Hannah's Journey

by Anna Schmidt

  Behind him, Levi was aware of a rustle of whispers as the men murmured comment in their Swiss-German dialect to their neighbors.

  “Circus…”

  “Wisconsin…”

  “The widow Goodloe…”

  He held his breath and closed his eyes, praying silently that they would accept that this was what he wanted for himself—whether or not he had won Hannah’s love in the bargain.

  “We will vote by show of hands,” the bishop said, silencing the murmured discussion. “Those in favor?”

  Levi did not dare turn around.

  “Opposed?”

  He squeezed his eyes more tightly shut and realized he was clenching his fists as well.

  “Then it is done,” the bishop intoned.

  Levi’s eyes flew open and he glanced around, confused. What was done? Had he passed or not?

  The bishop smiled and offered him the traditional one-pump Amish handshake. “Welcome, my brother.”

  Levi released the breath he’d been holding and pumped the bishop’s hand up and down. “Danke,” he murmured. He looked around for Hannah and found her among a cluster of women, all dressed in dark, plain dresses with identical prayer coverings and yet, she alone was the woman he saw.

  Their eyes met, hers sparkling blue with a tenderness and caring that he realized had been missing for far too long in his life. He saw the future then—the two of them and Caleb, of course, building a life together.

  Two Sundays later at the next biweekly services, Levi joined a small group of teenaged boys and girls to receive baptism. As soon as the hymns and sermons were completed, the bishop asked the applicants to kneel, and reminded them that they were about to make their promise to God before this congregation. He moved down the row asking the four questions that signaled their commitment to the church. With the help of the deacon, Bishop Troyer poured water from a wooden bucket onto the head of each applicant. He did this three times in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.

  Then Bishop Troyer helped each applicant to stand, uttering the traditional words in German. “In the name of the Lord and the Church, we extend to you the hand of fellowship. Rise up and be a faithful member of the church.”

  When the bishop leaned in to bestow the Holy Kiss on his cheek, Levi felt a rush of such utter contentment and peace pass through him that he could not hide the tears that filled his eyes. He had come home at last.

  On her wedding day, Hannah went about her chores in the usual way. She was up before sunrise, gathering eggs from the hen house and scattering feed for the chickens before starting breakfast for the family. Only her memories accompanied her through this daily routine.

  Hannah’s marriage to Caleb’s father had taken place in Ohio in early December. There had been a heavy frost that morning in contrast to the heavy dew of humidity that clung to everything on this wedding day. Two years later, after Hannah had already suffered two miscarriages, the bakery had burned to the ground and Gunther’s second wife was not fitting into the community. So the entire family had migrated to Florida for what Gunther had assured them would be a fresh start.

  A year after that, Caleb had been born and eight years and no other children later, her husband had died when a reckless driver ran his buggy off the road one dark night. She had thought of taking Caleb and moving back to Ohio—back to where her sisters and brothers still lived. But Caleb had balked at moving from the only home he’d ever known and on top of that, Gunther’s second wife had died a year earlier and in spite of her ability as a baker, Pleasant was not much of a housekeeper or cook. Gunther had needed Hannah to mother Lydia and Greta, his children with his second wife, even though Lydia had then been fifteen and Greta was Caleb’s age. And so she had stayed.

  She could not help but think how wondrous were the ways that God led his children in directions they could not imagine and often fought against. Take Levi…

  “Good morning,” he said, coming alongside her and relieving her of the basket she’d used to gather the eggs.

  “Levi Harnisher, you startled me,” she chastised him, but she was smiling and she reached up and caressed his cheek with her fingers.

  Levi set the basket down and wrapped his arms around her, “Hello, wife,” he murmured.

  “Not yet,” she said, “but before this day’s over.”

  Their kiss spoke of all the promise and hope they both held for their years together. Hannah even dared to hope that there might be children and she knew that Levi wanted that as well. He would not speak of it because he knew that it upset her to think she might not be able to give him the family every Amish man hopes for.

  The rumble of metal wheels and clop of horse hooves on the shell-packed path that led to Gunther’s house announced the arrival of their first guests—the wedding party come to help set up and welcome the others. Because this was her second marriage, theirs would be a quieter ceremony with far less of the usual fuss that came with a first wedding.

  Hannah had made herself a new dress, apron and covering—items she would wear on Sundays for the coming years. Levi had bought a new suit barren of the lapels and buttons that had decorated the suits he’d worn as a businessman.

  “Wife,” he whispered against her temple as he released her and gave her back the egg basket. He greeted the men and helped unload the benches that would need to be set up for the ceremony, and later would convert to tables for the two meals to be served in the daylong celebration.

  Behind the church bench wagon, women were spilling out of a small parade of buggies. They talked softly but excitedly as they started toward the house bearing covered dishes of food, and carrying the good Sunday clothing they would change into once the work of setting up was done.

  An hour later, the members of the wedding party had all had their breakfast and changed into their finer clothes. They took up their posts, waiting to greet the guests as they arrived. And arrive they did—on foot, by buggy and by three-wheeled bicycle—all anxious to witness the marriage of the widow to the reformed circus baron. To Levi’s surprise, his sisters and their families had arrived along with Matthew and Mae a few days earlier. They had quietly embraced the brother they had not seen in decades, and Levi had welcomed them back into his life with open arms.

