Between Friends

by D. L. Sparks

  I heard her lay her knitting down on the small table next to her chair; she motioned for me to come to her. Like a little child I slid to the floor and rested my head in her lap. She began stroking my hair, and tears escaped from my eyes. I quickly wiped them away in a weak attempt to hide them from her.

  “You listen to me, baby. You owe it to that baby and yourself to make the best life possible for yourselves. He didn’t ask to come here. Don’t you think it’s unfair to try to raise him in the midst of a bunch of foolishness?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  My heart broke in two. Just the thought of her worrying about me and my problems killed me. I never wanted her to know about any of my issues; she didn’t need the stress. She just needed to get better.

  “Whatever is going on, take care of it, ya hear me?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “You have a lot going on, baby. Right now, you are holding the destiny of three lives in the balance. You need to draw on your God-given strength and make it right.”

  “I’m not strong like you.”

  She gently lifted my head and smiled down at me. “Baby, you are my granddaughter, and a child of God, you can do anything.”

  I couldn’t help but smile at that. “Thanks, Grammie.”

  “You’re welcome. Now go downstairs and get yourself a cup of tea.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  After one more hug I made my way to the kitchen. My mother was sitting at the table and sipping a cup of herbal tea. The strong fragrance of cinnamon and spice filled the small room.

  “Mama, can I talk to you for a second?”

  “Grab a cup and sit with me,” she said, motioning toward the cabinet. At first I thought maybe India told her what happened between Linc and me, but I knew my twin wouldn’t sell me out like that.

  “What’s going on?” she asked, taking a sip of her tea.

  I heard the music signaling the start of SpongeBob SquarePants coming from the other room. Cameron would be glued to the television for at least another thirty minutes, and that song would be stuck in my head for at least a day.

  I swirled the tea around in my cup with my spoon. “I’m thinking about pushing back my wedding date.”

  Her eyes went blank for a moment, like she was trying to choose her words wisely. I studied her. Looked for any sign that I need to get up and run for my life.

  She set her cup down and spoke. “I try really hard to let you and your sister make your own choices, but Idalis I know something hasn’t been right for a long time.” She took a sip of her tea. “I was just wondering how long it was gonna be before you said something.”

  I sat back in my seat. “Mama, everything is okay, I just think we need a little more time that’s all.”

  She shook her head. “No, baby. You haven’t had that sparkle in your eyes for a long time.”

  I pushed my cup of tea away from me. The cinnamon-flavored concoction was no longer appealing. There wasn’t an herbal remedy on the face of the earth that could make me feel better now.

  I stood up and grabbed my purse. The best way to deal with my mother was in small, quick doses. I had made a mistake starting it, and now I needed to end this conversation quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid.

  She cleared her throat before speaking. “You’re allowing Lincoln to control your life. You already let him come between a lifelong friendship with Trip,” she said as she placed her own cup in the sink. “What’s next? You won’t be allowed to talk to me?”

  I stopped and looked at her, surprised. “Mama, Trip is the one who moved, not me. Linc didn’t make him take that job with the DEA.”

  She stopped and rested her hands on the stainless-steel bowl and let out a low sigh.

  “What?” I asked.

  She turned and looked at me. “I just want you to be happy.”

  I let out a hard sigh. “Mama, I know. Look, I gotta go. I need to meet India and Dionne at the dress shop in less than an hour.”

  “You can deny it all you want. But something is not right, Idalis, and I know it.”

  I hugged her. “Bye, Mama.”

  I promised her that I would call, kissed Cameron, and headed out the door toward Howell Mill Road. I found myself driving slowly, not in the rush that an excited bride should be in. I felt my phone vibrate and my heart fell into my stomach. I was relieved when I saw India’s name flash across the screen.

  “What’s up, girl?”

  I briefly filled her in on what happened at the house.

  “Well, you can’t be mad at her she’s right,” she said, matter-of-factly.

  I let out a sigh. “Whatever, Miss California.”

  “Oh, so now it’s on me?”

  I switched lanes, and ignored her question. “Are you there yet?”

  “Yeah, I just pulled into the parking lot with Dionne.”

  I exited Interstate 75 and caught the light just as I was about to make the right onto Howell Mill.

  “I’ll be there in a second. Just got off 75.”

  I disconnected the call and stared up at the light. The bright red light hypnotized me for a second. Transported me into a world of “what if” and “what could’ve been.” It was only when the car behind me started blaring its horn that I snapped back to reality.

  It was time to turn the corner.

  In more ways than one.

  Once I made it into the shop, India was already in one of the tiny dressing rooms, which lined the walls, trying on her dress. And Dionne was admiring her cute figure in the row of mirrors lining the room.

  “Now, that looks cute on you,” I said.

  “Girl, everything looks cute on me,” she said, smiling and twirling around.

  I laughed as a short, thin white lady made her way toward me. She had a wide smile plastered on her face and her hand extended.

  “You must be Idalis,” she gushed. “Your twin sister is already trying on her dress, and I have yours waiting for you in that end dressing room.”

  She motioned toward a much bigger room at the end of the hall. All I could muster was a smile and a weak thank-you as I followed her. I tapped on the door that I knew India was behind.

