The Short Happy Life of the Brown Oxford and Other Classic Stories tcsopkd-1

by Philip Kindred Dick

  The wall speaker was silent. Then it made a sound, the faint dry chuckle.

  “I’m surprised at you, Philip. Settlers can be found. We won’t need many, just a few.” The speaker chuckled again. “I’ll acquaint you with my solution.”

  At the far end of the corridor a door slid open. There was sound, a hesitant sound. Kramer turned.

  “Dolores!”

  Dolores Kramer stood uncertainly, looking into the control room. She blinked in amazement. “Phil! What are you doing here? What’s going on?”

  They stared at each other.

  “What’s happening?” Dolores said. “I received a vidcall that you had been hurt in a lunar explosion—”

  The wall speaker rasped into life. “You see, Philip, that problem is already solved. We don’t need so many people; even a single couple might do.”

  Kramer nodded slowly. “I see,” he murmured thickly. “Just one couple. One man and woman.”

  “They might make it all right, if there were someone to watch and see that things went as they should. There will be quite a few things I can help you with, Philip. Quite a few. We’ll get along very well, I think.”

  Kramer grinned wryly. “You could even help us name the animals,” he said. “I understand that’s the first step.”

  “I’ll be glad to,” the toneless, impersonal voice said. “As I recall, my part will be to bring them to you, one by one. Then you can do the actual naming.”

  “I don’t understand,” Dolores faltered. “What does he mean, Phil? Naming animals. What kind of animals? Where are we going?”

  Kramer walked slowly over to the port and stood staring silently out, his arms folded. Beyond the ship myriad fragments of light gleamed, countless coals glowing in the dark void. Stars, suns, systems. Endless, without number. A universe of worlds. An infinity of planets, waiting for them, gleaming and winking from the darkness.

  He turned back, away from the port. “Where are we going?” He smiled at his wife, standing nervous and frightened, her large eyes full of alarm. “I don’t know where we are going,” he said. “But somehow that doesn’t seem important right now… I’m beginning to see the Professor’s point, it’s the result that counts.”

  And for the first time in many months he put his arm around Dolores. At first she stiffened, the fright and nervousness still in her eyes. But then suddenly she relaxed against him and there were tears wetting her cheeks.

  “Phil… do you really think we can start over again—you and I?”

  He kissed her tenderly, then passionately.

  And the spaceship shot swiftly through the endless, trackless eternity of the void…

  Piper in the Woods

  “Well, Corporal Westerburg,” Doctor Henry Harris said gently, “just why do you think you’re a plant?”

  As he spoke, Harris glanced down again at the card on his desk. It was from the Base Commander himself, made out in Cox’s heavy scrawl: Doc, this is the lad I told you about. Talk to him and try to find out how he got this delusion. He’s from the new Garrison, the new check station on Asteroid Y-3, and we don’t want anything to go wrong there. Especially a silly damn thing like this!

  Harris pushed the card aside and stared back up at the youth across the desk from him. The young man seemed ill at ease and appeared to be avoiding answering the question Harris had put to him. Harris frowned. Westerburg was a good looking chap, actually handsome in his Patrol uniform, a shock of blond hair over one eye. He was tall, almost six feet, a fine healthy lad, just two years out of Training, according to the card. Born in Detroit. Had measles when he was nine. Interested in jet engines, tennis, and girls. Twenty-six years old.

  “Well, Corporal Westerburg,” Doctor Harris said again. “Why do you think you’re a plant?”

  The Corporal looked up shyly. He cleared his throat. “Sir, I am a plant, I don’t just think so. I’ve been a plant for several days now.”

  “I see.” The Doctor nodded. “You mean that you weren’t always a plant?”

  “No sir. I just became a plant recently.”

  “And what were you before you became a plant?”

  “Well, sir, I was just like the rest of you.”

  There was silence. Doctor Harris took up his pen and scratched a few lines, but nothing of importance came. A plant? And such a healthy-looking lad! Harris removed his steel-rimmed glasses and polished them with his handkerchief. He put them on again and leaned back in his chair. “Care for a cigarette, Corporal?”

