Leaving Oxford

by Janet W. Ferguson

  “Aw. Tell them I’m available, and I liked them, too.”

  “So, I’ve been craving barbeque from Memphis. Want to go up next Sunday night?”

  The line fell silent for a moment. “Get the guys and go up. I’ll stay here and watch Katie and Camilla.”

  His feet set a fast pace down the road toward Sarah Beth’s house. “That sounds fun, if you don’t mind watching them.”

  “I’d love to stay here and entertain them.”

  His pace quickened. “I have another trip to run by you. We play Alabama early September, and I can get a cheap block of rooms for the CSU if you wanted to organize a trip.”

  “I can organize it, but then I could still babysit for the weekend on that one, too.”

  “You’re so generous to offer to babysit. One more thing, can you drive me to Batesville tomorrow? I need to have my truck serviced.”

  Nothing. No answer at all.

  Just as he suspected. “Sarah Beth?” He turned toward her driveway.

  “Sorry. I’m checking my schedule. I can’t tomorrow.”

  “What about the next day. Or the next?”

  Another bout of silence answered him. This had to be an anxiety disorder she’d been too embarrassed to share. His heart ached for her.

  “Sarah Beth, meet me on your porch. Please.”

  “Are you outside?”

  “I walked over while we were talking.”

  “Do I have to?”

  “Yep.”

  The door opened, and he hung up. A clip held her dark hair. One small wisp hung down by her ear, and she bit her lip. He wanted to touch that hair and pull her in his arms. The way she avoided his eyes, that wasn’t the right move for the moment.

  “You can tell me, Sarah Beth. Maybe I can help you get through it.”

  She shuffled to the swing and sat, studying her fingernails. “I haven’t been able to make myself leave Oxford since I came back. Over a year ago now. Every time I think about even going to Tupelo or Batesville or any place outside my little world here, I can’t breathe. My palms sweat. My face tingles, and I feel like I might faint. Oh, and my heart pounds like it’s going to explode through my chest.”

  “I thought that’s what happened when my mother asked you to come to Los Angeles. I wasn’t sure if it was L.A. or if it was any place that required you to ride on the interstate or what.” He sat next to her on the swing. “You could have told me.”

  “I know. It’s not that I didn’t trust you. It’s embarrassing. I’ve been seeing a therapist. I’ve prayed. Mark and Chris and Juan have prayed for me and with me. I feel like such a failure. I’m considering medication.” She breathed out a long sigh.

  Jess rested his hand on hers. “You should try the medication, and once you’ve been on it a few weeks, we’ll go for a ride down Highway Six. We’ll ride as far as you feel comfortable, then try it again every couple of days, maybe a bit farther each time. I’ve known a few players with anxiety disorders or post-traumatic stress. A guy I played with in Florida had been through a hurricane as a child. Every time there was a thunderstorm or tornado sirens went off, he freaked. He started taking medicine, and after a month or so, he felt much better.” His thumb traced the knuckles of her soft fingers. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”