  “I’m here,” I said.

  She responded, “I’ll be out in a second. And I do look fat in this dress.”

  “Don’t start, India.”

  At the end of the room were two double doors. The hyper woman pushed them open, revealing a much bigger mirror-lined room with a stage framed by a three-step staircase.

  Suddenly I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to turn and run, but she was already ushering me toward a door that had my dress hanging on the outside.

  “This is where you can change. And as soon as you’re finished, you come on back out and let’s take a look.” She smiled even bigger, which I didn’t think was possible. “But I already know you’re gonna be beautiful!”

  I pushed the door back and unhooked my dress. The changing room was huge. There was a pedestal in the middle of the room, and several cushioned chairs and benches lined the walls.

  I plopped down on one of the benches, which I was sure had held much happier brides-to-be before me, and let out a sigh. My Coach bag slid off my shoulder and landed on the floor. I stared at myself in the mirror and hugged my plastic covered dress close to my body. I remembered the day I had picked this dress out. I had told India that it was perfect, that it was made just for me. Now I wasn’t so sure. It felt more like a prison jumpsuit than the satin and crystal-encrusted happily-ever-after, which it represented.

  I slipped out of my jeans and tee. I stood and looked at myself in the mirror. I’d dieted and sweated off nearly fifteen pounds in order for the dress to fit me the way I wanted it to. I smiled at the thought of running into Trip at the gym. Couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing and if I was gonna see him again before he left.

  “You need help zipping that up?”

  I swung around. My sister and Dionne were s
tanding in the doorway. They looked amazing in their short A-line strapless black dresses. The gathered ruffled skirt stopped just above their knees, showing off their legs perfectly. I was so happy they’d listened and brought the black shoes I’d bought them to try on with their bridesmaid dresses. The flash of red from the bottoms of the shoes was the perfect touch. The red accessories I’d picked out were gonna be perfect.

  Seeing how beautiful they looked brought tears to my eyes.

  I smiled. “Wow, India, you look amazing. You do not look fat. Dionne, that dress hits you just right.”

  My twin made her way to me and zipped me into my own gown. I stepped back and admired myself in the mirror.

  The strapless Maggie Sottero gown’s bodice was embroidered with Swarovski crystals, which winked in the room’s track lighting. I forced a smile and began playfully putting my hair up, as if trying to decide to wear it up or down. I felt someone straightening out the bottom of my gown. My sister stood back and looked at me. This time it was her turn to have tears in her eyes.

  “Oh my goodness Twin, I look beautiful,” she laughed. “I’m just kidding. You look amazing.”

  “You do look beautiful, Idalis,” Dionne added.

  Their voices snapped me out of my self-induced fairy tale and our eyes met briefly. “Then why don’t I feel beautiful?”

  “I wish I knew, Twin. I wish I knew,” India whispered. “I do know one thing, though.” She wiped her tears.

  I looked down at my dress, tousled the skirt on my gown, and smoothed it out. “What’s that?”

  She placed her hand under my chin and lifted my face to hers. Her hand went to my makeup-covered bruised cheek. Her fingers touched my face gently before she put her hand down.

  “You’re running out of time to fix this.”

  I turned away from her before the first wave of tears fell.

  I admired my glowing silhouette in the mirror.

  Suddenly the dress I was wearing was so heavy—it might as well have been made of lead.

  Chapter Ten

  Idalis

  I sat on the couch, tapping my phone on my leg.

  Lincoln wasn’t home, and truth be told, I was kind of glad.

  After we left the dress shop, the three of us headed to Atlantic Station and during our late lunch they both managed to convince me to call Trip and talk to him about my situation. I fought hard against the idea, mainly because I didn’t need the drama, and there was no telling how many different cans of worms I would be opening if I made that phone call. But one point that they did make was that Trip was the only person, other than India, who knew me better than I knew myself.

  I remembered when we were in the fifth grade and this fat chick named Althea was bullying me. Trip pulled me to the side in the lunchroom and convinced me that I had the power to kick her ass and get her to leave me alone for good. Well, it didn’t take long to find out, I didn’t. India ended up having to jump in and save my behind; as a result we all got suspended for a week. But there was something about knowing that he believed in me that made that ass whooping worth it.

  I tapped the screen on my phone and flipped through my contacts until I found his number.

  I smiled when his voice came across the line. “Hey, you.”

  He laughed. “I was wondering when you were gonna call.”

  “Sorry, I been running around,” I lied.

  “I understand, I even went by the gym hoping to run into you again.”

  I let that comment hang out there, deciding not to touch it.

  “So what’s up?” he asked.

  “You were on my mind, so I just wanted to call.”

  I heard him let out a slight laugh. “Is that right?”

  I moved my phone to my other ear. “Yes. Is that so hard to believe?”

  “I just figured with you running around, jumping brooms, you wasn’t worried about me.”

  I let out a small sigh. “Whatever.”

  “What’s up, baby girl? You sound like something’s wrong.”

  I shifted around on the couch; then I stood up and paced across my living-room floor. “It’s just Grammie’s really sick and this wedding, it’s a lot you know?”

