by Sadie Black
“Bradley, what is this all about? What’s going on?” My voice cracks as I desperately search his face for answers that I’m not sure he has.
Bradley opens his mouth, but an announcement from the pilot interrupts him. “Good afternoon, Sir. I wanted to inform you that all systems are a go and we’re ready to take off. The air conditions are working in our favor today so we’re expecting to arrive at William Gwinn Airport in three hours and forty minutes today since the tailwind will be pushing us along in the right direction. Nicole will be your flight attendant on this trip, so don’t hesitate to get her assistance for anything that will make this short flight a little more comfortable. I’d ask that you remain seated with your buckles fastened for take-off and Nicole will alert you when it’s safe to walk around.”
Nicole smiles at us, well more accurately at Bradley, from the front of the small but luxurious jet. With her plastered on make-up and flat-ironed hair she looks like she’s spent a lot of time perfecting the look of a stewardess, right down to the extra-toothy grin reserved for my man.
The jet engines roar as we bump and roll down the tarmac. Within seconds we’re leaning back against our seats as the nose of the little plane pokes through the clouds like an Olympic high diver cutting into a pool of water. As the plane levels out, so does Bradley’s mood. The hostility he carried on his face has melted away into sadness.
Nicole stands up with an unnaturally large smile to make her way to our seat, but Bradley raises his hand, signaling her to leave us alone. I get a little kick out of watching the disappointment cloud over her face and rub it in a bit when I lean into him and rest my head against his arm.
“Eileen, the woman you saw in the video, she’s my sister-in-law and she’s sick.” His voice wavers a little. There’s no doubt in my mind that she isn’t well, I don’t think anyone who watches that video will think differently. “She’s my brother’s wife, well, she’s my brother’s widow I guess,” he circles his thumb and forefinger around the gold watch on his wrist while he searches for his words.
“I’m so sorry you lost your brother, Bradley.” I touch his arm, waiting for him to continue.
He nods at my condolence and clears his throat loudly. “Thank you.” I can feel him draw a huge breath into his lungs and I stop leaning on his arm so I can look at him. I’ve never seen him so emotional, Bradley keeps clenching his jaw like he’s trying to keep his feelings locked inside. “Trevor died from leukemia a year and a half ago when Brooklyn was six months, I know she doesn’t remember him, but she sure looks like him. Whenever I see her, I see him looking back at me.”
“That must be hard,” I grab his hand and give it a little squeeze.
“You’d think so, but I actually find it comforting in a lot of ways. When Trevor found out he was near the end, he asked me to watch over Brooklyn and to do everything I could for her. Begged me is probably a more accurate description. He knew Eileen wasn’t well, I mean, she had a drinking problem before he ever got sick, but he thought she beat it when she quit for her pregnancy. He was wrong. Obviously, it goes without saying that she’s also mentally ill.”
His unexplained absences suddenly become so clear in my mind. To say that he’s been keeping his promise to his brother would be an understatement.
“The thing is, I’ve been watching Eileen unravel ever since. Her drinking has gotten out of hand and lately she’s been talking about how she thinks she’s being possessed by the devil. It’s, well, it’s been difficult to watch. Difficult and scary.” The gentle lines across his face seem to have grown deeper. His eyelids look heavy, like he hasn’t slept in a month.
“She thinks she’s possessed?” I shudder as I envision someone so unstable in charge of a little girl.
“It’s impossible to know what she really thinks, to be honest. She’s always been dramatic, downright annoying if you ask me. I never did see what Trevor liked about her, but you can’t stand in the way of love right? And God knows he loved her. He must have because even before he ever got sick she was what you’d call ‘high maintenance’. Anyway, her drinking has made everything a hundred times worse. I’ve been pushing my lawyer to take her to trial for custody, but he keeps telling me that we didn’t have enough on her.”
“Well, you must now,” I sweep my hand toward the sleeping iPad and he nods.
“Yeah, I could see the writing on the wall a while back. I mean, I never imagined in a million years she’d get this bad, but I knew it wasn’t going to end well. That’s why I’ve been flying out all the time and paying for full-time live-in care. When that hasn’t worked I’ve had my mother step in. It’s been a grind, but it’s kept Brooklyn safe. Until now,” his voice cracks.
“Hey, this isn’t your fault.” My grasp on his hand tightens, “You’ve done everything you could. How could you predict that she’d pull some crazy shit like that? No one could predict that! It’s nuts.”
Bradley swallows hard, “I know. It’s just, fuck it’s so infuriating that it takes something so goddamned drastic before people take it seriously. Anyway, Eileen’s been arrested and now Brooklyn’s in custody of a social worker. I have no idea how this is going to play out, but I’m not walking away without her again. I won’t do it.”
“You won’t have to, there’s no way they’re just going to give Brooklyn back to her. There’s no way.” I can’t imagine a world where anyone in their right mind would send a helpless child to live with someone so dangerous. That’s not a world I want to raise my own child in. My hand lies against my tummy and my conscience reminds me that I still need to find time to tell Bradley about another child. Our child.