  “No, sir.”

  The Doctor lit one for himself, resting his arm on the edge of the chair. “Corporal, you must realize that there are very few men who become plants, especially on such short notice. I have to admit you are the first person who has ever told me such a thing.”

  “Yes, sir, I realize it’s quite rare.”

  “You can understand why I’m interested, then. When you say you’re a plant, you mean you’re not capable of mobility? Or do you mean you’re a vegetable, as opposed to an animal? Or just what?”

  The Corporal looked away. “I can’t tell you any more,” he murmured. “I’m sorry, sir.”

  “Well, would you mind telling me how you became a plant?”

  Corporal Westerburg hesitated. He stared down at the floor, then out the window at the spaceport, then at a fly on the desk. At last he stood up, getting slowly to his feet. “I can’t even tell you that, sir,” he said.

  “You can’t? Why not?”

  “Because—because I promised not to.”

  The room was silent. Doctor Harris rose, too, and they both stood facing each other. Harris frowned, rubbing his jaw. “Corporal, just who did you promise?”

  “I can’t even tell you that, sir. I’m sorry.”

  The Doctor considered this. At last he went to the door and opened it. “All right, Corporal. You may go now. And thanks for your time.”

  “I’m sorry I’m not more helpful.” The Corporal went slowly out and Harris closed the door after him. Then he went across his office to the vid-phone. He rang Commander Cox’s letter. A moment later the beefy good-natured face of the Base Commander appeared.

  “Cox, this is Harris. I talked to him, all right. All I could get is the statement that he’s a plant. What else is there? What kind of behavior pattern?”

  “Well,” Cox said, “the first thing they noticed was that he wouldn’t do any work. The Garrison Chief reported that this Westerburg would wander off outside the Garrison and just sit, all day long. Just sit.”

  “In the sun?”

  “Yes. Just sit in the sun. Then at nightfall he would come back in. When they asked why he wasn’t working in the jet repair building he told them he had to be out in the sun. Then he said—” Cox hesitated.

  “Yes? Said what?”

  “He said that work was unnatural. That it was a waste of time. That the only worthwhile thing was to sit and contemplate—outside.”

  “What then?”

  “Then they asked him how he got that idea, and then he revealed to them that he had become a plant.”

  “I’m going to have to talk to him again, I can see,” Harris said. “And he’s applied for a permanent discharge from the Patrol? What reason did he give?”

  “The same, that he’s a plant now, and has no more interest in being a Patrolman. All he wants to do is sit in the sun. It’s the damnedest thing I ever heard.”

  “All right. I think I’ll visit him in his quarters.” Harris looked at his watch. “I’ll go over after dinner.”

  “Good luck,” Cox said gloomily. “But who ever heard of a man turning into a plant? We told him it wasn’t possible, but he just smiled at us.”

  “I’ll let you know how I make out,” Harris said.

  Harris walked slowly down the hall. It was after six; the evening meal was over. A dim concept was coming into his mind, but it was much too soon to be sure. He increased his pace, turning right at the end of the hall. Two nurses passed, hurrying by. Westerburg was quartere
d with a buddy, a man who had been injured in a jet blast and who was now almost recovered. Harris came to the dorm wing and stopped, checking the numbers on the doors.

  “Can I help you, sir?” the robot attendant said, gliding up.

  “I’m looking for Corporal Westerburg’s room.”

  “Three doors to the right.”

  Harris went on. Asteroid Y-3 had only recently been garrisoned and staffed. It had become the primary check-point to halt and examine ships entering the system from outer space. The Garrison made sure that no dangerous bacteria, fungus, or what-not arrived to infect the system. A nice asteroid it was, warm, well-watered, with trees and lakes and lots of sunshine. And the most modern Garrison in the nine planets. He shook his head, coming to the third door. He stopped, raising his hand and knocking.

  “Who’s there?” sounded through the door.

  “I want to see Corporal Westerburg.”

