by K. A. Linde
“Excuse me for trying to find out why you’re not getting a job I think you deserve,” she spat in my face. “I guess I was wrong.”
“What I deserve has never mattered to anyone.”
She searched my face. I didn’t know what she hoped to find. All I was feeling right now was rage. Yet my dick twitched at her nearness, and I knew that she noticed. Truthfully, I wouldn’t mind unleashing all my pent-up energy on her. I could fuck her in this alleyway. We both wanted it. We were both holding back. Hanging on the edge by a thread.
“Oh, I’ve missed that look,” I said, pushing her even though I knew I shouldn’t.
“What look?” Her voice was breathy and her eyes unfocused as my hands slid down from her shoulders to her waist.
“The one begging me to fuck you.” I moved my mouth to her ear. “Do you want me to fuck you, Jules?”
She whimpered softly as I thrust my hips harder against her.
“No,” she managed to get out.
“You sure?”
She hesitated. “No.”
“That’s right. I know you do.”
“You don’t know anything about me,” she whispered.
“I know that your body is craving mine, like an addict in need of her next fix.”
Julia winced. “You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?”
“I don’t do drugs,” I said with disdain.
“And alcohol is…”
“Different.”
“Bullshit,” she spat, pushing me away. “You talk about all the other addictions out there—drugs, sex, money—yet you won’t own up to your own. It’s pathetic.”
“What’s pathetic is that you’ll use any excuse to argue with me.” I shook my head and pushed away from the wall. “Any excuse to put distance between us.”
“Sex was never our problem!”
“Then, why aren’t we having it?”
“Because you are the problem,” she said, gesturing to all of me.
“Keep telling yourself that.”
I turned on my heel and started back down the street. There were plenty of other bars. I didn’t need to be in the one loaded with expectations and judgment.
“Where the hell are you going?” Julia called after me.
“Finding someone who wants to suck my dick,” I viciously snarled back at her.
I heard the string of curses come out of her mouth and almost laughed. She was the one denying herself. It wasn’t my problem. She didn’t want to go out with me. She didn’t want to fuck me. She wanted to fix me. Well, I didn’t need fixing. And I didn’t need her.
I glanced back over my shoulder once and saw her standing alone on the sidewalk. She looked torn between coming after me again and walking back inside.
Truth was…I might not need her, but, fuck, did I want her.
“Go on inside, Jules,” I said. “The life you want isn’t with me.”
She opened her mouth and then closed it. Her eyes drifted back to the space we’d just occupied, as if she were contemplating how we’d gotten from point A to point B. Her eyes finally met mine, and she sighed softly.
“You push everyone in your life away. One day, you’re going to wake up and realize that you don’t have anyone left.”
Then, she disappeared back into the piano bar. It hurt worse than I liked to admit, seeing her leave…again.
That was the other thing we were good at—walking away. Because running was easier than facing the facts. Sex was easier than feeling. Arguing was easier than communicating. A lie was easier than the truth.
Ten
Julia
I stumbled back into Louie Louie’s, more pissed at myself than anything. Why the hell had I let Austin rile me up like that? One minute, we had been about to have sex in the alley, and the next, we had started screaming at each other.
Of course, I knew what the trigger had been this time.
Addiction.
Just what I needed was another addict in my life.
As if I hadn’t been around them my entire existence. I’d come to Lubbock to be free of my past. Somehow, it always seemed to catch up to me.
I’d said that I didn’t want to put his pieces back together, but the thing that pissed me off was, now that I knew the truth…I kind of did want to. I should want to run far, far away. I knew where that road would lead. I knew that the likelihood of him stopping was zilch. That him stopping because of me was actually zero. People didn’t change because of someone else. They had to do it for themselves and no one else. Otherwise, it wouldn’t stick. That was a damn fact.
Yet I still wanted to make things right. I still wanted to prove to him that it was possible. But he didn’t want to hear it.
He couldn’t even see right in front of his face. If he cleaned up his act, he would get the CFO position. Done deal.
What had to happen for him to see reality? Because, right now, he was drowning in liquor. He was sinking, not swimming. And what I’d told him was true…the more he pushed, the worse things were going to get.
I, of all people, knew that.
“There you are!” Heidi gasped when she stepped off the dance floor. “Where were you?”
“I needed to get some air,” I lied.
Emery appeared then. She frowned at me. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You have the look.”
“Really, I’m fine.”
Heidi rolled her eyes. “Um…yeah, right.”
“I’m tired. I’m going to go home, okay?”
“What? No!” Heidi cried. “Come on. Come and dance with us. It’ll be fun!”
“Did Austin do something?” Emery asked with a worried crease between her eyebrows.
“He…yeah.” I shrugged. “I don’t know. He asked me out.”
Heidi gasped. “That’s so exciting!”
“No. I told him no. Then, he told me about the CFO position, and we got into another argument.”
“You told him no?” Emery asked. She slowly blinked at me, as if she couldn’t believe what I’d said.
“Yeah. I don’t want to date him again.”
Heidi snorted. “In what universe is that statement actually true?”
