Holding on to Chaos: A Small Town Love Story (Blue Moon Book 5)

by Lucy Score

  “You’re my next hero.” Her words came out in a breathy whisper.

  “I don’t know what that means,” he said, using every fiber of self-control not to drive himself into her. It was nearly impossible to hear her over the pounding of blood in his head. His dick throbbed with its demands.

  “I wrote you. You’re in my book.”

  “I can live with that. We good?”

  “So good—” Eva’s words were choked off by a gasp as he sheathed himself in her.

  It was better than everything he’d ever imagined, better than every fantasy. The reality of her walls gripping him like a velvety vice destroyed him. He let himself go, pulling out only to lose himself in each swift thrust back inside her, back where he belonged.

  She was speaking nonsense, chanting unintelligible words. He gripped her hips as he pistoned in and out of her. The pace was wild. His blood was singing in his veins. He’d been made for this. Made to pleasure her. Made to make her beg and come and love. He’d never take that responsibility lightly.

  “Donovan.” It was a breath, a sigh hot against his skin. He needed more, to give and to take.

  He felt her quicken around him, a flutter that teased his cock as he slammed into her.

  “I feel you, baby. Let go.” Please, for the love of God. He needed her to let go so he could follow her into the abyss.

  Eva opened her eyes, and her heavy-lidded gaze held him enthralled. He barely noticed her fingers digging into his shoulders. They were joined together in the most primitive of ways, carrying each other to perfection.

  “Now.” She whispered it, but his body obeyed as if she’d shouted it. They came together, one release milking the other. As he emptied himself into her, Donovan vowed that this would be his last first time.

  “I love you, Evangelina.” The words escaped him on waves of ecstasy.

  “I’m starting to believe you,” she whispered back, pressing her lips to his throat.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  “I’m going to build a shrine right here. I’m going to need a naked picture of you, just like this,” Donovan announced.

  Eva laughed. She was sprawled on top of him on the floor behind his desk. Round two had seen the removal of her bra and his pants and shoes. She’d been too busy orgasming to take notes, but she was sure she would remember the highlights forever seeing as how they were branded into her brain.

  “Tonight has been one surprise after another.”

  She traced a heart shape over the warm skin of his shoulder.

  “Tell me about your night,” Donovan said, tugging her fingers to his mouth to kiss them.

  “Well, you were there for the best part of it.”

  “Both best parts,” he reminded her in pure male conceit. “But I’m hoping to distract you from getting up and putting your clothes on. So, tell me about your meeting?”

  “My legs aren’t going to work for at least another ten minutes,” she teased and then started at the top, filling him in on the meeting. “The B.C. is basically one never-ending head game,” Eva said.

  “Are you surprised? You’ve seen them in action.”

  “Nothing about this town should surprise me. Did I mention that Bobby caught us dragging Ellery out of the air duct?”

  Donovan gave her a playful pinch. “No, you didn’t mention that.”

  “I thought the jig was up,” Eva said. “But it looks like Bobby is Team Ellery, so at least we’ve got three of us to stand up to any harebrained schemes the rest of them come up with.”

  “I appreciate you keeping an eye on them for me. It’s one less group I need to worry about.”

  “I’m using it as writer’s research. That committee is going to end up in a book someday,” she predicted.

  “I like your books,” Donovan admitted.

  “Books as in plural? As in you’ve read more than one?”

  He grinned and Eva felt like the world got more beautiful.

  “I had to order this one online since Fitz sold out of them.”

  “Really?” Eva grinned. “I have to admit. I’m surprised at how respectful Blue Moon is being. No one’s approached me on the street or accosted me in my house, except for Joey who climbed up a drainpipe to demand autographs.”

  “Blue Moon’s never dealt with a real celebrity before.”

  “So, what do you think of the books?” Eva prodded him in the chest.

  “I think you’re very good at what you do, and like the fans in your reader’s group on Facebook, I think Shelly and Brandt deserve their own book.”

