The Islands of Unwisdom

by Robert Graves

Don Lorenzo returned in the skiff, and the Colonel took thirty men in pursuit of the enemy, but too much time had been wasted; an hour or two later he reappeared without having come across a single-armed native, though with a booty of ten fat hogs.

  Doña Ysabel sat waiting for him when he entered the Great Cabin to make his report to the General. ‘Oh, good day, Colonel,’ she said in an off-hand manner. ‘May I have a word in private with you, after you have spoken to my husband?’

  He bowed low. ‘You know me well, my lady. I may be a shaggy old soldier, but you can command me in everything, as the wild unicorn of the forests will tamely lay his horn in a virgin’s lap and weep tears of joy.’

  She took these words as reflecting on her enforced chastity, and walked out on the gallery, scarcely able to contain her rage. The Colonel turned to Don Alvaro, made a brief report, and then went after her.

  Doña Ysabel opened the attack at once, not troubling to lower her voice; she must have intended Don Alvaro to hear every word. ‘My lord,’ she said, ‘I am not ignorant of either your age, your rank, or your reputation in the field; indeed, it would be strange if I were, because you have so crammed these down our throats at table that often we feel like spewing them up, dinner and all. But they do not awe me: since my girlhood I have moved in far more illustrious company, and were you the Archangel Michael himself and commanded all the hosts of Heaven, I would still give you the same warning: that to insult one Barreto is to insult all! You bawdy old sinner, the sooner you are thrown to the sharks, the better we shall all be pleased. Understand now that I’ll not tolerate any interference with my brother, while he is carrying out my husband’s orders.’

  The Colonel was plainly taken aback, but for once he controlled himself. ‘Noble lady’, he said, ‘your family pride does you credit, and the loyalty I owe the General prevents me from defending myself when you abuse me so cruelly; but I must be permitted to remind you that even a Barreto cannot alter our military laws and conventions. The orders given Don Lorenzo were passed through me, and therefore it was I who became responsible to your husband that he carried them out to the letter and, what is more, that he and his men returned safely to this ship. Your brother is a fine fellow, and it would be a thousand pities if he were cut down in the flower of his youth. Though I confess to having reprimanded him sharply for exceeding his orders, that was not only my right, but my duty: he must not be allowed to hazard his life needlessly. It is otherwise with myself, who am in a position to take risks that he has no call to take. What may be the end of a bawdy old sinner like Pedro Merino is no one’s concern—unless his enemies are bent on hastening it, which is likely enough—but, by the Mother of God, his hope is to die by stroke of sword and not in bed, and if a mass or two be presently sung for his soul, the sharks are welcomed to the carrion.’

  ‘You make no retraction and you offer no apology?’

  ‘No, madam, to my deep regret it would be consonant neither with my honour nor with military discipline to do so.’

  ‘His honour, says he! A plague on that, you soused black pudding, you hound in gaskins, you toss-pot, you turd, you beruffed tinker’s ass!’

  The Colonel stepped back a pace. I saw him through the door-way, gazing at her in shame and wonder: this was the language of the stable, not the Court. He had gone out to the gallery with a resolve to choke back the least discourteous word, however sorely he might be provoked; not so much (he afterwards said) because he feared to give the Barretos an excuse for revenging themselves, as because he sincerely repented his unchivalrous behaviour on that luckless day at Callao. Yet to stay silent under provocation was not in his nature and, in a firm voice, he replied: ‘Well, madam, you have had your say, from which I understand that there is no room for you and me to sit at the same table, no, not though half a league of oaken board and a couple of hundred priests and merchants were to separate your seat from mine. But before I take my ruff and gaskins ashore, together with the maligned carcase which they adorn, permit me to sing you a farewell song in the most tuneful bray that a tinker’s ass may command.’ And, laying his hand upon his heart, he began at once in a cracked and throaty tenor:

  ‘The witches of Corunna

  They come in black and white,

  But Saint James with his sword-hilt

  Put them all to flight;

  For the Devil, their master,

  Who on that cross did gaze

  Broke foul wind at either end

  And swooned for amaze.’