He stares off like he’s watching the next few hours unfold in front of his eyes and it’s wilting what is left of his strength. Bradley puts his arm around me, I close my eyes, leaning my head against his shoulder and he presses his lips against my forehead in a weightless kiss. “What about you? How are you holding up?” He asks, searching my face for clues, “I know this is a lot to process.”
“Hey, look, don’t worry about me. Right now you just need to focus on this. I’m just happy you asked me to come along, ok? It’s been hard to be sitting in the dark guessing.” Now I’m searching his face, but all I can find is exhaustion, “I really wish you would’ve told me about all of this sooner.”
“I should’ve told you sooner,” he agrees quietly, but his eyes are locked on his watch. “I just didn’t know how to get into all of this, or even how it was going to go, you know?”
I don’t want to chastise him, I know he has enough to deal with right now. More than he even knows, I look down at my belly and consider how much more complicated this whole pregnancy just became. I was already afraid to tell Bradley, but now with Eileen and Brooklyn in the picture things are even more frightening. I was worried that Bradley wasn’t going to be ready for my news and that he might not want to take on a baby right now. Now, I’m wondering if I’m ready for his news and whether or not I’m ready to take on a two-year old and a crazy sister-in-law.
I just don’t know.
Chapter Two
Bradley
Braddy!” Brooklyn yells, her eyes lighting up when she sees me. Her chubby arms slide through the bars of the oversize crib that they placed her in and wrap themselves around my leg. “Braddy don’t go. Where’s, where is Mommy? Who’s that?” She points a pudgy finger at Brianna.
I’m not sure what question to answer first. Explaining any of this to a two-year-old is going to be a task, instead I reach over the large crib rail and pick her up, holding her close. For toddler, she can give one hell of a bear hug. Her arms squeeze so tight around my neck that she’s making it difficult to swallow this lump in my throat.
“Brooklyn has been under observation for the past six hours. While there’s been no physical damage done, it’s too preemptive to assess whether or not there will be any long-term emotional consequences,” the social worker informs me. With long chestnut hair and a light sprinkling of freckles on her nos
e, her wide blue eyes give her youthful appearance that makes me wonder how much schooling is required for social work these days. It’s undeniable that she cares though, the concern on her face is genuine, anyone can see that.
I glance at Brianna who is keeping herself at a safe distance from this whole scene. Standing near the door with her arms crossed I feel like she should go grab a lab coat and a clipboard so she at least has a reason to be observing us from the sidelines. I guess I can’t blame her, she hasn’t really had a chance to process any of this. I mean, she only learned that Brooklyn exists a few hours ago. What did you expect?
If Brooklyn had any interest in Brianna or where her mother is, she seems to have lost it now. Safe in my arms she starting to relax and babble like the happy girl I’m used to.”Braddy I went to the beach.” My heart aches at her announcement. She has no idea in her little bubble that I know that she went to the beach, that half the Internet knows that she went to the beach, and after tonight’s nightly news who knows how many thousands more will know about her eventful day.
“Did you honey? Was it fun?” I cringe at my own question. I hope that by asking her about it I won’t traumatize her in some way. I don’t want to bring up flashbacks of what must’ve been the most terrifying and confusing day of her life.
“Yeah I went swimming!” Gleefully, her eyes light up with a familiar sparkle. “And I got to ride on a tractor,” she happily announces.
“A tractor?” I look up at the social worker for clarification.
“She means the four wheeler the beach security picked her up with,” she smiles. I nod at her, distractedly watching Brooklyn. You’d never know from her demeanor that she’s had such a life-changing day.
“I’m so happy to see you honey. I missed you,” I tell her truthfully looking into her giant brown eyes.
“I miss you too Braddy,” she gives me a big wet kiss on the cheek. “Can we go home now? I want to play. You want to play with my dolls?” She looks at Brianna and my eyes follow to see her reaction.
Brianna startles, realizing that Brooklyn said something to her, like she’s being pulled out of a daydream. Maybe this is all too much for her. “With your dolls?” She answers slowly, like she isn’t quite sure what the words mean. “Yeah, sure. I’d love to play with your dolls,” Brianna smiles weakly.
“Alright, Brooklyn,” the social worker looks directly at the squirming two-year-old in my arms, “you get to go home and play soon. But first I need to talk to Bradley a bit more, okay?” Unlike Brianna, her smile looks genuine. You can see it in the crinkled corners of her eyes. Brooklyn nods at her solemnly.
“I want to stay with Braddy.” She clings against me like saran wrap. “I stay with Braddy!”
“That won’t be a problem, you can stay together.” She smiles again and it calms Brooklyn. I have to admit, her smile also does wonders for my own frayed nerves. She’s good at what she does, I’ll give her that.
I look over at Brianna who seems to be immune to the calming reassurance of the social worker. Her eyebrows are still knit together. She’s gone back into whatever world she’d escaped from a moment ago, only standing in this room with us in body, not spirit. One crisis at a time. Whatever is going on with Brianna, I’ll have to deal with it later.
