Leaving Oxford

by Janet W. Ferguson

  Jess’s posture straightened. “I have missed Mrs. Latham’s pot roast. Since the season started, I’ve had to make a quick exit after church to watch film with the team. But since we were off this week...”

  She’d love to end all the pain and confusion she’d seen in Jess’s eyes. But would she ever be the kind of woman he deserved?

  At lunch, guilt crushed Sarah Beth’s throat as she studied Jess. His eyes drooped as he made conversation, along with the corners of his mouth. Gloom covered his every movement. By dessert, she’d lost her appetite and stirred her spoon around the banana pudding on her plate.

  Mark stretched and scooted his chair back from the table. “There’s nothing like your cooking, Mrs. Latham. Thank you.” He stood. “I’d love to stay longer, but I better get on the road. The sooner I start the drive to Atlanta, the sooner I’ll get back to the family.” His gaze shifted to Jess. “Would you mind giving Sarah Beth a ride home? My luggage is already in my SUV.”

  Likely story. That stinker planned this.

  Jess crinkled his eyebrows. “No problem.”

  They all stood and escorted Mark down the sun-brightened entrance hall. The Lathams took turns embracing him. Jess followed with a handshake.

  Mark gave Sarah Beth a stern look. “Be honest. Quit trying to be perfect. Or else I’m telling everyone about your weird childhood stunts.” Then he folded her in a tight hug.

  Sarah Beth grunted. “Talk about tough love.”

  “Love you, miss you, but God loves you more.”

  As usual, Jess walked Sarah Beth to his truck and opened her door. She gave him a tentative smile. “Thanks.”

  Once they were both in the truck with the engine started, Jess stroked his chin. “A cold front’s moving in, and the temperature’s supposed to drop even more tonight. I thought I’d take the boat for one last spin and then put her up for the winter. My schedule’s too busy this time of year to take her out anyway. Would you consider going with me? No pressure. Not a date.”

  “Of course.” Now she had to figure out what to say and where to start.

  Jess switched on the radio while they rode to his house and hitched the boat which was fine with her.

  Once they reached the dock, she helped him launch it into the water. A cold wind stirred the water under the afternoon sun. They cruised without talking until Jess cut the engine. Few boaters passed in the crisp air, so they drifted in the middle of the lake.

  She tried to gather her courage and force out words to explain why she’d behaved the way she had. Why she’d hurt him. “You want to talk?”

  “Do you?” Jess kept his eyes fixed ahead. If only he’d look at her.

  “Yes and no.”

  “I’ll wait, then.” His voice was subdued. He closed his eyes and settled down in his seat, legs stretched toward the open bow.

  The wind blew ripples and small waves across the lake, sunlight shimmering on the pinnacles. She shivered as they drifted in silence. The temperature had to be dipping into the fifties. Leaves dropped and drifted in the breeze, creating cascades of gold and amber and auburn. Mark’s advice came to mind. She needed to explain her withdrawal. But how should she start?

  Opening his eyes, Jess straightened in his seat. “We should head back. I’ve got hours of recruiting film to watch.”

  Oh no. She hadn’t explained yet. And she had to.

  The key clinked in the ignition, but the engine didn’t respond. He ran his hands through his blond hair. “What’s wrong now?” He moved back to check the motor and the battery, then tried again. Nothing. He clucked his tongue, and pulled out his phone. “No service. You?” He raised his phone in the air above his head.

  Sarah Beth rummaged through her bag. She found her phone, no bars. “No service here, either.”

  “I’ve never had any trouble with the engine. The battery should be good. Maybe another boat will pass, and we can get a tow.”

  They scanned the lake. No boats. They waited long minutes and nothing.

  Jess looked toward the bank. “I could get out and swim with a rope and pull us to the shore.”

  “No.” Sarah Beth reached over and gripped his bicep. “It’s too cold, and there’s nothing on that shore. No dock or store. You’ll be hypothermic in no time. My parents warned us about situations like this. We should drop anchor and wait for help.” She dug in her bag. “Here. I have water, sour gummy worms, hot tamale candy, and peanut butter crackers. We can stave off hunger. I have one of these foil blankets, too, if we get cold. Shoot. I should have brought two.”

