Courtin' Jayd

by L. Divine

  “Jayd, what’s up with you? You’ve been off all day,” Jeremy whispers in the dark rehearsal room, grabbing my hand and pulling me into his arms like we’re still together. Oh no, he didn’t go there with me. I’m glad one of my friends is interested enough in my acting to come to some of the rehearsals, but claiming me is not part of the production. He feels so good I let him hold me a moment too long before I put him in check.

  “What are you doing?” I say, pushing away from him. His eyes look surprised at my reaction but his smile says he was half expecting it. No matter how distasteful it may be in his opinion, he likes to see me hot.

  “You looked like you could use a hug. I was trying to be a good friend.” Jeremy looks slightly wounded but he’ll have to get over it. I’m tired of being there for dudes when they’re ready to be intimate, but won’t share important aspects of their lives with me. Coming from opposite sides of the track, Rah and Jeremy have a lot in common.

  “A good friend keeps his hands to himself at all times,” I say, trying to keep my voice down as Reid and Chance perform their scene. I know Chance is acting but I’m sure the vehemence in his voice is real.

  “You don’t mind it when Chance and Nigel hug you, or even Rah,” he says, getting to his point. He wants to know how close Rah and I are and I’m not telling him a thing. I can’t talk to Jeremy about my relationship with Rah or any other dude. We’re not that friendly.

  “Jayd, you’re up next,” Matt whispers from the side seats where he and Mrs. Sinclair are seated. Seth is backstage controlling the lighting and sound. Between the three of them, our in-house plays are always well done. Reid and Chance are the best enemies I’ve seen on stage in a long time. It’s as if all of the pent up animosity they have toward each other comes out in the scenes they’re in together. Overall I think we’re going to have good reviews for our performances.

  “Jeremy, you and I agreed to be friends and that’s what we’re doing. So, no more close embraces or questions about my other friends. And for your information, I’m doing fine. I just have a lot on my mind,” I say, leaving him posted up on the back wall while I tiptoe backstage to wait for my cue. These boys are too confusing. It’s enough that I have to deal with Rah in a couple of hours, but Jeremy’s flirtatious behavior is enough to drive me over the edge.

  “Fine then, don’t tell me. But I’m only a phone call away if you need to talk,” he says heading toward the side door, ready to beat the bell for fifth period. It was nice of him to keep me company but I don’t want anyone getting any more mixed signals from me. If I’m going to figure out this thing with Rah, I’ve got to stay focused and keep my emotions from bouncing around like a basketball.

  And speaking of rebounds, Rah and I have to get it straight once and for all what his true intentions are with me. He’s not the only one in this relationship and he needs to start acting like it right now.

  My dance workout today was much more vigorous than usual and it was just what I needed. We’re doing a section on South American dances and I’m loving the Brazilian music our teacher brought in for us to rehearse to. It really got my blood flowing and now I feel like I can take anything that’s coming my way, including a battle with Rah. I took my time walking to the main hall from sixth period in the hopes I would get some quiet time before Rah picks me up, but not today.

  “Jayd, we hardly saw you at all today. What’s up?” Nellie says as she and Chance meet me at my locker. Nigel and Mickey are at the other end of the hall getting her stuff out of her locker before we all head out of Redondo Beach for the weekend. I don’t like being near the water when it’s cold like today. It’ll be a good ten degrees warmer by the time we reach Inglewood. My mom has another weekend full of activities planned with her man so it’s just me and my spirit and schoolwork since I have no job to go to. As long as that last paycheck from Simply Wholesome is at my mom’s house when I get there, it’s all good. They can act funny-style and force me to quit all they want to as long as they don’t mess with my money.

  “Nothing much. You know how Fridays are for me: quizzes and turning in assignments,” I say, reminding them both of how easy they’ve got it. “What did I miss?”

  “Oh, just the usual bitchy bickering,” Chance says, eyeing the crowded hall as students get ready for the weekend. The marching band passes through, ready for the football game tonight. I switch out my books for the weekend and shut my locker door. It’s a disgrace. I have papers from the first day of school crammed into the overstuffed space, making it look messier than need be. Usually I’m pretty good about keeping it clean but I’ve been so distracted by all the other priorities in my life that I’ve forgotten to keep my own messes straight.

