Shrink to Fit

by Dona Sarkar

  “Quite a day for you, huh? First, you regulated West Hollywood’s ass in the game and then you get a whole modeling gig. Cool.”

  “That’s me. So hot I’m cool.” Leah flashed back to the game. She’d been freezing on the court and kept her warm-ups on the whole time. But her game was still on and at the end the score was 25–3.

  “Well, you look hot. I can’t believe how much weight you’ve lost.”

  “Thanks.”

  “How much weight have you lost, by the way? I hope you’re not crash-dieting.”

  “I still have a lot more to go.” Leah ignored the question and rested her elbows on her knees. “At least thirty pounds.”

  Jay frowned. “You look great the way you are. I mean…” He followed the hem of her skirt as it rode up her legs. “Better than great. I’ve never seen you like this before.”

  The words she’d been waiting for. She tilted her head toward his and she could swear Jay scooted a tad closer to her as he gave her a shoulder bump.

  Leah got up enough courage to lightly squeeze his hand. “Oh, yeah? Thanks.”

  “‘And a tip of the cap to you, Miss Corningstone.’”

  Ugh. He almost never caught her off guard. Which movie was that from? Her brain seemed to be in sluggish mode after the party. Or from the lack of food. She was proud that she hadn’t touched a bite of food or champagne, despite Alfreddo’s insistence she do a toast with Victoria and him to her success. She’d toasted, pretended to take a sip, then put the glass down. Net calories for the day? Around a hundred.

  “Hint.”

  “Miss Corningstone equals Christina Applegate. One of the most perfect women on the—”

  “Anchorman. Damn. That one was easy.”

  Jay laughed. “You’re allowed to miss a shot every once in a while. But don’t make a habit out of it.”

  “How can I with you around?”

  Jay laughed and they sat in silence for a few minutes, hands lightly touching. Leah’s breathing remained steady and deep, despite her heart thudding wildly. She was practically holding hands with Jay. And he’d initiated it.

  Jay cleared his throat. “Ride with me to school tomorrow?”

  Leah gave what she hoped was a confident laugh, “Wouldn’t miss it, babe.”

  Jay laughed, Leah thought, nervously.

  After a few more minutes of nervous chatter, Leah managed to say good-night. The second she was in her bedroom, she stripped out of the dress and stepped on the scale.

  A hundred and seventy-four pounds.

  Not eating the whole day had worked. That was twenty-six pounds total so far. She could do this. She had two months to lose all her baby fat and fit into a size 0. She could do it. How many pounds was that? Forty? Thirty-five? A hundred?

  Too many.

  Her head whirled at the thought. Leah sat heavily on the bed and rested her head between her knees. The dizziness had come and gone all week, but it was never this bad. She should eat something.

  No. Tomorrow. She would eat tomorrow. Just enough to keep her energy up. But tonight she would go to bed with the memories of Jay’s eyes skimming her body and the promise of good things to come.

  five

  Run, Lola, Run

  170 lbs

  “You look so good!” Shazan exclaimed as Leah pried open her locker, freshly showered and dressed after practice. “Everyone’s talking about it!”

  “Thanks.” Leah smiled. This was not the first time she had gotten that exact compliment that day. At least six people had commented on her new look, Shazan being the latest.

  “God, look at your waist! It’s so teeny-tiny!”

  “Yeah, right.” Leah couldn’t help the pride in her voice. After all the good things Jay had said over the weekend, she couldn’t help but show off her new figure at school on Monday. None of her old clothes fit and she had to resort to borrowing one of her mom’s old Diane von Furstenberg wrap dresses. It was almost cheating in slimming navy with white diagonal pinstripes, but she didn’t care.

  “You’ve been dieting, right? We haven’t seen you at lunch in weeks.”

  “I’ve lost about twenty pounds.” Leah lowered her eyes modestly. Closer to thirty actually, but no one needed to know that.

  Shazan frowned. “Wow. That’s a lot. How many weeks have you been dieting?”

  Leah slowly opened her purse and pulled out a ChapStick. Her lips were constantly chapped. They were bleeding in the middle of class that day. “A little over two.”

