by Sadie Black
“Is everything okay with you two? You never did tell me how he took it,” she staring at me hard now.
“I still… I, uh, just can’t seem to find the right time to tell him.”
“Brianna! Are you serious right now?” Her shrill tone makes the other customers in the store turn and stare at us in alarm. The last thing I need is a bunch of rich white girls staring at me and listening in on my business. I already feel like a sore thumb here, I don’t need the extra attention.
“Shhh! Don’t get all excited, I’m going to tell him. There’s a lot going on with us you know.” I lower my voice to a hush and the women around us go back to ignoring our existence. “It’s just hard to get the timing right, I mean Bradley’s life is so hectic right now. He’s got Brooklyn to think about and a lot on his plate with Eileen. I’m just not sure how much room he has in his life for me right now, and I don’t want that to change just because I’m pregnant. You know?”
“No, I don’t know,” Kendra hisses at me. “From everything I’ve seen, Bradley’s completely in love with you. Why would you think any different?” Her eyes flicker over my face for a second but she doesn’t wait for my answer. “You have to tell him, Brianna,” she urges. “You know for a fact it isn’t right that you’re keeping this from him.” She scolds me with her hand on her hip.
I know she’s right, and the truth is I’m not sure what’s keeping me from telling him. It’s just that every time I play the scene over my mind I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack. One day just rolls into another and before you know it a month somehow passed us by and I still haven’t said a word.
“Have you at least told your parents yet?” Kendra presses on, knowing full well that I haven’t.
“No. Why should I?” My words are jagged splinters of ice. “I don’t owe them a damn thing.”
Kendra’s eyes soften and her hand drops from her hip, grasping mine gently. “Okay, forget I said anything about your parents. I understand you guys have history and you’ll work it out eventually. But you gotta give Bradley a chance. You can’t hold his feet to someone else’s fire. He isn’t Joseph, he isn’t gonna run or turn you away. Besides, you know that it’s not right that Mr. Taylor knows you’re pregnant but your man doesn’t.” She tilts her head at me.
It isn’t just my boss, Mr. Taylor, who knows. Working the day shift at the diner and all of its unique smells hasn’t been the best thing for my morning sickness. Pretty much everyone in that greasy spoon knows I’m knocked up now. “Like I said, I will tell him. It’s not like I’m gonna try to hide it or anything, I’m just waiting for the right time. Brooklyn is just finally settling into the apartment and we’re waiting to see whether or not Eileen can stand trial. Everything is just up in the air right now. I’m not sure I’m ready for any of this.” I look at the giant diamond twinkling on her ring finger and roll my eyes, “Besides, it’s easy for you to say that everything will work out when you got that giant sparkler weighing down your finger. Not all of us have our lives tied up in such a neat little bow.”
“That’s an excuse and you know it. Look, you know I’m here for you no matter what, alright?” She gives my hand a little squeeze and looks me straight in the eyes. I feel some of my tension melt away, I know she has the best intentions for me. She’s just trying to help. “I just don’t want to see you let the darkness from the past overshadow what could be a happy future. You deserve more than that, you both do,” she drops my hand and gently touches her fingers against my stomach. “In the end family is all we got, Brianna. You do what you gotta do to make that work. I’m not telling you this because it’s just what’s best for the baby, it’s best for you too. Seriously.”
“I know, you’re right. I’m going to tell him soon, I promise. Okay?” I look her straight on. “Now, come on, let’s get out of here. You and I both know that we got no business looking at these clothes yet,” I sweep my hand across the store and nod down at our flat bellies. “How about we get a bite to eat or something? I’m actually hungry for once. Who knows maybe you can find some more inspiration for your baby names. Like maybe you could name your kid pizza or big Mac. Hey, that one actually works.” I laugh. Kendra cracks a smile and the tension between us begins to melt away.
“Okay, okay. I’m getting hungry anyway.”
Relieved to change the subject, I practically drag her out of the store in search of a restaurant. I know Kendra’s right about telling Bradley. In my heart and my head, I know it’s the right thing, no, the only thing to do. Yet, every time we have a moment together, I can’t seem to force the words from my mouth. I silently promise myself that tonight I’ll find a way to spill it. Maybe I’ll call him when I get off work. Or maybe I can tell him tomorrow. That might be better. Tomorrow I’ll definitely tell him… tomorrow.
I’m so exhausted. I swear that the pile of used dish rags and aprons in the corner is tempting me to roll up into a little ball and fall asleep on it. I can’t believe I’m only halfway through my shift and I already feel like a zombie, actually I’m pretty sure zombies have way more motivation than me. I mean, they’re dead and they still motivated to go find some brains or something. Isn’t that how they work? I never did get into that kind of stuff. I’m only twenty-eight, but I feel so old. Between worrying about Bradley and this pregnancy, I barely sleep. On top of that, being on my feet all day at the diner is really taking it out of me.
I press my face against the cool tile on the wall by the time punch clock. I feel like I just need a nap. Only fifteen minutes or so to go. “Hey Brianna, everything alright over here?” Mr. Taylor walks up to me a look of concern tattooed on his face.
