Blown Away

by L. J. Vickery

  Dagon laughed. “You’re just trying to save yourself from more beatings.” The dark-haired god sat on the floor removing his sneakers. “Damn things,” he muttered. “I’ve got to go to shopping and get something more comfortable.”

  Marduk snorted. The ocean god had a thing about footwear, and owned more shoes than his wife. Hell, he had more shoes than all the wives put together.

  “Your closet looks like an outlet store already.” Anshar loved to poke fun at his cousin. “Holly’s been asking if she can share ours because there’s no room left in your room for her shit.”

  Dagon bared a fang and gave Anshar a mock snarl. “It’s an addiction, okay? I’ll work on it…right after I buy my next pair of kicks.”

  Anshar raised a questioning brow.

  “…sssstudded with crystalsss,” he admitted sheepishly, his serpent making a brief, shamefaced appearance.

  Dunsky laughed. “I’ve seen gold-plated sneaks in LA, Dagon. You got any of those?”

  “Oh. Come on.” Holly appeared in the doorway to the gym and joined the teasing. “I was going to get him those for Christmas. Now you’ve spoiled the surprise.”

  Dagon harrumphed. “You guys will wish you followed my lead a thousand years from now. Your feet will be sore from ill-usage, and mine will be as fresh as a newborn baby’s. Speaking of which…” He got to his feet and put a hand to his wife’s still flat tummy. “…did you take your prenatals today?”

  Holly sighed. Marduk hid a snicker, positive his sister-in-law ate right and exercised. But still Dagon insisted on the supplements. She made him a counteroffer that had Marduk chuckling. “How about pills with a side of protein?” She waggled her eyebrows and sidled up closer to her husband.

  “Uh. I’m hitting the showers, guys.” Dagon and Holly flashed from the room, their hands linked.

  “I swear to God, uh gods. All you guys do is eat, fight, and fuck.” Dunsky gave an apologetic glance around the room just in case any “invisibles” were present. “Sorry, I don’t mean to rub it in or anything.”

  Too late. A bottle of water had been acquired, then unacquired, right over Dunsky’s head. Cold water rained down.

  “Thanks, asshole.” The agent’s head dripped, but he didn’t look upset. Marduk figured it actually felt good after the hard workout.

  Of course, it was Absu who had emptied the bottle with a huge grin. Marduk became thoughtful. For some reason, the god had taken an instant liking to Dunsky. Absu dogged the human most everywhere he went, undeterred even when the other gods teased Absu about “changing teams.”

  Absu’s excuse was that, by listening carefully to the agent, he picked up good, current-day vernacular. Absu’s language was still predominantly stuck in the 1600s and he declared he wouldn’t give up until he got damned proficient at ugly, present-day verbiage.

  In truth, Marduk didn’t know why Absu sought out Dunsky’s company. One thing could be ruled out, for sure. Ladies’ man Absu certainly had no designs on the man’s ass.

  Tell Dunsky it bodes ill for him to remind us of our incorporeality. Absu postured.

  Marduk passed the god’s comments along to Dunsky, then Absu continued.

  I’m still in good form with fisticuffs, being able to spar with fellow invisibles. But as far as carnal pleasures are concerned? Man, I’m c-blocked on that shit.

  Marduk choked, relaying the words for Ken, who thought it hysterical. Every god ended up raising fake cups of tea, pinkie fingers extended, making aristocratic sounding “ooh dear me’s” and “C-blocked? You don’t say’s” at the invisible god.

  Fuck you, Absu groused, but looked satisfied to be the subject of teasing.

  Once Marduk regained control of his own amusement and wiped away tears, he turned to Dunsky. “We’ll be happy to take some pointers from you on guns. It will add another layer of protection for our growing families.” He turned back to the gods. “And speaking of families, Tess wants everyone in the living room in half an hour to discuss the upcoming holiday.”

  The gods groaned and Marduk knew why. They’d never had to celebrate Christmas before. Now they couldn’t walk two feet without tripping over a Santa Claus or a baby Jesus. Although, they had to admit, the enormous pine tree in the living room looked kind of cool.

  “Ten sharp, guys,” Marduk ordered, and those who could mist out did, with Lahar and Dunsky exiting the more conventional way.