“Certainly, Miss Kingsley. However long it takes, I’m just happy to see that she’s safe.” One look into Brooklyn’s big brown eyes and angelic smile melts away my concerns about what is going through Brianna’s mind. One crisis at a time.
The familiar roar of the plane engine is filling my ears as Brooklyn sleeps peacefully between myself and Brianna. Clutched in her arms is the stuffed teddy bear I got her with the I heart NY shirt on. She looks so happy when she sleeps, like a two-year-old should.
When I was Brooklyn’s age, I was obsessed with planes. I used to dress up in my father’s blazer and pretend to be a pilot flying across the oceans. Traveling by air once seemed like the most exciting and adventurous thing my little mind could imagine. Little did I know that it would become my most hated form of transportation as an adult. Since my promotion to CEO at Zervion I’ve spent more hours in airports and flying back and forth to Florida than I have spent sleeping.
It’s strange, I’ve fought so damned hard to be awarded full guardianship of Brooklyn that you’d think I’d feel relief or happiness now that she’s in my care. Yet, all I feel is exhaustion and sadness. It brings me no joy to tear her from her mother’s arms, despite the fact that it’s what’s best for her. It’s probably best for Eileen too, honestly. She’s always struggled with drinking and depression for as long as I’ve known her.
When Trevor was alive he confided in me more than once about her mood swings and benders, but, my God, did she ever fall down a rabbit hole when the leukemia took him. Her monthly binges quickly became weekly and then, they stopped being binges. Because binges mean you take a break at some point. I know this won’t be easy, but hopefully Brooklyn can find some stability and peace with me in New York. Lord knows, the child deserves a better hand than she’s been dealt so far.
I’m not sure what’s going on with Brianna, but I wish she’d open up. I understand that this might be more than she’s prepared to take on right now, I mean, it’s a lot to expect anyone to sign up for. Ever since we flew out here she’s been quiet. I wish she’d stop making me guess what’s going on in her head.
“Hey, you alright?” I reach over Brooklyn and softly graze my fingers against Brianna’s arm.
“Yeah, fine.” She refuses to look at me, instead her eyes are locked on Brooklyn as she answers. Her face isn’t giving me any clues about how she’s feeling about all this, but I’m guessing she’s ready to bail based on how distant she’s been.
“Brianna, look I know that this is a lot to take in. Maybe too much? I understand if you want some space or need some time to think about us now..”
Her eyes are brimming with tears and she’s shaking her head side-to-side, “No, Bradley. It’s not that—”
“I’m sorry, sir? I’m going to have to ask you to put your seatbelt on. The light is on and we’re expecting a little bit of turbulence.” The indistinguishable blond woman interrupts us.
“Certainly,” I snap my belt closed right away under the flight attendant’s watchful gaze.
“Thank you, sir.” She smiles the dead-eyed smile of a customer service employee and walks away.
“What’s going on, Brianna?” I divert my attention back to her, but she’s recomposed herself.
“Nothing.”
I feel like I swallowed a plate of ice. I hate when she shuts down her emotions so quick. It’s too familiar, too much like Eileen and her ups and downs. I just can’t deal with anymore pushing and pulling, “Fine.” I close my eyes and lean back in my seat, too exhausted to think or feel anymore. I peek out of the corner of my eye and Brianna is sullen, and staring at her lap. Maybe she just needs some time to work through all of this. Or maybe she’s just counting down her time on this plane until she can walk away. Either way, time will tell.
Chapter Three
Brianna
“What you think about August for a girl, or Augustus for a boy?” Kendra briefly looks up from the clothes rack full of cute dresses she’s been eyeing up. With me being two months along and her two and a half, neither of us are big enough to even consider the upscale Maternity clothes in this boutique. Looking at one of the price tags on a pair of Bermuda shorts with a giant elastic sewn to the top as a waistband, I drop the tag as soon as they see the number as if it seared my hand with its ridiculous price. There’s no way I’m going to be able to afford anything in the store, not on a waitress’s salary.
I crinkle my nose and think about the names, “I like August for a girl that sounds pretty cute. I can picture the sort of girl that she would be, you know, a free spirit or maybe an artist. I picture a really fun girl with a bubbly personality. But Augustus? Are you serious?”
“What’s wrong with Augustus?” She looks at me wi
thout a hint of irony or sarcasm on her face. Oh God, she’s serious.
“Kendra, come on. Are you gonna break off a broom and glue it to a helmet when you send him to school? Cause that sounds like the name of a gladiator or some shit,” I giggle at her surprised face. “And with a name like Augustus you better hope he’s a gladiator, since you’d be sending him to a lion’s den every day that he goes to school. Seriously, Augustus? Was that Matthew’s idea?”
“I thought it sounded like a strong name. Gladiator? That’s what you think of?” She gives a slight shrug of her shoulders, “What names have you come up with that are so much better? Have you and Bradley decided on anything yet?” She tilts her head and places her hand on her hip as I look at the floor, avoiding her gaze.
“Ahhh, no not really. We haven’t really had that conversation yet.” I mumble to my feet.