“Yeah, sorry Mr. Taylor. I just needed to take five.” I turn my head to face him, keeping my cheek firmly pressed against the slightly greasy subway tile.
“I got just the thing to wake you up,” he smiles broadly and the spaces between his teeth remind me of a jack-o’-lantern. “I need you to go cover table 6, okay?”
So his answer for being exhausted is to work more? Genius. Why didn’t I think of that? “Thanks Mr. Taylor, that’s a real pick me up.” I pry myself off the wall and make my way out of the kitchen to the dining area. My mouth hangs open as I see Bradley and Brooklyn sitting at the table. “What are you doing here?”
The smile on Bradley’s face wilts a little, “Nice to see you too.” He tries to brush off my rudeness, but I can see he’s disappointed by my reaction.
“Imma gonna eat some French fries with ketchup!” Brooklyn announces excitedly. “Do you have ketchup, Brianna?” Her brown eyes suddenly cloud over as concern sweeps over her face.
“Yes Hun, it’s that red bottle on the table, you can have as much as you want.”
“Don’t tell her that,” Bradley laughs. “She’ll just drink the whole bottle, this kid would eat nothing but ketchup if I let her.”
I don’t return his friendly smile, I’m not sure what he was thinking coming here. I’m pretty sure grimy and exhausted isn’t a good look for me, definitely not sexy. “So what can I get you?”
“Hey, come here, sit down with us. I thought it would be fun if we stopped in to see you, you’ve been such a stranger lately.” He reaches out and attempts to wrap his arm around my waist, but I pull back instinctively.
“I can’t just sit down, I’m on shift here.” A step back from the table.
“Oh, sorry. I just thought –”
“Did you think? I mean, seriously, what did you think would happen? You were gonna come here and we’d have some kind of picnic? I’m a waitress Bradley. If you come to the diner, where I work, I have to serve you. Is that what you wanted? Just tell me what you want to eat, please.”
“Whoa, hang on. It’s not like that at all. I didn’t come here so you could serve me or whatever. I came here because we missed you. We haven’t seen you a lot lately and I thought it would be nice to surprise you. I certainly didn’t think you’d act like this,” he flips his palm up at me and disappointment pinches his face.
I look over at Brooklyn, who is watching us intently. There’s no emotion on her face at all, like she still hasn’t decided whether to react to our little argument.
To my side Fiona is watching the scene unfold, blatantly staring at us. “Oh,” she says mockingly, “someone’s got some baby-Daddy drama.” I could slap that stupid smirk off her face.
“Don’t you have a job to do? Get out of here and mind your own business,” I snap.
“Please, like you’re one to talk about working? You’re always dragging your ass around here acting like it’s my job to pick up the slack for you. Whatever.” She rolls her eyes and walks away.
I look back at Bradley who appears to be frozen in time. “Baby-Daddy?” He mumbles as a realization spreads across his face like an oil slick across the ocean. “Are you? Wait, are you pregnant?” He frowns at his folded hands and then slowly looks up at me for an explanation.
“Yes.”
His eyelids spring open like the top on a jack-in-the-box. The word hangs in the air as the sounds of the people in the diner grow distant. People on the restaurant are talking and laughing, but here, in the space between us, the silence is overwhelming.
“Is it mine?” His eyes squint, like he’s seeing daylight after being locked in a dark room for weeks.
My mouth twists to the side, “Yes. I’m 100% sure of that.”
I watch as his shoulders sink down and my heart drops. I knew he wasn’t going to be happy!
“Is that all? Is that why you’ve been so distant lately? You’re pregnant?” Suddenly a smile spreads over his face like a sunburst from behind a dark cloud, “I’m going to be a father!” He jumps out of his seat so quickly he almost knocks over the napkin dispenser and Brooklyn bursts out into a fit of surprised laughter. Bradley wraps his arms around me, drawing me in close to him and my apprehension fizzles out like a flat soda. I lean into his strong chest and rest my head against him allowing myself to float away from this diner, this stress, this uncertainty and just breathe. My moment is short-lived though as my doubts quickly creep up the tiny hairs on the back of my neck and back into my brain.
I step back from him, afraid to let myself get too comfortable. I feel like this is too easy, like he’s too happy. I’ve been expecting a torrential downpour for two months now, but all I got was the light mist of a sun shower. “So, you’re happy then? I mean, it’s kinda a huge deal, isn’t it?” I cross my arms and try not to pout, but I’m pretty sure I’m failing.
“No, of course it’s a big deal. I’m just so relieved.”
“You’re relieved?”
“Yeah, I am. I thought that you were going to give me ‘the talk’. With how distant you’ve been lately, it’s been hard to imagine that this was going to go anywhere good. I mean, I know this is going to be a transition, but honestly I couldn’t be happier, Brianna.”
“Really? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that you feel that way. I am. But aren’t you nervous? We haven’t known each other long…”
“I’ve known you long enough to know that I love you.” He looks into my eyes and I feel like an electric current is running through my body. He just said the words I’ve been trying to push out of my head for weeks now. Every time my heart would flutter at the thought of him, or my mind would lazily daydream about our future together, I would shut it down. Now, he’s telling me he loves me? No man has said that to me in my entire life, but the wait has made it much sweeter to hear it from the lips of the only man I’ve ever loved.
