Everything feels meaningful and intense. On Wednesday we have our last class with Marjorie and we’re all low. We’re exhausted and stressed out by finals, but it’s more than that.
Marjorie begins class with an announcement. “Before we start our ending I just want to congratulate Lani on her dance review in today’s Carlyle Chronicle. If you haven’t seen it you should look for it. It’s a beautiful piece of writing.”
I’m impressed. Marjorie doesn’t dole out praise lightly. But fuck if it isn’t a great article! I read it and hardly recognized the ballet I had seen with Lani, except I saw it again through the review. I grin at my girl and see she’s blushing and smiling at the same time.
“Do you remember our first class? How Lani wrote about wondering what we’d make of it at the end?” Marjorie continues. She’s leaning against her desk, surveying the room thoughtfully.
Yeah, I remember. I exchange a glance with Lani.
“So what do you make of it now? After everything you’ve learned since? Take out a piece of paper and write about that for a few minutes.”
We all groan. Again? But we do it. And I kind of get it now. This class has definitely helped me, though I’m not sure I know how. I click my ballpoint pen and start writing about writing. How meta, as Lani would say. I write some more about that.
“Okay—time’s up. I want to collect these, but before I do please swap what you wrote with your partner and respond to it.”
I stifle a smile as I slide my paper over to Lani. She folds hers in half and then half again, then hands it over. I watch her read mine, her expressions flickering across her beautiful face. She starts writing on my page then looks up and catches me staring. She motions me toward her paper and smiles. Reluctantly, I look down and open her page. There’s just one sentence.
I figured out I like making waves.
I laugh and start writing about how metaphors help us understand abstractions in concrete terms. That just came to me. As one smart chick I know once wrote, “brains are amazing!”
After all that, graduation is almost anti-climactic. I hardly have a chance to say hi to my dad and meet his girlfriend before I’m swept off into the ceremony. It’s finally spring in New York, and the sun is out. Carlyle is small enough that all the undergraduate degrees can be awarded at the same time, but still it takes forever to hand over each diploma. All through the long boring speeches and nervous fidgeting I think about my future and try to make sense of what I want next. Things are good now—finally. Why can’t they just stay like this?
Later that evening I pick Lani up at her dorm room so we can go to dinner together. I know she’s nervous—hell, I’d be nervous meeting her parents—but I’m not worried about her. Or my dad. But I admit I’m a little worried about this girlfriend of his, Alice. She could make a lot of trouble if she isn’t cool with me or with Lani or…I don’t know. She’s just a total question mark right now and it’s well established how I feel about those.
She turns out to be petite and dark-skinned, quiet and nice. Which is a huge relief. With her short neat hair and her careful way of speaking she reminds me a little of Marjorie even. She makes chit chat with Lani and listens to me and my dad shoot the shit. Basketball. Baseball. Cars. Lani keeps looking at me expectantly, like I was supposed to say something else, but I ignore her.
“When are you moving out of your room?” My dad’s tone is mild but it sets off alarm bells in my head. Crap.
“Uh,” I look uneasily at Lani, who is staring at her caesar salad. I cleared my throat. “Not sure yet,” I say, fiddling with my fork.
My dad looks from me to Lani. Alice looks from me to Lani. Great.
My dad sighs. “Maybe I should have let you enlist after high school.”
“What?” Both Lani and I gape at him.
“But you were so young to make that commitment. You didn’t need the scholarship. You were just being pig-headed.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I mutter, drumming my fingers on the table. Under the table Lani puts a hand on my knee and I relax a little.
“You started pushing to join the military as soon as you hit high school. As soon as your Mom passed.” He sounds sad and I can’t believe he is talking about this. In front of people. At all. “I knew it was bad timing, but the guidance counselors at school kept saying you needed ‘structure’ and ‘discipline.’ They suggested a military boarding school but I didn’t want to send you away.”
A jolt of panic runs through me. What would it have been like if I had lost both parents at once? But I didn’t, I remind myself. I put my hand over Lani’s.
“Dad, we’ve talked about this. Mom always hoped I’d have a military career like her dad and her siblings. I wanted to do it for her. And I want to serve my country.” It’s true. I do.
Lani squeezes my knee and leans in close. “Tell him!” she hisses. I grunt. I really don’t want to talk about my future with my dad. With Lani listening. Or with Lani. With my dad listening. I really don’t want to talk about it at all. But I cave.
“The ROTC counselor suggested I take another pre-med year here and train for a military career in medicine.” I announce, then I explain what that would mean.
My dad sits back in his chair, looking agitated, and says nothing at first.
“That’s very flattering, right? They must think very highly of you.” Alice fills in the gap in her quiet voice.
My dad snaps out of it. “What do you want to do? I don’t suppose they or you need my permission now anyway.”
“I don’t know,” I say miserably. This is why I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll talk about it when I have something to say, a decision, and I still don’t even know how to get to a decision.
My dad nods slowly. “Don’t rush into it. Take some time. You’re driving your stuff back home first before reporting to duty, but you’re in no rush, right? Make a trip of it.” He looks at me and then at Lani. She exudes her usual calm, but I can still feel her tension.