  “Yeah, Mickey and Misty went off on each other at break. You should’ve been there,” Nellie says, all too excited. She and Mickey aren’t speaking right now and Nellie is back on her hating path. Mickey and Nigel eye us from down the hall. I assume they’re deciding on whether or not to join us. Even if I do agree with her, I still think Nellie shouldn’t hate on our homegirl. We just have to figure out a way to get her to tell the truth to Nigel without destroying our friendships.

  “Yeah, and who were you rooting for?” I say as I turn around to walk toward the office. As I approach the other end of the hall, Rah walks through the double doors, looking good in his silver Phat Farm sweat suit and baseball cap to match. How can I stay mad at him when he always looks so flyy?

  “Myself, as always,” Nellie answers, walking behind me hand in hand with Chance. Rah stops to greet Nigel and Mickey, who are still at her locker as we walk up, creating more tension where there should be peace.

  “What’s up, y’all?” Nigel says, unaware of the battle going on between us girls. I wonder if he knows Nellie’s still feeling him. Probably not, and if he does he couldn’t care less. Mickey’s got him sprung and vice versa. All would be cool with that if they weren’t involved with other people.

  “Hey Nellie, Chance, Jayd,” Rah says, looking at me intently as Jeremy walks up behind him, making this scene even more awkward. “You ready to roll?” Before I can answer Chance greets his boy, causing Rah to look over his shoulder at my ex. They stand about the same height and I look up at them both, not sure what to say. I know Jeremy wants to talk but Rah is now my steady ride to Inglewood on the weekends and I don’t want to mess that up.

  “What’s going on?” Jeremy says, giving the eye to Nigel and Chance and nodding “what’s up” to Rah. He and Rah are cordial, but ever since Jeremy and I broke up, Rah hasn’t had anything nice to say to or about him. “Are we ready to kick KJ’s ass on the court next weekend?”

  “Fo’ sho’, man. He’s not winning shit on my home court,” Nigel says as cocky as ever. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but KJ’s skills are not confined to a particular space. He’s hot no matter where he balls and he knows it. If he wins at Westingle a week from Sunday, Nigel, Jeremy, and Chance will never be able to live it down.

  “What are y’all talking about?” Rah says, out of the loop. Sometimes I forget he doesn’t attend South Bay, as often as he’s up here.

  “Man, that punk-ass nigga got us in a game of three-on-three with his boys Monday, but it’s cool. We got next,” Nigel says, wrapping his arm protectively around Mickey’s waist while rubbing her belly. How long is she going to play this game with him? “We’re going to clean the court with his face when he comes to our side of town.”

  “Yeah, that’s right. We can take him,” Chance says, trying to make Nigel’s move on Nellie but she’s not having it. She abruptly moves his arms from around her waist to her shoulders. Nellie’s too prude to display a lot of public affection with Chance. Something tells me if it were Nigel she might feel differently.

  “The hell you can,” Rah says, laughing at their team spirit. “If you want to win against black men you have to play with black men,” he says, pretending to shoot a basketball in the air while walking toward me. Rah puts his arms around my waist and kisses my
neck, taking me and everyone else by surprise. It feels good but he’s way out of line and I don’t want Jeremy to think we’re together when we’re not.

  “Why are you all over me?” I say, pushing away from Rah and smacking him in the arm. He gives me a wicked smile and gets back to the conversation. I notice Jeremy’s tight jaw loosen slightly and he breathes a deep sigh of relief witnessing my reaction.

  “Damn man, it’s like that,” Chance says, feigning hurt. He knows how it is when it comes to sports and black dudes’ ego. They feel superior and most of the time rightfully so. But this time Rah’s in for a surprise.

  “Hell yeah, it’s like that. I don’t have to see it to believe that KJ and his boys whipped your asses. I’ve seen them play. They were probably being nice.” Rah can be a real jerk sometimes and—unfortunately for me—it’s part of his appeal. “You know white boys can’t jump. Ain’t that right, Nigel?” Nigel looks at Chance and back at Rah, who’s waiting for his brotha to back him up, but not this time.