“I love you too,” I croak and swallow hard to try to ease my parched throat. All of a sudden, I feel like I’ve just trekked across the Sahara. Bradley looks away from me and my eyes follow his gaze to the people in the surrounding booths watching us. We’ve been so wrapped up in our own drama that I forgot all about everyone else.
“Here, sit down with us,” he tugs my hand as he sits back down at the table.
“I don’t know,” I tug nervously at my apron, “I’m still on shift here.”
“The hell you are! I’m not going to let the mother of my child work herself to the bone when you should be relaxing and taking care of yourself. Come sit down with us, you don’t need to work this job anymore. It’s too hard on you, and besides, what kind of man would I be if I didn’t take care of you?”
“Well, ok.” I sit down beside Bradley, feeling like Mr. Taylor might come out from his office at any second and give me shit. “I don’t want this to be about you taking care of me though, Bradley. I don’t want this to be about your money or anything like that. I have no problem earning my own way.” I stick out my chin proudly, knowing full well my wages are chump change to someone with his wealth.
“That’s fine. I’m not saying to never work again. But how are you gonna get your degree and become a teacher if you’re always working your ass off here? Sorry,” his eyes dart across the table to Brooklyn. “I meant to say ‘butt’. If you’re always working your butt off here.”
“Do you love Brianna, Braddy? You love her?” Brooklyn’s brown eyes twinkle with delight. Bradley smiles at her nodding. “And you love him? Right?” She looks at me expectantly.
“I do,” I feel like I’m answering a Pastor at my wedding service. Although, in fairness, if I had a Pastor this cute, she would steal the show.
She clasps her chubby hands together, “And I love Braddy too. And Braddy loves me. And I love you too,” she looks directly at me. “And you love me. So we’re a family! Right?” She seems so overjoyed by the idea it’s hard not to get choked up.
“Well, first thing’s first,” Bradley interrupts, “we’ve gotta ask Brianna if she’d like to come live with us.” His eyes flicker over to me as he talks to her.
“Will you come live with us, Brianna? Pleeeeease?” Her eyes widen as she waits for my answer. Way to put me on the spot, Bradley.
“I know we haven’t been together long, but I also know how I feel about you. You’re going to make a perfect mother Brianna, you really are. You know, I’ve been thinking about asking you to spend some more time at my place. I mean, I understand if you want your own space, but, I’d love it if you’d stay with us. I was going to give you a key soon anyway. I don’t need an answer right this second,” he rambles. “Just think about it? I’m ready to take that step with you, and I hope you are too.”
Luckily, it isn’t something I need to think very hard about. Bradley’s reaction to my pregnancy couldn’t go better in my wildest dreams. My eyes fill up as I nod at them. “I’d love to live with you.”
“Braddy no more talking now. I want ketchup, please.” Brooklyn interrupts our moment and I can’t help but smile. The kid has her priorities straight.
Chapter Four
Bradley
“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” I cozy up behind Brianna wrapping my arms around her middle. From the second I laid eyes on her, I’ve found her irresistible, but now that she’s pregnant with my child I can’t stop thinking about touching her, kissing her, fucking her. It’s like I’m a horny teenager again, and with her morning sickness being off and on, sometimes it’s just as sexually frustrating as it was back then.
“You’ve only been gone for a couple hours, it’s not like you’ve been out to sea or something,” she teases, leaning her head back against my chest. Her hair smells like flowers after a summer storm and I breathe her in deep into my lungs.
“Well, what can I say? I don’t like being away from my girls. How was she?” I tilt my head toward Brooklyn’s bedroom down the hall.
“We had a nice afternoon this time, somehow she even managed to tire herself out. She’s passed out in her little princess bed like a tiny drunkard on a park bench.”
A few weeks ago, when Brianna first moved into the apartment, Brooklyn really put her through the paces. It’s not like anyone could blame her for resisting more change in her life, she’s been through so much already. However, if she said ‘not Mommy’ or to ‘go away’ to Brianna one more time, I was afraid she might take her
up on the suggestion.
“I’m glad. It seems like she’s really bonding with you now.”
“Let’s hope so. You can never predict the moods of a two-year-old though.”
I step back and grab a bottle of water from the fridge, “Want one?” She nods and I hand her an Evian. After a long swig I brace myself and decide to try to talk some sense into Brianna again. “So, have you given anymore thought to what we talked about? You know, about your parents?” For some reason, Brianna is letting her past issues cloud her judgment. Her folks still don’t even know I exist, let alone that she’s almost three months pregnant. “Brianna, are you planning on hiding your entire pregnancy from them? It just doesn’t make sense, avoiding them isn’t a long-term solution.”
“I don’t plan on hiding it. I’m not even hiding it right now,” she sticks her chin out defiantly. “I’m just avoiding what I know will be a terrible conversation. I don’t expect them to be happy for us and I just don’t need that kind of negativity right now. Not everyone grew up in the Brady Bunch or whatever.” Her tone is frosty but I can’t just let this go. How can she keep her parents out of her life like this? It isn’t right.