  ****

  “I just figured it would be a better idea than trying to buy a gazillion presents for everybody,” Tess tried to clarify a Yankee swap to the uninformed gods. “I’ll explain again. You buy a couple of things: one you think everybody will want, and one that’s awful or funny,” she instructed.

  “Like two-carat, pink diamond earrings would be one of the good things,” Lenore interjected, flashing her pearly whites at her husband. “And a Nergal bobblehead doll would be an excellent booby prize.”

  “I’d want the Nergal doll, to knock its bobble off every morning.” Anshar clearly chose to ignore his wife’s not so subtle hint for earrings and Marduk held back a snicker.

  “My point exactly.” Tess looked excited. “You never know who’s going to want what, and that’s what makes it fun.”

  “But some of us have already bought presents,” Holly pointed under the tree where a number of big boxes had already shown up.

  Her sister gave her a sweet smile. “Baby gifts are a whole different story.” Tess and Marduk had been along for a few of Holly’s purchases. “Since there’s not a single baby thing in the whole house, we’re going to have to step up our game where that’s concerned.”

  Tess was due in just a few weeks, and they still hadn’t set up a nursery, because none of them, not even the gods who’d been out of immortal-society for a while knew what to expect from a god-baby. Marduk speculated. Would his progeny come out spitting thunder and lightning? Would he be like any other newborn? Would traditional baby 101 work if the little godling exhibited powers? Their newborn would be the litmus test for those to come.

  “I like your swap idea.” Enten sat on the arm of the sofa next to his wife, Glory. “Glory’s been wracking her brains for days,” Glory really got into the Christmas thing, “trying to come up with ideas for presents. She loves Christmas, you know.” He looked to Marduk, commiserating. “This will make it much easier.”

  “Works for me,” Dunsky chimed in. “I don’t know you guys that well, but I can come up with a few gag gifts that are suitable. There’s an English for Dummies book that’s right up Absu’s ally.”

  The god huffed good-naturedly, but Dunsky couldn’t know it.

  “Great. It’s settled then.” Tess looked pleased and Marduk liked it. If his wife was happy, he was happy. “But don’t forget,” she continued. “Everybody’s still going to have a stocking, therefore if you want to buy something personal for someone and tuck it in there, feel free.”

  “Like those earrings.” Lenore repeated, glancing up at the ceiling.

  Marduk ignored her and faced the invisible chef. “How’s the menu coming along for the Christmas Day feast, Absu?” He spoke out loud in deference to Dunsky, then after each reply, translated for the agent.

  I’m working on a turducken.

  “A turducken. That’s totally cool.” Dunsky nodded. He seemed to recognize the moniker, but a lot of blank faces appeared amongst the gods, Marduk’s included.

  Absu preened. It appears that I’m more “with it” than the majority of you cretins. A turducken is a turkey stuffed with a duck, which is then stuffed with a chicken. I will serve it with cranberry sauce and gravy, as well as all the expected vegetables, he said smugly. And for those of you who are corporeal― possibly―and not meat eaters, he looked at Lahar and Shamash. There will be meatless lasagna and scores of homemade breads.

  “Can we take care of dessert?” The witches, Angie and Addie May, had been busy with their knitting needles during the entire conversation, the click, click, click pleasantly underscoring the discussio
n like background music. “We make a mean pie crust.” Addie May smiled. “We can make apple, blueberry, strawberry-rhubarb, mince…”

  “I can make the lemon meringue,” Kate spoke up tentatively from her spot between the witches. Glory’s mother usually remained silent. Her input was unexpected, but Marduk applauded it.

  “That would be most welcome, Kate.” He smiled.

  “We’ll make sure it goes well,” Angie assured him, and Marduk gave the witch a thank-you nod. With her early onset Alzheimer’s, who knew what Kate might come up with, without supervision.

  The cat Wizarr gave a snooty stretch on Kate’s lap. He had fully adopted Kate in the last few weeks, and become instrumental in keeping the slightly confused woman out of trouble. His guardianship fed into everyone’s beliefs that there was more to that cat than met the eye. But the witches remained mum on that score.

