Conan (Black Shamrocks MC: First Generation Book 1)

by Kylie Hillman

  My father heads back inside. I roll onto my knees, then push myself into a sitting position. Mum crouches down next to me and examines my face. “You’ll live.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Tell me about Colleen.” My mother smiles at me in the way that lets me know she’s on my side. “She’s obviously special if you’re bringing her here at this time of the night.”

  Most blokes my age would feel weird talking to their mum about girls. I don’t. She’s always been cooler than the other mums. I’m not sure if that’s because she had me so young or if it’s because my dad is a biker, but nothing much phases her.

  “You have no idea, Mum. I can’t stop thinking about her. All I want to do is spend time with her, except when I do, my brain goes on the fritz and I can’t think of anything to say. My hands get all sweaty. My heart races. I can feel when she’s in the same room as me before I’ve even laid eyes on her. Sometimes, I think she feels the same, then she goes all funny with me and I’m not sure.” My mother grins. She seems to be enjoying my bout of verbal diarrhoea. “She lives in my head. I worry about the shit that’s gonna go down with her uncle and how I can stop her getting caught in the middle. I worry about the shitty neighbourhood she lives in. I worry about her twenty-four seven. It’s a fucking mess, but I can’t walk away like Dad said.”

  “Young love, it’s a beautiful feeling. Your father was the same with me as was I with him,’ Mum says. My heart leaps. Finally, someone is on my side. Then, she sighs and my happiness fades. “I want to tell you to chase after this girl with both hands, but I can’t. Your dad wouldn’t tell you to back away if he didn’t have a good reason. You know I’m not privy to the ins and outs of the Shamrocks, however I will tell you one thing.”

  “What’s that,” I demand.

  My mother sends me a withering look and I feel my face heat. Petulance isn’t going to fix anything, yet I can’t help feeling like I want to throw a tantrum. Colleen is the first girl to ever capture my affections like this and I can’t have her because of something that she’s not even to blame for?

  It’s not fair.

  “Your father is barely sleeping from all the worry you’re causing him.” Mum states. She locks eyes with me, a silent promise of an ass kicking to come if I don’t listen to her. “I think Colleen is lovely, but I need you to listen to your dad. He’s not saying never. He’s just saying wait. If you’re serious about getting your top rocker and patching in, don’t you think you should listen to him and take a step back for a minute? Try and look at what he’s asking you with the eyes of a Black Shamrock, instead of the eyes of a young man in the first flush of love. I think everything will become much clearer if you do that.”

  That’s the second time my mum has mentioned love. I take the word and turn it over and over in my mind. It’s not a word I would have chosen to describe how I feel about Colleen, but it kinda fits. I feel like she’s meant to be in my life forever, yet I barely know her.

  Confused doesn’t begin to explain how I feel.

  Maybe Mum is right? Taking a step back might provide the answers I need.

  The thought leaves my mind as quickly as it enters. Searching for answers means that I have questions. I don’t. My feelings for Colleen aren’t the source of my discontent. Being kept in the dark by my father and the Shamrocks is the problem.

  EIGHTEEN

  Colleen

  “Time to get up,” Cole says. He runs a finger down my cheek and across my lips. My eyes fly open and his smiling face is right above mine. I’d place that on the top of my list of best ways to start a new day. “My mum has scrambled eggs and bacon ready.”

  Kerry sits bolt upright. She blinks. Her mouth turns into a perfect O and then she bounds out of bed and heads for the kitchen that we barely saw last night.

  In an instant, everything turns awkward.

  I’m in my nightie. In bed. In a strange bedroom. Alone with the boy I like—the one I’m supposed to trick into falling for me so he can rescue me from my terrible life. Argh, my guilty conscience wants to get a head start on the moral lectures this morning. Must be because my plan is working better than could be expected. You know, since I spent the night at his house, and all.

  “That was weird,” Cole chuckles at Kerry’s abrupt departure. It breaks the tension and my extremely vocal morals quieten some. “She must really love bacon.”