  He returned chuckling to the Great Cabin, informed the General that he was taking troops ashore to complete the pacification of the neighbourhood, and went off to his quarters, where with his page’s help he packed his chest and cloak-bag, and made a bundle of what these would not hold. A trumpet sounded a general parade. He chose sixty men, half of them settlers and half serving soldiers, told them shortly: ‘Lads, be merry, for today we shall make a start,’ and sent them below again for their belongings. The boat made two trips and they were soon ashore.

  Since he had taken the Adjutant with him, and all the ensigns except Don Diego, a profound though uneasy peace reigned at supper that night. ‘Who comes not to table must forfeit his share,’ said Doña Ysabel cheerfully. ‘And what prodigious gluttons they were!’ she added, as though she did not expect them ever again to take their accustomed seats on the benches.

  The burden of conversation fell on the Vicar, the Chaplain and the Chief Pilot. Father Juan spoke innocently of his joy that the great work had now been taken in hand. From his experience of savages, he judged that no second demonstration of our martial power would be needed, and that it was now possible to plant the Cross and spread the gospel throughout this spacious island. ‘It is to be hoped that the General’s health will allow him to go ashore tomorrow, since Don Lorenzo and the Colonel have gained so resounding a victory. His must be the honour of choosing the site of the church which, since he has named this island Santa Cruz, I propose to dedicate to Saint Veronica; but perhaps it will be enough at first to sanctify a native assembly-house. We could replace the idolatrous posts with plain ones, board up the front, and set the altar at the eastern end: a sacristy could then be added. Later, I hope to build a church in a style more pleasing to God, with room for a thousand souls, and take up subscriptions for an annual endowment. Ten thousand pesos should suffice for five years—when we shall be well on our feet. Don Lorenzo, where did you say that the General is to found the first of the three cities?’

  ‘On the rocky headland at the entrance of the bay, your Reverence, the one that juts out towards the islet. He chose it because it commands a wide view of the sea, and because the absence of trees and bushes allows us a clear field of defensive fire. The air is salubrious and a small spring rises near by, sufficient for our needs if properly channeled. There are many other advantages besides…’

  ‘But no harbour,’ interrupted the Chief Pilot. ‘It seems to me absurd to found a city eight leagues from the nearest anchorage, whatever the military merits of the site.’

  ‘…for instance, that the islet lies handy and will be our orchard and granary,’ continued Don Lorenzo, disregarding Pedro Fernandez.

  But he persisted. ‘If your honour will undertake to build a port on the landward side, using either cranes or conjuration—I care not which—to clear the bottom of its many rocks, and then heap them into a mole, I shall say no more. But it is rumoured that the Colonel, who visited the headland with Don Alvaro, raised the very same objection.’

  ‘The General has the last word, Sir,’ said Don Lorenzo coldly, ‘as both you and the Colonel are apt to forget. If an artificial harbour be needed, doubtless he has made plans for its construction.’

  ‘Heaven forbid that I should question either his authority or his resourcefulness,’ replied the Chief Pilot, ‘but it seems strange to me that I was not consulted before the decision was taken.’

  ‘Come, come, Sailor! Land is land, and sea is sea. A matter of military strategy can be decided only by
soldiers, and there is no call for you to dip your oar in here.’

  Doña Ysabel made peace between them. ‘In my opinion, brother,’ she said, ‘the Chief Pilot’s objection deserves to be considered, even if it does coincide with the Colonel’s. Don Alvaro’s choice was not a final one, and if no site can be found in Gracious Bay to fulfil all military and naval requirements, perhaps the other bay which you discovered yourself will provide what we need. Now that our numbers are fewer, let our talk be more comradely.’ She went on to ask Father Juan what form of ritual was used to purge a heathen place of worship of its devils and convert it to Christian use.

