by K. A. Linde
For the first time in a decade, I wasn’t sure what the hell I was doing with my life. Everything felt muddled. Usually, when I got frustrated, I would have a drink, and suddenly, it would be better. Today felt different.
I shook my head to clear the cobwebs. Maybe I’d know what the hell was wrong with me when the hangover cleared.
Nothing really helped.
I’d felt off all weekend.
By the time work rolled around on Monday morning, I knew I needed to do something. I stared down the bottle of whiskey after I changed into a suit for work. My mouth went dry. I reached for it and then set it back down. Then, I reached for it again. I pulled the top off, pouring myself a shot into a whiskey glass. Then, I walked out the door without it.
When I made it into work, I skipped my office entirely and went straight up to the top office floor. I knew Jensen would already be in. He was a bit of a vampire. Insomnia had always been his curse. And I wasn’t disappointed when I stepped into his office. It was strange to think that, one day soon, this would be Morgan’s office, and someone else would occupy the room down the hall.
Someone who was not me.
Jensen glanced up from his computer at my approach. “Austin. To what do I owe the pleasure?”
My brother looked tired. It couldn’t be easy, stepping away. He wasn’t the type to lay this all on Morgan and walk. He was a fixer by nature. I was sure he had been working day and night to make everything would run smoothly in his absence.
“I came to talk about the CFO position.” I shut the door behind me and eased into a seat in front of Jensen’s desk.
Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose. “You want the job.”
“Well, of course I do,” I said.
“Look,” he said, finally glancing back up at me again, “I want to apologize for the conversation that we had over Memorial Day weekend. I was so excited for Morgan and disappointed about what had happened with the board in regard to you. I shouldn’t have said the things I did. You know I hate when we fight.”
I nodded. “Yeah, well, maybe I needed to hear it.”
Jensen’s eyebrows shot up his forehead. “Come again?”
“I don’t know, man. I just think things aren’t going how I expected them. And I didn’t have a drink this morning.”
“When was the last time that happened?”
I shrugged. “No idea.”
“All right. So, where do we go from here? How can I help you?”
“I don’t want this to be a big thing,” I said, immediately deflecting.
“Does this have something to do with Julia?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Why would you think that?”
“I live with Emery,” he reminded me.
“She say something?”
“She might have mentioned that y’all ran into each other at the First Friday Art Trail.”
“Yeah, well, Julia wants nothing to do with me. It’s probably better that way anyway.”
“Who are you trying to convince?”
I flipped Jensen off, and he laughed.
“I’m here for you, no matter why the sudden change of heart. You know that we all worry about you. The last thing we want is for you to spiral and end up like Dad. I’d hate to see this damage your health and ruin any chance at a normal relationship with a girl like Julia.”
“You really think I’m far enough gone that I could be like Dad?” I asked, shuddering at the thought.
“If you’re talking to me about it right now, then no. And I’d like it to stay that way.”
“All right.”
It was a relief to hear that. Even though addiction ran through our family, I’d never once considered my drinking a problem. Even all the times my family had needled me about it, I’d never thought that I’d end up buried six feet under for it. That was a chilling thought.
Yet…I wanted that drink that I’d left on the counter this morning. I missed the numbness that came with the feeling. Even after my troublesome weekend, it didn’t stop me from wanting it.
Just another taste. One more shot.
“Austin, I think we should figure out a course of action from here,” Jensen encouraged.
I slowly rose to my feet. “I think I’ll just give it a try on my own. See how it goes.”
Jensen frowned and clearly did not like that suggestion.
“You really think there’s no chance that the board will look at me for CFO?”
Jensen stared down at his screen again and sighed. “It’s not entirely out of the realm of possibility.”
“But?”
“But we have already been inundated with applications for the position.”
“Didn’t you just post it on Friday?”
Jensen nodded.
“Well, fuck,” I muttered. “Anyone good?”
“A couple,” he admitted. “I’ve seen two that I really like—David Calloway and Elizabeth Leyton.”
“David Calloway? Like, the Silicon Valley guy?” I asked with wide eyes.
“The one.”
“What the hell does he want with us?”
“A Fortune 500 would be a step up for him. He brings a lot to the table,” Jensen said.
“Shit. Where have I heard of Elizabeth Leyton before?”
Jensen laughed. “I think you slept with her sister in LA that one summer.”
“I did? That summer is a blur.”
After my dad had died, I’d gone to LA for an internship to work for a talent agency. It’d been no pay and shit work, but I’d been more interested in the process at the time and getting fucked up with every gorgeous Hollywood star who wanted an in with my agency. I’d been taking the LSAT and applying to law school at the time with the hopes of moving into the agency. Then, life had caught up with me, and I never went back.
“Anyway, Elizabeth seems to be the brains of their family. I wouldn’t count her out.”
So, basically I’m fucked.
“All right,” I said. “Well, great.”
Man, I need a drink.
“Austin, we’ll figure it out. Okay?”
“Yeah. Sure. Sounds good.”