  “Two weeks? Wow! I thought it was supposed to be, like, two to five pounds a week or something. Ten pounds a week is kinda fast, right? What have you been doing?”

  Leah glanced down at her reflection in the mirror. Considering the fact that she was down to a piece of dry wheat toast for breakfast, a salad for lunch, some almonds for a snack and a piece of grilled chicken with, again, miserable salad for dinner…no, it was not at all fast. In fact, it was slow, painful torture. Even being around food drove her nuts and she had taken to eating lunch quickly in the locker room and sneaking in a jog on the treadmill.

  “I guess it’s mostly water weight. You know, quick weight loss and stuff,” Leah fibbed quickly. She was a terrible liar and Shazan would never fall for it.

  “Yeah, I do know. God, I wish I could lose thirty pounds. I’m sooo jealous. Those pills of mine help, though. You want any?”

  Leah glanced at Shazan’s already protruding collarbone. Thirty pounds less and she’d die. “If they’re working for you, why the hell not?”

  “Sure, just let me know. I order them online from Mexico. My mom would freak out if she found out.” Shazan rolled her eyes. “Hey, Jenn!”

  Leah cursed under her breath. Jennifer Chan, her archnemesis. And her day had been going so well.

  “Hey, girlies!” Jennifer tossed her ebony hair, her miniskirt swishing as she strutted toward them. “Leah, you okay? I didn’t know if you’d go to practice today after what happened in geometry.”

  “What happened?” Shazan glanced from Jennifer to Leah. “You okay?”

  Argh. Of course Jennifer would have to bring that up. As if she actually cared. Annoying little bitch.

  “I’m fine, I’m fine. Just needed to lie down, that’s all.” Leah slammed her locker shut after grabbing her backpack, stuffed full of books waiting to be read for homework.

  The topic of the day in geometry had been obtuse angles, which Leah knew nothing about because she’d skipped class the week before to lift weights.

  Mr. Roberts’s voice had practically lulled Leah to sleep, so when he had called on her to put a problem on the board, she’d struggled for a few minutes scribbling this and that until the teacher had to give her a hint. A big hint, but still, she had figured it out on her own.

  But that wasn’t all. It was the dizzy spell she had suffered midproblem that had prompted Mr. Roberts to ask her if she wanted to see the school nurse. Leah, not wanting to waste a golden opportunity, had practically skipped out of class and run to the gym for some free throws before that afternoon’s practice.

  “I’m fine. I, uh, ate something weird for lunch.”

  “Sushi?”

  “Salad. It probably had bad lettuce.”

  “Hey, Leah. Did you notice that huge bruise on your shoulder?” Shazan lifted the sleeve of Leah’s dress. “Looks pretty painful. Where did you get this?”

  Leah touched the tender spot. “I don’t know. Must have been practice. I didn’t even feel it.”

  Both girls gazed at her with worried looks.

  “If you say so.” Jennifer still looked doubtful.

  “Hey! Let’s go shopping next weekend.” Shazan finished applying a coat of lipstick and took a swig of bottled water followed by two of her handy diet pills. “I need to get my Snow Ball dress.”

  Leah watched Jennifer closely. Had Jay asked her? Maybe, just maybe, he had decided not to.

  “Not me. I still don’t know if I’m going.” Jennifer shrugged ruefully. “No one’s aske
d yet.”

  Yes!

  “I gotta meet Jay. He’s giving me a ride,” Leah announced loftily as she tossed her backpack over her shoulder. “See you guys later, okay?”

  “Call me later!” Shazan called behind her.

  “Sure thing,” Leah called back, feeling a warmth pooling through her. It was already happening. Even losing a few pounds had the pretty girls wanting to go shopping with her.

  Jennifer followed Leah as she wove through the postbell crowd to get to the parking lot.

  “You do look great, Leah. I heard you’re doing a modeling thing with your mom?”

  “Yeah. For Jade magazine.” Leah tried to walk faster. Why was Jennifer following her?

  “Wow. My mom makes dumplings all day. It must be so glamorous,” Jennifer sighed. “All those famous people.”