  The swing swayed, and they sat without talking, her hand still beneath his. Would she let him help her?

  ~~~

  The electricity from Jess’s hand resting on hers surged up Sarah Beth’s arm to shock her heart. What did that mean? She sucked in a chest full of humid summer air. He was nice-looking after all. Perfectly normal to feel some attraction. But she needed to block that from her mind. She had to. He deserved better. Someone normal.

  If only she could absorb some of his strength. Could she really get well? How she wanted to believe she’d be able to visit her family in Atlanta, travel to her office in Los Angeles, go to Memphis. Go anywhere.

  “You’re a good friend. I’ll give it a try. Maybe. Sometime.”

  “I care about you, Sarah Beth.” Jess cleared his throat. “And you know I’m a quarterback at heart, and a coach. I come up with a strategy, and I execute the plan.”

  “Right, Coach. I’ll try the medicine and let you know when I’m ready to start riding the roads.”

  “How about in three weeks? At that point, you should expect me to start annoying you to go a mile or two farther than you’ve been so far.”

  “What if I freak out on you?”

  He turned and held her gaze. “You won’t, but if you do, we can turn the car around.” He caressed her hand. “I’ll calm you down somehow.” A smile played at the corner of his lips. “Maybe I’ll throw a tennis ball at you especially hard.”

  Sarah Beth chuckled. “Or a volleyball.”

  “I could sing.”

  “That would freak me out for sure. You and Chris could go neck-and-neck in the joyful noise category.”

  He pretended to be outraged. “I thought if it came from the heart, it was good.”

  “That’s not necessarily true for human ears.”

  He let go of her hand and squeezed her knee. “Uncalled for.”

  “That tickles. Stop.”

  Jess tried to grab her knee again. She held his hands away. Or was he holding hers? And why was she giggling like a little girl? “Okay, you can sing. I was just teasing you the way you guys tease me about my cooking.”

  His eyes focused on hers. She looked at her hands wrapped in his and swallowed hard. Again. Did he hear the gulp? Or her heart that seemed to be banging against her chest?

  Jess released her hands. “If you freak out, I have many ways to distract you.”

  “Sounds like punishment.” She sat up straight. “Oh my stars. Gingie’s not crated, and it’s too quiet. Hang on, I’ll be right back.”

  She ran into the house. A pile of items that had been on the floor of her closet now cluttered the living room. Nice. After shuffling through the collection of unofficial chew toys, she headed back toward the front door. “Come on, Gingie.” The dog cowered the whole way. Outside, Sarah Beth found Jess kicked back on the swing. “She knows she was a bad girl.”

  “Going through the chewing stage?”

  “Every pair of my shoes littered the living room floor. And a couple of purses. Luckily, it must have taken her a few minutes to gather them. She only had time to ruin a few pumps.” She scratched between Gingie’s ears. “You’re a sneaky puppy, aren’t you?”

  “You’re taking it pretty well, considering. Obviously you’re not a shoe fanatic.”

  “No, shoes aren’t my thing.”

  “What is your thing?” His stare probed her.

  She twirled a loose piece of her hair around her finger. “I don’t know. I guess because of the fire at our house in Pass Christian, I don’t think of possessions as permanent. I know they’re temporary. My thing might be people, God, my work, music.”

  “That makes sense, but I have a question about something that doesn’t. How did you drive to Sardis Lake that first day if you can’t leave Oxford?”

  If only he knew how close she’d been to staying alone in her house that day. “When Mark brought me here right after the accident, we drove to that part of Sardis Lake to sit and talk every day. He wanted to get me outside. If you had been planning to put the boat in somewhere else, like at Batesville, I wouldn’t have gone. When you said Hurricane Landing, I just thought maybe I could make it there, like it was part of my Oxford.”

  Jess’s chin lifted as he smiled. “I’m glad you did.”

  “Me, too.” Her cheeks burned. More. If that were possible. “I should go in and do some work or something.”

  “Yeah, I have a long list of phone calls to make. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Goodbye, Jess.” She led Gingie in.

  “See you soon, Sarah Beth.”

