No Life, Only Death

by Francheska Fifield

  Jane patted my cheek. “Good girl. Now I must leave, I have a meeting. You will find your uniforms in the closet. However for this class you must wear the outfit in the drawers. They have a strict dress code here.”

  Jane rose off the bed and left the room. I got up and got dressed. No need to shower, I’d just do it after this class and before my next one. Then I wouldn’t stink up the place. Yes, this is a much better way to make friends. They wouldn’t like me much were I to stink all day. I briefly entertained the idea of no shower today but knew Jane would have three sorts of fits. So I dressed and went down to the practice center. What a great first day.

  “So our new student has arrived. Finally. Well I don’t know what your normal schedule is like but here we do things on a tight, organized schedule.”

  I snorted at him. Rather rudely, I will admit, but I had seen my schedule for while I was here. I would get about six hours more of down time that I usually spent working out or doing a job.

  “So you think this is funny, young lady? Well, let’s see how you are in the ring. Our standing Champ is Greg here. He is six foot five and two hundred and fifty pounds of muscle. Are you ready? He will be your first opponent today.”

  I gave him an ‘are you serious’ look. He had just told me how to defeat this guy. Where was the fairness in that?

  “Sir, perhaps someone a little smaller. Greg might break her in half.”

  I turned to the voice. The tattoo on her cheek marked her as Dalisha royalty. So here was one of my potential assassins. She was small and thin. Agile and quick. She would be more of a challenge than fat ole Greg here.

  “Hey, Princess”, I meant it as an insult and she took it that way, “I could beat both of you blind folded.” I smiled at her and her face started to look like a cherry. I said something along those lines and she rushed me. I grabbed her arm and flipped her in the air, pushing her to the ground. I flipped her so her face was in the dirt.

  “Now Princess, I know your manners suck, but last I heard, this school demanded an official start to a fight. Otherwise it is considered disobeying orders. That can get you expelled, or worse, five minutes in the ring with me, and you able to do nothing but block. So next time think before you rush. You let your anger beat you. Learn to use it or you won't last five fucking minutes in this world. Understand, Princess?” I twisted her arm listening for the breaking sounds and counting them out loud. “I think ten breaks are enough for a lesson learned. Do you agree, Princess?” She was whimpering now. I released her and turned to Greg. “You next pudgy, or are we gonna just stand here and tan all day?”

  The whole class stared in a shocked silence. The teacher was stunned for a moment before turning to Greg.

  “Take her to the infirmary.”

  He turned to me then and pointed a finger in my face. ‘Get any closer and I’ll break it’ I thought to myself. But, figuring I had gotten into enough trouble today, I kept my mouth shut.

  “You are on suspension, miss! Bench yourself! No one is authorized to punish students except for teachers! Do you understand that?”

  Okay, this was too much for me. “Actually, no. I need some clarification. Should I have stood there and let her pull out the concealed weapon that she obviously snuck in here without your knowledge and stab me? Or should I have turned and run to you, begging for help? I gotta know, because neither option seems like anything a soldier would do.

  “I was let into this school because I’m talented, not afraid. I was let in because I am good at what I do. And what I do is survive. When I want to die, I’ll take your advice and stand around with my thumb up my ass and let the bitch kill me!” I had tried to keep an even temper and just point out the facts but this man was obviously a moron and needed some education. “Is that understood, sir?”

  “You will bench your ass and when classes are over today report to the headmaster’s office!”

  “Fine, I need to tell him about the incompetence of his staff anyway!”

  I stalked over to the bench. I certainly didn’t care if I was benched. No one here would even work me into a sweat. Maybe I should kick Mr. Know It All’s ass. That would knock him down a peg or two.

  “You shouldn’t antagonize him, he can have you expelled.”

  I turned to see Nick sit beside me.

  “Like I care. I am not here by choice. I’ll get lax being here. What the hell do you do with all your free time?”

  He raised an eyebrow at me. Most people found this schedule taxing.

  “Those are big words coming from someone who slept half the morning away.”

  A smart man. Relief, much! “It doesn’t happen often. Besides, I wasn’t entirely asleep. In my line of work you learn to sleep with both eyes open and your ears wide open. I was bored. I knew this class wouldn’t be much of a challenge. No offense meant but you guys are babied. You’ll never survive against the aliens.”

  “And how would you know?”

  His tone wasn’t offended but curious.

  “Because I have.”

  He nodded like he had expected it.

  “You know, I would appreciate my file back. The headmaster might need it to expel me.” I smiled and looked straight ahead at the fighters in the ring.

  He smiled in return. “How did you know?”

  “Well, there are only five people in here that have the skills and only two of them had reason to steal it.”

  “So how did you know it wasn’t the other person?”

  I turned to look at him. “Because, Princess was the other one and she was shocked as hell to see me. I am guessing she didn’t know I was here, or never thought the rumors were true that the company was letting me loose here. She and I have a bit of history.”

  “What did you do?”

  “What makes you think I did something?”

  “Her reaction. She isn't easy to goad. John is after her all the time and he never succeeds on making her even blink. So, what did you do?”

