked her to come see my match.”
“Why do you think you made that request?” It was a therapist question. Mark was always trying to get Sean to dig deeper into the reasons for his decisions, but this time it was easy.
“Because I don’t want her to leave.” Sean paused and dug a bit more for the truth. “I want her in my life, Mark. I don’t want her to go anywhere.”
“Then why didn’t you tell her that?” Mark said it as if it were that simple. But Sean knew it wasn’t simple, not by a long shot—and his therapist should know that by now too.
“Because I don’t want to ruin her life!” He wrapped his free hand into a fist and punched it into the bed in frustration. “I don’t want to hurt her with my demons, Mark. I’m too messed up!”
“Are you?” Another therapist question, one that made something in Sean snap.
“Of course I am.” He punched his fist into the bed again. “Haven’t you been listening to our sessions?”
“I have,” Mark responded calmly. “Have you?”
“Of course.” Sean let out a breath. Calling his goofy therapist was a mistake. All the man did was manage to confuse him more.
“Then you should remember what I told you in our last session.”
Sean racked his brain. They had talked about his dad again. Mark had advised him to face his father and get some closure. He said it would help him sleep. Help the demons to release their hold. He appeared to think facing his father was the only solution. Sean wasn’t so convinced.
“What does seeking out my father have to do with Maggie?”
“I believe if you face your father, you might finally be able to let go of the bitterness in your past.” Mark paused again, letting that sink in. “If you do this, Sean, I think it is possible for you to control your so-called ‘demons.’”
Sean thought about this for a moment. If he controlled his demons, he would be able to allow Maggie in. But what Mark was asking of him felt like the worst possible thing he could do. Sean had not talked to his dad for ten years. He didn’t think he could bear the thought of seeing that monster again, let alone having some sort of conversation.
“Are you sure about this, Mark?”
“If having Maggie in your life is important to you. Then it’s worth a try.”
Sean thought about the woman who made his chest burn and realized there wasn’t any other choice. “Okay, I’ll do it.”
CHAPTER 15
Maggie meant to watch Sean’s match and go straight home. Instead, she waited in the hotel lobby for him to be done showering. He wanted to buy her dinner, and she was helpless to say no. Just as she had been when he’d asked her to go to his match.
She sighed, drumming her fingers on the chair in which she sat. She felt like such a fool waiting like this, especially when he had given her every reason to leave. She had come to his hotel room looking for closure, and he had given it to her. He said he was protecting her from himself. That meant they had no future, and yet he’d begged her to come to his match. Sean was so confusing.
Just as confusing as it was seeing him again after almost a year. His face had healed completely. There were no more signs of bruising, just a slightly slanted nose that matched his slightly eccentric personality. Sean was gorgeous, with his fine features and striking blue eyes. He had cut his hair, which only enlarging those beautiful eyes, displayed those dimples, and took her breath away. His body had only seemed to have become more defined. She thought he was muscular before, but when he answered the door without his shirt, she was barely able to form a sentence.
But her attraction was not why she’d agreed to watch his match. Sean looked worn, as if he hadn’t slept in years. The lines around his eyes were deep and weary. When he’d asked her to stay, he looked so desperate. She couldn’t refuse him. Didn’t she owe him at least that after he’d helped her rebuild her life and become her muse?
Maggie went to the match and enjoyed it too. Sean had a knack for wrestling—being charismatic, exciting, and athletic all at the same time. So much so, it was as if her Super Sean comics were real. But even as she sat there thinking these things, and drooling over the man of her dreams, she still planned to leave directly after his match.
But she should have known Sean would have other plans. The tickets he had given her were ringside. So he just stood there, staring at her, microphone in hand, shouting, “I’m not leaving this ring until you agree to go to dinner with me.”
Maggie was mortified, yet completely thrilled. She couldn’t seem to refuse, especially considering he had gotten the crowd to chant, “Do it, do it, do it!” until she couldn’t possibly say no.
Maggie smiled, tapping her fingers faster. The man was up to his old goofy tricks, and the effects were devastating. She could barely get her heartbeat under control. And her body felt all hot and heavy—hungry for more than just the dinner Sean had promised.
“There you are, beautiful.” Sean entered the room, and, as if reading her mind, he gave her a wink. “Ready to eat?”
“I guess,” Maggie responded casually, even as she jumped to her feet a little too quickly, a little too enthusiastically.