  His voice trailed her, turning her insides out. Would he be able to help? Was she brave enough to try?

 
Chapter 26

  A second cup of coffee did little to snap Sarah Beth’s mind into action. The computer screen glowed before her, along with the anxiety prescription she’d picked up, but her thoughts drifted to the previous night’s conversation. Her palms sweated just thinking about trying to leave town. And about taking the daily medicine. Sure it was okay for others, but she’d thought she could get over it on her own. Her heart warmed as she pictured Jess’s eyes when he’d offered to help. And his hand holding hers. And his fingers caressing hers. Oh, goodness. Maybe a call to Jill would get her brain back on work. She stared at the prescription bottle again. She’d take the first pill after lunch. She grabbed her phone from the tabletop and pressed Jill’s number.

  Jill picked up on the fifth ring, her voice husky. “Hello.”

  “Morning, Jill. How’s life?”

  Jill yawned. “You know it’s early in LA, and I’m kind of riding the struggle-bus this morning.”

  “I thought you gave up the partying.”

  “I did, but it was my birthday, and I was feeling sorry for myself.”

  Sarah Beth’s hand went to her forehead. What a terrible friend she was. “Oh my stars. I knew it was your birthday yesterday, and I forgot to call you.”

  “It’s okay. I got the gift you sent. I love the earrings, by the way.”

  Sarah Beth’s stomach twisted. How could she forget to call her assistant and best friend on her birthday? “Still, I meant to call you. I’m sorry I got—caught up in something. So what happened?”

  “I went out to a club with a couple of old friends and had some drinks.” Jill paused. “Um, you might fire me when I tell you this, but I hope you’ll still be my friend.”

  Nothing could be that bad. “I’ll always be your friend. Start talking.”

  “Dylan Conner came by the office to talk to Bill a while back. He came on to me a little and gave me his number. He said to call him sometime if I wanted to hang out.”

  “Don’t tell me you called him last night.”

  “And I left with him, I guess.”

  “You guess?”

  “I’m sorry.” Jill’s voice quivered. “I know he asked you out.”

  “I was never going to go out with Dylan. And I’m not firing you.”

  “Oh, Sarah Beth, are you sure you don’t have feelings for him?”

  “We’re friends. But I’m worried for you.”

  “I am, too. I’ve seen the tabloid photos of him and that fashion designer, Sophia, the one you wouldn’t represent in Paris because of her racy line of clothing.”

  Oh, what a small, creepy world. “Yeah, the tabloids and Sophia are troubling.”

  Jill cleared her throat. “You didn’t call about this. What’s on the agenda for today?”

  “We can talk as long as you like about anything you want. Everything else can wait.”

  “There’s nothing else to say about last night, other than I’m an idiot.” Her voice broke. “Let’s move on. I don’t want to talk about it anymore, as long as you’re still my friend.”

  “Always.” Sarah Beth ran her index finger across the keyboard. “I called to clear my head and see if you can acquire some freebies.” Hopefully the freebie mission would turn out better than the head-clearing. “You met the McCoys, who are staying in the Malibu condo. Jess McCoy, his friend Nick Russo, and Nick’s daughter, Katie, are coming out for a visit. Katie’s a precious four-year-old. Could you ask Juan what kinds of places are popular for kids? Oh, and I want Jess to meet Juan and see the architectural models of the clinic and church.”

  “Hmm. This Jess sounds important.”

  Sarah Beth cleared her throat. “Jess and Nick are both good friends.”

  “So, both of them, off limits?”

  “What? No.”

  “I’m just kidding, especially after my blunder last night. Pray for me, will you?”

  “Jill, I pray for you every day, but I’ll say an extra prayer about this whole Dylan mess.”

  Once they hung up, Sarah Beth let out a long sigh. If only Jill could find a nice guy. Now that her brain was more muddled, she may as well try the new medicine. Her hands shook as she twisted the lid. She stared at the little white circle in her palm. The doctor said to try this one, and if it didn’t work out, they’d try something else. What did that mean anyway? What happened if it didn’t work? Would she be even crazier? She’d probably get fat. Maybe she’d get mean.

  She was being ridiculous. No more thinking. She popped it in her mouth and swallowed.