  “I assassinated her uncle.”

  He turned to look at me in astonishment.

  “What? Don’t look so surprised. You know tons of people in here that are assassins.”

  “Yeah, but none that will admit it. Or that will share their target list with anyone.”

  I smiled. “Well, my current list is nonexistent as I am here to study and learn. That’s how Jane puts it anyway. Like I am that stupid. I already have more training than the honor grads here. And it is common knowledge that I took the traitor down.”

  “Traitor?”

  “Her uncle was selling secret technology to someone very bad that wouldn’t have thought twice about testing it out here.”

  “Why? All of humanity has banded together to fight together against our common foe.”

  “Ha! Shows what you know. I thought better of you. Your file said you were a smart boy upon entry. Now just another mindless soldier. It’s sad what this institution does to people.”

  “What do you know of it?”

  I gave him a look. “More than you, obviously.”

  He was about to respond when the instructor looked over.

  “Nick, get over here. You’re up.”

  “Good luck.” I said.

  He rushed into the ring without a word. The bell sounded and the fight began. This was hand-to-hand, so the only rule was you could only use your own body to injure the other person. You could poke their eye out if your fingernails were sharp and strong enough.

  The opponents rushed each other. Nick was good. The other guy was bigger and surprisingly fast. However, Nick used the man’s superior height against him. He was strong also; you could see the muscles bulging. With some better training he could be really good. He wasn’t slow for a boy; no, he was a man now, his size.

  Speed and strength together was a hard combo to get. I myself had to work my ass off to keep my strength up to par. Speed I had naturally because of my thin and lean body. It was easier for me to rely on speed but sometimes speed just isn't enough.
But Nick he had a little of both naturally.

  I would have to bring Jane. She might be interested in seeing him fight. He could do smaller jobs, well what I considered small, and take some of the pressure off me. Not that I minded the work but I hadn’t had jobs that required any of my skills in a while and it annoyed me to do the piss ass stuff. Jane had said to deal.

  But I was still young and therefore every once in a while I just want to get my own way. The match did not last long but I didn’t need long to determine real skill. Jane had shown me what to look for. Nick had it. I waited to see if he would come back over. He did. He had a little perspiration but I blamed it more on the sun than the fight.

  “Good fight.”

  “Not really. I didn’t do anything.”

  I smiled. I hated boring fights as well. “Still, you obviously know what you are doing.”

  He raised an eyebrow and looked at me. “High praise coming from someone that can jump twenty feet in the air, after taking down three soldiers effortlessly.”

  I shrugged. “You wounded me. I had a bet with Jane that if anyone did, it would be you. You won me a hundred dollars.”

  “Oh, well isn't that nice. How did you know I would be the one to wound you? Oh, let me guess, you read our files and that told you everything you needed to know.”

  He wasn’t yelling but his voice was getting bitter and angry. “You are talented. Can't you just accept the compliment?”

  “You know, I did some research after you died. Helen was Celeste’s mother’s name. And you show up here with Celeste’s face and her dead mother’s name. You didn’t stray too far from your roots, did you?”

  “You know nothing.”

  “I don’t, do I? I know your file is squeaky fucking clean except for the multiple pages of classified jobs. And the only thing it says is job one classified, job two classified and so on. I also know Jane became your handler three years ago, when Celeste disappeared, oh sorry, when she died.

  “I’m not an idiot. I have loved you since childhood. And I’ll admit you have changed. But this world changes people mighty quick. It forces you to look pain in the face and learn to fight your way through. I know that you didn’t want to come here because I am here. So tell me, what about everything I know counts as nothing?”

  He didn’t once raise his voice but the anger and disappointment in it nearly undid me.

  “Do you even remember before Jane? Have you ever thought that maybe you had a different past from the one they gave you? These top secret agencies will brainwash anyone, for Christ sake.”

  “You think I was brainwashed? No, I remember my life clearly. Every happy moment. Every lonely moment. Every moment that I wished things had turned out different. I know what my life was before this. I remember the smells and touch. The sounds and sights. No Nick, I know who I am. And I know who I was. How about you? Ever worry that you were brainwashed into this life?”

  He sighed. I’ll take that as a yes. I was curious now. “When?” I didn’t think he’d answer, but he did.

  “Just after she died. I thought back and couldn’t believe that I would ever have left her willingly. She gave up her way of life and walked out on her family for me. I just left her. Left her to an abusive father and certain death. I couldn’t believe I could be so heartless.”

  He put his head in his hands. Poor man. He was still hurting.

  “How were you to know? She made her choice as well. She could have joined also. Or refused to let you go. She chose to let you go. Does that mean she loved you any less?”

  “I don’t know.” He looked up into my eyes. “Did you love me less for leaving?”

  I turned away. I got myself under control. I gave him my best bland look. “I’m sure she didn’t think less of you. Even in her final moments, I’m sure she loved you with all her heart. How about you?”

  “What about me?”

  “Do you still love her?”

  “Yes. I will always love her.”

  I sighed. This wasn’t making life easier. “What if she were still alive? Has time changed you enough so that without the grief of her death would you still love her?”