  Jess raised his eyebrows. “Can you pull a rabbit or maybe a marine mechanic out of that thing?”

  “Maybe later.” God had given her this opportunity to be honest and share her heart. Like Mark had said she should. “I think I’m supposed to spill my guts now.”

  Jess put his hand up. “You don’t owe me an explanation. I pushed you. You told me you weren’t ready to date the first time we came here. It’s all right. We can slow down.”

  Sarah Beth fixed her gaze on him. “You remember what I said the first time we came out here?”

  A smile tugged at Jess’s lips. “I remember the first time I came into your classroom. I was tracking down Cole to return his phone. You were cute and funny.”

  Sarah Beth bolted upright and gasped. “You were giving him his phone?”

  “He left it in my office, and I was trying to catch him before class started.”

  “I thought you came to convince me to change his grade.”

  Nose crinkling, Jess shook his head. “I’d never do that. I could get into a mountain of trouble.”

  “Why’d you come to my office?”

  Jess grinned. “I was intrigued. You were so disinterested. I wasn’t, uh...”

  “You weren’t used to a woman not falling all over you?”

  His grin widened. “I wasn’t going to put it that way.”

  “But when you came to Christ...that was real, right?”

  His hands clasped hers. “Sarah Beth, nothing that happened after that first day on the boat was a game. You told me part of your story, and all games were off. I knew something was different about you. I had to know more, and that night at the CSU, I realized what made you different. I fell in love with you that first day, and that night at CSU, I fell in love with the Lord.”

  Sarah Beth’s heart drummed as if she’d just swum the length of the lake.

  His head lowered, his smile gone. “So, there you have it. I spilled my guts instead of you—laid it on the line. I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted.”

  A gust of cool air rushed across the water, rocking the boat. “Jess, I’m scared.”

  He squeezed her hands. “We’ll be fine. Someone will find us.”

  “No, not of this.” How to explain? She stared at his hands holding hers and rubbed her thumbs across his fingers. “How can I be a wife and mother when I can’t even leave town? What if our child needs to go the hospital in Jackson—or just wants to be on a traveling soccer team? What will I do? Say, ‘Sorry, baby, Mommy’s crazy. She can’t go with you. Good luck, feel better’? You deserve to have children, and I’m just too messed up, Jess. You deserve someone normal. You should go coach professional football. Live your dream. Find a nice girl that’s the whole package.”

  With one quick movement, he hauled her into his lap. “Sarah Beth, I feel like I’ve been looking for you all my life. I don’t want anyone else. If you’re scared to be a mother, then we won’t have children. We could build a shack on this lake and only leave for food if that would make you happy. If I lose my coaching job and have to dig ditches to stay in Oxford, that’s what I’ll do to be with you. I don’t care about Tampa Bay. I love you, Sarah Beth. I’ll wait until you’re ready, but please don’t shut me out again. I can’t handle that. You have to talk to me when you get scared, even if it’s to tell me you don’t feel the same way about me.”

  She breathed in the citrus and spice scent of his hair and melted into
his shoulder. “I do love you, Jess McCoy. But I want you to be happy.”

  Lifting her chin, he cupped her face. “You make me happy.” His brown eyes held a passion that gripped her whole being. The wind ruffled his blond hair as his mouth inched closer. His lips mingled with the wind brushing across hers, lightly at first. His thumbs traced her cheekbones, his fingers slipped through her hair, sending a wave of warmth and washing down the fears, the guilt. The kiss deepened. Everything else dissolved away, his strength soaking into her heart.

  At last he let her go. “Lord, we need this engine to start to keep me from temptation.”

  Sarah Beth sucked in a deep breath, opening her eyes. “Me, too. Give it another try.”

  Rotating toward the ignition, he turned the key. The motor roared to life. The smell of diesel fuel and oil circulated in the wind as she looked toward the sky. “Thank You.”

  Chapter 41

  In the truck, Jess hummed along with the radio. It didn’t matter if he was off key. All was right with the world. Like winning the national title...but better. Much better. Sarah Beth loved him.