  “You take being supportive to a whole new level,” Eva told him.

  They fell into satisfied silence, and she listened to the steady beat of his heart under her ear. She felt the sting of well-earned carpet burns on her knees and back, saw the dim glow of the town’s street lights through the blinds covering the window.

  “What are you thinking?” Donovan asked, stroking his hand through her hair.

  “I’m trying not to ask you about your orgasm-induced proclamations or what all this means. I’m also choreographing this as a scene for my book, and trying to decide what I’m going to eat as a snack tonight.”

  “Your brain is a wonder.”

  “Did you mean it?” she asked, raising up to look at him.

  “Every word, every time,” he vowed. “And before you ask me how I can be so sure, ask yourself if you’ve ever felt this way with any man before. You were meant for me. So, you might as well start getting used to it.”

  “I think it’s a lot to take in,” Eva sighed.

  “That’s what she said.”

  “Donovan!”

  “Sorry. I left my maturity in my pants.”

  “You’re cute when you’re not being Mr. Authority Figure.”

  “I’m cute then, too. Cute and bossy,” he argued.

  “I’m crazy about you, Sheriff Sexy.”

  “I know you are, Evangelina. And soon you’re going to figure out that you’re desperately in love with me.”

  “You’re awfully confident for someone who imprisoned a tuba player.”

  “Right is right. There are rules that everyone needs to follow. Honesty, decency, not destroying public property. And then there are laws of nature. That’s you and me. We’re right, and you’ll see.”

  “So, what do we do now?” Eva asked.

  “Now? I take you home to my place, and we spend the night together. And if my phone rings before morning, I’m locking the bastard up without bail.”

  --------

  If sex with Donovan was Eva’s just dessert, his home was the icing on top. He lived a mile south of Blue Moon. Tucked into the woods by way of a long gravel drive, the house appeared in Donovan’s headlights through a clearing. Cedar shingles covered the exterior of the two-story house. It had the rustic charm of a cabin but with a little more space and a lot more windows. The wide front porch glowed under the light of a single lantern next to the front door. The trees surrounding the house were a riot of autumnal colors of rusts and golds.

  He ushered her in through the front door and flicked light switches on his way through to the kitchen. It was a bachelor’s cabin, Eva thought, with its wood tones and stone fireplace. Few knickknacks to clutter up the space. There was a loft that overlooked the living room. A pristine dining room table occupied the space in front of a wall of windows overlooking the back of the property.

  The kitchen. Oh, the kitchen. Eva trailed a finger over the white quartz that topped gray cabinets. She could cook here with a glass of wine and a view of the woods.

  Donovan grabbed two bottles of water out of his refrigerator and handed one over. “I don’t know about you, but I’m weak with dehydration and hunger.”

  “Do you cook?” Eva asked as her stomach growled.

  “I cook all the time. Leftovers go in the microwave. I push important buttons and the food comes out hot.”

  “So, no then.”
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  “You’re welcome to these appliances that I don’t know how to use anytime you want,” Donovan offered grandly.

  “Let’s start with what leftovers you have,” Eva suggested. He let her snoop through his cabinets and fridge, and she considered it a jackpot when she stumbled on containers of day-old Chinese food.

  Donovan produced forks and paper towels, but when she made a move toward the table he guided her down a hallway and into the master. “Sorry in advance, but I should warn you we’re going to be living out every fantasy I’ve ever had about you for the next few years.”

  Eva laughed as he took the containers from her and pulled her sweater over her head. “First up, naked leftover picnic,” he insisted.

  Donovan lit a fire in the gas fireplace, and they ate General Tso’s and sweet and sour pork on the flannel quilt of his sleigh bed and watched the waxing moon through the windows. The room was comfortable and, like him, oh so masculine.

  “This is quite the place you have here,” Eva said, pointing with the fork.