I nodded at Jensen before disappearing out of his office. Somehow, that conversation had shifted so suddenly. I’d thought, if I took this step, like everyone wanted, things would improve, but again, it seemed as if it didn’t matter what I did. A drink sounded really, really good right now.
I hurried into my office and closed the door. I knew that I had a bottle or two hidden in my desk. Sure, I’d gotten in trouble for it before, but, fuck, who cared?
As soon as I found the bottle of whiskey, my irritation seemed to dissipate. As if my body knew exactly what was coming.
Then, I just stared at it.
I didn’t want to be my father.
Alcohol eased the pain and stopped me from feeling. I didn’t know how everyone functioned without it. And, still…I wasn’t sure I was functioning with it.
I put the bottle back and closed the drawer.
My stomach flipped. I could do this.
Just as I started up my computer to get to work for the day, my door opened. I glanced up to find Julia standing in my office.
Julia’s here? Why the fuck is she in my office after this weekend?
And then I realized that I didn’t care. Because she looked fucking hot, and her eyes were shining. I couldn’t tell if she was pissed at me or nervous, but I realized I was fine with either.
“Fine,” she spat fiercely.
I shot her an exasperated look. “What are you talking about?”
“Okay, fine. I’ll go out with you.”
“You will?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yes. Under one stipulation.”
“What’s that?”
“No alcohol.”
My eyes landed on the drawer that I’d just shut. Could I go on an entire date and not drink? Is it horrible that I even had to contemplate that?
“All right. What do you have in mind, J
ules?” I asked with that same cocky grin.
“Fuck if I know,” she muttered.
“I’ll figure something out. Friday night?”
“Fine,” she said again. She seemed angry with her decision, as if she wasn’t expecting to have a good time. As if she couldn’t believe she was giving in.
“What changed your mind?”
“I really don’t know,” she said.
Then, she bit her bottom lip, which sent my mind straight into the gutter. My dick twitched at the look, and it took effort not to say fuck a date. I wanted her body.
“Glad you can admit you want me at least.”
She huffed. “I did not say that.”
“Don’t worry, Jules. Your secrets are safe with me.”
She cut her eyes away from mine, and I could see that there was so much more under the surface than she wanted to admit. To me or anyone.
“Just pick me up after six thirty because I’ll be at the range until then.”
“Why don’t we start there?”
“Have you ever even fired a gun?” she asked with her own cocky grin.
“Wait and see.”
“Good luck, Wright.”
“Don’t need it.”
She rolled her eyes and then sashayed out of my office. I watched her perfect ass as she disappeared.
Well, fuck.
I had a date with Julia Banner. Without alcohol.
This was going to be interesting.
Twelve
Julia
What the hell did I just do?
I’d been single a total of one whole week, and already, I was jumping back into things with Austin. On a scale from one to horrible life choice, I was pretty high up there.
But I couldn’t back down now. Even though I still thought slapping him sounded like the better option, I couldn’t deny what Heidi and Emery had said. They’d laid it out, and plain and simple, Austin was chasing me. He had to still be interested in me to do that. And not just in the physical sense because I knew he could get it a lot easier than me.
I had reasons to run. Good reasons. But I had a hard time listening to my head when my heart and body were screaming at me. Austin ignited something in me. When we were together, we were electric. Sometimes, that was amazing, and sometimes, it completely blew up in my face, as it had two years ago.
I was rolling the dice and hoping I’d beat the house.
It made the rest of the week drag. Anticipation hit me like a sledgehammer. I swore, every day, all day, was like watching water boil. I couldn’t tell if the churning in my stomach was nerves or excitement. I tried not to overanalyze it, but that was nearly impossible. Overanalyzing situations down to the smallest part was kind of my job. It made it hard not to do it in my own life.
“Really, just chill out,” Heidi said on Friday afternoon as I was finally, finally leaving the office.
“That’s easy for you to say. You’re engaged. Shit all worked out.”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t rainbows and fucking unicorns when it all happened. You remember that.”
I winced. “Yeah. I do.”
Heidi sighed. “Look relationships aren’t easy. Especially not with the Wrights. They have actual skeletons in their closets and, sometimes, psycho ex-wives and a legion of devoted fans.” Heidi shook her head. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, enjoy your time. If he acts like a dick, then ditch him.”
“Sage advice from my bubblegum queen.”
Heidi rolled her eyes. “One day, I will get you into pink.”
“I’d like to see that.”
“One day, damn it.” She laughed and shook out her blonde mane. “So, call me after the date to fill me in on the details. Unless, of course, you make it an all-nighter.”
“Heidi!”
She held her hands up. “Then, I expect a report tomorrow or whenever you two surface.”
“You’re horrible.”
“It’s not like it’s the first time. Right?”
“Well, we’re starting over.”
“Did you really tell him no alcohol?”
I nodded.
“You’re brave. I love you.”