“Take Lani,” my dad says suddenly. “Talk it over.”
We both swivel our heads to stare at him again. Neither of us speaks.
“I know it’s got to be a tough decision but it’ll be easier if you talk it through together. You just need more time—so make the time.” My dad sounds so confident—in me, in Lani, in my relationship with her. It surprises and reassures me.
“Mr. Madison,” Lani begins softly.
“Alec,” my dad reminds her.
“Alec, I don’t think I’m the best person for Kyle to talk this through with. It would be difficult for me to be objective.” Lani keeps her eyes lowered and I hate how stressful all this is for her. I reach over and hold her hand.
My dad watches us. “The fact that you say that makes you an even better choice, don’t you think? You want what’s best for him, not just what’s best for you. That doesn’t require objectivity. It requires caring.”
When Lani raises her eyes they seem to overflow with feeling, but she just nods. Before I can do or say anything to comfort her Alice scrapes her chair back from the table and stands up.
“Well, I need to find the restroom. Lani, come help me.” Her voice is soft still, but firm and she takes Lani by the hand and almost drags her away toward the back of the restaurant. I look on, feeling helpless. I run a hand through my hair in frustration.
My dad leans forward. “Lani seems great and you seem happy. I’m glad about that and I hope you can find a way to hold on to her. But this must be pretty new. Take her on the road trip and see what happens. You can clear some space to figure out this decision and also test the relationship a little.”
My dad keeps talking but I’m still watching the spot where Lani disappeared, waiting for her to reappear and reassure me that she’s okay. I start picturing this road trip my dad suggested. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner with Lani. Talking in the car with Lani, her hair messy from the open window. Waking up with Lani. God, it sounds like heaven, an oasis in the middle of the post-graduation dese
rt.
“Maybe you’ll get mighty tired of each other after a few days in small spaces….“ My dad chuckles when he sees my expression and holds his hands up. “Just saying! It would be good to know that now, right?”
I roll my eyes, distracted by Lani’s reappearance across the room, looking calmer and composed again. Thank Jesus. All she needs is to be dragged down with me. Or by me.
“It will be my graduation present to you, Kyle. The trip. Take a week. Take two weeks. It will be fun for you both. You’ve earned it. I’m very proud of you, you know.”
He sort of slips that in at the end and I look at him in surprise. We always got along pretty well, but we never talked. He seems different. He seems happy too. If that’s Alice’s doing then she’s in with me.
This gives me more to mull over as Lani and I head back to campus. We said goodbye to my dad and Alice with awkward hugs all around, and our ‘good to meet yous’ felt sincere.
“Would you want to take that road trip with me?” I ask quietly as we walk back across the quad. Our quad.
“You don’t have to do that for your father, Kyle.”
“Yeah. You’re right,” I sigh heavily. “All that time alone with you. What would we do? What was I thinking?”
She smiles and swats at my arm, but she doesn’t answer.
“Do you want to, Lani?” I repeat, nervous now.
She jerks me to a stop and plants herself right in front of me. “Of course I do! I just don’t want to pressure you when you’re under so much pressure already.”
And I think my dad is right: she’s the perfect person to talk to because she knows she’s not objective.
She continues, “But it sounds amazing and I don’t have to be anywhere until the first week of June.”
“Me neither,” I whisper, as the wheels turn in my brain. I start feeling giddy. “My dad said he’d pay for it as my graduation present. We’d have two weeks.” Oh my God, two weeks alone with Lani! My heart seizes up. “Would your parents be okay with it? How fast can you pack?” Suddenly I can’t wait to leave campus.
Lani laughs and runs her hands up and down my arms. “My parents would probably be okay with it. I’d just have to change my flight. And they’re giving me money for my twenty-first birthday.”
I frown. “When’s your birthday?”
“Monday. I wasn’t sure what to do with the birthday money. I wanted to do something special though. I was thinking about a nipple ring but wondered how you’d feel about that.”
Whoa! What?? I’m speechless. “I get a vote on your nipple ring?” I say finally, sounding strangled.
“Well, you are the primary audience for it.” Her mouth curves in amusement.
“The only audience! Dammit, Lani! We were discussing something important and you’ve completely derailed me!” I glare at her, but she just laughs. For some reason I don’t understand but thank the stars above for every day she seems to think my crankiness is charming.
She tilts her head, toying with me now. “I thought about one, but maybe symmetry is better and I should get two? After all, if I do one, which one? It’s not like I have a favorite nipple. What do you think?”
She looks down at the bust of her dress, which has a scoop neck that shows only a hint of cleavage but the fabric is sort of clingy and I’ve been checking her out all night. Now my eyes drift down too and I groan and lean my forehead against hers. We’re in the middle of the quad! Again!
“I take it back. I’m not inviting you on this road trip just so you can torment me whenever you feel like it. And I’m voting against the nipple ring too. I don’t care how sexy it sounds if it’s going to hurt you and I bet that would hurt like a sonofabitch. And, besides I can’t deal with you getting any sexier.” All that comes out in a flood as I drag my eyes back to hers and exhale.