Sean chuckled and tucked her arm around his. “Well, let’s go. I’m starving,” he said while staring directly at her chest, and Maggie’s cheeks flamed with heat.
“Eyes up here, buddy.” She tapped his chin with her free hand, forcing his eyes to hers. “You were talking about food, right, Sean?”
“Of course.” But his goofy smile told her the truth—they both were hungry for other things.
Sean led her to the hotel restaurant, and they sat down at a table. Maggie ordered herself a drink. Starving or not, this dinner would require a lot of liquid courage. Already Sean’s gaze was darting around the room nervously.
“I’m glad you decided to stay, Maggie.”
“Did I have a choice?” She exchanged a look with him as she remembered the crowd’s chanting—and smiled.
“Not really.” He smiled back.
“Well, I’ll have you know that I didn’t agree because of your little trick in the ring.”
“Then why did you agree?”
“Because I figured a man who was willing to embarrass himself in front of thousands of people to ask me to dinner must have an important reason to.” She took a sip of her drink, holding his gaze. “So what is it?”
“Well, I wanted to talk to you.” Sean glanced down at the menu.
“I figured that.” She swiped it aside and smiled. “What do you want to talk to me about?”
Sean paused again, as if thinking. And then suddenly his eyes were on hers and he looked determined. “I’ve been working on myself, Maggie,” he said, shrugging one shoulder. “You know, the old demons.”
“Really?” She just managed to keep the shock from her voice. “How?”
“Therapy,” he responded and then began tapping his fingers against the table.
“Therapy,” Maggie repeated, completely shocked. “Really?”
Sean nodded, drumming his fingers restlessly now. “I’ve been going for six months.”
“Wow.” Maggie let out a breath. She was impressed. It was shocking to think a man as prideful as Sean would seek out help. Maybe it meant he was capable of change after all.
“Yeah, I figured it was time to make some changes in my life,” Sean said as if reading her mind. “Considering I haven’t been able to sleep at night for a long time.”
“You can’t sleep?” Maggie raised her brows with concern, examining the lines around his eyes.
“I have insomnia—bad.” Sean turned his head toward the bar, as though he was uncomfortable with her inspection.
“When did that start, Sean?” Maggie covered his hands with hers, unwilling to let the subject drop. It amazed her to hear him open up like this. She was fearful he would shut down again. “You had no problem sleeping a year ago.”
“That was a year ago.” Sean held her gaze, and for a moment, Maggie wondered if her leaving had something to do with his inability to sleep. But that was insane. Sean wasn’t in love with her.
“I’m sorry, Sean.” She cleared her throat and took her hands back. “Is therapy helping?”
“Not really.�
� Sean shook his head and tapped his fingers against the table again. The beat he drummed was steady and screamed of how uncomfortable he was. “My therapist wants me to confront my father. He thinks it will help me to gain some closure on my past.”
“Whoa, that’s a pretty big step.” Maggie whistled low. She knew how resistant Sean probably was to doing this and didn’t blame him a bit. His father was a monster.
“It is.” Sean reached across the table and grabbed her hands. “But I think maybe it’s necessary.”
Maggie swallowed hard. The way he was looking at her, almost made her feel as if she was the reason he wanted to gain closure. But this was impossible. Sean was only a friend now.
“So when are you going to do it?” she asked, attempting to focus on their friendship.
“I’m driving to Ohio tomorrow morning.”
“Wow, that fast?”
“I guess so.” Sean shrugged. “I figure I’ll never be ready, so I might as well get it over with.”
“I see your point.” Maggie nodded, rubbing her thumbs against his wrists. That wild, terrified look in his eyes made her want to comfort him. “You can do this, Sean.”
He looked up then, as if her words were sinking in, and held her gaze. “Come with me.”
Maggie blinked back at him, completely shocked. He wanted her to go with him to confront his dad? Why? It made no sense. They weren’t together; in fact, they were barely friends.
“Please, Maggie,” Sean added, as if reading her mind. “I don’t think I can do this alone.”
“But Sean—”
“I know, I know, it’s strange that I’m asking you, right?” When Maggie nodded, he added, “I can’t tell you why I am, only that I need you to come. Can we just leave it at that for now?”
“We can leave it at that,” Maggie responded, nodding again. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to say yes.”
“What can I say to make you agree?” He squeezed her hands, looking desperate. “I’ll pay for your gas, your food.”
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