  “Man, normally, I’d agree with you. But Chance and Jeremy can ball, real talk,” Nigel says. Mickey smacks her chewing gum loudly, annoying Nellie, who doesn’t need any more aggravation from her. Nellie stares at Mickey and then at Nigel. I feel like she’s going to spill the beans any moment. But before she has another opportunity to blow Mickey’s façade, Mrs. Bennett walks into the hallway from the side entrance, ruining our impromptu school session. Now it’s really time for us to go.

  “Oh look, students who love school so much they’re here fifteen minutes after the bell has rung on a Friday afternoon. What are the odds?” she says, breezing by us in the now near-empty hall on her way to the office. Rah laughs at her comment and everyone but Jeremy and I follow suit. Mrs. Bennett’s not in their lives like she is in ours.

  “We’re just chilling, Mrs. B,” Jeremy says, taking some of the heat off me. Stopping in her tracks, Mrs. Bennett spins around like a ballerina, looks over her thin-framed glasses, and smiles at him.

  “Jeremy, I’ve known you and your brothers for years and I’m always surprised by the company the three of you choose to keep.” The insult rolls off her tongue like water and lands on my head, setting me off.

  “Why do you bother being nice to this woman?” I ask Jeremy, and he looks at me as if to say “shut up.” This is why we broke up in the first place. He’ll never be cool with me speaking my mind when he doesn’t agree with what I have to say or how I choose to deliver it.

  “This woman,” Mrs. Bennett says, placing one of her hands on her thin hips, tilting her short frame heavily to her right side. Her blue eyes shimmer in the fading sunlight, appearing as a blue-green color, almost mirroring Esmeralda’s eyes. “I deserve more respect than that, young lady.”

  “Whatever,” I mumble under my breath. I don’t want to start another war with Mrs. Bennett but she makes it so easy to hate her. My friends look in silence, waiting for the next move.

  “Jayd, why do you possess so much animosity toward me?” she asks, taking a step closer to me. “Maybe you need to spend more time getting to know me before you’re so quick to judge me as your enemy.” Something in Mrs. Bennett’s cold eyes is more familiar to me than usual. I feel like she knows more than she’s saying but I don’t know what about. “Have a nice weekend, everyone, and do be careful,” she says, turning around and walking off toward her original destination.

  “She’s a piece of work, isn’t she? I’m glad she’s not my teacher,” Nigel says, hugging Mickey tightly before they walk off. “See y’all later.”

  “Yeah, we’d better be out too. There’s a sale at Nordstroms and I don’t want to miss it,” Nellie says, pulling Chance in the opposite direction. I wonder if Chance knows he’s being used. I’m sure Nellie likes him, but not as much as she’s apparently still feeling Nigel.

  “Later,” I say. Now it’s just me, Jeremy, and Rah, who’s waiting for Jeremy to walk away but he doesn’t. He stands across from us looking at me like he has something to say but can’t find the words. I hope he stays on mute because now is not the time to make a scene.

  “I hope you didn’t take my comment about white boys ballin’ too seriously, man. It’s nothing personal,” Rah says, crossing his arms over his chest. I switch my backpack from one arm to the other, ready to go.

  “Not at all. And I hope you don’t take it personally when we prove your theory wrong,” Jeremy says, also crossing his arms over his chest. This conversation is about way more than basketball. After Rah found out Jeremy was embarrassed by what he considers to be me and most other sistahs’ strength, he’s no longer cool with entertaining Jeremy. I’m sure he wouldn’t be welcome at a session anytime soon.

  “Yeah okay,” Rah says, laughing at Jeremy’s statement. “Are you ready, queen?” Rah says looking down at me. I see Jeremy’s jaw tighten again and I know this isn’t the end of the battle. I also have a feeling Jeremy was going to offer me a ride home before he realized Rah is now my designated escort.