  When they reached her door, his lips followed the curve of her neck to her cheek, then her ear. “I never wanted my kid to be on one of those travel soccer teams.”

  Sarah Beth pursed her lips. “Next, you’ll be calling me a nut, like Mark.”

  Pulling her closer still, her warmth filled him with hope. “As long as you’re nuts about me.”

  A howl reverberated from the other side of the window. Sarah Beth moved to the door to let Gingie out. “You know, Jess, I was praying for a companion that first day that you came to my classroom, but I thought this mutt was God’s answer to my prayer. Now I have to wonder why this strange creature descended upon me.”

  He huffed. “I can’t believe you met me and still thought that brute was the answer to your prayers.”

  Her lips brushed his, teasing. She rubbed his nose with her own. “See, I’m nuts.”

  Was he blushing now? His face burned as she toyed with him. “I do like nuts.” They held each other until Jess tore himself away. “Sarah Beth, please be patient with my crazy football schedule. Don’t give up on me or disappear again. Promise me.”

  Her brown eyes softened. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I won’t give up or disappear. I promise. But what about your offer? Professional football is your dream. Maybe I can keep practicing leaving Oxford, or Mark can drug me and haul me there. Do you want to go?”

  The tenderness in her voice, her gaze, gave him happiness. Didn’t she know by now? “Professional football was my dream. When I was twenty-two, the NFL seemed like the ultimate success. Besides the fact that you’re enough for me now, I think success is helping these boys God brings under my influence become young men. With the skills for life, not just football.” He sighed. “Unless the NCAA slaps a recruiting violation on us.”

  Her chin lifted. “Wait. What are you talking about?”

  Had he said that out loud?

  “Jess, tell me. Don’t leave anything out. No more keeping things from each other.”

  He took her hands. She was right. No more keeping things from each other.

  ~~~

  Sarah Beth flew through the open door of the pool house, a stack of files piled in her arms. She hurried into the bedroom. “Let’s play catch up.”

  A smile spread across Jill’s thin face as she sat up. “Bring it on.” She held out her hands to take a few folders. “I’m glad Mark helped you see how important you are to us. You’ve been a wonderful friend to me. I can’t imagine going through this pregnancy without your support. But remember, that doesn’t mean you have to do everything for me.”

  “Thanks. I’m glad Nick’s been here to take up the slack. Can I be nosey and ask where things stand between you? I saw him kiss you goodbye before you left that first time.”

  A pillow soared across the bed and smacked Sarah Beth in the head. “I knew you were peeking out the window.”

  Giggling, Sarah Beth picked up the pillow. “I couldn’t stop myself.”

  Jill sighed. “I finally met Mr. Right, but I’m pregnant with another man’s baby. Of course, not just any old Joe’s baby. The father would have to be one of the most famous faces in the world.”

  “I shouldn’t have asked.”

  “You can ask me anything. We both need to be more open.” She rolled to her side and slid her hand across the white cotton bedspread. “Nick’s stepped up as a friend. Of course, we always have our sweet chaperone, Katie. So, now it’s your turn to update me about you and our favorite coach.”

  Sarah Beth squeezed the pillow to her chest. “He says he loves me, even if I’m a nut.”

  Jill’s forehead wrinkled. “What? He said that?”

  “Not exactly. It was more like he loves me no matter what.”

  “That’s more like it. I’m happy for you. You deserve to be happy.”

  “You do too, Jill. Why can’t life be easy?”

  Jill tapped her fingernails on the computer in her lap. “It’d be much easier if we didn’t make stupid, impulsive decisions. I’m speaking for myself, of course.”

  “I’ve made my fair share of bad choices. We all do. That’s what’s so remarkable about grace. Sometimes, even though we’re forgiven, we still have consequences.”

  A bitter laugh passed Jill’s lips. “I’m living with the consequences.” She sat back up. “But the best thing I can do for now is figure out how to be a good mother. Nick brought me his plethora of parenting books. The man takes his parenting very seriously. He also brought Bible study books and videos. I’m learning so much. I’m talking to my mother about all of it. Would you mind if she comes for a visit next month?”

  Bible study books and videos? This was fantastic. And talking to her mother about it. “Of course, I wouldn’t mind. She’s welcome to stay with me. You both are, if you need more space.”

  Sarah Beth sank back into the chair and closed her eyes. Maybe every tear she’d cried these past years had been worth it. God was redeeming all that pain. Beauty for ashes. Like Juan had said.

  Chapter 42

  Jess parked his truck on campus and steeled himself for the early morning meeting with compliance. No matter how many times he’d prayed, worry still nagged him about whether he’d lose his job in Oxford. What would he do for a living? Sarah Beth had made some progress, but he’d never want to push her too hard.

  The ring he’d purchased came to mind. After their last few goodnight kisses, he didn’t want to wait much longer to ask her to marry him. Or to get married for that matter. Leaving her at that doorstep was way too hard. But he wanted to know the outcome of this meeting first, so she’d know what she was getting into.

  Lord, I know you’ve got only the best plans for me and Sarah Beth. Help me calm down.

  A cool, light wind swept across his face as he stepped onto the sidewalk. With it came peace. No matter what the outcome, God was on his side. He hoped Sarah Beth would be, too.