  Pulling the covers up to my chin, I wriggle into a sitting position. “You have no idea. I don’t think she’s had any since our parents—” My voice does that squeaky thing it does when my emotions over my parent’s death become too much to handle.

  “How did it happen?” he asks. I twist the covers in my hands. Cole lays one of his big hands over mine and stops me. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

  “No, it’s okay,” I say. My voice stays even this time. “They were in a car accident. A head-on collision on their way to work. Ten minutes earlier and me and Kerry would have been in the car with them. Some days, I wish we had been.”

  Wow. I don’t know why I said that. I’ve never admitted it to anyone before.

  Cole squeezes my hand, then he leans forward and presses his lips against mine. “As bad as this sounds, I’m glad that you weren’t with them. I wouldn’t have met you otherwise.”

  “Thanks, I think.” That’s the only answer I can manage. My body is in shock. Another kiss from Cole. Another chink in the armour that guards my heart. He’s seeping through my defences at a frightening pace.

  “I have to tell you something,” he says. I know it’s not good news by the sorrow that makes his ice-blue eyes look bluer than usual. “My dad doesn’t want me to see you. He’s worried that being around your family might put a question mark over my prospecting with the Shamrocks.”

  Snatching my hands back, I look anywhere but at Cole. “You could have just said. You didn’t need to soften me up with another kiss.”

  “That’s not why I kissed you.”

  “Mmm hmm,” I stare at the striped comforter. Embarrassment at what he saw last night hits me. I’ll bet his dad didn’t even say anything. He probably spent all last night trying to work out the nicest way to break off whatever the hell this is.

  “Colleen,” he calls my name. I refuse to meet his eyes, even when he places a finger under my chin and lifts my head. “I didn’t say I was going to do as he says. I just wanted to be honest with you so you would understand when I kinda ignore you when he’s around.”

  Raising my gaze, I meet his eyes. There is truth in them, but it’s mixed with something else. I want to question him. I want to know what it is that’s creating the shadows of doubt to appear on his face. Except, I can’t. Because I have my own secrets and it wouldn’t be fair to pry into his.

  “Okay,” I say after half a minute spent looking at each other.

  “Are you sure you’re okay with it?”

  I nod. Cole leans forward and, this time, he doesn’t just press his lips against mine. Nope, this time, he kisses me like he means it. This kiss is more thorough than the one we shared the night he gave me a ride home. His tongue touches mine. It dances away and returns. I mimic his movements, learning as I go how to kiss him back. Two big hands thread their way through my hair, massaging my scalp until one trails down the side of my neck. Goosebumps rise on my skin in his wake. My body tenses when his hand lowers past my shoulder and lightly grazes my breast over the material of my nightie. He cups my chest, then his thumb flicks back and forth over my nipple.

  “Oh,” I gasp.

  Cole pulls away immediately. Two red spots sit high on his cheeks when he looks at me. There’s the start of an apology in his eyes. “Too much? I’m sorry. I always get carried away with you.”

  “It’s alright.” I pause, unsure if I should continue my thought. Throwing hesitation to the wind, I continue. “It was nice. You just shocked me, is all.”

  A brilliant smile covers his face. He opens his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted when his
mum comes into the room.

  “Breakfast is getting cold.” Wonder and worry duel on her face. Mentally, I question if she knows that her husband forbade her son from seeing me—and which side of the debate she falls on. “Better be quick before it’s all gone.”

  My question is answered when she settles a pointed look of concern on her son. “Don’t you think Colleen would like some privacy?”

  Cole shakes his head. A cheeky grin covers his face and he speaks to his mum in a smartassed tone, “Nah, Colleen’s cool. She’s already asked me to zip up her school dress. I’ll be out in a moment.”

  “Cole,” Mrs. Blake looks between us. My face heats under her assessment. “Remember what we talked about last night?”

  “I do,” he says easily. “And I’ve made my choice.”

