Piece of My Heart

by Layce Gardner

  “Thank you. This one is piss warm now. That’s the problem with drinking beer outdoors.” She thought for a minute, then added, “And eating ice cream cones outside.”

  “I overheard some of what you two were saying and Dale is right. Jenna was so distraught and crushed by what Lee did, there’s not a chance in hell she has any other feeling than loathing for that woman.” Taylor handed Brooklyn her beer. “So, no worries. You’re going to be her knight in shining armor.”

  “Not if we don’t find her,” Brooklyn said, glumly.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The smoke from the small hibachi blew back in their faces. Lee was attempting to grill chicken breasts. Jenna waved the smoke away and moved her lawn chair over several feet.

  The evening light filtered through the pines. If Brooklyn were here instead of Lee, it would be nice. And Brooklyn knew how to barbeque. Instead, Jenna was holed up here with her ex-girlfriend who sucked at grilling.

  Jenna coughed. “Will you please let me do the grilling? You’re smoking us out.”

  “I don’t recall your being such a great cook,” Lee said.

  “Have it your way,” Jenna said. She moved her chair even further away. And that was when the idea struck her. Native Americans sent smoke signals, why couldn’t she? The park service was always on high alert during the summer when the forests were dry. If they spotted a lot of smoke, wouldn’t they send somebody to investigate?

  Now, all Jenna needed was the second part of her plan—which was to make sure Lee stayed asleep long enough for Jenna to smoke the hell out of that hibachi, but not burn the forest down. She wanted to be rid of Lee, but not at the cost of going to prison for starting a forest fire.

  Lee waved the smoke out of her eyes. “Yeah, this barbeque thing isn’t working. Let’s cook inside.” She put the chicken breasts on a plate and doused the coals with a bottle of water. Smoke puffed up everywhere.

  Jenna smiled. “Maybe we can try it again when it’s not so windy.” She tried to look nonchalant like she didn’t care one or another.

  “Nah, I’m over it. Sometimes I get this bug up my butt to create a brochure-perfect life. Magazines always show people grilling outdoors, mountains in the background, and they’re always happy and laughing. I should know by now that life’s not really like that.”

  “That’s for sure. Nothing ever lives up to our expectations,” Jenna said. Even this whacked-out episode of being carted off by her ex-girlfriend wasn’t living up to the movie version of kidnapping. She was supposed to be tied up and terrified, have a black eye and a bloody lip, and be dying of thirst and hunger. Instead, she was sitting on a porch in the woods, drinking an ice-cold beer and waiting for a chicken dinner. She wasn’t terrified; she was annoyed.

  Lee picked up the chicken and went inside. “Are you coming?”

  “In a minute. I want to watch the sun set. The light is pretty coming through the pines.”

  “I didn’t know you were such a nature lover,” Lee said.

  Jenna wasn’t, at least not at the moment. What she really wanted was to check out the charcoal bag and put the lighter out of sight so Lee wouldn’t hide it.

  “Just don’t go running off,” Lee said with a chuckle. “Remember: lions and tigers and bears, oh my.” She went in the cabin and the screen door shut behind her.

  Lee was such a smart ass and not in a funny way. Another undesirable personality trait, Jenna thought. After a few moments, she eased out of the lawn chair, quietly walked over to the charcoal bag and lifted it so that it didn’t make crinkly noises. It was a ten-pound bag and it was nearly full. She quickly sat back down.

  Lee opened the door. “Looks like the sunset is finished. You need to come inside,” she said, “Now.”

  Jenna forced a smile in Lee’s direction and headed inside. “Sunsets just seem more spectacular in the wilderness,” she said. She tapped her pocket that held the lighter. This was her ticket out.

  Lee pulled the chicken out of the oven. It didn’t look half bad. “You want to get the salad out of the fridge? I found this Asian Delight salad-in-a-bag. It looked good. There’s bowls under the counter over there.”

  Jenna poured out the salad and dripped the dressing over the top. She used the salad tongs to mix up the dressing, almonds, croutons and mixed greens. She put it on the table that Lee had already set. Jenna thought back to the early days of their relationship. Jenna, despite not being much of a cook, managed to keep them fed. She’d been the primary cook and housekeeper. It was usually Lee sitting down waiting to be served. Things sure had changed.