  “So we’re good then?” Tess tried to wrap things up. Marduk knew from their shared feelings that his wife felt a little crampy and needed a brief lie-down to rejuvenate. Later, after lunch, she wanted the two of them to go shopping, but if she didn’t feel top notch, he’d scotch the expedition before it had begun and she’d be pissed. Better to have her take a short rest.

  “I have one more…uh…not really a problem,” Dunsky spoke up. “More like a favor to ask.”

  Marduk caught the hesitant vibe and soothed the agent. “Whatever you need, Dunsky.”

  “My sister Charlie…Charlene. She’s been living with me for a few months out in LA, she and her nearly two-year-old daughter, Maitlynn.” He hesitated, and Marduk wondered what the agent was reluctant to share, but Dunsky plunged on.

  “She had problems with her husband. Drinking, gambling, that kind of thing. And she needed a place to stay.”

  “Go on,” Marduk encouraged, now fully attentive.

  “I’ve been talking to her every few days, and she sounds okay, but I can tell she’s lonely, and with Christmas coming up, well, you know.” Dunsky fidgeted.

  “You want to go see her?’ Marduk puzzled. He had no problem with that. Family was everything.

  “No, no. I mean, that would be great, but something came up that needs consideration. Her ex-husband, who I don’t trust, is asking her to join him for Christmas Eve because he wants to see Maity.”

  Dagon nodded. “I get it. You don’t want to interfere, but you don’t trust the asshole. And maybe an invisible god or two watching over your family wouldn’t go amiss. Am I right?”

  Dunsky breathed out. “If it’s not asking too much.”

  “It won’t be a problem,” Marduk assured him. Neither Dunsky nor the rest of the DEA had any idea that Ishkur had already touched down on the West Coast. “We’ll take care of it. Just give me your address, and I’ll have one of our guys check up on her every couple of days. Then we’ll have her followed to the ex-husband’s house, and make sure he behaves himself.”

  “If anything goes bad, Enlil could call Candy, or maybe even Jake could intervene.” Dunsky assumed it would be Enlil to keep tabs, and Marduk didn’t tell him differently.

  “It’s a plan then.” Marduk stood up and clapped the agent on the back to give a sign that the gathering had wound down, then left the room. After making sure he tucked his wife in, he got the California address from Dunsky. Then retiring to his office, he brain mailed Ishkur

  Hey old man, are you there? Marduk settled back in his chair.

  Who you calling an old man, thunder boy? While you’re washing and hanging your wife’s panties, I’m hitting the dance clubs. Do you know that the women in LA are hot?

  Too bad your dick’s transparent. Marduk loved to tease Ishkur, but he didn’t have time for it today. Listen. I have an assignment for you.

  I’m all ears, boss. Ishkur immediately became attentive.

  Dunsky’s sister and her kid are living at his place and I need you to keep an eye on them. Marduk gave Ishkur the address. The mom’s name is Charlie and the daughter’s is Maitlynn.

  Charlie? Ishkur questioned.

  Short for Charlene, Marduk confirmed. And here’s the scoop. Ken is worried his prick of a brother-in- law―whom his sister split with―might be planning on making some trouble. Apparently, Charlie’s been summoned to make a showing on Christmas Eve so the guy can see his kid, but it’s out of character. Dunsky would appreciate it if you’d tag along to make sure things don’t go to hell.

  And if they do? What action do I take? Do I acquire some silverware from a kitchen drawer and stab the guy with a steak knife?

  Marduk snorted, thinking of the holy hell that would break loose if Ishkur made good on that one. If things get out of hand, you’re to give a quick shout out to Enlil. He and some of the agents will immediately head to the scene. So, no. Nix on the steak knives. Marduk grinned.

  Oh, well. It was a nice thought. Ishkur sounded sheepish.

  Not a problem. You good with this? Marduk asked.

  Yup. Gotcha.

  Ishkur reclined on Jake’s couch―the agent was currently out―and looked up at the clock. He’d been crashing at the DEA boss’s pad, not wanting to get in Enlil’s way while the wind god figured out his shit with Candy. It’s nine-thirty my time. I’ll take a buzz over to Dunsky’s now and get acquainted with the set up.

  Thanks, Ishkur, Marduk’s head-voice came back. Let me know how things go.

  Roger that. I’ll keep you informed. Over and out.

  Later, asshole. Marduk disappeared from his head.