“He told me he was going to find someone else to suck his dick! I think I’m justified in saying that I’m not interested.”
“He said that because you’d turned him down,” Heidi said, waving the statement away.
“Well, if he wants someone else, by all means.” I waved my hand at the door.
Emery smiled at me in that clever way she did. “Loving a Wright isn’t easy. I can’t imagine Austin is any different.”
“I do not love Austin!”
“I wasn’t…” Emery shook her head. “That’s not what I meant. Simply that, if Austin got up the nerve to ask you out after your breakup, after you slapping him in the face last fall, and after you abandoning him on top of the canyon last weekend…he must be into you. No guy puts up with that much shit and sticks around for no reason.”
“Oh, there’s a reason,” I muttered. “He wants to have sex with me.”
“No guy works that hard for pussy,” Heidi said.
“What about really good pussy?” I asked.
Emery coughed through her laugh. “Jensen and Landon both jumped through hoops. Wright men love the chase.”
“So, what? You think I should give him a chance?” I asked skeptically. “After what he put me through?”
“Well, we don’t know what actually happened,” Heidi said with raised eyebrows. She looked like she was about to bounce up and down with excitement to finally find out.
But, as with most things in my life that hurt…I never wanted to rehash them.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s ancient history,” I muttered.
“All right,” Emery said, not pushing even though it was clear that Heidi wanted to. “Then, yeah…maybe give him another chance.”
I ground my teeth together. This was not how I’d though
t this conversation would go either.
“Is this what it’s like to have girlfriends?” I groaned.
“We give you sage advice, and you listen to us wise women who have been where you stand?” Heidi asked with a giggle. “Yes, yes, it is.”
“Don’t listen to her,” Emery said. “Girlfriends are here to cheer you on and commiserate when shit goes down. Also, for Buffy marathons, ice cream dates, and shopping.”
“You mean, force-feeding all my friends colors in their wardrobes?” Heidi said.
My eyes met Emery’s, and we both started laughing. Neither of us had a speck of color on us. We were both addicted to black, as if it were the only color choice. Heidi, as per usual, was in some bright pink color.
The girls veered the conversation away from Austin and my decision about what to do about him. They somehow managed to convince me to stay and hang out with them longer. I even danced. It really wasn’t my thing, but Heidi and Emery were the two best friends a girl could ask for, and when they said dance, I danced.
I had so much to think about that the dancing helped to clear my head. I didn’t need to decide what to do about Austin yet. He irritated me to no end…yet I felt drawn to him. And I’d felt an unwelcome stab of jealousy at the thought that he might actually try to date someone else.
Jealousy was an ugly emotion. I hated it.
One of my promises to myself when I’d moved to Lubbock was to be happy. It seemed like such a small thing to ask for, but from what I’d left behind…I’d thought it would be impossible. Then, I’d met Heidi, and for the first time in my life, I had a girlfriend. For the first time, I really was happy. I had a good job that paid well and a great friendship, and all my skeletons were happily buried in my closet.
But that gut-wrenching feeling I’d gotten when Austin so flippantly said he was going after someone else cut deep.
I didn’t want to listen to my friends’ suggestions. I wanted to tell him he could go fuck himself for all I cared. But I did care. And I didn’t know what that meant or how to handle it. When Austin was involved, I was all topsy-turvy.
By the time we all piled back into Emery’s Forester, my mind was more messed up than ever. I had no idea what to do and the extra shot or two I’d had with Heidi didn’t really help. Luckily, Emery was the designated driver, so we wouldn’t have to Uber back.
Heidi had picked me up from my apartment after work earlier today, so Emery drove straight there first. I lived the closest anyway. Both girls had moved in with their Wright men and now lived in sprawling mansions on the developing ritzy south side of town.
My apartment wasn’t as fancy as Morgan’s place by any stretch of the imagination, but it was good enough for me.
Heidi laughed as we pulled up. “I still can’t get over the fact that Landon used to live here in a tiny one bedroom.”
“That does seem crazy, considering where he lives now and the place he had in Clearwater,” Emery said.
“I’m glad I opted for the two bedroom,” I told them as we pulled up to my apartment building. “I took one look at the one bedroom and decided I couldn’t live in a shoebox.”
“Hey, did you leave your car door open?” Heidi asked in confusion.
“My what? No, why would I leave my door open?”
“I don’t know, but it’s open.”
“Fuck!” I cried, jumping out of the car as soon as it stopped.
Heidi followed. We had both sobered almost instantly at the possibility that someone had broken into my car.
“Is the window broken or anything?” she asked.
My hands were shaking as I approached the car door. I shook my head. “All the windows are fine.”
I ran my hand down the side of the door that was left ajar. There were no visible marks or anything that showed that someone had broken into it. Not that it necessarily would if they hadn’t smashed any of the windows. I’d broken into my own car a time or two when I left the keys in it. It wasn’t exactly rocket science.
I scrambled across the front seat and searched around. I’d grown up outside of Akron, Ohio, in a not-exactly-safe side of town. Old habits died hard, and I never kept shit in my car because there was never a guarantee it’d still be there. But I knew that I’d left my Bose headphones sitting out. Stupid of me, but I hadn’t grabbed them when I got home today.