  The Vicar launched into a learned discourse on exorcism, and made us quake with his horrific tales of black art and devil-worship; how certain Indians of Panama cut off the heads of Spanish soldiers and shrank their skulls by magic until they were the size of a fist. Yet a simple monk, barefoot and unattended, went boldly to their principal shrine, where these skulls were laid up, displayed the Cross to the sorcerers there assembled, and lo! a miracle…

  As he spoke, and paused solemnly for emphasis, an immense roar was heard, like ten thousand barrels of gun-powder exploding together, and the ship shook and rocked at her moorings. We rushed on deck and stared at the huge, luminous cloud that towered over the northern horizon, in shape like a mushroom. Later we found that the volcano, which was called Tinahula and regarded as the abode of a fiery demon, had blown off its peak and filled the sea for leagues around with lumps of pumice. Whenever Tinahula is in eruption the natives believe that they have incurred the demon’s displeasure, and this may have accounted for their meek behaviour during the next few days, while the volcano continued to rumble and breathe out flames and smoke.

  It so happened that the Chief Pilot, in talk with the Ensign-Royal, had already expressed his disagreement with the proposed site and this was soon taken up by the other ensigns. So next morning the Colonel, who had spent the night in a native village, easily persuaded them to forestall Don Alvaro by founding a settlement close to our new anchorage, between the stream, the river and the sea. He posted piquets, paced out distances, and sent the skiff to the flagship with a request for tools, having resolved to begin work at once. The Purser gave him whatever axes, wood-knives, mattocks and spades could be found, but they were not many, and the only saws we had were owned by the ship’s carpenters, who would not part with them.

  The General had no notion of what was afoot, until presently Juan de Buitrago’s father-in-law came to him, cap in hand, with a plea on behalf of the other married settlers. ‘Your Excellency,’ said old Miguel Geronimo, ‘if we may make so bold, we cannot agree that the site chosen by the Colonel is a good one. We do not object to the soil, which is as rich as that of Andalusia: it will raise any crop we may choose to sow, as one glance at the native gardens will tell you. But, by your Excellency’s leave, we think the spot unhealthy and fear that it may breed fever. I have six children, beside my married daughter, and should not care to live there with them. That the natives have not settled on the site is clear proof of its badness: why else should they have built their nearest huts a thousand paces away from good water? I have been deputed to ask your Excellency’s permission to occupy some native village, where we can be safe from fever; but the Colonel is vexed with us, because we hold back when the unmarried men are already employed, and therefore we humbly demand your protection.’

  Don Alvaro sat up in bed. ‘Is this indeed the truth? Has the Colonel set them to work so soon?’

  ‘He has, your Excellency. They are felling trees with a will to build him a guard-house, and cutting posts and rafters, and trimming branches for thatch. But we oldsters are far from content, though he assures us that we must brush our fears aside for the sake of God and good King Philip, and that the valour of Spaniards will overcome all adversities.’

  The General clapped his hands. ‘Hey, Myn! Fetch me my second-best suit; I must go ashore and put a stop to this foolishness.’

  ‘And none too soon, your Excellency,’ put in Don Diego. ‘Pray take a loaded stick with you of the same weight as the Colonel’s.’

  Chapter 15

  A SETTLEMENT FOUNDED

  As Don Alvaro re-entered the Great Cabin, Doña Ysabel asked him: ‘How did your excursion go, my lord? Is the Colonel in the stocks yet?’

  Her brothers being present, he displayed some embarrassment. ‘Not yet, my lady,’ he replied. ‘There are a hundred and one different ways of killing a cat.’

  ‘Some far swifter than others. It is better to dash out its brains than shut it in a barn and wait for the mice to pull it down.’

  ‘In principle, I agree with you. But this cunning old torn is not to be destroyed out of hand. He showed me his usual deference and explained that, since I was sick, he had not cared to trouble me with matters of military routine—such as clearing the forest around the spring to deny the natives cover for another ambush against our watering parties, or using the felled timber to build a few huts for shelter and defence. Oh, no, the rogue protests, he never had the least intention of founding a settlement; that is my province, not his, and he would never presume—and much more to the same effect…. But did I not agree that it is wise in a season of squalls and great heat, to keep the soldiers healthily exercised? And that it is better to set them to a task of even temporary usefulness than allow them to become dispirited? “How dispirited?” I asked. “From waiting for your Excellency to choose the site of your island capital,” he told me. “Yes, my lord,” I replied, with a glance to wither him, “such exercises have their instructional value.”’