  Setting the chicken in the center of the table, Lee inspected her work. “Do we need anything else?”

  “I’m good.”

  “Yes, you are,” Lee said with a wicked grin.

  “Don’t even go there. I’m not sleeping with you.”

  “Have I asked you to?” Lee said, looking affronted.

  “Not yet.”

  “I see spending time up here as more of a couple’s retreat than a sex marathon,” Lee said, cutting into her chicken with unnecessary force.

  Jenna cut into hers to make sure it was properly cooked. She didn’t need a case of salmonella on top of being held hostage. “A couple’s retreat? We are definitely not sharing the same reality.”

  “But we could be. Can’t you forgive me? I’ve learned so much. I want to share my better self with you.”

  Jenna ate a bite of chicken. She chewed slowly and studied Lee, remembering all the times when she was wallowing in self-pity, listening to Melissa Etheridge, and pining for Lee. She would’ve taken her back then. Why then and not now? She knew having Brooklyn largely made the difference, but if their relationship didn’t work out, would she take Lee back then? The answer was a definite no. So what had changed?

  “Do I get an answer?” Lee asked petulantly.

  “You know what your problem is? You’re impatient. Did it ever occur to you that I was thinking?”

  “Sorry.”

  They ate in silence for a few minutes. “Brooklyn is only part of the reason I won’t take you back. Had you returned sooner, I might have considered it. But I’ve grown since then.”

  “Damn that bitch.”

  “Don’t call her that,” Jenna said, pointing her fork in Lee’s direction.

  “Not Brooklyn, Brunila. She kept me just long enough to insure I didn’t have much of a chance to get you back. She left me, you know. I’d been shopping in town one day and I came home to find my suitcase packed with a plane ticket sitting on top of it. I said, what’s this? And she told me it was time for me to go. That’s it. That’s all she said. She picked up her car keys and walked out. I had to take a taxi to the airport.”

  “Sounds like somebody else I know,” Jenna said. She resumed eating her dinner. She hadn’t realized she was so hungry.

  “I, at least, explained myself,” Lee said, looking overly sanctimonious.

  “Oh, sure. You left a note. A very concise note.”

  They ate in silence again. “You said Brooklyn was only part of the reason you won’t give us a second try. What’s the other?”

  “I don’t appreciate being kidnapped. And I’ve changed.”

  “How have you changed?”

  Jenna picked up her plate and took it to the sink. She didn’t answer right away. Lee refrained from pestering her this time. Jenna turned around. “I’m not the same person you left behind.” She picked up Lee’s empty plate and took it to the sink. She ran the dishwater and squeezed in soap.

  “You’re being vague,” Lee said. She cleared the table.

  “Maybe change is like that.”

  “Like what?”

  “Vague—as in hard to pinpoint. I know one thing for sure. My identity was tied up too tightly with yours. I tried to be what I thought you wanted. I stopped being myself. I was an accessory to your life. Our friends were your friends. You had a life outside of ours. I didn’t. My life revolved around you. Do you realize what happened to my life
when you left? I didn’t have time to regroup because I didn’t know I was losing you. If I’d known we were falling apart I might have made plans, reconnected with my old friends, and saved back money. I would have had time to learn to be myself again. You have no idea how difficult it is to be a longtime couple and then half of that couple bails on you.”

  “I beg to differ on that. Karma bit me in the ass big time when Brunila dumped me. I got a big dose of what it felt like to be you. I didn’t get to plan either.”

  “You said it was all a surprise, that you didn’t know Brunila was about to throw you out. So how’d you send a postcard and the crate of wine weeks before you arrived? Looks to me like you got your timeline messed up.”

  Jenna stacked the clean dishes in the dish rack. Lee picked up a towel and dried them. Jenna wondered if she was doing it to buy herself time to think. There was a lot of thinking going on in this heart-to-heart conversation.

  “All right, I didn’t reckon on getting thrown out that quickly, but I did know that I missed you. I started to really miss you. Time went so fast there—all the new stuff to see and do, you know how it is.” Lee dried and put the dishes away.