  Now Hannah and Levi waited with the bishop in Gunther’s small bedroom. While Bishop Troyer spoke to them of the duties and obligations of marriage and family, Hannah could hear the guests singing hymns. She found herself thinking of the times she had sat in the business car of Levi’s circus train, the strains of the circus band’s brass fanfares surrounding her. But the sound of voices raised in song without benefit of instrumental accompaniment seemed twice as sweet.

  “Shall we?” Bishop Troyer rose and indicated that they should follow him into the larger room where their guests waited. Hannah’s smile widened as she saw Hans, Fred and Jake seated together in the back row of the men’s section. Then spotted Lily and three of the other women she had befriended seated in the very center of the women’s section, their floral hats standing out like parrots among the more somber coverings of the Amish women. She squeezed Levi’s hand and nodded and he grinned down at her.

  “Surprise,” he mouthed. “I got special permission.”

  To either side of the room sat the attendants or newehockers for each of them. Pleasant, Lydia and Hannah’s soon-to-be sister-in-law, Mae, sat opposite Caleb, Gunther and Matthew. Hannah smoothed the skirt of her new deep blue dress and straightened her cape and apron before taking her place on the bench reserved for Levi and her.

  The ceremony began with prayer followed by one of the ministers reading a passage of scripture. Levi had requested the Beatitudes for he reminded them all that it was this passage that had turned his life around and brought him home to his faith and to Hannah.

  The sermon seemed to go on forever and Hannah could not help but smile as she recalled how Levi had admitted that the lengthy sermons was one part of being Amish that was going to take some get
ting used to. She couldn’t help but wonder how their friends from the circus were surviving the closeness of the room and the droning of the minister’s words when she heard a distinct snore coming from somewhere behind her, and then Jake’s startled yelp when Fred obviously nudged him.

  The minister paused for a second to allow the titters of laughter to die and then droned on. Finally, he called Hannah and Levi forward, administered the required questioning that was akin to an English couple stating their vows and then blessed them. As soon as the bishop stepped forward to offer the final prayer, Hannah felt an aura of excitement permeate the room. And the moment the prayer ended, the room exploded into action.

  Women hurried off to the kitchen while men transformed the benches into tables set in a u-shape in the yard. As soon as the tables were in place, the women filled them with a feast of roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, creamed celery, coleslaw, fruit salad, tapioca rice pudding, applesauce, and bread, butter and jam. For dessert there was Pleasant’s cherry pie and hand-cranked ice cream.

  “Who gets married at the crack of dawn on a Tuesday?” Jake asked as he made a show of stretching and yawning and then grabbed Levi in a bearhug.

  “Eight o’clock is hardly the crack of dawn,” Levi told him. “And Tuesday’s a day as good as any other day.”

  “Hello, Hannah,” Jake said. “I’ve missed you—Ida’s okay but not nearly so pretty.”

  Hannah blushed and Levi leaned in to explain Jake’s mistake to him. “It is not our way…”

  “…to pass out compliments,” Jake finished. “Just stating the facts, my friend. Nothing more.”

  “We’re so pleased you came,” Hannah said, noticing the other guests hanging back and whispering among themselves, reluctant to approach the newlyweds with the outsiders around. “We…”

  “…need to attend to your other guests,” Lily said, taking Jake firmly by the arm. “Go talk horses with Gunther,” she instructed, and winked at Hannah as she and the other women from the circus headed off to see if they could help in the kitchen.

  Once the tables were set up and the food had been brought out, Hannah and Levi took their places at one corner of the “u” with the women sitting down the side of the table next to Hannah and the men next to Levi. Hannah sat on Levi’s left as she would now whenever they went anywhere in the buggy. As tradition dictated, Hannah’s family from Ohio and Matthew and Levi’s sisters and their families ate in the kitchen.

  At first, Hannah had worried that Lily and the other circus women might be uncomfortable. Jake, Fred and Hans could easily take part in the male conversation about baseball, livestock and such, but the women were a different matter.

  “They’ll be all right,” Levi whispered, reading her mind as usual.

  And then she heard Lily say, “The one thing I have never been able to understand is how you get all that stuffing inside the chicken.” That led to a sharing of recipes for stuffing a chicken, which led to a discussion of the variety of recipes for stuffing which led to Lily’s memories of her mother’s Thanksgiving turkey and so on, until Hannah knew she had nothing to worry about. She could not remember a time when she had been happier in her life. And she could not imagine that the future might hold any more joy than she was experiencing at that very moment.

  As soon as everyone had eaten, the crowd broke off into small groups. The younger guests played games or flocked to the shade of a tree to talk, while single men and women paired off or gathered in small clusters. Hannah and Levi made the rounds visiting with each guest until it was time for yet another meal, then more visiting, and finally around ten o’clock, the guests took their leave.

  As Hannah stood with Levi saying their goodbyes, she could not help but marvel at the fact that on this day she had become Mrs. Levi Harnisher. Her life had changed so much in just a few short months and yet she had never felt more certain of her path than she did on this night standing side by side with Levi.