“I love you,” she says. Just like that. Her eyes are on mine and she looks serious. Not like she’s fucking with me. Not that she would. Not Lani.
I remember to inhale again. “I love you too,” I say, and it’s nowhere near enough but she lights up anyway.
I rush into speech to dilute the moment, which is overwhelming me.
“Let’s leave Monday, Lani! It’ll be awesome—of course we don’t need two weeks to drive from New York to Springfield. But we can go wherever we want! And we’ll hit Chicago. They’ve got to have some ballet there, right?”
I drop a quick kiss on her luscious mouth, feeling better than I have in ages. My dad was right. Lani and I need time. Two weeks won’t be enough by a long shot, but it will be enough to figure out the next step.
“We could go slow,” Lani says softly. Her eyes are glowing.
I pause. “Slow,” I repeat, caught by her eyes again. I reach out and wrap my arms around her very gently.
“Mmm.” She makes an inarticulate sound and tips her face up to me. And this is something I understand. I know what this means.
“We can do slow…” and then my mouth is otherwise occupied.
18
Lani
“I’m staying.”
My head jerks up. My door just banged open and Kyle is filling up the doorway.
“Wha-at?” My eyes widen. I’m not sure I understand. I hold my breath.
He starts prowling toward the sofa I’m occupying in my common room, his expression intent and intense. “Here. Next year. With you.”
With a little cry I fling myself at him and he catches me, laughing. I bury my head in his neck and then we’re both falling back onto the sofa.
“For real?” I whisper, leaning an elbow on his chest to peer into his eyes.
“Ouch! You have really pointy elbows,” he grins.
I poke him in the chest. “Tell me or I’ll break up with you and it will all have been for naught. You’ll be stuck here next year running into me everywhere and remembering what you threw away one lousy afternoon because you wouldn’t answer my question.”
He blinks. “Wow. That was really specific. Are we far enough along in our relationship that we can joke about breaking up?” he marvels. One hand threads through my hair. “And what’s with for naught? No one talks like that, Lani.”
I tilt my head to give him an assessing look. “Yes, we are. And yes, I do. Quit stalling and tell me!”
His smile would knock me over if I weren’t already sprawled out on top of him. I fold my hands together on his chest and settle my chin on them. Waiting. He’s warm and solid and oh so familiar cuddled against me.
His expression turns serious. “I spoke to my academic and ROTC advisors. My dad agreed to pay for the extra tuition next year if I covered the rest of my expenses. I won’t enlist til I get into a med school but they all seem to think I’ll get in somewhere. I’ll have to spend the fall cramming for the MCATS and I have to squeeze in some extra credits here this summer, but it’s done.”
I take a minute to digest this. “Just like that?”
He nods, locking eyes with me. Those blue-blue eyes that always see me. “It’s okay, right?” There’s the hint of tension in the body under mine.
I shift against him so I can lower my mouth to kiss him gently. “It’s better than okay. Are you fishing for me to tell you how amazing you are and how much I love you?”
“Uh huh.” Then his hands are on the back of my head and he’s pulling me back to him for a longer, deeper, insanely hot mouth-meshing. We break apart gasping.
“God, Lani. Right back atcha.”
I smile and he groans and then we spend the next hour in non-verbal communication. Which we’re really good at.
Afterwards Kyle leans over me, pressing kisses all over my face while I melt into the bed linens. “Listen up. I had another great idea.”
“Mmm?” My eyes are still closed and I think stars are still circling around my head.
He nudges me. “Hey! Pay attention.”
I crack one eye and half a smile. “I guess that’s only fair.”
“I checked and you could still register for
summer classes too. You should stay on campus with me. We can come back together after our road trip!”
It takes a moment for me to process this. “What?” I turn and look at him. “But I already signed up for yoga training back home.”
He smooths some hair away from my face. “Yeah, but there are yoga courses here, right? Does it matter where you go? And then we’d be together.”
I fidget and Kyle must see some hesitation on my face because he flops onto his back.
“You don’t want to? Really? You’d rather spend three months apart?”
I search for the right words. “No. Not at all. I’m dreading the summer apart. But I had plans and I can’t just change them….”
He lurches out of bed. “You mean like I just changed mine for you?”
I start shaking my head and sit up, reaching for the shirt I abandoned deliriously just half an hour ago. “Oh no you don’t. You don’t get to put that on me! That was part of the deal. I wasn’t influencing you. You weren’t doing this for me. Remember?”
He snorts. “Right. Like that was even possible.” He’s stomping around the room, collecting clothes and just generally communicating his frustration in a particularly Kyle-like manner. He pulls on his clothes without a word.
“Don’t do this, Kyle,” I warn. I watch him from bed, my heart hammering.
He shakes his head and won’t look at me. “I’m not the one doing this. You are. It’s a sign. You’re not committing. You don’t care enough.”
I’ve been managing my emotional response, pushing and shoving it down to stay calm for him. Because he likes me calm, right? He needs me calm. But now the dam bursts. I jump up from the bed to stalk over to him, following as he moves into the living room. I’m only half dressed and probably bed-headed but I’m steaming mad.
The Partnership (Extra Credit Book 1) Page 13