  Ishkur called up maps on Jake’s laptop. It was a good thing honesty ruled among gods. He’d memorized all the agent’s passwords in seconds looking over Jake’s shoulder, and could do some serious damage if he were a scheming sort. He acquired a pencil and tapped out the address on the keyboard. Bingo. The house sat only a few miles to the east.

  Ishkur would be there within three breaths.

  Okay, two.

  He looked at the duplex in front of him, and shit. The agent did okay for himself. The house stood larger than the neighborhood standard. According to Marduk, Dunsky owned the house and rented out the left side to tenants. Ishkur melted into the right side, unseen.

  The place was clean, spotless actually. Clearly a woman’s touch had been at work in Dunsky’s bachelor pad. A gray carpet, a darker gray sofa, and black leather chairs graced the living room, all slightly worn. But brightly colored pillows, looking new, as well as plush throws draped over the utilitarian furniture gave it a swanky look. A stack of framed photographs leaned against one wall that begged a hammer and nails to affix them to the naked expanse above.

  Yup. Invasion of a female. It had happened back at the compound, which had Ishkur tuned in to the phenomenon. Not a bad thing.

  Voices sounded from a back room, one raised in baby talk, the other…actual baby talk. It had been a long time since Ishkur had been around an infant. Three hundred and eighty some odd years to be exact. In 1634, his human wife from Merrymount had given birth to their baby girl. The gurgling from the other room tickled fond memories from his long ago past.

  He wafted into the kitchen where a distracted young woman attempted to spoon some type of jarred fruit into an approximately two-year old’s mouth with one hand while she texted with the other. She didn’t have much success. The chortling baby, who kept grabbing for the spoon, had more of it on the outside than in.

  Dunsky’s sister seemed awfully young. What the fuck? Married with a baby at her tender age? No wonder Dunsky was concerned. Ishkur shuffled to get a better look at the girl and got blindsided when the baby gestured in his direction.

  “Da,” Maitlynn said, looking directly at him. The little one picked up the extra spoon that lay on the tray of her chair and banged it on the table’s surface. “Da, da, da.” she loudly proclaimed, regarding Ishkur the whole time.

  He gulped, weirdly freaked out. But maybe it was a baby thing, like sometimes dogs could see invisible beings. Maybe little humans could too. How would he know? He’d never stopped anywhere to find ou
t.

  Ishkur made a face, and sure enough, little Maitlynn crowed with laughter. He wiggled his fingers and the baby waved back. How cute was that? Damn. Something about this baby reminded him of his long-ago daughter, but he shook it off as some weird melancholia. All babies probably looked pretty much the same.

  The female in charge turned to see what the fuss was about, and glimpsing nothing, attempted to get the child to eat another bite. Now that Ishkur took a good look at the girl, he relaxed. This was no mom. And there was no resemblance to Maity. She had to be the babysitter, and couldn’t be more than fifteen or sixteen. Plus, she remained far more interested in her phone than the baby.

  “Maity. Cut it out.” Not amused at the little one’s antics, the sitter scolded, “Mommy will be home in a few minutes, and I need to make some plans.” She ceased her attempts at feeding and walked into the other room to finish her communication, leaving Ishkur alone with the baby.

  How about we clean you up little one, hmm? Ishkur believed he posed a rhetorical question as he acquired the facecloth draped over the back of the sitter’s chair.

  “Da. Keeen,” Maitlynn babbled.

  My gods. She could hear him. Ishkur beamed.

  That’s right, clean. Ishkur waved the cloth across the baby’s face. Since he couldn’t feel her face, it was hit or miss. He either swiped too far from her cute little mug, or ended up mushing things around. Either way, it took every bit of his concentration, and she seemed to be enjoying it immensely.

  “Huh. It must be coming back to me.” He suddenly enjoyed great success. Her face was nearly clean. Just that one spot. Ishkur took a finger and instinctively wiped the smudge from Maity’s cheek. Without thinking, he popped it in his mouth.

  “What?” He looked down at his own finger, now licked clean of plums. Plums? He smacked his lips. “Oh my gods,” he whispered, now realizing he had a voice. “What the…”

  A door opened and closed, and a new voice sounded from the living room. “How did she behave for you?”