  ~~~

  Jess struggled to concentrate on the job at hand after his conversation with Sarah Beth. On the sidelines of the university’s practice facility, he tried to focus on the young quarterback who launched a ball downfield. The high school player had an arm, no doubt. Timing and velocity were dead on. And the kid seemed willing to listen. No bad attitude. They’d need a strong roll-out passer if Cole got injured. Their backup quarterback could sustain a drive, but didn’t have the arm Cole or this kid did. The rapport was there, too.

  If only Teddy would back off.

  Teddy and the boy’s dad, the so-called distant cousin, laughed together across the field. Not cool. He’d need to keep an eye on the situation. He wasn’t getting drawn into something sleazy.

  The quarterback jogged to the sidelines after the drills ended.

  Jess slapped him on the back. “Good arm. I like the way you handled yourself out there. Your senior year is coming up. The other defenses better look out.”

  “Thanks, Coach.” The six-foot-three-inch player grinned as if Jess had awarded him a Heisman.

  Always a good sign when they called him Coach, not Coach McCoy. Teddy didn’t need to worry. This one was leaning his way. He could feel it.

  Since it was Tuesday, Jess cut out from the summer camps early for family night. When he arrived at the student minister’s house, Chris shuffled around, frantic, while Camilla watched a cartoon on TV.

  “Where are Sarah Beth and Kim?”

  Chris’ mouth twisted. “Sarah Beth isn’t feeling well, and Kim’s sitting with her.”

  Something was wrong. Jess’s stomach lurched. “What happened?”

  Chris stood, still holding paper plates, mouth half open, as if thinking how to answer. “She had an adverse reaction to a new medicine she tried.”

  Jess’s heart rate accelerated to a sprint. “You’re kidding. Is it the medicine I talked her into taking?”

  Setting aside the plates, Chris placed both hands on Jess’s shoulders. “Mark and Kim and I have been trying to convince her, too. This is a fluke. Absolutely not your fault.”

  This couldn’t be happening. “Do you think it will be all right for me to go over and sit with her?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Didn’t matter. He had to go. “I’ll see you later, Chris. Sorry about not staying to help.” Jess pulled his keys from his pocket and ran full speed to his truck.

  The few miles to Sarah Beth’s felt like a hundred. Once he reached her door, a loud howl greeted him.

  The door opened a fraction, and Kim peeked out. “Oh, Jess. Sarah Beth’s not feeling well.”

  “Yeah, I heard. I feel bad about encouraging her to take the medicine. I was wondering if I could come in. Do you think she’d mind, since you’re here?”

  Kim raised her eyebrows. “I’m not sure she’ll know you’re here. I gave her one of the pills the doctor called in for the nausea, and it’s made her drowsy. At least she’s not sick to her stomach anymore, poor thing.”

  His breath caught. It felt like he’d been sacked. More than once. “I feel terrible. I didn’t know this could happen.”

  “It’s not your fault. You know that, right?” She touched his shoulder. “There’s always a possibility someone can have an adverse reaction to medication. Sometimes people have to try a couple of different prescriptions until they find the one to help.”

  Wagging her tail, Gingie pranced around Jess’s legs, vying for attention.
>
  “Gingie’s happy to see you. Sarah Beth’s on the sofa. I’m going to the kitchen to get a drink.” Kim left him alone with Sarah Beth. He sat on the edge of the couch and stroked the hair framing her face.

  Dark brown eyes flittered open. “How did you get here?”

  “Kim let me in. I heard you were sick. I’m so sorry. I wanted you to feel better, not worse.”

  Sarah Beth sat up and blinked a few times. “Evidently I’m the one in a million who has a bad reaction to this drug. The doctor said I can try a different kind. Here.” Sarah Beth patted the seat beside her. “You can lean back and share the couch with me.”

  Her face was so pale. “No, you lie down.”

  “I can sit up a while.” Her head wobbled a little as she spoke. “I’m just sleepy and a little goofier than usual.”

  “If you’re sure.” As he sank back onto the couch, Gingie bounded into his lap. The weight and the surprise pulled a throaty laugh from Jess.

  Sarah Beth leaned across and shook her finger at the hefty puppy. “You know you’re too big to be a lap dog, Gingie.”

  The dog stayed put, and a second later, Sarah Beth’s head sunk to Jess’s shoulder. Her body relaxed, breathing slow and steady.

  A quiet sigh slipped from Kim when she returned to the living room with two bottles of water. “I leave the room for a couple of minutes, and this is what happens?”

  “I think I’m stuck here for a little while.” The only thing better would be a long while. This felt right. Like he was home. Both his girls curled up beside him.

  Kim shook her head. “Fine, but I’m ruling the remote.”

  ~~~

  Sarah Beth’s legs ached to stretch. She attempted to twist around and lay back on the couch, but fur brushed her arm, and a lump pushed into her back. “What in the world?”

  She turned her head to find Jess and Gingie beside her on the couch, while Kim slept curled up on the love seat.

  Jess woke as she tried to untangle herself. “Hey, how are you feeling?”

  Her heart squeezed at the sound, the proximity. “Still a bit like a bus hit me, but better.”

  “I should go. I’ll let myself out and check on you later.” He attempted an awkward hug that melted into something more natural. Soothing and warm.