  “No, I wouldn’t know, having never fallen in love with a foreigner and then run off to her country of origin.”

  “Okay, you’ve got a point. What I should’ve said was it seemed more like an extended vacation than a love affair with Brunila.”

  “Let me get this straight, you ruined my life so you could go on a relationship sabbatical from the true love of your life?” Jenna pulled the plug on the drain and watched as the water swirled down it. She felt a knot grow in her throat and then the tears started. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop them.

  “Hey,” Lee said moving toward her. Jenna backed up.

  “You have no idea how much I loved you. I honestly thought I would die of a broken heart. If it hadn’t been for Dale and Taylor, I might have. I couldn’t get out of bed for days. I was so shocked. Depressed. It felt like I was living in a nightmare. Karma bit you in the ass, but your whole life wasn’t tied up with that Italian woman. It hurt your pride, but it didn’t come close to killing you. I honestly thought I’d never, ever fall in love again. You stole a whole year of my life.”

  “It was only nine months. Ten at the most,” Lee said.

  Jenna broke out in sobs and ran for the bedroom. She slammed the door. She was shaking and her heart raced. She lay on the bed and tried deep breathing. There was a knock on the door.

  “Are you all right?” Lee asked.

  “Just peachy.” Jenna snuffled.

  “No, really. I want to know.”

  “I’m doing my deep breathing exercises, so hopefully I will be.”

  “Then do you want to watch a movie or something? We don’t have to talk anymore if you don’t want to.”

  “Good. I can’t bear any more talk.” Jenna took ten more deep breaths and stood up. She went to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face and that was when she noticed Lee’s kit bag. She felt no compunction not to snoop—all was fair in love and war. There were the usual things: hairbrush, deodorant, toothpaste, and also a bottle of Ambien and one of Xanax. She looked at the labels on the bottles for the proper dosage.

  What if she made Lee a sleeping concoction that kept her out long enough for the sun to rise and Jenna to make a signal fire? She didn’t want to overdose her, but what if she mixed a bit of both drugs with wine. Would that work? She might only get one chance—she better make it work.

  She stuffed three Ambien and two Xanax into the pocket of her shorts. Her conscience tried to step in, but she batted it away. She was set on escape—it seemed there was no other way. Lee wasn’t going to let her go until she forgave her and pledged her undying love.

  Jenna walked into the living room and slumped down in the battered recliner. There was an old woolen blanket over the back of it. The blanket smelled musty. “Do you have a scented candle or some air freshener?”

  Lee placed several VHS tapes on top of the antiquated VCR. “I’ll open some windows and find a candle.”

  Jenna rose. “I’ll get us wine. You did bring wine, right?”

  “Of course, what would a couple’s retreat be without some vino,” Lee said. She opened the cabin door but made sure the screen door was latched—like Jenna was going to burst out of it and run off. Then she opened the kitchen window so they’d get a cross breeze. She gave the place a good sniff. “I didn’t think to bring any Febreeze. I’ll put that on my ‘Next time we go camping’ list.”

  Jenna refrained from saying there wouldn’t be a next time. She needed to lull Lee into trusting her. She got up and went to the kitchen cabinet where she found a nice bottle of merlot. At seventy dollars a bottle, Jenna figured Lee had taken it from Margot. She rummaged around in the drawer for a corkscrew while Lee looked for a scented candle.

  “They’ve got to have some candles in case the power goes out,” she said, opening and closing cupboards and working her way around the kitchen. She reached above Jenna for a top cupboard. Their bodies touched. Instinctively, Lee wrapped her arms around Jenna and nuzzled her neck. “I have missed you so much,” Lee murmured.

  It took everything Jenna had not to physically recoil. Instead, she counted to three before ducking away from Lee’s embrace. “We’re not going there. I’m not ready.”

  “I’ll wait,” Lee said. She pulled out a cranberry scented candle from the cupboard.

  You’ll be waiting a long time, Jenna thought, stabbing the corkscrew into the wine bottle.

  Lee was quiet. She was getting better at that, Jenna thought. Perhaps this “retreat” had a good side. It would give them closure.