  “Yes… yes I would.”

  “What if she wasn’t the girl you loved before? What if she had done horrible things with her second chance?”

  He grabbed my chin between his finger and thumb. He pulled my face towards his. I was looking directly in his eyes less than a foot from his face when he stopped and held me there. “I would love her just as much. Maybe more for surviving and coming back to me. This world is a cruel place and you do what you have to do to survive in it. So no, I wouldn’t hold it against her. It’s all in the past. All that would matter would be that she would be in my arms once again.”

  I tried to pull away but he held me firm. His hand was much bigger than my face. He stared at me as if waiting for an answer or some indication that I was who he thought I was. I closed my eyes against the sun to think of a way out of this.

  Jane had not predicted this. I would pointedly tell her that I needed to switch classes A.S.A.P. She had thought I would brush him off and boom that’s it. Well, I had said different but she hadn’t listened. Somehow ‘I told you so’ wouldn’t be as satisfying this time as all of the other times I had been right and she wrong.

  I opened my eyes and looked into his. He wanted to kiss me. I could see it in his face. I had seen that look before. If he did I wasn’t sure I would be able to stop him and then I’d be completely undone. I jerked my head quickly. My neck made a cracking sound. It would hurt for a bit but at least I was safe for now.

  “If you remember everything about yourself, then why are you lying to me? Do you enjoy it? Has time weathered you down so much? Has it made you so hard and cruel?”

  “I keep telling you I am not Celeste but you refuse to listen! I cannot help it if you mistake me for someone else!” I did something childish and turned my back to him. He didn’t take it as the dismissal I meant it to be.

  “I know who you are. It isn't just your looks. Although they are as close to hers as an identical twin. It’s just you. Everything about you. The way you react to me and the way you shy away from me not wanting me to know the truth. In your attempt to avoid me you have given me the biggest clue to your identity.”

  I sighed. He would never quit, would he?

  “Listen, I understand your pain, I’ve lost family to the aliens as well. However, no matter how much you wish it, no matter how much you want it to be true, I am not Celeste. I’m Helen. I wish for your sake it wasn't so but it is and there is nothing anyone can do about it. We are all here looking for revenge for what was taken from us. I sympathize and can even understand your reluctance to let go of the past. I had a hard time at first as well. But you said it’s been three years. Isn't it time to let go?”

  He sat quietly for a few moments. But his response was not full of anger like I expected.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry for having caused you so much trouble. I guess after holding on to something for so long it is hard to let go.”

  I nodded my understanding. I definitely understood. I smiled in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Jane said I was a baby because when I went to basic my commander complained that I cried too much during the night. I told her old people were incapable of emotion and that’s why us young ones made better soldiers. I said robots were supposed to be emotionless not people. She says its poppycock. Our elders are all delusional, in my opinion. We have all joined to seek revenge. If we felt nothing we wouldn’t have joined. So where do they think they would get their army? Jane says I’m just being difficult.”

  He nodded and turned to the fighters. I sighed. Well it was worth a try. I faced forward and watched the rest of the fights. When it was over I was glad because I could go to my room and change.

  “They want you to take out the headmaster.”

  “Are you kidding me? I just got here. I haven’t developed any friendships or whatever. I have no informants. I c
an't just go into his office and kill him.”

  “I tried to explain the delicate situation with Nick and the timing.”

  “And?”

  “Well they suggested you take care of him and his nosey friends.”

  She said it with such calm. She agreed. I could tell. “No!” I took a deep breath and calmed down. “No, I have handled it. He is done questioning me.”

  “Did you tell him what he wanted to hear?”

  “No. I am not allowed to divulge that info and I know that. He thought I had been brainwashed. I told him about my ‘history’ so to speak. I was detailed and thorough and emotional. He thinks I just look a lot like her. Besides, he was put off arguing with me when I broke the Princess’s arm.” Jane frowned.

  “Yes, I heard about that. Another reason they want the headmaster taken care of. If you are expelled then we are ruined. So you must do it before his decision reaches anyone.”

  “Fine. I’ll do it later. But if I am late for another class I’ll be expelled by a consensus of all the teachers.” I grabbed my over the shoulder bag. This was an actual sit and listen to a lecture class. I left Jane in my room. She could get in if she wanted to anyway and I had nothing in there to hide.

  I went to class expecting a boring old class, only to find out that I knew the teacher.

  “General” he saluted me. I was embarrassed. I was only a one star general and he was a three star but he insisted on doing this every time he saw me. The whole class was seated and watching me. No one in this school was higher than a captain. I saluted back. He grinned and hugged me. I liked General Hoocker. He was light hearted and honorable. He had taught me to fly a plane. No better teacher in the world, in my opinion.

  “General, what are you doing in a classroom? Last classroom I saw you in was in the air? You were the best damn trainer I have ever had.”

  “Well, that is awful nice of you, but I thought I might train a new generation. And we will get our flying time in later this year. Not that you need the training. I was going to have pilots come in and speak to the class but I might as well just have you relay some of your airtime to the kiddies here.”