  “Yeah, it is. There are always tons of really good-looking photographers around. And the clothes she brings home! They’re really amazing. We’re going to get to meet some pretty famous people at this shoot. Goldie and Kate and all those people.” Leah couldn’t help but rub it in. Jennifer always had it all. It was nice to have the upper hand for once.

  As Leah and Jennifer exited the doors of the school, Leah spotted Jay high-fiving Tony Qi and Jason Jones next to the Mustang. As she approached, his eyes lit up.

  “There she is. I’ve been looking for you all day. Did you get my e-mail?”

  Leah opened her mouth to ask, “What e-mail?” but before she could, Jennifer practically shoved her aside and was by Jay’s side in an instant.

  “So what did you want to ask me?” she practically purred. Jay’s friends hooted and punched each other’s shoulders.

  Jay grinned and suddenly Leah’s heart stopped beating. “Will you be my date for the Snow Ball or what? How many hints do I have to drop?”

  Leah lay facedown on the floor of her room, panting. Her white T-shirt was officially see-through from the half gallon of sweat that had leaked from her pores. Thank God for the padded sports bra she wore underneath that kept her from giving a peep show to half of Hollywood Hills. “Arrr…”

  Eight miles. That was the farthest she had run in her entire life. It was amazing what anger and hurt could drive a person to do. Instead of riding home with Jay, she’d made a lame excuse and run the hell away from the nauseous scene of him and Jennifer making googly eyes at each other. She couldn’t face him. Not now. Not after her expression had obviously given away her shock, then hurt, then anger. His friends had seen. Everyone had seen. She had jogged the five miles around the track and then run home, ten-pound pack on her back.

  She was dying and didn’t know which pain was worse. Physical, or the heavy rock where her heart-ache was supposed to be.

  “Ahh!” The cramp that had attacked her thigh around mile three still hadn’t let up. “Damn!”

  She writhed in pain on the floor, putting pressure on the cramp till the twitching subsided. Maybe the physical pain was worse. For now anyway.

  She raised herself onto one elbow and pried her eyes open. The room was still spinning. She’d been starving before her workout, but now the growling of her stomach had given way to a hollow rut. Leah touched her lower belly. The pouch of fat was still there. What would it take to get rid of it?

  Leah’s breathing slowed after a few minutes and she managed to pull herself into a sitting position. Her evening was just beginning. She had loads of homework for geometry, a short story to read for English and a rough draft of an essay due for creative writing.

  Plus, she wanted to do the Absolute Abs DVD she’d found in her mother’s endless exercise DVD collection. The pouch would be gone by the end of the day. She was sure of it.

  But first, she would check her weight. Seeing those numbers drop every day always put her into a good mood. If there was any chance of a good mood after the day’s events. She couldn’t believe Jay had sucker punched her like that.

  Leah stepped onto the scale and waited.

  One-seventy.

  How was that even possible? Leah stepped off the scale and back on again after she’d shucked off her sweaty workout clothes.

  Still one-seventy.

  She’d burned off at least a thousand calories that day alone. And she’d eaten only around five hundred calories. And the scale hadn’t budged.

  “Damn!”

  This was insane. What was wrong with her body? She kicked the scale. It had to be broken. She would check at school tomorrow.

  Her mood foul, Leah logged in to her e-mail account and scowled when she saw Jay had signed her up for Movie Quote of the Day e-mails. That’s all she was good for. His damn movie quotes.

  After responding to e-mail from her cousins in Atlanta, Leah started surfing the Web. “Weight Loss Tips,” she typed into the Windows Live Web search engine.

  Work out. Eat less. Low-Carb.

  She knew all this.

  She remembered the guy at Cardio Bar. The life coach. What had he said to look up?

  “Thinspiration,” she typed.

  The ancient Dell whirred. If she and her mother did do a kick-ass job at the modeling shoot, she would insist they buy a new computer. One made that decade preferably.

  “My friend Ana helped me lose 50 pounds!” an ad on the side of the search results window screamed.

  Ana, huh? Leah clicked the link and blinked when she realized what she was seeing.

  Thinspiration. Pro-Anorexia. My friend Ana.

  “‘This site is a pro-Ana Web site and anorexic chat room. It is for support of those who already have anorexia and/or those that accept people that are anorexic or bulimic,’” Leah read out loud. “‘Ana is our friend. She is a lifestyle choice that we are willing to make.’”