  “I’m glad you like it,” Donovan said, stealing a forkful from her container. “It’s not finished, yet, but it’s home. Upstairs is two more bedrooms that need to be relieved of their popcorn ceilings and wood paneling. And I haven’t done anything with the loft yet.”

  “I like your place,” Eva said, admiring the thick beams in the cathedral ceiling. It wasn’t a huge room, but it didn’t need to be. The space was efficiently used, cozy even.

  “I do, too. I have a shower I can stand up in,” he bragged.

  She laughed. “I can’t believe I’m here having a naked midnight picnic with Donovan Cardona,” Eva said. She was certain that no matter how long she spent staring at his naked body, eternity wouldn’t be long enough to appreciate every millimeter of his fine male form.

  He put a warm hand over her foot. “Neither can I. I’m glad you finally came to your senses.”

  “You’re ridiculous. You spring this whole ‘we’re destined to be together’ thing on me and expect me to jump right into bed with you—”

  “Permanently,” he cut in.

  Incredulous, Eva shook her head. “I wish I could have your confidence. Even just for a day.”

  “Maybe your lack of confidence is a result of those abandonment issues the Beautification Committee accused you of having.”

  She pointed at him with her fork. “Not nice, Cardona.”

  He shrugged his massive shoulders. “You went through something traumatic with one of your parents while the other one had to pick up the pieces. It’s bound to make you stop and think.”

  “It is, isn’t it?” she nodded.

  “It must be interesting in your head, crafting these romantic stories of true love and then struggling with the reality of relationships in your life.”

  “Are you using sneaky cop interrogation skills on me?” Eva asked, nudging him with her foot.

  He grinned, and again she was struck by the boyish joy she saw in his gorgeous face.

  “I’m just empathizing with you. My parents? After my dad wore down my mother, they were a team. Nothing could come between them, and that’s what I grew up wanting.”

  “Not everyone’s that lucky,” Eva pointed out. “My parents were happy once. But people can change and in unexpected ways.”

  “How do you think your mother changed?” he asked, hefting a forkful of chicken.

  Eva shrugged one shoulder and paid special attention to the carton of sweet and sour pork in her lap.

  “We’re having a romantic naked picnic, Eva. There can’t be anything between us.” His eyes, the color of worn denim, seemed to delve beneath the surface and into her.

  “Drugs,” she said. Letting loose a secret she’d kept for years made her feel panicky and maybe just a little relieved.

  “Your mom was on drugs?”

  “She’d had bouts of depression for as long as I can remember,” Eva sighed, committing to the telling. “I didn’t know until years later that it may have been post-partum depression. But after I came along, she started trying to find ways to feel something, anything. I was so young I didn’t understand that when we visited her ‘friend’s’ house she was taking me to see her dealer. It was prescription meds mostly. And once they got a hold on her, it was like I didn’t have a mother anymore. Dad was at the restaurant trying to scratch out a living, and my sisters were in school. So, it was just her and me.”

  He took the Chinese food from her and stacked the containers on the nightstand before pulling her into his arms.

  She rested the side of her face against his chest. “She’d wait until my sisters got on the bus, and then she’d go dig out her pills from whatever hiding place she’d stashed them in. She’d just lay there on the couch. Sometimes I couldn’t tell if she was still alive. She called it naptime. It was such a relief to me when I was old enough to go to school, too.”

  It didn’t hurt as much to tell it as she thought it would. But Donovan hadn’t been there, hadn’t missed the signs, hadn’t assumed that Eva was safe at home with her mother. Eva knew her father and sisters wouldn’t forgive themselves for not knowing. They also might not forgive her for choosing to carry the burden alone.

  Donovan swore quietly against her hair. “Your sisters don’t know. Do they?” he asked, reading her mind.

  Eva shrugged again. “I never said anything to them about it. They were so upset when she left. To them, it seemed out of the blue. But for me? I was relieved.”