She waved at me and then jogged over to her car to get out of the oppressive heat. This was the first week we’d hit the high nineties, and I was already dying. My pale skin was not used to these rays. It got hot in Akron, but nothing compared to Texas summers. This Ohio girl was not a fan of this weather.
I thought about Heidi’s comment the entire drive back to my apartment. Had I been brave for asking Austin not to drink on our date? I didn’t know if it was bravery or stupidity. Things had fallen apart last time because of his drinking. Maybe I was a fool to think that it wouldn’t wreak havoc this time around as well. But I had to at least try.
Despite knowing that we were going out after the shooting range, I didn’t put on anything fancy. Just a black V-neck tank top, a pair of shorts, and my Vans slip-ons that he’d tried to ruin at the lake. I hoped we weren’t going anywhere that I needed to be dressed nicer than this.
I shrugged off the momentary anxiety. Austin didn’t care what I was wearing. The last time we’d been together, we’d hardly left his bedroom. So, I knew he gave zero fucks about what kind of clothes I wore. Not that I intended to end up in his bedroom. This was not going to be a repeat of the last time we had been together.
At six o’clock, I pulled into the parking lot at the shooting range. Austin was already parked outside in his shiny red Alfa Romeo that stood out among the standard-issue Texas pickup trucks. He hopped out of the car when he saw me pull up. He was there, opening my car door and helping me out of my own damn car.
“Hey, Jules,” he said with a genuine smile.
Warmth shot through me at the smile on his face and the feel of his hand in mine and the way he regarded me with a mix of adoration and desire. This was the Austin Wright I had dated two years ago. The one who had intrigued me so entirely.
“Hey.”
I didn’t drop his hand, and he didn’t pull away. He just stared down at me, enraptured. Our bodies were nearly pressed together in the close space, and I even momentarily forgot about the Texas heat. I just wanted to be near him.
That was the hard part. We fought like cats and dogs. Yet…I missed him and what we had once had before he royally fucked up.
But I pulled back, let loose a pointed cough, and he got the message. He took a step back and dropped my hand.
“Are you ready for this?” he asked.
I laughed and reached into the backseat to pull out the carrying case for my Glock 43. “More than ready.”
“You came prepared.”
“I’m here two or three times a week. I’m always prepared.”
His eyebrows rose. “I didn’t know you came that often.”
“Well, when we were last together, I didn’t.”
“What made you change your mind?” he asked, holding the door open for me to enter the range.
I averted my gaze and shrugged. “Can never be too prepared.”
“Next, you’re going to tell me that you have a concealed carry permit.”
My matching grin said it all.
“Fuck,” he groaned.
The word heated me from the inside out, and I hastily entered the premises.
“Julia!” Tip said from behind the counter.
“Hey, Tip,” I said as Austin followed behind me.
“Perfect timing, as usual. I have you on six today.”
“I’ll need one nearby, too,” I said, nodding my head at Austin.
“No problem. I can put him in seven.”
Tip smiled warmly at us both as he got Austin a gun and both of us ammo as well as protective gear. I waved at Tip again as we left to grab our lanes.
“So, you are here a lot,” Austin confirmed.
“Pretty much.”
“That guy is so into you.”
I laughed. “He so is.”
Austin shot me a look I didn’t unders
tand.
“What?”
“Most girls don’t notice.”
“Good thing I’m not a girl then. I’m a woman.”
Austin laughed softly. “That is a very good thing.”
As Austin fiddled with the gun and began to load the ammunition, I pulled out my baby and inspected it. This was my first real purchase in Lubbock, and I was proud of it.
I might not originally be from Texas, but I’d grown up around guns. I knew my way, forward and backward, around them. From a rifle to a handgun and back. I’d gone hunting with my dad as a kid, and the shady neighborhood I’d grown up in made it clear that a gun and the ability to know how to fire one were necessary.
When I’d first been looking for a place to rent, I’d looked at a house with a legit gun safe with eight different locks and a keypad. That was the moment I knew that I’d fit right in, in Lubbock.
“All right, show me what you’ve got, Wright,” I said, motioning for him to go first.
He shot me a cocky grin before pulling on the protective headphones and aiming at the target. He carefully and methodically unloaded into the target down the line. My heart rate picked up. Watching Austin shoot was magical. The intensity in his gaze, the perfect stance, the slight kickback. It was more of a turn-on than I had imagined. I squeezed my legs together as my lower half responded full force to him.
He laughed when he put the gun down and pulled his headgear off. “I forgot how much fun that is.”
“Adrenaline rush, right?” I asked.
His eyes traveled the length of my body, and then he nodded. “Your turn, Banner.”
I swallowed and slowly averted my gaze. The tension between us was thick, and I needed to concentrate. When I worked with my gun, I went completely in the zone. Nothing else existed around me in that moment. It was me and the gun and the target.
When I finished my magazine, Austin’s expression said everything I needed to know. He eyes were glazed, his lips parted, his body angled toward me. Watching me shoot had done the same thing that it had when I watched him. If we kept this up, we wouldn’t even make it to the second part of the date.