  “Yeah,” I say, following Rah toward where his car is usually parked. Jeremy doesn’t move and his eyes make me want to hear him out. “Can you give me a minute please?” Rah looks back at me and Jeremy, not wanting to go, but he respects my wishes and leaves me to talk to my other ex. What can he really say? He spent the majority of the week dodging me because his baby mama jumped his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend. Me talking to Jeremy is the least of our problems.

  “I’ll start the car,” he says, eyeing Jeremy hard before leaving us to talk. I don’t know exactly what Jeremy has to say, but I want to hear it.

  “You can do better than him, you know,” Jeremy says, smiling in that cocky way that drives me mad. Where does he get off judging my friends?

  “Jeremy, you can’t honestly stand here and tell me I can do better than Rah. You don’t even know him.” He’d hung out at a couple of sessions at Rah’s house but that’s not enough to warrant a comment like that. He’s just hating on Rah and that’s not cool.

  “No, but I know you and I know a girl on the rebound when I see one.” What the hell did he just say to me? I wouldn’t be on the rebound if he’d behaved better when we were together.

  “I was on the rebound when I got with you, so what’s the difference? It seems like we’re always on the rebound.”

  “No, that’s not true. Only when you care about someone does the rebound take effect and I know you cared about me and still do.” Jeremy takes a step closer to me, breathing heavy. If he moves any closer my face will be in his chest, making it very easy for him to kiss me.

  “Jeremy, you and I both know we’re too different to be together and that’s that.”

  “So you choose to go backwards because he’s familiar? That’s not the Jayd I know and love.” Did he just say that he loves me? I’m standing in the empty hall looking for the cameras to catch this practical joke on film but there are none. This shit is real and it’s making me dizzy.

  “Stop saying you love me,” I say. Once was enough and I didn’t take him very seriously then. “You don’t even know what love is.”

  “I don’t? How would you know if you don’t give me another chance to prove it to you?” Being in love sounds nice, but in my experience it’s way overrated. And people seem to fall in and out of love like it’s a roller-coaster ride at Six Flags. And I’m not down for the ride anymore.

  “You’ll only love me if I conform to your versions of right and wrong and I can’t do that,” I say, walking past him and heading for a waiting Rah. “I wish it were different Jeremy, but I’ll always be me and I like myself just the way that I am.”

  “I know that,” he says following me. “I admit it’s a lot to deal with but I’ll learn.” I look back into his eyes and see that he’s sincere in his gesture, no matter how unknowingly demeaning it is.

  “I don’t want you to have to learn and I damn sure don’t want to see that look on your face like you had when I spoke back to Mrs. Bennett.” The look on his face now confirms my feelings. “L
et’s just be friends but without the judgment. See you Monday,” I say.

  Jeremy’s mouth is wide open as I leave the empty hall, ready to deal with Rah too. They both need to know where I stand. Neither one of them are ready to devote themselves fully to a relationship but don’t want anyone else to have me. On the rebound or not, I don’t want to be anyone else’s rebound either. And we’re going to get to the bottom of Rah’s issues once and for all.

  7

  Hoodrats Wear Prada

  “I’ll take your man.”

  —SALT-N-PEPA

  “So what was that all about?” Rah says, putting the car into gear as soon as my behind hits the seat. Jeremy followed me out to his car parked across the street without saying another word. Rah’s vexed and he has no reason to be. But boys will be boys, I guess.

  “Damn, can a sistah get in the car all the way before you pull off?” I barely had a chance to close the door shut and he’s already at the stop sign.

  “You know I don’t like to be kept waiting,” he says, blaring the radio as loud as he can. He’s not drowning me out this time. I reach for the stereo knob and turn the volume down, causing more heat from an already pissed Rah. “Jayd, I know you know better than that, girl,” he says, returning T.I. to his loud volume, again trying to drown me out. He’s the one who should know better. If I’ve got my mind set to something, there is no music loud enough to silence me.

  “You can be as mad as you want but we’re talking about this now,” I say, pushing the sound off completely. Rah speeds ahead toward the beach and I wish I could jump in the water like the surfers in the distance. Jeremy’s probably on his way there now to free his mind in the waves. I admire the freedom his lifestyle allows him. But no such luck here. Rah and I have a different reality and we need to get in sync or we’ll have nothing left to look at together.