  “And you felt guilty for feeling relieved,” Donovan guessed.

  She nodded letting his hands soothe her. “I feel guilty for everything. It was my fault that she left. At least, that’s what she told me.”

  Donovan’s hands stilled on her skin and then began to move again. “When did she tell you that?” he asked. And Eva realized her mistake.

  “It was just something she always said. That her life was so different after I came along. Worse,” she said, correcting herself.

  He wanted to ask more. She could feel him holding back the questions. She was done talking. Done facing the shadows. She wanted the light again, and Donovan could take her there.

  Eva turned in his arms and brought her mouth to the rough texture of his jaw. “Show me again what you feel,” she breathed against his hot skin. And then he was rolling over her, shielding her from the world with his body.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Eva dreamed of being chased through town square by the Beautification Committee and their pink binders. She tried to tell them that she was working on her issues, that once she took care of this last problem she could finally start to live a normal life. But no one could hear her over Bruce Oakleigh’s shouts about true love and non-disclosure agreements.

  When Donovan’s phone rang at six, he told the caller he was going to put them under house arrest if this wasn’t a real emergency. When they called back at 6:07, he reluctantly dragged himself out from under the covers. Eva yawned and burrowed further under the pillows.

  She woke again minutes later when Donovan prodded her with a set of car keys. “You don’t have to get up, baby. I’m just showing you the keys to my SUV are right here on the nightstand. If I can’t stop the cold brew shitstorm at Overly Caffeinated and get back in bed with you, you can take my truck home whenever you want. Okay?”

  “Mmm-kay.”

  “Eva, I need to know that you’re at least partially awake and hearing me.”

  “Mmm-kay, Sheriff Sexy. I’m probably going to go through all your stuff while you’re gone.”

  “That’s fine. My secrets are your secrets.” He slapped her on the butt, dropped a kiss on the back of her neck, and was gone.

  The front door opened and then closed, and Eva pretended the words didn’t bother her. He didn’t mean it as a dig—he couldn’t know—but it still got under her skin. Wide awake and now guilty, Eva decided to start her day by discovering where Donovan kept his coffee stash.


  She crawled out of bed and dragged on one of the clean t-shirts she found neatly hanging in the walk-in closet off the bathroom. On her way back through the bedroom, the glitter of something on top of his dresser caught her eye. Her snooping instincts insisted she get a closer look.

  She’d seen him put his wallet and gun on top of the dresser. An ingrained habit, it seemed. It was a spot he visited every day. A spot where his most important things went. On the back of the dresser was a framed photo of a couple—his parents, she assumed—mugging for the camera. Both had blond hair and the kind of tans that spoke of outdoor living. She wore a sheriff’s uniform while he was dressed in a Blue Moon Fire Department t-shirt.

  And in front of that frame was a comb. Her comb. She’d worn it in her hair at Gia’s wedding. She’d loved the rose quartz stones and gold filigree. Aurora had wanted to play with it at the reception, so she’d taken it out. She hadn’t realized until this second that she’d never gotten it back.

  Donovan had found it and kept it. Not only that, but he’d put it in a place that he’d see it every day.

  Eva sat cross-legged on the floor, holding the comb in her hands. Inexplicably, tears pricked her eyes.

  “He means every damn word,” she whispered to herself. Donovan Cardona loved her. The current her. The messy, distracted, hot mess of a woman that she was today.

  She was sitting in the bedroom of a man who loved her without reason, without history. Where she’d spent her entire life trying to prove herself worthy of love, he’d simply loved. More than that, he trusted his heart without questioning whether or not it was right.

  And just like that, the broken pieces of a little girl’s heart knit together a little tighter.

  She looked around the room where she’d spent a few hours of her life that she’d remember forever. The moody gray walls, the plush carpeting, the heavy, dark furniture. She wanted this. She wanted this with him. And she owed it to Donovan to try to be the person he saw her as. Honest, open, and head over heels for him.