But the headphones were still there.
Why would someone break into my car and leave the only thing of value?
I drew my hand down my face and popped the trunk. I had a duffel in the back for the rare days when I went to the gym. It was still there, too. It didn’t even seem to be ruffled through or anything.
“Is anything missing?” Emery asked, approaching my car.
“No. Not even my headphones.”
“That’s lucky,” Heidi said.
“Maybe you just left the door open,” Emery said. “It could happen.”
“Yeah. You were in a hurry,” Heidi added.
I shook my head. Had I closed the door? I honestly couldn’t remember. It was possible that I had left it open, but it seemed really outrageous that I hadn’t closed it—at least partway. This had been wide open. Had I ever been so careless with my vehicle? My baby?
I really didn’t think so. But…the evidence was before me.
The headphones were there. My gym bag was fine and untouched.
No one had been in my car.
“False alarm, I guess,” I muttered.
Heidi and Emery hugged me and walked me into my house to make sure that the house hadn’t been vandalized or something. It was clear that they both thought that I’d been negligent when I got home. My house was fine. Nothing had happened. I’d panicked for no reason.
I watched them drive off and closed and locked all three locks on my front door. Sliding the chain into place gave me little satisfaction this time. Normally, it made me feel safe and secure. Like I could get through another night.
Tonight, I couldn’t erase the sense of unease.
For I was certain that I’d closed that door.
Eleven
Austin
I peeled my eyes opened, squinting against the sun blasting in through the windows. My head weighed a solid ton. When I tried to sit up, my head spun.
“Fuck,” I groaned, lying back down.
I didn’t remember the last time I’d gotten blackout drunk. How much had I fucking drunk to get to where I was? What exactly had I done last night?
Jesus Christ, I must have been obliterated.
I sat up in bed again and waited until the world stopped spinning. Then, I noticed that I wasn’t in my bed. Nor did I recognize anything. Not a damn thing.
I was shirtless but still had my pants on. At least that was a good sign. Maybe.
After a few minutes, I eased out of bed and walked into the living room. I cringed. I definitely recognized this apartment. I had, in fact, been here before. My eyes darted around the room as I wondered if I could make a hasty escape. I took a step further out of the bedroom and saw a skinny brunette in short shorts and an oversize T-shirt, brewing coffee. She shifted from one foot to another as she danced to the techno music coming out of her phone.
I sighed heavily. No chance of escaping this.
I cleared my throat, and she whirled around.
Her hand flew to her chest. “Austin, Christ, don’t scare me like that!”
“Uh…hey, Mindi.”
“Babe, you look horrible.”
“Thanks,” I said with a heavy dose of sarcasm.
Mindi was one of Patrick’s many crazy exes. She wasn’t exactly his ex-girlfriend since Patrick didn’t do relationships, but she was pretty close. Then, she’d gone and threatened to stab him with a butcher knife if he didn’t define their relationship. So…that had been the end of that.
But he’d first met her through Maggie…and Maggie was not a person I wanted to see right now.
“Uh…what the hell am I doing here? And…is Maggie around?”
My eyes darted to her closed bedroom door.
“She’s out of town, but I figured she’d appreciate me saving your life,” Mindi said, pouring herself a cup of coffee. “Do you want some?”
I shook my head as a relieved sigh escaped me.
“Like, what do you remember about last night?” Mindi asked.
“Nothing. It’s a blur. Did we hook up?” I sure fucking hoped not.
She snorted. “Ew.”
“You’re so good for the ego.”
“I mean…I’d be down if you could convince that golfer brother of yours. You know how I am about brothers, Austin.” She batted her eyelashes at me.
“I’ll take a pass. Landon is engaged anyway.”
She popped out her bottom lip. “Shame. Mags would probably gut me anyway.”
“So, why am I here?”
“You were at the bar, talking to this girl. You were going on and on about this other girl, Jules, who you’re apparently obsessed with. And something about being an alcoholic and the company. I was getting off my shift and saved you from yourself. So, you’re welcome.”
I tilted my head back and cringed. Great.
“Well, thanks.”
“Anytime. Now…if you could put in a word with Patrick for me,” she said with hopeful wide eyes, “that would be really great.”
I knew there was no chance in hell that was going to happen, but I nodded anyway. If what she had said was true, she had rescued me from a much worse situation. I was just fortunate that Maggie Hooper was not in town. She was probably the last person I wanted to deal with at the moment.
I called an Uber to take me back to my house and promptly flopped back down in my own bed. But, no matter that I needed so much more sleep, my mind wouldn’t shut off. I’d gotten so wasted that I told complete strangers about my problems. All because Julia had struck a nerve. Jensen and the rest of my family and the company had all tried to tell me something, and I’d refused to listen.
I didn’t want to fucking listen. But, if I had, then I might not have ended up at Mindi’s apartment. I wouldn’t be hungover and regretting my actions from last night. Would I have yelled at Julia like that if I’d been sober? Would I have pushed Jensen’s buttons if I’d been sober?