  ~~~

  Sarah Beth shivered under the gray clouds that covered the chilly November sky above the lake. What a pleasant surprise Jess’s visit had been. Football season had forced them to be creative in finding time to spend together, even more so as the team readied for a bowl game. But they’d managed plenty of nice outings. And goodnight kisses.

  A smile floated across her lips as she watched him still fiddling in the truck. He was so handsome. And he loved her. Leaving him on the porch had become more difficult after every visit he made. She toed at the loose gravel on the asphalt. If not for God, it would’ve been impossible.

  What was taking him so long to get out?

  Showering leaves of gold and red covered the landing. Yellow tinged the Cyprus trees that billowed in the wind. They’d be lucky for a short walk along the lake before the predicted rain set in.

  Finally, Jess rounded the truck and let down the tailgate with a clatter. He patted the end, signaling for Sarah Beth to sit. “I’ve got good news.”


  She complied, and he stood in front of her, cloaked with an anxious expression. “Aren’t you going to sit with me?”

  He remained where he was. “I found out today that I still have a job. No recruiting violation.”

  “That’s fantastic.”

  He dropped to one knee and presented a small French porcelain box in the shape of a ship.

  “What are you doing?”

  He squared his broad shoulders and bit his lip. “There’s an old Irish tune my Grandfather used to sing.” He spoke, his voice soft. “I won’t butcher the song by trying to sing it, but the words I remember are something like this. ‘The water is wide. I can’t cross o’er. Neither have I wings to fly. Give me a boat that can carry two, and both shall row, my love and I.’ Will you try that with me, Sarah Beth? I know life can be hard, but let’s row through it together. I want to come home to you every night. I don’t want to squeeze in visits here and there. I’m asking if you’ll marry me, Sarah Beth LeClair.”

  Tears blurred her vision. Had she heard him right? The lump in her throat kept her from speaking.

  “Open it.”

  With shaking hands, she lifted the lid. A diamond solitaire on a platinum band glittered despite the cloudy day. She slid the ring over her finger. A perfect fit.

  Jess’s eyes probed hers. “Is that a yes?”

  Didn’t he know she was busy being a blubbering idiot? She jumped from the tailgate and squeezed her arms around his neck. A little too hard, maybe, because they fell into a heap in the parking lot. She swallowed back the tears. “Let me think about it. Yes.”

  Jess fell back, laughter rumbling from his chest. “The crazy life with Sarah Beth. I can’t wait.”

  She propped herself on one elbow and looked down at him. “Such a beautiful proposal. Until you said that.” She planted her lips on his and kissed him. The world around her faded. Only his lips, strong arms, and her.

  Jess’s arm nudged her away from him, and his breath hitched. “I think it’s best we leave the pavement and go announce the good news to our friends and family. And maybe have a short engagement.” A grin crossed his face as he took her hand in his. He helped her to her feet. “You’ve made me a happy man.”