  They’re almost speaking in riddles. I wouldn’t understand a word of it if Cole hadn’t fessed up already. It’s an uneasy feeling knowing that his parents don’t approve of me. Injustice tries to choke me. They’re judging me based on circumstances I can’t control. If my parents hadn’t died, they wouldn’t have a problem with me seeing their son. In fact, my parents would probably have been the ones laying down ultimatums about our relationship, although I’d like to think that my mum would have been happy for us—her motto was “live and let live”, after all.

  The assertive side of me that’s been forced into dormancy from living under Uncle Greg’s thumb comes out to play. For once, I take the initiative. Leaning forward, I lay a hand on each side of his face. I press my lips against his—nothing obscene or overly affectionate. It’s just a peck, yet it’s so much more. I’m agreeing to be Cole’s dirty little secret—well, not too much of a secret from his mother, but I can’t see her telling her husband and causing them to fight.

  It’s a small bit of recklessness that makes me genuinely happy and brings a dumbstruck look to Cole’s face.

  I guess, like everything else in life, it’s tit for tat.

  I’m Cole’s secret and he’s my escape route.

  I wonder if Bonnie factored in my growing affection for him when she came up with this plan? My feelings have the potential to become a huge issue. Although, knowing my calculating best friend, I sure she’s got a solution for this, too.

  NINETEEN

  Colin

  One month later

  It’s hell on earth watching Colleen work around the Clubhouse every night and not being able to acknowledge her. My dad watches me like a hawk. His narrowed glare takes in every interaction between us, searching for clues that I’m putting my Prospect’s patch at risk.

  I’d expected that. What I hadn’t anticipated was the never-ending scrutiny that’s coming from my Prez and VP. Both men are watching me just as much as my father. The thinning of their lips any time I’m in Colleen’s proximity sends a shiver of foreboding up my spine.

  Something is about to go down and Colleen’s at the centre of it.

  “Earth to Cole,” Vic clicks his fingers in front of my face.

  “Yo,” I answer. We both laugh at my response. It’s like Will just climbed out of my mouth.

  “Bonnie told me it’s her High School graduation tomorrow night.”

  My gaze strays back to Colleen, my eyebrows drawing together while I try to read her mind from across the bar. “She never said a word to me.”

  “She’s been really weird lately,” Brian pushes between me and Vic and pours three beers. “Usually, she’s up for a conversation when I drop her and Kerry home each night. This last week, I haven’t been able to get boo out of her.”

  He places the glasses on a tray and heads for the main table. I watch him go. His observation about Colleen has sparked a flicker of realisation in my mind. She has been quieter than usual. I’d even asked her about it last night and she’d brushed it off as tiredness. It could be an authentic reason or it could be a symptom of something bigger.

  “I’m gonna drive her home tonight,” I tell Brian when he returns to the bar.

  “No, you’re not. Quinn’ll kill me if I let you.” He gives me a sympathetic look, complete with an apologetic lift of his shoulders. “My patch will be stripped from my back before I get the chance to defend myself. You know I’d do it if I could, brother.”

  “Whatever,” I snap, stalking into the cool room and distracting myself from my desire to massacre everyone who stands between me and Colleen. It’s getting harder to keep my cool when it feels like everything is against us.

  The deliberate moves to keep us apart have been pissing me off since the start. Stolen kisses in the laundry room and Thursday nights at the local dinner with Kerry tagging along aren’t enough to satisfy my need to be with her. Yet, any plans we try to make are fucked up by the Shamrocks meddling and her friends lack of assistance before we can even get them off the ground. The Black Shamrocks have eyes everywhere and Bonnie and Shari refuse to help with alibis. The knee injury that Shari sustained has driven a wedge between the lifelong friends—one that looks immovable considering the other girls parents have forbidden them to see her on top of it all.

  “Crap,” I mutter to myself. “No wonder she’s acting funny.”

  I should give myself an uppercut for my stupidity. So many signs and I’ve missed them all. Colleen is obviously lonely. She’s lost her friends. Her sister is pulling further into herself the longer they spend under Greg McCormack’s roof, and I can’t manage to spend more than five minutes of uninterrupted time with her.