  The door opened. A bovine youth with horn-rimmed glasses looked out, a book in his hand. “Who are you?”

  “Doctor Harris.”

  “I’m sorry, sir. Corporal Westerburg is asleep.”

  “Would he mind if I woke him up? I want very much to talk to him.” Harris peered inside. He could see a neat room, with a desk, a rug and lamp, and two bunks. On one of the bunks was Westerburg, lying face up, his arms folded across his chest, his eyes tightly closed.

  “Sir,” the bovine youth said, “I’m afraid I can’t wake him up for you, much as I’d like to.”

  “You can’t? Why not?”

  “Sir, Corporal Westerburg won’t wake up, not after the sun sets. He just won’t. He can’t be awakened.”

  “Cataleptic? Really?”

  “But in the morning, as soon as the sun comes up, he leaps out of bed and goes outside. Stays the whole day.”

  “I see,” the Doctor said. “Well, thanks anyhow.” He went back out into the hall and the door shut after him. “There’s more to this than I realized,” he murmured. He went on back the way he had come.

  It was a warm sunny day. The sky was almost free of clouds and a gentle wind moved through the cedars along the bank of the stream. There was a path leading from the hospital building down the slope to the stream. At the stream a small bridge led over to the other side, and a few patients were standing on the bridge, wrapped in their bathrobes, looking aimlessly down at the water.

  It took Harris several minutes to find Westerburg. The youth was not with the other patients, near or around the bridge. He had gone farther down, past the cedar trees and out onto a strip of bright meadow, where poppies and grass grew everywhere. He was sitting on the stream bank, on a flat gray stone, leaning back and staring up, his mouth open a little. He did not notice the Doctor until Harris was almost beside him.

  “Hello,” Harris said softly.

  Westerburg opened his eyes, looking up. He smiled and got slowly to his feet, a graceful, flowing motion that was rather surprising for a man of his size. “Hello, Doctor. What brings you out here?”

  “Nothing. Thought I’d get some sun.”

  “Here, you can share my rock,” Westerburg moved over and Harris sat down gingerly, being careful not to catch his trousers on the sharp edges of the rock. He lit a cigarette and gazed silently down at the water. Beside him, Westerburg had resumed his strange position, leaning back, resting on his hands, staring up with his eyes shut tight.

  “Nice day,” the Doctor said.

  “Yes.”

  “Do you come here every day?”

  “You like it better out here than inside.”

  “I can’t stay inside,” Westerburg said.

  “You can’t? How do you mean, ‘can’t’?”

  “You would die without air, wouldn’t you?” the Corporal said.

  “And you’d die without sunlight?”

  Westerburg nodded.

  “Corporal, may I ask you something? Do you plan to do this the rest of your life, sit out in the sun on a flat rock? Nothing else?”

  Westerburg nodded.

  “How about your job? You went to school for years to become a Patrolman. You wanted to enter the Patrol very badly. You were given a fine rating and a first-class position. How do you feel, giving all that up? You know, it won’t be easy to get back in again. Do you realize that?”

  “I realize it.”

  “And you’re really going to give it all up?”

  “That’s right.”

  Harris was silent for a while. At last he put his cigarette out and turned toward the youth. “All right, let’s say you give up your job and sit in the sun. Well, what happens, then? Someone else has to do the job instead of you. Isn’t that true? The job has to be done, your job has to be done. And if you don’t do it someone else has to.”

  “I suppose so.”

  “Westerburg, suppose everyone felt the way you do? Suppose everyone wanted to sit in the sun all day? What would happen? No one would check ships coming from outer space. Bacteria and toxic crystals would enter the system and cause mass death and suffering. Isn’t that right?”

  “If everyone felt the way I do they wouldn’t be going into outer space.”

  “But they have to. They have to trade, they have to get minerals and products and new plants.”

  “Why?”

  “To keep society going.”

  “Why?”

  “Well—” Harris gestured. “People couldn’t live without society.”

  Westerburg said nothing to that. Harris watched him, but the youth did not answer.

  “Isn’t that right?” Harris said.