  Once they were settled back in front of the TV, Lee said, “Here’s our selection of movies: Robin Hood, the Disney version, Godzilla, the 1985 version The Lion King, and the Star Wars Trilogy box set. Your choice.” Lee peered at the VCR. She leaned over and poked at the slot cover. “I’m not sure this thing even works.” She blew into the slot and was rewarded with a face full of dust.

  “It’s a toss up between The Lion King and Godzilla,” Jenna said. She figured Lee would hate both, which she was why she chose them.

  “Oh,” Lee said.

  Then it occurred to Jenna that the later they stayed up, the longer Lee might sleep especially with drugs in her wine. “Nix that, let’s watch the Star Wars trilogy,” Jenna said.

  Lee brightened. “Good choice. I loved Star Wars.” She turned on the television set and the VCR, and inserted the first tape. They waited.

  The blue screen came up and the credits rolled. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

  “Victory!” Lee said.

  Jenna smiled and handed Lee a glass of wine. She was planning to douse the second glass with the pills. It seemed less suspicious that way.

  They sat on the couch and the movie marathon commenced. Lee didn’t try to sit close but the old couch had a dip in the center, so despite Jenna’s best efforts they kept leaning into each other.

  After an hour, Jenna got up. “More wine?”

  “Sure,” Lee said, holding out her wine glass. “Do you want me to pause the movie?”

  “No, I won’t be but a minute. I can still hear it,” Jenna said. She needed Lee to be distracted. She glanced over her shoulder to make sure Lee was watching the movie then she dropped the pills into Lee’s wine. She watched them dissolve. She hoped the wine didn’t taste funny. She noticed a bag of sour cream and onion potato chips. That might disguise the taste. She brought the wine and chips to the table.

  “Oh, yeah, let’s pig out like in the old days,” Lee said. She reached into the bag and pulled out a handful of chips.

  Perfect, Jenna thought. The chips would mask the bitter wine. Lee ate some chips and took a sip of wine. Jenna watched her—no sign of noticing the pills mixed in the wine. Merlot was a pungent wine, which helped. Lee kept drinking and eating. She was so engrossed in the movie that she did both withou
t seeming to pay attention to either.

  Jenna breathed deeply. She didn’t want to appear excited in case Lee picked up on her mood and considered its cause. Instead, she leaned back on the couch, ignoring that Lee’s thigh touched hers. She pictured Brooklyn’s warm, sunny smile, her strong arms and smooth skin as she lay beside Jenna after making love. Brooklyn was the best thing that had happened to Jenna in a long time. Their courtship was so different from how she’d been with Lee.

  They hadn’t known each other for more than six hours before Lee was kissing her on the deck of an amazing lakefront home. They made love in the boathouse. It was a whirlwind of passion. Lee blew into her life the same way she’d blown out of it. Brooklyn hadn’t blown in. She’d waited until Jenna was ready and that was the difference. Brooklyn was good for her. Lee was a walking disaster waiting to happen. Jenna’s heart couldn’t take a second round.

  They watched all three movies. Lee lasted through the whole trilogy, but Jenna could tell it was an act of sheer will. As the final credits rolled, Lee stood up and stretched. She lurched and said, “Whoa, I may have over imbibed.”

  Jenna got up and giggled. “I think I did too.” She ejected the tape and turned off the VCR and the television. “I’m exhausted. Let’s hit the hay,” she said. She hoped she didn’t sound overly corny. She told herself to act natural.

  Lee weaved down the hall. Jenna shut the front door and the kitchen window. She made her way to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. When she got to the bedroom, Lee was face down in the middle of the bed. Jenna pulled off her boots. She put a faded quilt over Lee.

  She studied her ex-girlfriend and felt a stab of pity. She felt like she was walking over the broken shards of what had once been love. Maybe what they once had wasn’t real love. It was just habit. Whatever it had been, it certainly paled in comparison to what she had with Brooklyn.

  Grabbing a quilt from the trunk in the living room, she lay down on the couch. She glanced at her watch. Could she be certain that she’d wake up before Lee? It was two-thirty in the morning, and the sun rose around six. She didn’t trust herself enough to go to sleep.