  ‘Yet he pulled the wool over your eyes’, Doña Ysabel persisted. ‘You would have been well advised to arrest him at once, instead of listening to his lame excuses. And when he charged you with demoralizing the men by your delay, upon my life, I should have lost all patience had I been there! However, my disposition is not so tranquil as yours. What then? Did you order the work to cease?’

  ‘Why, of course, my lady. It was discontinued while I called a council of officers, sergeants and representatives of the married settlers.’

  ‘Caramba, a council! Instead of issuing his orders the Prefect calls a council?’

  ‘At my age one learns that the longest way round is often the shortest way home. I would not necessarily be bound by the decisions of the council, and wished to gauge the strength of the opposition to the Colonel’s plan.’

  ‘And what did this wonderful council decide?’

  ‘The Ensign-Royal and the Adjutant made the longest speeches. They moved that the work be continued, holding that short of abandoning Gracious Bay altogether, we must necessarily plant the settlement near its only good anchorage, and that there was thus no alternative to the Colonel’s site. A couple of sergeants and all the married settlers disagreed. Old Miguel Geronimo contended that the place was unhealthy and that it would be better by far to occupy the village where they all slept last night, and adapt it to our needs; it is built on a hill, he said, and has a deep draw-well. A sergeant spoke in his support, declaring that a stockade and ditch, with guns mounted at the approaches, would make it impregnable. The Colonel took offence at the Sergeant’s presumption and told him that he knew no more about the art of fortification than a thrush; but I allowed him to have his say.’

  ‘That was Sergeant Dimas, was it not?’

  ‘The same bold and honest man.’

  ‘Yet you would have had him hoisted at Paita for coming to the rescue of my brothers.’

  ‘That was never my intention, whatever I may have told the Colonel. Well, then I knew what I had come to discover. From the Ensign-Royal’s words it was clear that the Colonel did indeed propose to found a settlement, not merely defend the approaches to the spring. On the spur of the moment I let him have his way; after recording my own preference for the healthier site on the headland. I put the matter to a vote and called for a show of hands. They decided in favour of continuing work by eleven against five. The Colonel was prude
nt enough to abstain from either speaking or voting; however, he has fathered the project and, as difficulties increase, the unwilling spirit of the minority will infect the rest and they will soon combine to make him the scapegoat of their follies.’

  ‘Let me warn you once more, husband: you are playing a dangerous game. If the place proves to be a healthy one after all, the Colonel will get the credit; if the reverse, our people will be weakened by fever and blame you for not having silenced him. Besides, our provisions will not last for ever. You should have supported Sergeant Dimas’s plea; that would have dealt the Colonel his needed rebuff and at the same time pleased the troops by easing their labours.’

  ‘No, no! I could never in conscience authorize the seizure of a native village. What they may give us voluntarily, is welcome; but God will never let us prosper if we come here in the guise of thieves. We must conquer this savage people by love, not fear.’

  ‘Surely you did not say so at the council?’

  ‘Indeed, I did, in no uncertain voice.’

  ‘By all the angels and archangels! And in so doing alienated the goodwill of the minority by leaving them no alternative to the Colonel’s plan?’

  ‘When his plan fails, as fail it must, I shall found our city in the place of my choice. Come my lady, I can speak no more; this outing has fatigued me almost to death. Send for Myn, tell him to make my bed and then undress me.’

  The high colour of Doña Ysabel’s cheeks and the restless snapping of her fingers told me that she was angered beyond words by his failure to discipline the Colonel; but, the Chief Pilot entering the room unexpectedly, she made a brave show of patience and ostentatiously fluttered the leaves of her pious book.

  Next day, she persuaded Don Alvaro to send the remaining officers and soldiers ashore, except for the gunners and a standing guard commanded in turn by each of the ensigns. The settlers’ families, who went at the same time, were to live in tents until houses should be built for them. The Barretos agreed among themselves to make things as difficult as possible for the Colonel, and to report at once to Don Alvaro if he showed the least sign of disloyalty. Doña Ysabel and her sister, the Chief Pilot, the priests, two merchants and myself stayed aboard the San Geronimo with Don Alvaro who, though he grew a little thinner and more haggard every day and complained of mysterious pains in different parts of his body, did not take to his bed again, but courageously fought the disorder with his shoes on.