  “Perhaps. It’s a peculiar business, Doctor. You know, I struggled for years to get through Training. I had to work and pay my own way. Washed dishes, worked in kitchens. Studied at night, learned, crammed, worked on and on. And you know what I think, now?”

  “What?”

  “I wish I’d become a plant earlier.”

  Doctor Harris stood up. “Westerburg, when you come inside, will you stop off at my office? I want to give you a few tests, if you don’t mind.”

  “The shock box?” Westerburg smiled. “I knew that would be coming around. Sure, I don’t mind.”

  Nettled, Harris left the rock, walking back up the bank a short distance. “About three, Corporal?”

  The Corporal nodded.

  Harris made his way up the hill, to the path, toward the hospital building. The whole thing was beginning to become more clear to him. A boy who had struggled all his life. Financial insecurity. Idealized goal, getting a Patrol assignment. Finally reached it, found the load too great. And on Asteroid Y-3 there was too much vegetation to look at all day. Primitive identification and projection on the flora of the asteroid. Concept of security involved in immobility and permanence. Unchanging forest.

  He entered the building. A robot orderly stopped him almost at once. “Sir, Commander Cox wants you urgently, on the vidphone.”

  “Thanks.” Harris strode to the office. He dialed Cox’s letter and the Commander’s face came presently into focus. “Cox? This is Harris. I’ve been out talking to the boy. I’m beginning to to get this lined up, now. I can see the pattern, too much load too long. Finally gets what he wants and the idealization shatters under the—”

  “Harris!” Cox barked. “Shut up and listen. I just got a report from Y-3. They’re sending an express rocket here. It’s on the way.”

  “An express rocket?”

  “Five more cases like Westerburg. All say they’re plants! The Garrison Chief is worried as hell. Says we must find out what it is or the Garrison will fall apart, right away. Do you get me, Harris? Find out what it is!”

  “Yes, sir,” Harris murmured. “Yes, sir.”

  By the end of the week there were twenty cases, and all, of course, were from Asteroid Y-3.

  Commander Cox and Harris stood together at the top of the hill, looking gloomily down at the stream below. Sixteen men and four women sat in the sun along the bank, none of them moving, none speaking. An
hour had gone by since Cox and Harris appeared, and in all that time the twenty people below had not stirred.

  “I don’t get it,” Cox said, shaking his head. “I just absolutely don’t get it. Harris, is this the beginning of the end? Is everything going to start cracking around us? It gives me a hell of a strange feeling to see those people down there basking away in the sun, just sitting and basking.”

  “Who’s that man there with the red hair?”

  “That’s Ulrich Deutsch. He was Second in Command at the Garrison. Now look at him! Sits and dozes with his mouth open and his eyes shut. A week ago that man was climbing, going right up to the top. When the Garrison Chief retires he was supposed to take over. Maybe another year, at the most. All his life he’s been climbing to get up there.”

  “And now he sits in the sun,” Harris finished.

  “That woman. The brunette, with the short hair. Career woman. Head of the entire office staff of the Garrison. And the man beside her. Janitor. And that cute little gal there, with the bosom. Secretary, just out of school. All kinds. And I got a note this morning, three more coming in sometime today.”

  Harris nodded. “The strange thing is—they really want to sit down there. They’re completely rational; they could do something else, but they just don’t care to.”

  “Well?” Cox said. “What are you going to do? Have you found anything? We’re counting on you. Let’s hear it.”

  “I couldn’t get anything out of them directly,” Harris said, “but I’ve had some interesting results with the shock box. Let’s go inside and I’ll show you.”

  “Fine,” Cox turned and started toward the hospital. “Show me anything you’ve got. This is serious. Now I know how Tiberius felt when Christianity showed up in high places.”

  Harris snapped off the light. The room was pitch black. “I’ll run this first reel for you. The subject is one of the best biologists stationed at the Garrison. Robert Bradshaw. He came in yesterday. I got a good run from the shock box because Bradshaw’s mind is so highly differentiated. There’s a lot of repressed material of a non-rational nature, more than usual.”