  “Well, that settles it, then.” I grab a keg and begin rolling it toward the bar.

  “Settles, what?” Colleen asks from the door of the cool room.

  The grin that curls my lips is huge. After a quick glance around to make sure that the coast is clear, I let go of the keg and grab Colleen instead. I pick her up. A surprised shriek erupts from her so I silence it with my lips before anyone hears.

  She lets me devour her mouth. The hesitation that was present when we first started seeing each other is gone. Nowadays, Colleen is confident enough to return my kiss. She told me that I’m the first boy to kiss her and that makes my chest swell. Every skill she’s learnt has been taught by me. Every move she makes is designed to please me because I’m all she knows.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful,” I groan, dropping my head into the curve of her neck. “Wish I didn’t have to sneak time with you.”

  Colleen runs her fingers through my hair, then she tugs on the locks until I lift my head. Jade green eyes that shine with an emotion she refuses to voice meet mine. Every time my girl looks at me like that my hearts flips in my chest. She’s perfection.

  That look also affects something in my pants, but I don’t let myself dwell on that. The time, the place, the opportunity. None of it is right. No point broaching the subject of sleeping together while we can’t even acknowledge each other in public.

  “Soon,” Colleen breathes the words with a sigh that tells me she’s feeling the same as me. “Please tell me this will all be over soon?”

  Before I can answer, her body goes limp and my girl collapses in my arms. Panic like I’ve never felt before grips me. I run from the cool room to the bar, then around to the first couch I come across.

  “Get up,” I growl. The two men sitting on it scramble out of my way. I lay Colleen on it. She’s pale. Too pale. And she’s barely conscious. Shaking her, I call out her name, “Colleen. Colleen. Wake up.”

  She’s still groggy when she opens her eyes. Confusion makes her blink. Then she blinks again and fear replaces all other emotion on her face.

  “What’s going on here?” my dad asks. He’s standing with Frankie and Leo, all three of them glaring as they huddle around us.

  “She—”

  Colleen cuts me off. “I felt faint. Cole stopped me from hitting the floor, that’s all.”

  A hand that I know well clamps down on my shoulder with a grip that’s meant to hurt. I grind my teeth together so I don’t give in to the temptation to tell my father where to stick his f
ucking hand.

  “As long as that’s all,” he says.

  The warning is clear—don’t lose your patch over this girl.

  “It is,” I grind out. “Nothing for you to worry about.”

  Dad removes his hand. He turns away from me and Colleen, and heads back to the main table without bothering to enquire any further about Colleen’s condition. My Prez and VP follow him without saying anything either.

  “Motherfucking—”

  “Dude, if you snap, they’re gonna pull your patch.” Brian warns. My friends have filled the void left by the hierarchy and they’re concerned. Even Paddy looks worried—the pinched look on his face uncommon considering he usually doesn’t give a fuck about shit like this.

  “They can stick the patch up their ass if this keeps up.”

  Vic ignores me. He drops to his knees next to me and lays the back of his hand on Colleen’s forehead. “No temperature. You still look pale, though. Do you feel nauseous?”

  Colleen struggles to sit up. I try to keep her lying down, giving in when she glares at me and a curse word spills free. “Fucking let me up.”

  Profanity sounds strange coming out of Colleen’s mouth. The shock of it makes me pause and she seizes that moment to sit up. Straightaway, she turns white as a ghost, and I force her to lie back down. “Stop being stupid. Let me take care of you.”

  “I’ll get you something to eat.” Vic offers. “Maybe a cup of tea, as well?”

  “Good idea,” I say, at the same time that Colleen screeches, “NO! I’m not hungry.”

  My ears ring from the vehemence in her tone. Vic takes a step back. Paddy walks off shaking his head. Brian lays a hand on my shoulder and gives it a small squeeze. He’s mother is a little bit crazy since the divorce. If anyone has the skills needed to deal with an irrational woman, he does.

  “What about a glass of water, Colleen,” he asks.