  “You must be exhausted,” Levi said, wrapping his arm around her waist as she waved to the last of the buggies making its way down the lane.

  “Oh, no,” she protested. “I want this day to go on and on.” But she could not stifle the yawn that forced its way through her lips, and Levi laughed.

  “Walk with me,” he invited, holding out his hand to her.

  From this day forward, I will always walk with you, she thought as she took his hand and walked with him down the now-deserted lane.

  “Looks like we’ll have good weather to begin our journey north tomorrow,” he mused, glancing up at the clear, starlit sky and crescent moon.

  “Not a cloud in the sky,” she replied. But although the heavens were filled with stars, there was only one cloud hanging over the perfect day. Regardless of what Levi might say, she wanted so much to give him children. At Levi’s insistence, she had been examined by a doctor and told that there was no physical reason she could not conceive. But the problem had never been conceiving. The problem had been bringing the child to term, and the doctor had admitted to her in private that he could not predict such a thing.

  Levi felt the tension that had gripped her as they walked. He let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Let’s sit awhile,” he said, leading her to the tangled roots of a large banyan tree where they sat side by side on one of the giant tendrils running out from the tree’s base, their arms around each other.

  They were both nervous, he realized—a product of the fact that they did not yet know each other’s habits. “Are you happy?” he asked.

  She shifted until she could look up at him. “Yes. And you?” She traced the shape of his mouth with her finger, and he smiled.

  “I cannot recall a time when I felt more at peace, more content with what the future might bring as I do at this moment, Hannah. Whatever challenges life may present to us, I know that with you at my side we can meet them.”

  “And God’s blessing,” she reminded him gently.

  “For me, you are that blessing,” he said. “My wife—my love,” he murmured as he kissed her.

  Her prayer covering scratched his chin as she laid her cheek against his chest and sighed happily.

  “Hannah?”

  “Mmm?”

  “Now that I’m a married man, I’ll have to grow out my beard,” he reminded her.

  She laughed, the sound muffled against his shirt until she raised her face to his and stroked his smooth cheek. “Perhaps you can give your razor and shaving brush to Caleb. I saw him running his hand over his jaw the other day the way you sometimes do.”

  “Peach fuzz,” Levi said and laughed. “But then, he is growing up.”

  “It will be another bond between you,” she reminded him.

  “Ja. I’ll give them to him before we leave tomorrow.” He pulled her close again, but after a moment she sat up and faced him.

  “I have a gift for you, my husband,” she said softly. Then she reached up to remove her prayer covering and his breath caught as he realized that for the first time he would see her hair undone.

  “Let me,” he said.

  She dropped her hands to her sides and waited while he removed the long hairpins that held the weight of her hair in place. He took his time, laying each pin in a cup of her hands so none would be lost.

  He pulled the last pin free and watched as her hair tumbled to her waist, thick and heavy against her back in waves made permanent by years of the same twists and turns. He looked forward to the morning when he would watch her tame it all into the precise bun that he had come to love. And for all the days and nights of their lives this would be their special moment—that moment of release when he and he alone would know the full blossom of her beauty. And then in the morning she would tuck it all away again. They were man and wife and for as long as God gave them, neither of them would ever be alone—or lonely—again.

  They sat together in silence, him stroking his fingers through her hair as she rested her head against his shoulder. He kissed her temp
le.

  “We should go in,” she murmured. “It’s been a long and wonderful day.”

  “With more to come tomorrow and the day after that and the day…”

  She sat up and pulled the weight of her hair over one shoulder. Then she took his hand in hers. “Pray with me,” she said softly. She fit her fingers between each of his and turned so that her forehead and his were touching as they bowed their heads and silently thanked God for the blessings He had given them.

  Chapter Twenty

  They returned from their wedding trip two days before Christmas and as far as Hannah was concerned the best gift she could possibly receive was seeing Caleb again.

  “Look at you,” she kept saying as Caleb rolled his eyes and Levi gave him a sympathetic smile. “Why, you’ve grown and filled out so much.”

  “Ma, it’s only been six weeks,” he reminded her.

  “Still, look at you,” she repeated and hugged him.

  “How’s the horse business?” Levi asked.

  “I’ve got eleven customers,” Caleb reported.

  “Twelve,” Levi corrected and nodded toward their newly built barn. “I bought a pair of Belgians from Jake to help with the planting, and there’s a mare in there you could ride from farm to farm. Might save you some time and make it possible to add new customers.”

  Caleb’s eyes grew huge with delight. “Really?”

  Levi shrugged. “Go see for yourself.” He wrapped his arm around Hannah’s shoulder as they watched the boy take off for the barn at a run. A moment after he entered the barn, they heard a loud cheer and a moment after that, he came out leading the gray dappled mare by a lead rope.

  “You’ll spoil him,” Hannah said.

  “We’ll consider it an early Christmas present. Besides, all I’m doing is encouraging his work ethic,” Levi protested. Then with a wink, he added, “The only person I’m interested in spoiling is you.” He pulled her close and kissed her forehead.