  “Come on Idalis,” he said, sounding disappointed. “Why didn’t you tell me about her when we were together?”

  “I don’t know. I was just happy to see you, I just didn’t ...” I said, my voice trailing off.

  I knew that was a lame ass reason but that’s all I could come up with.

  Silence fell across the line. I didn’t know if I had made a mistake calling him or not. A lot of time had passed maybe our friendship was never gonna be what it used to be.

  Finally he spoke. “Idalis?”

  I answered, “Yes.”

  “Can you get out?”

  “Yeah. Cameron is with India.”

  “Meet me at my mom’s.”

  An hour later, I stepped into the house and it felt like I’d been sucked back in time. One of the last times I was in his mom’s house was the night of the high school prom. My date canceled on me because he wanted to go with Rainey Johnson, the one chick in school that was guaranteed to put out. Trip hadn’t planned on going at all so it wasn’t a big deal to him, but my mother got so sick of my crying that she and his mom put him up to taking me. So my mother tossed me and my taffeta laden body in the car and we ended up over here where I found Trip in a tuxedo and his mom waiting with camera in hand. An hour later we were dancing to SWV’s Weak and wondering when they were gonna feed us. Even in our prom picture he had a look of agitation and my eyes were still puffy from crying.

  Trip was seated across from me in the middle of his mother’s living-room. I couldn’t help but feel like we were teenagers cutting class again. My eyes kept going to the front door. It was as if we were expecting at any moment for one of our parents to come in and ask why we weren’t in school.

  Trinity wasn’t home and his mother was asleep, so we were sitting half in the dark, trying to keep our voices down so we didn’t disturb her.

  I took a drink out of the bottle of water, which I had in my hand. “I never expected things to be this hard, you know?”

  “Your Gram’s is a strong woman. She’ll pull through.”

  “I pray you’re right.”

  “Trinity told me to tell you she’s praying for her.”

  “Tell her I said thank you.”

  I smiled at the memories of hanging out with her. She was always good for a laugh, whether she meant to be or not.

  “I hate I missed her.”

  “Be careful.” He chuckled. “She may try to turn you into one of her social work cases. She got me twice already.”

  “I’m not surprised. She was always such a tree hugger.”

  We laughed.

  “Remember when she cried when your mom called animal control on that stray cat that was always in your backyard.”

  He laughed a little harder. “Oh! Damn. Yeah. She called my mother—”

  “A coldhearted human being who wasn’t capable of loving God’s creatures!” I finished his sentence with a chuckle.

  “Yup, and Mama showed Trinity that she was capable of getting her ass whooped for getting smart with her.”

  Our laughs subsided and we both got quiet. The silence hovered like a huge, wet wool blanket. It felt very heavy and very cumbersome.

  I finally broke the silence before my head exploded. “With Grammie being sick, and Mom and Lincoln not getting along, everything is just a mess.”

  He gave me a crooked smile. “Well, I can’t blame your mother.”

  I tossed a pillow at him. “I’m serious. And you never liked Linc, anyway.”

  He threw the pillow back. “’Cause he’s an asshole.”

  I chuckled to myself because he had no idea how true that statement was.

  “And now India’s talking about taking a job in California.”

  He looked up at me wide-eyed. “Are you serious?”

  Heart h
eavy, I nodded. “I don’t want her to go, but I know that’s being selfish.”

  “Have you told her you want her to stay?”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  He kept his eyes on me, giving me his full attention.

  “Because I know India. She’d end up staying, just because I asked her to, and enrolling in some clown college just to get another degree.”

  He laughed.

  His laughter filled in every hole that filled my spirit at that point. It was what I needed and didn’t even realize it.

  “And this job may be just what she needs,” I reasoned.

  He stretched and I couldn’t help but watch as the muscles in his arms flexed against his black DEA tee.

  “Man, I’m tired. I can’t wait to get back home. Atlanta is taking it out of me,” he said.

  I smiled a little. “Wow, you hate it that much?”

  “This place is heavy. Nothing here for me.”

  “Don’t say that. Your family is here.”

  He looked at me. “Yeah, that’s true. But I like what I got going on over there.”

  “I can’t believe it’s been almost six years since you left,” I said.

  “Yeah, time is flying.” He smiled. “You gettin’ old.”

  We sat there for a second, stillness settling between us. In the back of my mind I always wondered if Linc proposing had anything to do with him leaving the way he did. His move was so sudden—almost out of nowhere—but I never brought it up and I knew he wasn’t going to do it either. Even when he had come home for his father’s funeral he was different, he was a shell of the person he used to be. He kept telling everyone how much he loved New Orleans but there was something in his eyes that only I could see that let me know that was the farthest thing from the truth.

  “I heard about what happened with you and your ex,” I finally said, dropping my eyes and picking at the tag on the pillow I was holding.

  He leaned back. “And what would that be?”

  I looked up into his eyes. “Camille’s miscarriage.”

  He sat forward and dropped his head. “Wow. Hundreds of miles away and I still can’t have my life to myself.”

  “Yeah, Trinity called me after it happened.”

  “Trinity called and told you?” his tone was heavy with disbelief.