  Ana? Like a person? A friend?

  These girls were insane. Accepting anorexia as a lifestyle choice? It was a disease. Leah wanted to be thin, but she wasn’t that desperate. She’d seen the after-school specials and her mother had told her a fair share of scary anorexic-model stories.

  No way.

  Leah was about to leave the page and relegate it to her list of crazy-people sites when something on the lower right corner caught her eye. Thoughts.

  I seem to have reached a plateau. I restrict quite heavily and drink lots of water. I used to be able to lose like that! But now the scale is stationary. Is there any advice out there? Should I up the green tea, or perhaps green tea pills? Or perhaps a liquid fast? Thanks, everyone, for all your support—Fat-Ass.

  It was like the poster, Fat-Ass, was reading her mind. Leah eagerly scrolled down to see who had responded.

  Try this diet. Leah kept reading. Watermelons. Eat only watermelon for an entire week! Guarantee it’ll knock off ten pounds before you know it! Plus, you can eat all the watermelon you want! Extremely low calorie!

  Ten pounds! That was two more than what she was hoping to lose in the next week. No doubt that would get rid of her lower-belly pouch. Plus, she loved watermelon.

  Leah gazed at the pictures of the poster, Fat-Ass. The girl certainly was no fat ass. She looked like a model. The kind of model Leah wanted to be at the Jade photo shoot. She wasn’t gaunt or sickly as Leah had expected anorexics to look.

  Sign up here to join our forum.

  Why not? Leah decided as she clicked the link. If the advice was good, she would take it. If it was stupid, she would ignore it. In the meantime, watermelon diet it was.

  six

  Watermelon

  165 lbs

  Leah stared longingly at the side salad Shazan picked at as the two girls ate lunch at Riverside Mall on Friday afternoon. Salad had never looked so good. Her mood was still foul from what had happened at school.

  Jay asked that skinny bitch right in front of her! He knew how much it would hurt her and he still did it! Jackass! She caught a glimpse of him that morning getting into his Mustang. It wasn’t just her imagination; he had definitely glanced at her bedroom window before squealing out of the driveway. He knew.

  He
r reaction must have totally given her away.

  Today she’d been in no mood to sit through an hour of geometry. Staring at the back of Jennifer’s silky black hair. Wishing for the universe to pull a Freaky Friday and switch her body with the tiny junior’s. Then she would be the one kissing Jay by his Mustang for all the school to see.

  Luckily, Shazan had insisted Leah cut class and hit the mall for some good old-fashioned retail therapy to celebrate her slim new body.

  Not slim enough for Jay, though.

  “I need a dress that says, ‘I’m sexy, but not a slut,’ you know what I mean?” Whack, whack, whack, went Shazan’s fork. She speared a piece of carrot, then set down the fork without taking a bite of the mouthwatering sliver of orange. “It’s going to be mine and Bill’s six-month anniversary, so I want the night to be really special.”

  “Huh.” Leah rested her chin on her now-empty water glass.

  “What about you? Who are you gonna go with?”

  “I don’t know.” Leah was too busy watching Shazan’s fork. “Maybe one of the guys on the team.”

  “Don’t worry, Li. We’ll find someone for you. Someone tall. And hot. He has to be hot.”

  Already found him.

  Leah felt a twinge of sadness. How stupid she’d been to think that just because Jay had complimented her on her weight loss, he’d be interested in her as a girl.

  She was just another buddy.

  She had to just come out and tell him how she felt. She couldn’t keep it inside anymore. As soon as possible. In her dreams, he would confess that he felt the same way and had only asked Jennifer out because he didn’t think Leah was at all interested in him that way.

  “I want Bill to want more.” Shazan was still talking. “But not so much that he goes and gets it somewhere else.”

  Leah laughed. “And where would that be, Shazan?”

  Bill Collins was good-looking, sweet and, above all, smart. He wasn’t about to cheat on one of the hottest girls in school with some random chick who was ready to put out. How could beautiful girls like Shazan be so insecure? If Leah looked anything like her, she would never question herself.